Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal

[Benjamin]

That still doesn't make sense if it'd just doing those extra 12 hours. The reason you want to keep the hours as consistent as you can through the stages is so that it doesn't get unbalanced. If you start Stage 1 again that will do that even more than just the extra 12 hours.

[Antaeus]

So what do I do at this point? I just completed 8 hours of Stage 1

[Antaeus]

That still doesn't make sense if it'd just doing those extra 12 hours. The reason you want to keep the hours as consistent as you can through the stages is so that it doesn't get unbalanced. If you start Stage 1 again that will do that even more than just the extra 12 hours.

So what do I do from here. I already started listening to Stage 1 for 8 hours before I managed to get your reply. I’m sorry if it seems like I’m asking a lot of questions. I’m just really confused right now and I actually am trying to do this right.

[Benjamin]

I'd say just do Stage 2 as normal, that'd be better than going back to the start.

[Antaeus]

I'd say just do Stage 2 as normal, that'd be better than going back to the start.

Okay. Even though listened to stage 1 once last night?

[Antaeus]

Ok fuck it. I with you Benjamin. I’ll continue with this run on stage 2 as normal. But I think I’ll do another full run immediately after I finish this run. I might need a few runs of this program.

[Antaeus]

Yea I see what you’re saying Frosted. That’s probably a common rookie mistake too. I guess I should expect it on my end since I am in fact (without deprecating myself of course) a rookie when it comes to subs. So thank you Frosted, that honesty puts my mind at ease.

So one thing that dawned upon me today when I was working out. I didn’t consciously think about it until today but I realized that I have an inordinate desire to be seen/noticed by others and I sometimes catch myself comparing myself to others. None of this is really new but I’m slowly starting to notice it and I know I need to start observing this neediness more and let it go. I’m not sure how to do it but I’m sure that will come in time.

So that’s something I suppose.

[Antaeus]

So there’s something that happened in quite a while back, I believe it was during the early Part of this run. I never even thought to mention this. But there’s this guy that I work with, probably in his late 50s but in short the guy is basically an overgrown man child. I’m not quite sure what his issue is but he can be quite annoying at times. Usually I’m just nice to him Out of pity because a lot of other people at work don’t like him.

I forgot how we got to the topic but we were talking about people who say “it is what it is”.

Now I was hanging signs while he was doing stock I was pretty focused on my work so I was pretty short with people to begin with plus I had a bunch of other things on my mind. But he went on to say something along the lines of how people who say “it is what it is” are just mean and negative people.

I essentially responded to him by saying “no, they’re not mean they’re just in touch with reality“ and then I just continued on with my work without saying another word. He didn’t say anything in response but I could tell I struck a nerve with him, but I didn’t care. I continued on with my day and didn’t give it another thought. That is until now As I’m writing this post. I don’t know if I’ve always thought this way but it could be indicative of something but I don’t now.

[Antaeus]

So I ordered a new miniature amplifier to power my new speakers (Polk T15s) that I had bought from Best Buy a few weeks ago. So pretty soon I should have a completely new setup by the time I start stage 3. The Polk T15s I bought indicate a frequency response range of 60Hz-24kHz so that should obviously be good enough for ultrasonics.

For stages 1 and 2 so far I have mostly used the masked Trickling Stream format but am thinking of switching to ultrasonic format for stage 3 since I’m getting this new equipment. As the speakers I’m using right now don’t seem to be the best quality.

But I wanted to get some opinions before I just switched formats. I’m just wondering if that would be a wise move.

[Antaeus]

More insights:

This is not new to me but I know now how to articulate this fact.

I’ve realized that in just about every case in my life, whether it was ROTC in high school or Greek life in college or just school in general, I’ve had a tendency to be the “Charlie Brown” (i.e. the old punching bag) of the group, or at least one of them. Now I’m not trying to garner any sympathy. I deserve none after all. As I have no one to blame but myself for allowing it in the first place. I was just ruminating about this earlier and felt an enormous anger and disappointment at myself for never drawing the line with people.

I could just use my fraternity as an example. Now I do write a lot about these guys but I do not wish to paint a negative picture of them or Greek life in general. It was a big part of my college experience and I have no regrets. And I actually met a lot of great people. These are just isolated incidents that I use as examples because they illustrate a clearer picture of what I’m talking about.

Now even in college, my social skills weren’t so great (my fault). So I suppose that opened the door for some abuse. This mostly has to do with assertiveness and conflict management. I have always been a timid person and somehow it showed.

In order to give some context here, I always talk about how I have a tendency to get clowned on by others. This was also a case with them. Mostly with the guys I pledged with. And those guys always reassured me that they were just messing with me and that they meant nothing by it. Okay, fair enough. Guys fuck with each other after all, right? It’s a guy thing.

This is the problem though. Sometimes this behavior spread to new pledges who have barely gotten to know me (I.e. getting too comfortable too quick as they say). For example, this was in my fourth year of college, one night me and a group of the guys (including some new pledges) and a girl from one of the sororities were sitting in the living room, not much going on, I was just sitting on one of the sofas minding my own business, listening to some music on my headphones. And this one guy (a pledge) kept throwing a soccer ball/volleyball at me (as if for me to catch it, I guess) but because I wasn’t paying attention it hit my face/head...”AWWW COME ON MAN!!!!!! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!! YOU CANT CATCH OR SOMETHING ETC!!!!” Once or twice was fine, but he kept doing it. And I was starting to get annoyed. Yet what did i do? Nothing. I sat there and took it. Not wanting to rock the boat or cause a scene.

For some reason, this occurrence has stuck out in my mind a lot over the past several years.

I should have told his ass that if he didn’t quit it, he’d be cut and wouldn’t get initiated, on account of being an obnoxious douche.

And most of it (at least I can safely assume) was to impress the girl in the room.

That’s what it was...a dominance game.

And he won...I lost...he got everyone around him laughing at my expense including the sorority girl that was there.

And it’s all my fault...

I wish I could meet 22 year old me and tell him to quit being a pussy and grow a pair...to stand up for himself...quit letting anyone (especially a pledge) push him around.

My eyes are starting to open...

Some may look at this and say I’m full of myself, that I’m a narcissist, that I can’t take a joke, that I need to get a grip, that I need to grow up (which I actually do and am trying to do)...and maybe they’re right. But I don’t care...
I needed to get the anger out...

[Benjamin]

For stages 1 and 2 so far I have mostly used the masked Trickling Stream format but am thinking of switching to ultrasonic format for stage 3 since I’m getting this new equipment. As the speakers I’m using right now don’t seem to be the best quality.

But I wanted to get some opinions before I just switched formats. I’m just wondering if that would be a wise move.

That's fine, shouldn't be a huge difference. The formats are mostly for choice. Though in some cases different ones may slightly be more effective, like ocean surf may sometimes be more effective for someone more resistant because it's more gentle than others.

[Antaeus]

For stages 1 and 2 so far I have mostly used the masked Trickling Stream format but am thinking of switching to ultrasonic format for stage 3 since I’m getting this new equipment. As the speakers I’m using right now don’t seem to be the best quality.

But I wanted to get some opinions before I just switched formats. I’m just wondering if that would be a wise move.

That's fine, shouldn't be a huge difference. The formats are mostly for choice. Though in some cases different ones may slightly be more effective, like ocean surf may sometimes be more effective for someone more resistant because it's more gentle than others.

So then who does Trickling Stream typically work for?

[Benjamin]

Hmm it may be similar since it's masked, but that's a good question for Shannon as i'm not sure.

[Antaeus]

So who should use Ultrasonic?