(04-07-2019, 04:44 AM)Voytek Wrote: [ -> ]Shouldn't we use the program no more than three months at a time?
"This experimental program is designed for extended use in increments of 3 months at a time."
Why didn't you stick to that "rule"?
That's not a 'you must use it for only 3 months or else' thing. It's to impress upon people that it's a long term thing and you want to listen for a minimum of 3 months and giving a good rule of thumb.
Thank you for chiming in @
Benjamin
Anyways....
I notice the diamond I am and my subconscious still has a pattern of 'its scary, lets throw up all kind of confusion, fear, shit and lets just be depressed' im laughing now as Im processing this stuff and its a losing game for it. Im growing stronger, im finding more and more interests, and tbh, I see this bs front weaken more and more.
Just breath. Release.
Women respond still. They need good dick, boundaries and communication, even if it is for my own sake. new girl at work, I caught her checking me out already and im semi engaging due my internals being scrambled. Im more fluid and involve randoms in my conversations. In a way im getting disillusioned. all women are the same, like my lil sister, yet attraction is an automatic process, as in, im snipering those I find attractive and like. Its like all is one big women pool and im being hit with those im attracted to, which surprises me at times, yet is so natural and fluid.
Also, all this crap thrown in the way to discourage me/to overcome and grow through, its bs. In an sense, yes im very elusive, sexual and what not, but also, im so done with it, that im going to be fucking direct with girls. Knowing my value and worth.
My beliefs around money have been shifted pretty strongly actually now that I realize it.
Im way more self sufficient. Centred even.knowing im in it for myself, which brings immense power with itself. Im good. Worthy. No more seeking compulsively on the internet for other opinions like a habit as it is damaging.
Lets see where this all takes me.
Listening to a recorded livestream from hector ( girlschase ) and he mentioned that arizona highschool has the hottest girls. I googled it, and now I felt such a huge pull, knowing these girls are my taste. Just googling them, and checking out the link caused an huuuuuge pull and breaking the bs state I was in.
https://www.thetalko.com/ranked-colleges...t-to-best/
Im also have the urge to move places. As a matter of fact, it never felt so real, close and a given to go round the globe. I feel my internals also shift massively, my energy, my mood, attutude. Its as if my small worldview frame is cracked open and obliterated.
Also, my beliefs around lust and "seeing women as objects" is changing. Tbh, its an trait that aint bad at all. Just own it up.
Kol, if I can, while it is an awesome idea to travel and visit the world, girls shouldn't be among the top criterias to pick the destinations. IMHO, letting women influence your decisions isn't very alpha and secondly, imho, there are awesome and interesting women everywhere you will go...
I probably come back with a reply later@
lano1106 as right now im amidst something way big. It terrifies me currently so yeah. Would love to put out more in detail but right now, im barely able to give a response.
Yeah, like I said, my whole body fired up @
lano1106 might be DMSI steering me in that direction. Yet, aint following your desires be an alpha trait? For all I know DMSI has shifted me in unknown territory. Ofcourse hot & beautiful women are everywhere I go, I live that every day so to speak, but something went off inside. Other users who ran DMSI also had similar desires happen. Im at a point that alpha/beta catagorizing hinders me. I simply aint caring anymore about that, although I ran am6 twice. Im in a process of digging deep, im actually amidst it.
After waking up this morning having a dream in which I had a huge pushing drive, it came as strong in my waking state.
Anyways, I know, letting go of things will give me peace of mind in a way, and I am still aware of decisions and choices logically, the anger/agression/hurt pangs are real. Im having flashes since late morning, and anger is an response. I recognize, expression because I want to express, instead of "expressing to gain x". Point is, last couple of days disrespect has been a theme. Its like a shitstorm has been unleashed aswell as life has started to shittest me bigtime. Not true, but yeah, it reflects my own if not my inner beliefs at this very point.
Im also growing really intolerant to bs. Like seeing the passive agressiveness in one of my social circles is really grinding my gears. Logically I know letting go would give me space for new amazing experiences, yet emotionally? It pisses me off due part of me being invested.
I also woke up this morning by setting myself 100% first. My terms, rules, boundaries. People start to shittest if not, because people need it and girls want to feel this masculine polarity. In a way im ready to go full fledged asshole game, mercilessly pushing womens hardwire, yet I also dont care
Cutting off bs, is met with huge agression from me, till the point im feeling the anger oangs go off physically like a shockwave. I also know I need to process it, not trying to control, even tho its very prominent in my mind like a goddamn rollercoaster.
Also, maks are falling off exposing lots if people for who they are; shit. My boundaries increase, my tolerance decreases, and im starting to think about the sentence if a very few friends if not ending up alone. Which hits the sore spot. ( not the g-spot you...nvm )
Im in emotional turmoil. Still, im ready to tackle head on the issues around "rejection" for example. I recognize neediness in myself, attachment, investment etc etc, many concepts.
