Freedom and Independence - an Enquiry into Self Esteem

[Darwinn]

I really wished MLS would have done it for me. It didn't. So much of my sense of self worth depends on my ability to get shit done cognitively so I pinned a lot of hope on this.

To date there is only one program which has produced changes which I could honestly say were sustained and that is AM6, LTU gave me a glimpse of self worth, AM6 gave me boundaries and put me in touch with my darker, more dominating energies and this has sustained.

I don't blame the programs. It's simply the case that I am not on my own side. At an extremely fundamental level I do not believe I have a right to anything good, to a place on this planet, to exist - and no sustained change is possible until that is dealt with.

Two things a friend asked me to do revealed this to me. First they asked me to answer the question - 'how happy and successful would you allow yourself to be?', the answer turned out as 'not much at all'.

Second they asked me to repeat 'I have a right to exist', and everything about that statement made me want to run. It occurs to me that no subliminal is going to do the job when I don't even feel I have the basic right to breathe. So until I learn to be on my own side, no other subliminal is going to help.

Enter Self Esteem 5.5g which should be the answer to this problem. after the first night of listening I found myself continuously asking myself 'what would it look like if I actually cared about myself, how would I be working now if I actually cared about myself?'.

I also had an urge to really understand what Self Esteem means - so I went to look online for books, and found 'the six pillars of self esteem' by Nathaniel Branden - In it he has outlined what I found to be a comprehensive articulation of things I have thought in the past. He is a psychologist and seemingly an Ayn Rand devotee - I've often thought that the characters in Ayn Rand - although pretty shallow in dimensions, do represent the highest ideals of self esteem.

there is very little in the description of this program so I have no idea what to look out for. All I know right now is that I have a commitment to honouring the self as much as is humanly possible.

[Darwinn]

I've been using this Sub for a few days now. If it's working how I suspect it's working then it is getting me to cultivate a sustainable sense of self esteem, which is different to what I experienced on LTU and AM6. I've read three books on the subject and have spent good time discussing what it is, and have reflected on it at a good depth. What I've come to is that self esteem is a function of committing to total honesty and truth and assuming 100% responsibility for every aspect of my life. In committing to truthfulness I have to be honest about why I'm doing anything, even posting on this forum is to get affirmation for what I'm doing, to impress people and compete with others to produce good posts and establish a place in the world where I am respected - this is nonsense, as no acclaim from anyone else is a replacement for creating genuine value.

There are two types of self esteem which I agree are real, one which is inherent and passive, that exists beyond anything external, and another which is a function of the active living out of values. Because I am not in control of how what I do manifests in the world, I can only be responsible for being active in truthfulness and responsibility in living out my values.

In that I have a sense of peace and firmness, and can report that I am taking much more authentic action toward my goals now.

[Darwinn]

I'd also add this isn't just a 'feel good' experience at all. When I had previous experiences of self esteem it was only the inherent kind- now it is up to me to build that through sustained action.

[THolt]

Hey Darwin,

What program did you run before this? I am very interested in hearing about your results.

[Darwinn]

Hi Tholt, I've been on MLS and prior to that DMSI. I'm not sure what results i've had - MLS gave me initial boosts in cognition and desire to learn, i became sharper in my reasoning but the results petered out and i returned to normal, albeit with some improved confidence at work (though i'm not sure if this wasn't DMSI which i did prior to that).

[THolt]

Hi Tholt, I've been on MLS and prior to that DMSI. I'm not sure what results i've had - MLS gave me initial boosts in cognition and desire to learn, i became sharper in my reasoning but the results petered out and i returned to normal, albeit with some improved confidence at work (though i'm not sure if this wasn't DMSI which i did prior to that).

Awesome. Did you take 3 weeks off before starting MLS?

[Shannon]

I believe that MLS needs a secondary ASRB value to achieve it's full potential. I'm working on figuring that out. Once I do, all you have to do is just use it a little differently and it should achieve and maintain the optimal results.

[hsindermann]

I believe that MLS needs a secondary ASRB value to achieve it's full potential. I'm working on figuring that out. Once I do, all you have to do is just use it a little differently and it should achieve and maintain the optimal results.

That's very good to read. I'll give MLS another go then. Would be awesome if it worked, as MLS is one of the subs I want to work most.

