Self esteem 5.5G san_hal

[san_hal]

I have a question.


I am in search of job right now.

My classmates have found job for around 40k euro .


My logical brain knows that I am better than those guys .

But my subconscious keep surfacing these thoughts that may be I will not get that job , because I am not worth it.

This is self esteem issue, I do not know if it is surfacing now because of usage of SE
How do I takle this?


Suggestion can include
-your experience
-subs suggestions
-Books

[Benjamin]

My logical brain knows that I am better than those guys .

But my subconscious keep surfacing these thoughts that may be I will not get that job , because I am not worth it.

This is self esteem issue, I do not know if it is surfacing now because of usage of SE
How do I takle this?

It does sound like it's coming up because you're listening to SE. It's kind of like the goal has been set (self esteem) then the things contrary to that is coming up telling you "no you can't have this". It's part of the process of dealing with it and sorting through it. Keep going.

Or get some paper and explore it in writing, ask yourself why you're feeling it and get as deep as you can. The awareness can help.

[san_hal]

Will do that.

Yesterday night didn’t listen too SE, I had fever. I slept off

[JCasterlin]

Yesterday night I woke up felt like I had listened to enough loops , so I remove my sleep headphones folded and kept them on my laptop.


Morning I woke up to see . Laptop has not shutdown( I auto shutdown my laptop after 430 min at is 6 loop of SE). SE IS STILL RUNNING

So I am not listening to recommended 6 loops.


I’ll try keeping lower volume today night.

Started SE myself two days ago & accidentally put it on loop while I slept for 9 hours. Oh well

[JCasterlin]

My logical brain knows that I am better than those guys .

But my subconscious keep surfacing these thoughts that may be I will not get that job , because I am not worth it.

This is self esteem issue, I do not know if it is surfacing now because of usage of SE
How do I takle this?

It does sound like it's coming up because you're listening to SE. It's kind of like the goal has been set (self esteem) then the things contrary to that is coming up telling you "no you can't have this". It's part of the process of dealing with it and sorting through it. Keep going.

Or get some paper and explore it in writing, ask yourself why you're feeling it and get as deep as you can. The awareness can help.

Until I started reading The Six Pillars of Self Esteem I wasn't fully aware how low self esteem impacts so much of your life. I'm still on chapter one & there are parts that had my jaw dropping thinking " WTF? That makes so much sense ". It's even started helping me understand why people such as my mother have constantly tried to sabotage me when I start something I know I will enjoy or possibly be good at

[san_hal]

Heard silent version last night. Had couple of dreams cannot remember them.


I was trying to understand how self esteem of individuals work.
I didn't read the "6 pillars of self esteem" book, but i understand what the book is trying to say.

I got this theory, as to how self esteem works. 6 pillars mentioned in the book are the best ways to develop a esteem, which is essential for prosperous life.

Most of us have developed other methods to feed/support esteem. But they are unsustainable is some way or other.

This is based on observation of people.

[san_hal]

6 loops last night.

woke up with a feeling of high self esteem. And moment i realized that a fear rose up, it was like "this is not how i should be feeling".

This is resistance. I am aware of it, this will wear off.

Ill keep a watch on how my feelings flow.

[san_hal]

Today was amazing, I talked to people for hours.

I usually think its not productive to talk to people, more like i can study instead of talking that will make me better.

With improved self esteem, i am not worried about this anymore.

I feel like i will figure my life out and it will all workout. (It is not a very strong feeling but it like the background feeling of self assurance).

Lot of things are going on, cannot put in words.
It does feel natural though.

(P.S:Every time i realize i trust myself more. A feeling comes out saying,"that's not right" )

[san_hal]

These days I donot wake up with a gloom of what I should do today.

It’s been consistently happening. Before SE I usually woke up with feeling of small anxiety about the day.

SE has been good so far.

I knew I would respond well to subs.

[san_hal]

Had a dream.

I was writing exam in Hindi , I was doing fine .


But I felt like I was not as fast as a guy in my class , he is native Hindi speaker.

It’s a very weird dream I have written a thing in Hindi for past 8 years. I donot know why I would dream about it.


My interpretation of dream:

Self esteem improved as I am more confident in doing stuff which I donot consider myself to be well versed in.

I am comparing myself to other , this has to be improved.


P.S: going for a job interview tomorrow , hope I’ll get in .

[san_hal]

Didn’t listen to sub yesterday, I’ll add 1.5 days to count.

[san_hal]

For some reason , I had removed my sleep headphones middle of night without my awareness.

Adding 3 more days to the listening time.


I was tired yesterday though, I didn’t have motivation to listen to it .

I’ll listen to Silent version in such situations.

[san_hal]

6 loops last night,

woke up feeling confident , clear headed.


Feels like high self esteem is setting in my subconscious.
2.5 months more to go.

I am happy i started using subs. There is a marked difference from where i started.

[san_hal]

Heavy resistance yesterday.


Yesterday evening all of a sudden , I was getting the same feelings as I was getting 1 year ago,

‘I cannot be without her’

It was so heavy and unexpected. I realised it was resistance just an 1 hour ago after waking up.


Awareness is so important, I realised that is such a stupid notion to think I cannot be without her.

I have decided to always have a plan for what I want in life and how I am getting it.


I want money, girlfriend’s and freedom and stability in life.


After SE ILL DO AM6. 2.5 months of SE is left.