I think I need a break from healing subs, it's been nearly 6 months (2 EHPRA 6G, 3 and change PTRA). This could be reiststance, but what I'm mostly feeling right now is healing exhaustion.
I think I'll take a little break and switch to DMSI 5.1 for a proper run (so 2-3 months at least). But I will be difnitely revisitng PTRA, it's one hell of a bad boy of a program!
Then again, my decision may change tonight, so we'll see.
But right now I need a break from healing.
Just my unsolicited take on this: If the need to take a break from healing comes naturally as feeling much less emotional suffering, and just feeling better in your own skin that you no longer feel the need for further healing, then it’s natural to do it.
Just like someone who’s dealt with chronic health issues where all they think about is their health. When they finally heal, they are able to live life and not think constantly about their health anymore.
If this is not the case, it’s probably resistance.
I dunno, it feels like there's still healing to do (definitely).
I'm just tired on focusing on it for so long without breaks.
So I'll make one for several months (DMSI 5.1) and then I'll get back to it! I'll be running the 2-month protocol next time around, though. 4 months turns out to be a bit much for me.
I know I've started DMSI 5.1, but one thing of note:
Thanks to PTRA, it feels as if I have somehow become unstuck. I'm making small changes to my surroundings (Operaton: Decluteriffication), my lifestyle, etc., without holding on to "comforting stability" anymore, which was kinda shite TBH. So I'm lovin' it.
Anyway, here's to a successful DMSI run!
Despite the switch again (I guess PTRA must be winding down, could take a week or two - I like living dangerously and all that):
Just had a musing about how existing within my schizophrenogenic nuclear family unit (mum, da, older bro) forced me into disavowing what I knew of them, and made it possible for them to act all insane *within the family only* (to outside observers, they'd just look like a relatively normal family - although that's changed now that my bro's decided to cop to the fact he's crazy. He's even dressing really wonky now, lewl, as if to signify to the entire world: "I be crazy, I be"! Double lol), and doing this to someone for a prolonged period of time *will*, sooner or later, result in psychosis.
Anyway, it's kinda wonky having this going on in my head while slowly morphing back into God of Sex and Song mode.
But I guess that's what I get for switching programs cold turkey.
Other than that, I slept through 8 hours like a rock with no dreams. A welcome change of pace, TBH.