I welcome FRM tackling the next stuff.
The gates are blown open, im cutting with my past. It has no use anymore to go to the psych, walking in circles. Let me revel in my own power, right here, right now. Im gratefull for the changes, for FRM, for being at this point.
I woke up with the sentence ( after going to bed last night with an insane headache, I was driven at the same time, wanting to do stuff, basically priority setting ) its okay not knowing what you want. Translating into "to much pressuring on myself. It gives way to knowing, more input.
Anyways, 9/10 when entering sleep, sexual scenarios are playing through my mind, my senses are involved in it, and indulging in it makes it all more real. It feels right. Relaxing shifts me into state. This is key. Knowing, trusting, allowing, welcoming, open for new adventure and experiences.
There is still internal work to do as K was shittesting yesterday, trying to make me chase her. Lol. Yet, the impulse was there to do so, reminding me about some phases in my life. Also, I went in a "paralyzing" state so to say. Like, not feeling any urge to engage. Definitely something is worked on, as this isnt what I am lately. Quick witty, gets girls hooked etc, but this... guilt might be the one involved here. Like "you need to engage bro! While being fine with it, will result in more oppurtunities in which all is flowing. Autopilot engaging when it resonates.
Now, when I say breaking with my past, its an "no longer let it influence me" reminded of it doesnt make sense, same old same old, running in circles. Creative power is now. Here and now, and highly positive, carefree, enjoying life. Not going into stasis or settling even tho they have their places and potency, but rather gratitude. Loving myself. Unconcerned with all kind of responsibilities ( or being scattered everywhere, hightened senses ptsd ) but rather being fine with it they do whst they do, not draggibg the world on my back and being on eggshells.
Im also sort of revisiting MM. the concept are refreshing. Its not all pua. Its more an insight in dynamics, having words for it, concepts, as opposed to being in the dark. It put me right bsck on track.
Doesn't the sub make you a bit socially anxious from time to time?
(02-18-2019, 09:16 PM)Voytek Wrote: [ -> ]Doesn't the sub make you a bit socially anxious from time to time?
At times yes.
(02-18-2019, 11:42 PM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ] (02-18-2019, 09:16 PM)Voytek Wrote: [ -> ]Doesn't the sub make you a bit socially anxious from time to time?
At times yes.
That's what's been happening to me for three days, since I turned the volume down a bit due problems with falling asleep and sleep duration.
Guess FRM digs deep then. Its the first sub I at times felt running away from, but sticking through with it, turning it into a game. Fun is definitely key with this. When out it also pops up from time to time. Its like 2 outlooks fighting over dominance. Funny that you mentioned it as I now am at a point of "no more, I stick with it and will see what it is" bit of manhandling the outlook.
I feel like im leveling up so to say. Girls that I was attracted to before, aint attractive to me anymore.
The amount hot women manifesting is definitely increasing. At the gym, G spontaneously forgot what she was doing after we gazed eyes. Am more "introverted" at the time, meaning, my attention is more internal directed. Less animated, more processing.
Anyway, after gym was finished and I drove home, a yellow car didnt pull up. My first thought was "granny behind the wheel" as I could pass the car, some beautiful girl was behind it. We locked eyes and I broke out a seductive smirk. Fun.
This pattern kept up in sequence passing car -> hot woman behind the wheel -> breaking out with a spontaneous admiring smirk. Im well aware how classifying women as "hot" is hindering me.
As mystery would say "beauty is common" knowing this, realizing and integrating tgis is worthwhile. There is a whole other world of seduction. Just labeling her as hot puts you in the chode basket. Its expected. Now, beauty is common, its not a big deal and curiosity is teased. Could be DMSI, could be nofap, could be both.
My dreams co sist of people pointing things out. Like some nights ago I dreamed about a legendary pokemon causing lava to break out. End of the world shit.
To come back to it, beauty is common reliefs me of massive pressure and makes me deadly, aroused and open. Seduction is way more then that.
Im taking life way more by the balls. At the gym I felt pretty much in a state of apathy. Lets see what this will lead to. With taking life by the balls, I mean, im more responsibility taking and in turn am less kindly in those wasting my time, or fucking up, or putting in half the work. For example, there is this older lady I am speaking sporadically. She has my shedule, when im able and am occupied. She fucks up by wanting to have appointments planned while im occupied. Im not resheduling, she should know by now.
