(06-01-2016, 04:31 PM)Why So Serious? Wrote: [ -> ]Welp it is my second month. (I think)
Yesterday something happened/changed and I feel a little relaxed.
I'm noticing that negativity doesn't... stick to me as much. Like if something happens at work it doesn't bother me as much. I don't think about over and over again in my mind for hours or days. It's just minutes to......more minutes doesn't even last an hour.
I love when someone mentions something like this, something I haven't even registered since starting EPRHA. I used to be sensitive to little things at work, and they could quickly escalate into negative, angry interactions or conflicts - I would then cycle through these moments for hours after work and through the night on repeat, just like you mentioned!!
This used to happen frequently, at least once or twice a week. If I think about these types of occurrences since starting EPRHA I can only think of 2 maybe 3 and even then I handled them sooo much better.
Thanks!!
(05-14-2016, 02:29 PM)Why So Serious? Wrote: [ -> ]...
What do happy folks do?
...
lol, I wonder about it too. What do I do with all this happiness?
@ArticFox
Your better than me it was becoming a daily habit.
I still have the negaitivity just not holding grudges and negative feelings as much as I used to.
@LeonidasXVI
Okay good to know I'm not the only one.
Well today for once in my entire life I didn't get offended when someone made the annoyed face when they can't understand what I'm talking about. I usually thought people hated me when they did that, and it brought up anxiety and fear. Nope, today I thought oh yeah their making that annoyed face let me explain that better. I felt those feelings for half a second but they disappeared.
Yes. Amazing how inner work is progressing well and, someone or something gives us discouragement
@
DisneylandUSA
I just noticed that this kind of stuff has been happening a lot more often lately. Oh well just something to get used to I guess.
Not in the greatest mood right now. I think it has to do with figuring out my sexuality. Really don't want to go through this right now.......or ever. It's painful to say the least.
Hmmm....now that I think about it I don't think it's bad thing that I feel this way about it. It's not something easy to admit (if there is anything to admit).
I have gotten back into some of my bad habits but I don't feel as guilty about it. The way I see it is I gotta keep failing at it, see what I can do better and try again. So it's the end of the world if it happens again like it used to be before the sub.
Whateve....goodnight or morning everybody.
Well today I STARTED to get used to idea of liking both women and men. Not quite there yet and scares me quite a bit but it's a very small start.
I guess that means no more AF for me. I'm a little disappointed but at the same time it isn't that big of deal. I can focus on other subs when I get done with this one.
As for the warm feeling that people have AOSI I had that too for a moment. I had it happen a couple of times before on AF, and got attraction from men along with some disgusted looks and attitudes from women.
Alpha females always have that in common; Other females despise AF for no reason; Other women having their own personal Jealousy and insecurities
I don't think I'm Alpha. And yeah you are diffidently right about the insecurities but that had more to with energy/aura I was giving off than just being alpha.
In a way I want that happen again but it difficult to keep up that kind of energy on your own. I could do it for three hours at most. Then again there is always AOSI that help out with the energy thing from what I'm reading.
Then again I'm not sure if I want to do something like that right now. I got too many issues to work through around this subject. Maybe when I'm done EPRHA and if some other sub comes out in 5.5g.
Starting to accept being bi more since yesterday. Can't believe it's happening so fast.
Today I was kind of relaxed. It dawn on me that I didn't feel as sick as usually do. I wasn't as tense I'm guessing so that feeling of general malaise kind of went away. I'm just guessing here don't know if that's a fact. I still had some issues to so I most likely need to go to a doctor still.
I have been feeling more relaxed lately. Stuff not bothering me. Still not getting stuff done like I was last week.
I'm starting to feel the motivation came back a little.
Working at the front can be stressful but I think handled it okay yesterday when it got crowded. I wan't stressed out having to do three things at once.
Kind of been focusing on sex and sexuality lately instead of making more money.
If I think about it it's something that happens almost every time I listen to a sub. This is going to sound crazy but maybe I should just go with it. I'm not completely neglecting my money issues. Technically I'm learning some new skills to get a better job and then there is college.
I don't know about this one. I feel a lot fear even thinking about changing my focus from money to sex. I see about it in the future. I guess. Till then I'll get back learning some more excel.
The more I think about it the more I realize that this the direction I need to take. Less focus on money more on sex, sexuality, and sensual stuff. I don't know why I was making the issue so black and white.
This is most likely going to be one of the biggest problems I got so makes sense to focus on it more. I'll probably pick up AOSI later on this year to help. Better yet let me wait until the end of the year to decide what I'm going to do. No need to rush things. If I even need to listen to the sub that long.
Oh course when I accepted that this was the course of action I needed to take my motivation kind of came back.
Still got the social skills to work on too but I think this sub is helping out with that.
Now on becoming an entrepreneur I'm getting vibes on taking a different approach. The thought of running a business seems maddening and hellish. I used to be into the show Shark Tank but now it bores me.
I'm still into the idea of investing and starting to research stocks to see if I would like that.
Everyday feels like a Friday or Saturday. Even when I'm at work. I don't get those weekday blues anymore.
I'm speaking clearly and with more projection in my voice. I'm not trying to hide my voice and a part of myself when I speak. I don't know why I hold back a part of me I guess some fear as usual.
I just figured out that I have anixeity and fear when it comes to going out. If this were a snake it would would bit me. I was so obvious like in my face obvious. I think I might have thought that I was a little scared to go out. SO frustrating that I'm figuring this out now and not I don't know how many years ago.
Glad you are learning about your anxiety and fears now... ' better late than never.' We are all in the same boat of getting out of our 'comfort' zones to better ourselves
Sex and sensuality as your money maker?
@
DisneylandUSA
Yeah your right. Still wish I would have caught on earlier.....years earlier.
@ apollolux
Oh darn you figured out my secret plan.lol I all honesty I'm not to sure. All I know is I have strange feeling that whatever lifestyle I'm going for many close family members and friends won't like it.
I must getting into some deeper territory with the sub because I almost quite listening to it yesterday. I'm having some very disturbing, sickening thoughts(yeah Benjamin I know these are worse though
) that make me wish I wasn't here. Like that would be the best option, but I know it isn't, so I'll continue listening. Kind of surprised that I'm having them at all. It doesn't seem like. Oh the good news is I get a feeling that these thoughts aren't meant to be taken literally and there is a deeper meaning behind it. Bad news is I'm not sure I want to figure out what.
After everything that has happened I will finally have a car this weekend. I went out to eat today and it was crowded. Still nervous about being in crowds and socializing but for some odd reason I want to go out again while it crowded.
What's even weirder is that I have this feeling like I always went out and dealt with crowds and socializing with ease, and mange to stay reserved.
Yeah okay might be losing mind here.
I now know I'm starting to accept me being bi more. Had no shame checking out both women and men. Still don't want to tell anybody about it. I don't feel this need to let everybody know. They'll find out eventually and if they don't oh well.
Still surprises me how fast I'm going through these issues.