(02-11-2017, 07:29 AM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]Fapped today... and I slept all day and did nothing productive and even skipped my meal.
Good thing is that I have gone 4 days of nofap.. This time I wasn't that much afraid of relapsing. In these past 4 days I was productive.
I used SM-4G sub for 2 months and it was my second run but still I could not make any progress.. It took me a really long that the sub isn't working cause Fear was rejecting the change. Now I am Damn sure that after using this sub for about 2 - 3 months Other subs will work like a charm..
It wasn't Only SM-4G but IYGSH-4G wasn't also working problem...
Fear is the root of all the problems.. Shannon was Damn right...
This is one of the most underestimated sub here.. Everyone should try this..
I'm curious about your Improve grades run, how long did you run the sub for, hours and did you use another subliminal with it?
(02-11-2017, 11:48 AM)dweller94 Wrote: [ -> ] (02-11-2017, 07:29 AM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]Fapped today... and I slept all day and did nothing productive and even skipped my meal.
Good thing is that I have gone 4 days of nofap.. This time I wasn't that much afraid of relapsing. In these past 4 days I was productive.
I used SM-4G sub for 2 months and it was my second run but still I could not make any progress.. It took me a really long that the sub isn't working cause Fear was rejecting the change. Now I am Damn sure that after using this sub for about 2 - 3 months Other subs will work like a charm..
It wasn't Only SM-4G but IYGSH-4G wasn't also working problem...
Fear is the root of all the problems.. Shannon was Damn right...
This is one of the most underestimated sub here.. Everyone should try this..
I'm curious about your Improve grades run, how long did you run the sub for, hours and did you use another subliminal with it?
About 2 weeks for 12 hour daily.
Since yesterday I have been thinking and today I realized that I am tired of helping people who don't really want to change. I help them cause I see them suffer, but in doing so I loose my peace and serenity. This only shows that it is me who needs help and not others and from today onwards I won't give a fuck about anyones problem....
I am not some "Saint" who is gonna keep helping people who resist changing their thinking,I am a normal human and I came on this planet only to improve myself..
.... Rest is all Shit on this fucking Planet..
Also for past few days I have this feeling that I lack purpose in life. When I was a kid I wanted to study hard, get a good job and all that stuff, but the thing is I always struggled with studies. I dont know why, but I was always like this. People outside my school and class always and still think as if I am some kind of genius.. I really don't know if I am a genius or not.. Who cares what others think. You think that people think that u r a genius and therefore you go thru all kinds of Shit to keep that status and reputation.
I do know that I love studying but I was kind of ADHD type.. I couldn't focus and was easily distracted and due to which I got poor marks in class and failed in many grades and hence all the shame... due to which I stopped socializing and ended up being homeschooled. Which lead me to "Major Depression". My only escape was only Soft porn and masturbation... Although listening to SM-4G twice I overcame my porn addiction but masturbation still remain.I fap to escape problems,But it wasnt helping anymore.
Truth is that on subconscious level I never wanted to face my problems. Never!!.. But consciously I really wanted to.. So I was in state of stress all the time thinking about my future and career. Which stressed me is and to release that stress I fapped... I always knew the pattern but didn't know how to break it.. When I realize it was "fear" which was stopping me,then all the pieces fell together..I felt like I was in a cage..
For the past 15 days I feel as if I am free.. I know it's just a start but I feel free.. From from all the stress and burden,but still I have a long way to go with this sub. Also on day 4 of nofap I had so much energy that I was going out and doing stuff which I have been postponing for like 8 months... But I gain So much energy that sometimes I run out of stuff to do,therefore I need a purpose, a goal in life.
I lack purpose, drive, motivation to pursue my goal and we all know when one isn't motivated by anything his/her cognitive abilities decline... Brain is like "Use it or loose it"..
Also I am loosing interest in online gaming and youtubing, fb and stuff. Its a waste of time. I come to this forum alot cause this is the only place I know where people are willing to improve themselves and their life. I wanna become something.. I wanna find the drive to pursue my life's purpose and this is the first step.
The world has already fucked me up but I won't let that happen anymore. It's time I showed them what I am made off.
Tides of emotions are changing my friends and I just woke up and took a "Librium 10mg" and typing this. Whether anyone is reading this or not, I want people to know, what you will go thru when u face your fears by using this sub.
So It's Day 16 and It's 1:29am. I slept around 11 pm and subliminal starts playing automatically at 9 pm.
Right now I am feeling all mixed emotions which includes frustration, anxiety, restlessness and some high.. but I took 'Librium " so it's only a matter of minutes before I start calming down. One thing is for sure that listening to this sub has somewhat increased my awareness..Its like I can sense when my anxiety, frustration or anger is about to bubble up. Also I can speak my mind more clearly. I mean I can see the way I journal here and I want to keep doing that cause I can express myself... Nice isn't it?
