Day 21/124
Three weeks down. Today I felt cool, calm, collected for the most part. The translation job is going really well, went for singing practice despite the cold and it went really well, too. Gonna have a relatively busy week, but I'm think I'm ready for it this time.
Now I'm getting a pulsating headache on the left side of my brain, though, whch usually is followed by a breakthrough a short time after. So let's see what happens today, PTRA-wise!
A breakthrough did occur, but I'm not making a victory lap as usual, but more like calmly letting the Conclusions settle in my mind. I'm feeling very calm, though. Down the line, this breakthrough should be big, and should make working through *all* sorts of traumas easier on my going forward. Good stuff!
Taking a 'lil break from working to let this settle. Shouldn't take more than an hour or two, or perhaps even a little nap (though I don't feel sleepy at all right now).
The most amusing thing is that it was a relatiely minor thing, compared to some of the other shite I can process thanks to it having been worked through (and OGSFed into oblivion) that now allows me to calmly work through Serious Shite.
It was, believe it or not, a situation from when I was 8. I had a crush on my classmate, with whom I'd usually end up being paired for classes (one bench, you know - serious stuff when you're eight!) and this friend of mine (a good dude, TBH, good childhood friend in all regards
) learned of it (because we were exchanging out crushes with each other) and he *snitched* and I was TERRIFIED.
EDIT
SNITCHES WEAR STITCHES.
Yes, I'm rotfling right now.
Day 22/124
It's amazing how a relatively innocent thing - but which does constitute *an actual trauma*, *ya snitch*
- and an easily forgivvable one (because we was kids
) can lead to a cascade of resillience that's very helpful in dealing with way more Heavy Shit, which I shall be discussing with my lady psychonalyst, because she's trained (for this Shit
).
I actually dropped her an e-mail because I had an, in my opinion, brilliant insight on the application of talk-therapy in the Lacanian fashion and it would be to complex to put into words live, so I jusst wrote it down as a micro-essay and hopefully she'll acknowledge it, and maybe even discuss it with other friendly Lacanians. This insight was also brough on as a reaction to what PTRA is doing as is very helpful to me, personally; especially dealing with the highly stigmatizing diagnosis of "paranoid schizophrenia", lulz.
I agree with the American, as he himself put it, "heretic of psychiatry" whose book I'm now translating that these diagnoses are extremely far from the truth of the matter.
Otherwise, feeling good though I did sleep through most of the day and was dealing with further traumas, so the sleep wasn't pleasant (but it was deep and long - is what she said
) and now I'm feelin' rested and working out PTRA stuff and working on the translation (but due to the short deadline I skipped singing practice today and cancelled one appointment. I'm busy until Thursday).
And I really can't wait to play my loop of PTRA today and see what it brings about.
Oh yeah, lest I forget, "Quote of the Day" regarding some of the above:
"When a complex system is far from equillibrium, small islands of coherence in a sea of chaos have the capacity to shift the entire system into order"
- Ilya Prigogine, chemist
The loop was great, I made tremendous progress. BUT about an hour after I was all like, oy, it's time for DRS v2, because *some people* are getting salty again and attacking me in the trauma points which are being worked on hard by PTRA. So now I'm feeling cool, calm, collected, a little bit self-righteous, but also listening to following song which I hadn't listened to in years, even though I love it because it made me feel to depressed due to all the joie de vivre I lost due to Bad Stuff happening/being visited upon me.
So here's the song!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVcpKjXYa5c
Three Dog Night - Joy to the World
"And if I were the king of the world
Tell you what I'd do
I'd throw away the cars and the bars and the war
Make sweet love to you
Sing it now, joy to the world
All the boys and girls
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me
You know I love the ladies
Love to have my fun
I'm a high life flyer and a rainbow rider
A straight shootin' son-of-a-gun
I said a straight shootin' son-of-a-gun"
Oh yass.
Also, the heretic of psychiatry mystery man (
) is a direct student of Tomas Szasz, the author of "The Myth of Mental Illness", imagine that. I already have plans what to do with this new connection, related to translation and maybe putting some more coherence back into psychiatry in general, heheh. We totally have a rapport going on because I inquired about some stuff re: the translation and we're on good intellectual terms.
Day 23/124
Non-hurried progress, I think. No breakthroughs today yet. Had a slow day, went to the cinema with friends and now getting back to work on that translation. Wonky Sensations™ were somewhat less intense today.
