Dreams would be indicative that there's now more EHPRA action going on because they're similar to what I was getting while running EHPRA 6G.
OGSF, well, I still think there's some work to be done, but I've made tremendous progress already. Way less anxious about everything and way less nervous in heretofore stressful situations.
I had a moment when I was like, "I'm tired of all this healing, I wanna switch subs and take a break from it", and counted up how long I've been running PTRA in toto (75) and it's still far from the four months for CPTSD so I gritted my teeth, followed through and now I feel a little bit better.
Added another of my Jedi Mindtricks I had in store which has functions like trauma and gsf removal (on an energetic level), hopefully it'll be of use and assistance.
I played a loop, let it settle a bit, employed my jedi mindtricks and now I feel way better.
I also chanced (I mean, I did an Amazon Kindle Store search on a lark) upon a book by that same occult author whose book I cited here (the one on energy and trauma and whatnot) that pertains to a subject I've been very interested in for years now. Needless to say, I obtained it and am now reading it, it's pretty great.
It's also funny how I think PTRA brings you to read and absorb new knowledge that would be helpful for healing. And once you have the new knowledge, the program appears to attempt to automate it and execute it. This could be an effect of 6G technolgy in general! Because this is not the first time I had this happen (like, f. in. with that book on Traumatic Narcissism whch not only was very good and helped me figure out a way out of "the prison of guilt and shame", but also helped me communicate with my lady psychoanalyst better because I could put what I'm on about in a language she gets. Same with that article on Lacan and PTSD, totally telling her about that).
I think I'm going to feel even better once I play my usual loop of DRS v2. I usually let the loop of PTRA ride for some hours, preferrably getting some sleep, and only then run DRS v2 in the morning for the day to come. So the routine is: PTRA around midnight, DRS v2 once I get up and get on with the day (so usually around 6-7 AM).
You know, that book - though well written - turned out to be somewhat underwhelming. *But* whilst finding it I also found three other books by another author which are great and which I'm going to make use of (but the details of that I discuss in a different forum, sorry).
Feelin' pretty well. The audition people decided they don't want to hear me sing, but singing practice continues as I found some more auditions which require recordings, so I'll try and shoot for that. Could *really* use USLM in 6G, hoping it'll come soon.
Day 30/124
Very good day PTRA-wise. I had healing related dreams (mostly work stuff) - it's funny because some of my earlier dreams were beng played on TVs in the current dreams
- let out some pent up negative emotions coming up (by calling people names from the safety of my own home), Wonky Sensations™ indicative of OGSF going on in the perineum-left chest/right chest lines.
Having fun with some books I procured recently, going to put them into practice. Currently in the process of gradual ordering/cleaning up of my living space as it's a mess because I left it to become cluttered while doing that translation gig. Anyway, going back to singing practice tomorrow, my back feels way better now (but preemptively going back to my physical regimen only next week to let it recuperate). Back to my dieting ways - I lose those 7 kgs, I'm going to be really fine piece of man-ass (a pretty fine one as it is
).
You know, I think - due to timing of stuff - I think I'll change my plan, and after this run of PTRA take a bit of a break and run DMSI 5.1 after - for 3 months at least. Then I'll do 2 months of OSC, and then switch back to DMSI 5.x (either 5.1 if I get satisfactory results, or 5.2 if it's too slow on the results fron to my liking).
Joined some fun Facebook and Discord groups dedicated to my wonky interests. I really enjoy chatting to people over the net while PTRAing, makes it feel less lonely and gives me something to focus on while I'm executing the program.
Had very interesting dreams, they were at the same time work (singing stuff), sex and relationship related. I wondered about potential traumatic links between the three and the main link would be abuse by that stupid ex of mine which I am now in the process of healing through, hopefully. It is making me angry, though!
I'll do a quick one-month down write-up later on (when it's tomorrow my time
)
Day 31/124
One month done - three more to go!
Now working through the women-work-erotic love/sex connections, I think. Plenty of microtraumas connected to particular events which may results in an *explosion* when triggered.