OF-4G is a rough ride. I seen Shannon mention that he is trying to make "Overcoming Fear" script more gental and smooth,like he did in OF-5G, E2.
That's because it's the fucking root of all problem and you go thru all hell when you try to pull out that root.
But that's not that case with OF-4G. It's hard and if I miss my anxiety meds even once,I feel as I will throw myself into the walls. I take it every night and sometimes In morning. I never exceed my dose beyond 20mg. My doc said that.
Not everyone will go thru the same stuff I am going thru. I was diagnosed with "MDD and Severe Anxiety". So running this sub sure is gonna be hard because when u are depressed all u wanna do is isolate urself and be in ur head and take no actions to improve ur life but listening to this sub will make u wanna do stuff and take charge of ur life. Therefore all this emotional turmoil.. In my case.
Okay now it's 1:54 am and I am starting to calm down. Man I type so slow. I feel like typing more but Idk what to type right now.. So I am just gonna go.. GN
Update : Took Cold Shower at 3:15am.. Feel Awesome
Woke up and found out that some guests have come to visit. I really hate them cause they talk so loud and talk about stupid-shit. So I went back to my bed and acted as if I was sleeping so that when they come in my room they wont disturb me ...
But then slowly and slowly my sexual urges began to rise and I realised that I am trying to escape from this situation. I went to bathroom and began my session to fap,but still I kept hearing their voices and suddenly my urges transformed into anger and I was like "Fuck This".So I decided that I am gonna take a Cold Shower and then will go and meet them... That was the plan actually.. when I came out of shower. They were long gone...Now I am at peace...
Conclusion: I am still afraid of socializing or maybe I hate stupid people
Day 17
I feel so frustrated that I lack motivation to pursue my Goals. I just don't know what to do. I wanna do something but Idk what.. I think about my career, future and consciously want to work towards it but the fire/will/determination/motivation.. Whatever you wanna call it is just not there.... Thinking about this frustrates me....
It's 3:46 pm and I woke up at around 2 pm.
Cause all night I wasn't able to sleep so I did a little experiment and found out that, due to ultrasonic sub playing at night I am not able to sleep.. cause I think my subconscious feels as if someone is shouting at it all night.
So I am gonna change the listening hours of the sub.. Idk how much exposure I am gonna get from the sub so I am gonna try to make it play minimum for 12 hours.. Considering that I will be outside for like 2-3 hours.. Lets see how that works out..
Update : Okay It's 6:48 Pm and I am feeling pretty good. I was right. Whenever the sub is playing I am always high and feel good. But if I play this sub at night then I am tired cause I want to sleep but sub keeps me awake.. So from now I am gonna play the sub from 8 am to 9 pm.. Its gonna happen automatically as I use an app called "MacroDroid" which helps u customize your phone like a pro..and it plays the sub automatically..
Day 18
Sub Playing 16 hours daily from 6am-10pm.
Dreamt that my two younger brothers were killed from a train accident right in front of my eyes.. But then I found out that someone had already planned it.
So that guy tried to blame me for the murder and I got emotional and was loosing the case in the court but then, I suddenly cast my emotions aside and became totally logical minded and started asking question from the guy who was trying to blame me for all this and I was about to win the case but then two professional ladies came out of nowhere and I woke up... The feeling of Loss when all this happened was so bad but I overcame it pretty quickly in my dreams.
In another dream which I had a few days ago. I was trying to keep my bro by choking his neck. Cause he would call me looser indirectly..
Right now I am afraid to meet my Aunt and Uncle who just came because I some stupid acne spots on my face so I am kinda insecure to go in front of them. I did say "Hello " to them while they were entering my house so that they don't notice it. Due to this I am feeling Stressed..
Day 19
It's 1:43am and I fapped after 4 days of NoFap. I really don't know why I fapped. I guess I should have seen it coming. I guess I was feeling depressed and wanted an escape. Idk but I wasn't in the mood to fap. I Guess I did it just to escape the sadness or whatever it is, cause I really didn't enjoy it..
Realisation : Nothing goes according to a plan,you will slip, stumble and fall. This is the universe's/God's (whatever you wanna call it) way of making u learn about things you might not even be aware off.... So stop crying about stuff that it didn't go as planned.
Time is 8:26 pm
Man Listening to sub for 18 hours a day made me really tired I slept for like 12 houts and woke up at 4pm. I just drqnk Chocololate MilkShake and roam around the house and then took cold shower.(I am never gonna leave this cold shower thing ever again)...After that I went out to My Cellular operator store to get a new sim..I feel as if people are helping me out of respect but i feel stupid..