Day 24/124
I woke up today feeling filled with light, pleasant energy with the excepton of the Core Trauma going from perineum to the heart area, which was I believe being OGSFed and FRMed hard, and this tiny cluster of Trauma Points in my right foot which is being worked on hard (and hopefully shall get Trauma Removed into oblivion soon, as I'm being attacked directly in this cluster by fools attacking the DRS v2, as it appears to be pertaining to recent events).
It felt really good, and I felt calm and peaceful.
I did have a tremendous amount of wonky/funky dreams, though. They didn't wake me up, but I remember some of it.
Other than that, I'm on page 42/54 of the book, planning to finish the first draft tonight to have the entire tomorrow to edit it up a notch. And then it's cha-ching! 3000 'murican Dollars coming Have at ye's way, har har!
(02-04-2026, 02:01 PM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]Day 24/124
I woke up today feeling filled with light, pleasant energy with the excepton of the Core Trauma going from perineum to the heart area, which was I believe being OGSFed and FRMed hard, and this tiny cluster of Trauma Points in my right foot which is being worked on hard (and hopefully shall get Trauma Removed into oblivion soon, as I'm being attacked directly in this cluster by fools attacking the DRS v2, as it appears to be pertaining to recent events).
It felt really good, and I felt calm and peaceful.
I did have a tremendous amount of wonky/funky dreams, though. They didn't wake me up, but I remember some of it.
Other than that, I'm on page 42/54 of the book, planning to finish the first draft tonight to have the entire tomorrow to edit it up a notch. And then it's cha-ching! 3000 'murican Dollars coming Have at ye's way, har har!
You likely feel worse because you’re getting better. It’s like opening up a closet full of stuff and they pour out and now your room is dirtier than before. Or with exercising, it’s painful and makes you tired, but that is an illusion since you are actually getting stronger.
OSC likely wasn’t triggering this response because it wasn’t digging deep into you like PRA does.
But I can’t speak for Shannon, he may have another opinion.
Well, I wouldn't say I'm feeling bad, I'm actually feeling better than, say, before sleeping. The light energy is very calming and neat.
The traumas getting worked on and their accompanying Wonky Sensations™ tend to be an indicator of what's going on in my subC. Sometimes I have to put the stuff into words, either mentally, by talking to myself, in writing or - preferrably - in therapy, haha. It's like "putting the energy into motion", and lot of is negative in response to trauma removal/healing.
You know, I just remembered this lovely, but highly spiritual - so let me know whether to edit this out, mod squad - book "Overcoming the Archon through Internal Alchemy" and it outlined a method for energetically detaching from - and removing the effect of - traumatic events, in order to make 'em no longer bind you. You know, removing the energetic investment into the traumatic event. In Freudian terms, this would be "libidnal decathexis".
But, to follow Lacan, the structure of the unconscious as it relates to its conscious, linguistic experience has the form more of a Borromean knot: at least the relastionship between what he called the Real, the Imaginary and the Symbolic. And so, any trauma (which consitutes the real) requires both an Imaginary and a Symbolic conceptualization, so if there's a break in either the Imaginary or Symbolic register - which is the result of traumatic experiences - both the Imaginary and the Symbolic void need to be healed up first in order to deal with the Real of the matter.
And that is what the Wonky Sensations™ are in a metaphysical sense - a somatic expression of what's going on in the process (partially, at least) while it's being made unconscious on purpose. Only when the Imaginary and Symbolic voids are filled, do I feel comfortable working with the real of the trauma and the traumatogenic (so pathological) imaginations and symbolizations (f. in. "I ar a beta male" because women were mean to you and so on and so on *sniff*).
How's this for random musings!
I've totally got an idea for another epistole to my lady analyst, but it'll have to wait as I'm working right now.
Having an awesome roll of epiphanies and random musings. But, I am now on page 45/54, averaging 1 page per hour, so I'll get it done come morning, go analyze myself with lady analyst, and then edit the darn thing and cha-ching away.
Feeling really good right now about my prospects and my inherent amazingitude.
Finished the translation, now it's editing and formatting time! Oy vey.
Still, got until midnight my time to finish it up.
Lovely book, but can't wait to finish and get on with other things, like singing practice and band-rehearsal preparations.
Had a nice session with lady analyst. She didn't mind my e-mail, and when I told her I'll probably turn it into an essay on the nature and treatment of psychoses from a Lacanian/psychoanalytical perspective, she didn't seem to encourage nor discourage the idea. So I guess I'll do it, especially should I get any more epiphanies, haha.