Other than that, a quick roundup of results:
- Way less anxious in general.
- Unafraid to leave my apartment and go do my things, despite the potential of hostility (which I haven't directly experienced in several months for which I primarily credit DRS v2)
- A certainty that I will achieve my goals (becoming a Golden God of Sex and Song in particular)
- Tons of insight/epiphanies along the way
- Very calm when confronted. One dude even said that trying to provoke me (which he was engaged in doing) was like "debating a priest".
Not a fan of clergy myself, but I get where he's coming from (ever debated a trained Jesuit priest? They're *eerily* calm, and trained to be/appear so)
- More ease doing mundane life stuff desite frustrations and setbacks
I'll edit in more if I come up with more noticeable changes.
EDIT - two more:
- Better understanding of what triggers me,
- Less agitaton when exposed to a trigger.
I do understand now why I needed the longer run of the C-PTSD protocol.
Quick Random Musing:
I'm currently somewhat also engaged in changing my conscious/unconscious self-concept. I think EHPRA may already have this, so it should be in PTRA, but if not, it would be a very welcome addition and assistance (changing your self-concept and all its elements from a negative one into a positive one).
Since I have more energy to do things, as I require less energy to keep the constant stream of trauma related negativity in check, I initatied Operation: Declutterification.
It's a Spec-Op whose goal is to declutter my living space. Did one corner of my room already and the entire place feels different altogether - waaay more space! I'm happy about this as I did not have to force myself to start doing it, it occurred to me organically.
Day 32/124
Had a very good day, PTRA-wise. Released some emotions, located some more events that were GSFy, finding myself in a good mood and - as usual when in a good mood - more interested in the fairer sex and more socieable.
Operation: Declutterification is progressing. It'll prolly take a week or two, but that's fine.
Had a very good session with lady analyst.
Now, apart from singing practice/audition recordings and the odd translation gig I'm a bit bored even, nearest social event next month, but that's fine since I can PTRA with the best of them in the interim.
Day 33/124
Daily update time!
Interesting developments today PTRA-wise.
I'm still getting some Wonky Sensations™ plus the occasional pang of physical pain along some trauma points/lines, but they're less pronounced than they used to be. I shall interpret it as progress, that there's less OGSFing and FRMing left to be done.
Very funky dreams today.
Working through stuff. Operation: Declutterification progressing, about half my room is done now.
Day 34/124
Feeling pretty good. Right now, I will sometimes feel bad/down throughout the day, but after getting some nappy time I usually start feeling way better.
From my observations, a volume of 10 is better for what I call Auxillary Trauma and heals it up fast, while a volume of 6 appears to be working more directly with what I call the Core Trauma and feels like slower progress because of it (fewer "victory lap" moments) but could be more effective in the long run. I also experience less Wonky Sensations™ at the lower volume.
Operation: Declutterification is progressing nicely. About halfway done with my room. Taking it easy and one day at a time.
Funnily, I started playing a video-game to pass the time and chillax while PTRAing. For several years now, I really couldn't get into any game, even though this was my main hobby in my teens/young adulthood. I guess I was to preocuppied to chillax enough. Now, though, it's very good, because it takes my mind of negative emotions that are brought up in the healing process. (If you're curious, I'm playing Diablo II: Resurrection with the new DLC
)
Figured out what technical aspect I felt was missing in my singing practice. Got a line on a singing gig, but they have a formal requirement that could take some time to achieve, and unfortunately they have a "first come, first serve" approach, so we'll see whether I'll make it on time. I can't wait to get my grubby paws on USLMaxx in 6G for singing glory.
My metaphysical interests are developing and shaping up nicely, too. Procured some implements today (it was... very easy, found an online store that had pretty much everything I wanted).
Got some nappy time in and had a dream specifically referring Core Trauma no. 1, and it coincided with wonky sensations in the perineum region, and it is indicative that it is now in the process of being healed.
Singing-related traumas are making a nuisance of themselves, though, making me angry and all that.