Also, im breaking off with Z. Its not worth it. Hearing from another guy she started texting him and how shes in love with me and now she heard im not interested( im literally just flirty, yet showed strong IODs from my side ) she treatens with suicide. Im fucking done. It aint my responsibility if she offs herself. Im at my witts end in all of this. It gives room for better stuff, but im now in a process masks fall off, my line is right here, my boundaries set and I aint responsible for what people do. 1 strike your out. Fuck off. I need and have to respect my boundaries and myself badly, even if this means being harsh, an asshole or whatever.
Today was a good day. Stuff came up from yesterdays message and I was emotional affected at times, and it showed. People noticed the influx and shifts in my facial expressions. In a weird way tho. It came up rather sort of disconnected yet glaring obvious. Easy to remain unaffected by it. I watched it coming up along with clear steps as to handle it, open to being taught and learning.
Anyways, my attraction with her is 0 now. She can sex talk all she wanted and im admitting my realness here now, that nothing came up in my mind to picture. I was really closed off to her and realize it. Like some false front has been removed.
In a way I also am disillusioned by all of this. Like something persistent snapped and I now act differently. Im more open for all the happenings now. More confident, solid.
I also am knowing I have 3 other girls showing interest but im rather enjoying it and growing. Its like open seduction. Try me. Idgaf. Im setting myself first 100%, something I shouldve done way earlier. Im also feeling more mature, assertive and rather professional. Solid.
My frame is also stronger. Im standing with my decisions by taking charge/the lead in confronting it all. Im not happy but in a cold way. Im unaffected at all now like nothing triggers like before. Im sure, certain and assertive. Im hopefull and confident in clearing it up. I cooled down for myself through informing key persons so yeah. We'll see.
Tbh, I dont know if I will journal anymore. It gives way for me in analyzing and thus engaging the rational mind instead of full immersion and raw experiencing of emotions. Tbh, it feels like progress.
This is said video and would recommend it to everyone, subs or no subs.
I was listening/watching transformation mastery "infield" from julien blanc in which he also said "dont analyze, verbalize whats going on" Its almost like cornering myself like Shannon did the plugging of escapes. Its head on head first with myself without excuses. It also gives me an edge prolly. Tbh its addictive and I want to make this a habit. To be and experience without front involved.
I felt a sort of separation going on. One is the front, but there was/is a lingering "undercurrent/underflow". Authenticity. Something clicks and am emotional as f*ck right now.
Getting to the heart.
To add: im hit with realisations almost on a continuous basis. Experience that happened a few days ago and which left me reeled/feelin betrayed is reframed. Its an attitude of pure welcoming/processing whatever comes up and realizing it cannot hurt me in the end. This stuff is beyond powerfull if you ask me.
I love hearing people their baggage now. Like take it all in /admit it all. Huuuuge shift. The video of transformation mastery surely brought me some tears yet authenticity is felt and connected with. Confidence is realized and im connecting with more and more things inside and coming to terms with "I AM"
On the UMS TID (?) front. It has changed drastically. As I wrote in the UMS idea thread, im feeling wealthy like its my baseline. Big m*therfucking contrast. Music consist of migos, quavo, offset, a$ap rocky and other more "mainstream" artists. Choices are a mayor key role in this. My choice making is shifting/shifted.
Any external results?
Still nothing here. The previous version was great if it comes to that, the current one sucks.
I get way more looks, aswell as the women at work are seducing me more obvious. Also guys seem more eager to passthe girl on to me. As soon as I see a woman I like, the return is overall positive.
I did had a fall out with a guy couple of days ago, someone I had talked it out, only to start digging onto me. Massive disrespect.
Releasing a shitton of stuff. As soon as something comes up im diving right in. With FRM on board this seems to be way quicker. Im not saying less painfull as this is a cop out/escape.
Also, im burning tf up right now.
Layout looking slick. Good stuff @"Cyanide"
Anyways, im having random memories popping up, from the times when my ptsd symptoms went through the roof. Also from my post molly roll 5(?) Years ago, when I went suicidal for a week and trippin my balls off. When I dissociated hard. Memories of me moving out of home, while being still very triggered back then.
Now, Im seeing the gratitude in it. Its weird. I look with a sense of fondness back at it. Even tho it was totally shit, hell, terror back then, surreal in a way, dissociated in a huge fog of surrealness, it was pretty amazing. The little things stand out.
(05-22-2019, 11:50 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]Layout looking slick. Good stuff @"Cyanide"
Anyways, im having random memories popping up, from the times when my ptsd symptoms went through the roof. Also from my post molly roll 5(?) Years ago, when I went suicidal for a week and trippin my balls off. When I dissociated hard. Memories of me moving out of home, while being still very triggered back then.
Now, Im seeing the gratitude in it. Its weird. I look with a sense of fondness back at it. Even tho it was totally shit, hell, terror back then, surreal in a way, dissociated in a huge fog of surrealness, it was pretty amazing. The little things stand out.
I too have had my times of dissociation so I know where you are coming from. That is really some horrifying stuff. But still, life is always amazing underneath, even when your pain is feeling overwhelming. Have you read the book "mans search for meaning"? It's about a phychiatrist who describe his time in Auschwitz. Interesting read.