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Not much to report.
Nothing has happened as far as breakthroughs. Feels like I'm back to the way I was before subs. Just lots of negativity and really can't stand being around people anymore. Feeling very weak emotionally.
Well I took a couple of a days off from listening to the sub. I think that was what I needed.
It hit me really hard that I need to be more feminine. I'll figure it out I think?
Anyway I find it kind of difficult to be negative. Like my brain can't process certain types of negativity.
(08-01-2016, 04:25 PM)Why So Serious? Wrote: [ -> ]Well I took a couple of a days off from listening to the sub. I think that was what I needed.
It hit me really hard that I need to be more feminine. I'll figure it out I think?
Anyway I find it kind of difficult to be negative. Like my brain can't process certain types of negativity.
You could maybe try switching the way you listen to subs, say from US to Masked for a week. This helped me. They still have the same effect but for me my brain processed them in slightly different ways, with masked i was much more conscious of the changes and aware when it was dealing with issues - the US is equally effective but much more subtle in my opinion.
Wha has helped me recently is spending lots of time day dreaming, or giving myself long periods of time to think and reflect - I've had some major breakthroughs this way.
I listen US at night masked during the day if I feel like listening during the day. Not sure if I could do masked for a week. The sounds would wake me up during the night.
I daydream enough already not sure if it's a good idea to do it more.
140 days and still going
Lately I have been dressing better and I'm back to wearing a little makeup. It's getting to the point that even if I'm going to be home for the day I still get dressed. It just feels weird wearing night shirts and gowns during the day.
I think my confidence is getting worked on.....Finally. However I'm a little nervous because my thoughts seem so self centered. I feel like I'm becoming a bitch a times but.......I feelz confident. Now that I think I need to be a bitch at times. I can be such a doormat.
After visiting my dad this weekend I realized that once again people do love me and I'm not imposing. Don't ask just some weird thought I had most of my life.
Starting to have more positive thoughts which I'm not used to. Gives me a headache at times.
That's all for now.
Instead of a long ass pointless rant I'll keep this short.
Im going to be abandoned and I seriously doubt there is anything that can help. Nothing at all.
Open up and people will an excuse not to be around. I don't think I can ever come out as bi. No point most of lgbt community don't like that. No point in trying to be with women because of that.
Might as well start acting most of the women that are absolute bitches expecially toward men. Maybe I won't get turned down for being so nice. But then again I'm about to be 30 in few years so I just be discarded anyway. I
No point in opening up either. The other person is going to find something wrong with you exploit that tell everybody else and kick u to the curb. Everyone else will leave you as well.
Family will just deal with you.
No point in living my life.It's usually a disappointment or Im left out one way or another.
I don't see a way out of this one. I'm even sure a sub is going to help.
Whatever. I'll try and go to sleep and wake up to another boring meaningless day.
Stay strong. How we perceive things in this moment arent necessarily the way things are.
Thanks. I kind of get the message. In a way it feels like I don't want to get it. Kind of hard to put into words what I'm feeling at the moment
I can identify with that. I don't think it's got to that intensity for me during E2.
It's helping me open up, but then there's also a couple of girls i've opened up to who were basically all over me and been expressive and somehow they then go weird on me and it fucking does my head in like "what the fuck, this is why I don't open up to people".
But i'm also finding E2 is helping me deal with those "this is why I don't do this" feelings from the past and making me be able to be more open anyway and part of the process seems to be learning how open to be.
Like you don't want to share everything, some things shouldn't be said. So at the moment for me atleast I think it's learning how open to be from first going to the extreme then learning to balance it.
Similar to sexual and emotional connections, i've been doing to either extreme during E2 and learning to adjust it and make it more balanced.
I've had a few times so far during E2 where i've felt like i'm just going to lose it. I've been allowing it to kind of express through my body when i've been in bed and usually when it relaxes after that I feel better.
Wow, 153ish days? That's really impressive. I had massive changes that continue to stick with me from just shy of 90 days usage.
It's hard to gauge the results of E2 when everyone has different issues, and it works at different rates (since my understanding is that your subconscious determines what it will get through, when).
I found myself doing things with ease I never do with ease, having more hope day-to-day, and yet experiencing some of the most emotionally volatile days of my life.
So, that being said, I'd recommend to keep going - or - perhaps take a week to let things settle (I was surprised at the "bloom" effect that occurred when I stopped), and then pick it back up again.
Don't worry, 30 isn't old. Especially today. Hang in there.
(08-23-2016, 04:59 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]I can identify with that. I don't think it's got to that intensity for me during E2.
It's helping me open up, but then there's also a couple of girls i've opened up to who were basically all over me and been expressive and somehow they then go weird on me and it ***** does my head in like "what the ****, this is why I don't open up to people".
But i'm also finding E2 is helping me deal with those "this is why I don't do this" feelings from the past and making me be able to be more open anyway and part of the process seems to be learning how open to be.
Like you don't want to share everything, some things shouldn't be said. So at the moment for me atleast I think it's learning how open to be from first going to the extreme then learning to balance it.
Similar to sexual and emotional connections, i've been doing to either extreme during E2 and learning to adjust it and make it more balanced.
I've had a few times so far during E2 where i've felt like i'm just going to lose it. I've been allowing it to kind of express through my body when i've been in bed and usually when it relaxes after that I feel better.
Nice to know I'm not only one feeling this way. Tell me when you figure out a balance
The being flaky part I can relate to that. I just figured out that I got some serious abandonment issues. Every time I feel like I getting too close I pull away. Might be issues with me not feeling like a deserve good things too. Not that I'm saying that's why they did it. Just putting my reason out there.
(08-23-2016, 05:41 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]Wow, 153ish days? That's really impressive. I had massive changes that continue to stick with me from just shy of 90 days usage.
It's hard to gauge the results of E2 when everyone has different issues, and it works at different rates (since my understanding is that your subconscious determines what it will get through, when).
I found myself doing things with ease I never do with ease, having more hope day-to-day, and yet experiencing some of the most emotionally volatile days of my life.
So, that being said, I'd recommend to keep going - or - perhaps take a week to let things settle (I was surprised at the "bloom" effect that occurred when I stopped), and then pick it back up again.
Don't worry, 30 isn't old. Especially today. Hang in there.
Thanks
I haven't really had the hope day to day after month 4. Just been feeling stuck since then.
I was taking another two day break when the emotional stuff started happening, so I'm back to listening again.
Lots happened the last two days.
College made a mistake saying they dropped my classes. I ended up scrounging up money over the weekend for nothing trying to pay so I can still have spot in the classes. I get refunded later but I need it now
I'll figure it out. I always do.
I just found out the my job is screwing it's contractors out money.
Like thousands of dollars. I really wish I could so something about. I really don't have the energy to go back. The straw the broke the camels back.
Other than that still preparing to go back to college. Which starts Monday. Nervous and excited at the same time.
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