Dream: I dreamt that I was a little kindergarten kid and was happily playing with my friends. I was so innocent and full of positive emotions and no worry and I was smiling as if I was the happiest kid in the world.. I was watching this a third person view.
I saw that there was this satellite which was tracking me but I felt as if the satellite was from another planet..It's like they or whoever was tracking me through a satellite, considered me a threat to them in future so their plan was to make me weak emotionally and mentally so that I cannot reach my full potential.. I mean they feared me.. and we're tracking me and were afraid of my existence.
Day 20
I had a very explicit and sexual dream, which included girls on beach and stuff. When I woke up I was so horny that I went to bathroom to get one out, but as I started rubbing one out I just suddenly gained the will to stop it and didn't do it. This happened in like 10 sec.. I have never ever been able to do that in past 15 year.. I guess Shannon was right.
Addiction is a escape. . An escape from reality cause we fear it and when u start facing those fears. You have no desire to escape anymore.. Still I feel I am not gonna last as the urge is strong.
Update: I lost to my urges.. Anyway will start again.
Day 20
I can feel some kind of strength growing inside idk what it is but it makes me feel as if "I have the power to choose and control".. I read somewhere that " Fear is the Enemy of Will ".. I can feel as if my willpower is growing at exponential rate or I can also say that my fears are being removed at an exponential rate. .
I can attest to the feeling of strength growing. I love the feeling when this sub clicks into gear
Day 21
I seriously don't know what the hell is going on..I can't seem to put it in words. I don't even know what to say. "Confusion" is the word here,if I were to describe it.
(12 Hours Later)
So for the past 3 days I have been very unproductive and I suddenly lost my will to control myself and I relapsed, relapsed Idk how many time and then after that I played game for like 12 hours. I count this as resistance cause for past 8 days before this I was enjoying myself in real world... But for past 3 days my brain is doing stuff which for me is an escape... I don't like games seriously!! I have this what people call "Fps Nausea " and fapping is also an escape.... But now I think it's over...
So its time I get back on track. . It was some kind of resistance but not a good one..
Day 22 (3:22 am)
Just watched a horror movie.. well I won't call it a horror movie at all... But still took "Librium" and now feeling sleepy. It's actually strange that I forgot to take "Librium" for past 7 days. Actually now when I think of it I was drawn to take Librium when I first started this sub. Think my subconscious guided me to take this step because if anything which makes my resistance worse and makes me want to change the subs is anxiety, and when I am anxious my logical thinking is out of window and I can end up doing something which I will regret later.. For example Once I tried to buy Adderall but it wasn't available on counters so I went online and talked to a guy and he convinced me to transfer about.$200 and I did. My mom gave me that money cause we were having money problems but still I convinced her and she gave,I regret my decision even now. After I went to a psychiatrist he measured my BP and said that I have anxiety, I was shocked because I was just talking to to him normally and I had so much of anxiety that he had to give sleeping pills + anxiety medications.. . So after I knew Anxiety has been a part of my whole life. I got so used to it that I didn't even knew I had it.. .
ALSO this confirms it :
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-8313-p...#pid157104
So I guess I would say this med has helped me great deal in dealing with resistance which causes anxiety..I am thinking of running this sub for sometime longer.
Time 10:53 am
I slept at around 4 or 4:30 am and woke up at around 9:26 am. As soon as I woke up I was kinda surprised that I woke up this early. Usually when I fall asleep at 4 am I am expected to wake up at around 12:30 pm. But Today it was different. I really hope that this sub can also somehow fix my sleep timing cause I can see it happening gradually.
So I woke up and made myself breakfast (Tea and Instant-Noodles) and after having finished my breakfast I had this thought that ..
"We all waste so much of our time doing mindless things which wont even benefit us...You know like mostly waste time surfing net for nothing..Everyday is important and we should read and learn something everyday..Everyday is an opportunity....Dont waste it..We got only one life to live why waste it..."
Thoughts like these were very alien to me before, I mean to say that I knew them before,its just that I didn't understood it that deeply. As I am writing this I am totally calm.
Also told my sis about MLS 5.5G and she has already started saving money for that..
As for me I hardly doubt that I will be able to use that sub if it came out cause I asked Shannon and he told me that I have some intense fears in my subconscious so I am gonna have to use this sub a bit longer..... Who would have thought that fear can affect u this much that it can make you paralysed so that u wont be able to wake further in life....I always thought that Fears help one survive,move forward and make progress...I guess its only works for short term..In long terms it doesnt,and since it isnt working anymore so I am gonna have to throw it out of my life.