[Shannon]

I believe that MLS needs a secondary ASRB value to achieve it's full potential. I'm working on figuring that out. Once I do, all you have to do is just use it a little differently and it should achieve and maintain the optimal results.

That's very good to read. I'll give MLS another go then. Would be awesome if it worked, as MLS is one of the subs I want to work most.

The issue is that I am introducing a new technology in MLS 5.5G that is apparently more complex in it's impact that I understood to begin with. I know that the solution lies with one of three definite options. I just have to unravel the complexities of the situation and understand what the solution is. I am currently of the belief that the program is causing exhaustion failure in some people, and requires a secondary ASRB. Working on calculating that, but it's a very challenging task.

One of these three options is going to work.

[Benjamin]

If it's working how I suspect it's working then it is getting me to cultivate a sustainable sense of self esteem, which is different to what I experienced on LTU and AM6.

How are you finding this different to AM6? I ask that as I haven't used LTU and i'm curious about the Self Esteem program.

I stopped UD a few days ago and have a few ideas what to use next but not totally sure.

[Darwinn]

Hi Ben, I don't know the deeper processes going on so I can only relay what I infer from my subjective experience - which may not be what has been for everyone else.

The self esteem on AM6 was somewhat dark and fiery, at times it existed within a narrative of 'everyone has screwed me over, and no one gives a shit so i'm just going to worry about what i'm doing and not give a shit', at other times it was just a pure focus on what i wanted, freedom, and pure idgaf without that negativity.

LTU was a total sense of self acceptance - kind of the opposite of AM6, where in accepting and loving myself I also had the same acceptance and love for others. It felt really nice, and this had some great second order effects but was kind of flacid.

On this Sub I feel like it has started off by prompting me to esquire into what works best and commit to an active path. The feeling is not dark and agry at others/myself, nor happily content and accepting, but somewhere in between.

That's about as well as i can articulate the experience - I'll attempt a simplified example though this too is imperfect, it should shed some more light on my experience.

I don't wake up on time or go to the gym when i should. Under AM6, I get angry, i look at everything holding me back and say 'fuck that shit', I go to the gym do some heavy weights - pushing myself to new limits.

Under LTU - I give myself understanding, there is nothing wrong with me, I want to go to the gym to serv me and make me happy, i think about how the gym makes me clearer headed and energized, and that i want to enjoy that - so i go to the gym, do some stretching and cardio before doing weights, mindful that I want to do enough to leave me improving physically and mentally, but not so much that i injure myself or leave myself too tired the next day that i spend the day just in recovery mode.

Under SE now i'm just brutally honest. I'm not going to the gym right now because i'm getting in my own way with shit habits, i don't feel guilty or diminish myself in anyway because that would be an indulgence which is beneath my new sense of what constitutes good value and character, I also don't blame anyone or go into victim mode about my childhood. Knowing this and that actually i have programs resistant to change embedded within, i make the consious effort to challenge these programs. I drag my ass to the gym facing down my own internal bs about not wanting to go, taking complete responsibility for it all. I do a good work out with pre defined goals.

That's heavily simplified but should give you at least rough taste of what i've been though in each.

[Darwinn]

I feel like i'm a negotiation with myself about how and when it's ok to have self esteem. Its very up and down.

[Greenduck]

I have read some about chakras and your "symptoms" correspond with low energy in your root and heart chakra, and possible solar plexus chakra. There is a good book on this which is called - eastern body, western mind, it gave me some more understanding about my issues and what to do about them. Sounds like the self-esteem subliminal should help with repairing your heart chakra and possible your solar plexus and surface the emotions that need to be surfaced to have you back in business.

My general recommendation is "feel more, think less". You need to feel stuff you haven't felt and go through shit to come out on the other side. Thinking is just a way to avoid that. Doing meditation, some breathing-work like wim-hof and working with your body with for example trauma releasing exercises can help you get in touch with you emotions and release them.

[Darwinn]

I wonder if you know how spot on you are greenduck.

I don't want to say much really and get in my own head about the results I'm getting; it will suffice to say that I'm on this program for a good while yet, that its very likely this has been the missing piece of the puzzle and may be a key sub to unlock the workings of subs to follow.