I am really fucking angry at myself and everyone. Actually it started with being angry at others and then in the end I was angry at myself..
I was angry at people who were Filthy Rich and Healthy.
I was angry (still am) at myself when I see that my younger brothes and sister are much more successful in academic, social and in every other area. Where else I am just fucking stupid cause of my fucking brain and no friends.
I am angry that I wasn't able to reach my full potential and wasted my time fapping.
I am angry myself for being born with this stupid emotional mess and ADHD type brain..
I am hating myself right now.. Its just that I am somehow able to control this anger right now and not letting it out on someone else. But I hate my current condition. I don't know where to channel all this Anger of mine.
Inshort I am hating who I am right now.
I am really getting pissed of at people who have money and don't even have manners and etiquettes. I hate these kinda of people and they show off so much. Which makes me wonder how can people who are stupid can make so much money... If only I had more then I would have taught them a lesson... Fuck them..
Seriously Idk why am I so much bothered and have this hated to wards these guys. All the previous flashback of people I have met is coming back and is pissing me off.. I feel as If I need to teach them a lesson by becoming some greater. I feel as if I need to prove something..
Update : I am now looking into Stock Marketing and stuff... Guess I am being a shown the right path but still I need to learn alot before jumping in this and along with money..
Idk what is happening to me.
Update:
I think I am finally beginning to understand this world. I am beginning to see the reality of this world.
A day or two before I was pissed at people for everything.
I was pissed at their physical appearances.
I was pissed at their Wealth.
I was pissed at girls and women. Cursing them, Judging Them.
I was pissed at myself.
Also between all this, I spent 24 Hours Changings Subs like a Maniac. Resistance was anxiety based.
Now I am back to OF-5G again. Also, I had a fearful dream related to Ghost I guess..Can't seem to remember.
Anyway, I always knew that 1 month of any sub is my limit and usually I would waste a week changing subs but this time I didn't. Let's hope I keep going.
so will you only be on OF for a month?
(06-27-2017, 02:33 PM)Jake2015 Wrote: [ -> ]so will you only be on OF for a month?
Nah, I plan to complete 60 day run. Sometimes it gets so boring. I already did 60 day run before so I am pretty sure I can do it again.
Healing Subs from my experience and research on this forum take an extended amount of time and show less results in the short term than other subs. Like a building the foundation has to go 2 stories deep and it is the longest to work on.
E2, OF, OGSF are foundational subs and it's use should be plotted out for the long term because the fears and Traumas from what I have seen on the forums have a nasty habit of rearing their head back again when Sub usage is ceased.
Just my 2 cents.
(06-28-2017, 05:04 PM)Daredevil Wrote: [ -> ]Healing Subs from my experience and research on this forum take an extended amount of time and show less results in the short term than other subs. Like a building the foundation has to go 2 stories deep and it is the longest to work on.
E2, OF, OGSF are foundational subs and it's use should be plotted out for the long term because the fears and Traumas from what I have seen on the forums have a nasty habit of rearing their head back again when Sub usage is ceased.
Just my 2 cents.
Yes I do know that healing subs like E2, OF, OGSF do take time to heal. I mean it is my 3 month on OF-5G and I still feel that I have a long way to go. Healing emotions do take time. I plan on listening to OF-5G and E2 for a very long time.
Something weird is happening around my sexuality. I am starting to view sex and things related to it like girl, fapping, nudity. . Thru a different perception. I don't think of this as a taboo subject anymore..
Also even if I masturbate. I don't feel tired at all. I am still energetic. Before this I would feel tired for days. I guess shame and fear is being released... As I view my fapping habits as habits now. It can be broken if I make new habits. Cause suppression does not work. Let's see what happens in next 20 days.
Today I feel as if I have no emotions. I am not affected by anything. Maybe it's because I don't care. I was kinda feeling pissed off on someone but then I got into IDGAF mode.
Strange stuffs are happening
Recently I have been trying to practice IDGAF attitude. It's mostly when I am alone or not busy I am attracted by thoughts which would make me really depressed. It's mostly related to morals and how world today lacks it.. Seeing the world in this condition makes me kinda depressed. Logically I know I can't do anything about it. But there is this fantasy world inside my head and if doesn't match with reality I get depressed.. I seriously have no idea where this belief comes from.. I did a reading on me and even that says something like this. Anyway I am now getting pretty good at IDGAF mode. It's helps me shift my focus.
Also I am dying to do something productive but Idk what. All I see is my books but I have no motivation to study and fear based motivation is gone, which is a good thing. But now I have to find interest based motivation. I dont fb, insta anything anymore. I just sit in my room all day, roam around the house and occasionally go out to get stuff. But I do visit this forum 50 times a day. I am just trying to kill time.
Sometimes I wonder what was there to worry about all these years? It did nothing but set me back and ruined my mental physical health along with missing opportunities. Fear, worry, stress didn't do anything and played no role. If only my father would have focused on creating "Interest based motivation" instead of "Fear based" then I would have been in much much better position. But instead my father had issues related to fame and ego. I mean he is pretty successful and graduated from top university in my country but he was so much obsessed with other kids performance,specially neighbours kid or his colleagues kids.. Performing good in class and academic area specially. It not that I didn't have interest in studying and gaining knowledge. I love studying but his and bad teachers in my school did not help in anyway. All they did was ruin me me. Idk who to blame for all this mess I went thru.. Universe/God/Environment /Father /teachers or my destiny... Infact I blamed everyone but it didn't help so I blame myself for being so weak and when I did then I start looking for solutions.
Suddenly I am finding myself really busy. I think I am starting to adapt to change more easily. I find myself talking to girls and feeling comfortable around them. Same can be said for them also.
Sometimes I wonder how much changes can be felt and see just by using a sub for about 1 week.
This really is something and I am going thru much more but will write later. I believe some how removing fears from my sexuality or sexual fear is making me reach my higher self or future self. Whatever that maybe. This sub is awesome.
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-8313-p...#pid173913
(07-13-2017, 04:58 PM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]This really is something and I am going thru much more but will write later. I believe some how removing fears from my sexuality or sexual fear is making me reach my higher self or future self. Whatever that maybe. This sub is awesome.
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-8313-p...#pid173913
Yes I believe that subs are awesome but take much time difficult to keep patience but must have to keep