Im having a shitton of stares aswell today. Blond girls, curly ones, girls that are attractive to me. Its like they sense my essence by now. They want it. I can feel the attraction come from them and lo and behold, the DMSI bubble is back. I even go as far as getting to the mass attraction I had on 3.1 but which didnt have FRM and on which I chickened out back them, my subc spinning in panic. Now im getting aware of the blocks in a disconnected way. FRM is having a pattern of putting it in the light, to have it exposed in an fun way. Its a game.
Home/car, all cleaned out. It clicks. Car is a mess but it is so good having it clean. Women/girls want me. Its success, ecstacy.
Beauty should be common. The whole hot thing is limiting, dehumanizing, objectifying. It screams scarcity. Drfinitely something to work with. Im becoming real deadly. Relaxation is met with girls, associated.
Another thing is, when the sun is out, im feeling so fucking good. Life is great when it happens. It fuells me and im just basking in it.
To add;
I love how DMSI/FRM is pointing hangups, issues, patterns out. Showing me the changes and making them succesfull ( if im not to stubborn to not follow through that is )
Also, at the gym, my physique is getting more swole. Like, im noticabilly more buff. Bloodflow/oxygen flow and having more size then before.
Seeing it as a game, fun, is so much different. Like success is granted. There is only upside to it. Win win.
Sidenotes;
Ask yourself "what do you cling unto?"
Also, association is powerfull. With what and whom do you associate?
Edit: urges are here (pmo ) yet knowing what this is and "handling" them, is increasing manifestation ( seeing it in my mind actually visual )
Im also have perception shifts going on ( leaving and re-entering my body like a semi obe, externals such as my home looking off, phone looking smaller, hands that look a bit alien ) is prolly reality bending, but resisting those pmo urges really fuells my confidence and certainty.
Good to see the forum back online.
Anyways, here we go..
Im now into no pmo for 8 days. It seems that when I break the streak while being on 3.3.1-D, the wall or whatever is not fully functioning anymore as the urges are there. Ill stick to nofap as the benefits are huge. No peaking online or anything. I realize also how much dopamine is targetted through this. Now, by abstincing fully from internet porn, I am literally forcing my subconscious to switch to life outside of it. Im getting way more disciplined.
Another is, I notice my mind latches unto lack, for example finances. It literally assumes the worst. Lo and behold, as I received 365 euro's from health insurance, its instantly lifted and my mood is up, like a releasing of pressure and stress.
I have my facebook flooded. People keep sending friend requests and its absurd. Old collegues pop up in my life and women give the look of "I want your seed" im radically changing. By not giving, tjeir lust increases. Im feeling it in my bones that design goals are to be attained. Holy shit.
Through discipline and basically hardmode, I realize how much stuff is there to be escaped in. Im literally rebooting now, resetting and closing off chapters. Im manifesting great habits and force myself to look within, instead of escaping in other trival stuff that doesnt benefit me at all. Ive been thinking about going straight edge. I recognize urges.
Im transmutating the energy in business, socializing, new habits, leadership development, confidence and wanting to help humanity. Yet, being selfish is okay. Something to work with/on.
I need less sleep. Like, I go to bed, wake up and ready to go. Taking cold shower, grooming myself, spending time in self development.
Im feeling like a whole different person. Urges are there, yet not giving in pmo urges is strengthening me, disciplining me. Im not surpressing like many do on no fap. I rather ignore and persist. To much time wasted. To much youth wasted. Live is vibrant and vivid. Fastfood is another unhealthy source. Recognizibg this sets me straight
Everywhere I go, women suck up to me. At work, tgings get heated and women get all bothered. All I say is being taken as a compliment. Throwing themselves at me. Randoms greet me and talking abit with them is natural. W, is no longer that attractive to me. Im getting higher standards now.
Im asked out by more and more people. If I dont turn them down I would be broke by now.
Im genuinly loving myself. I enjoy life. I realize the bs stories in my head...the GSF.
Nailbiting goes down.
Im angry at times, expressive, like a shorter fuse aswell as agressive and taking no bs/shit.
My voice is louder.
Im having new ideas for business. Im recognizing the usefullness of having a team.
Embrace your desires. Honor yourself. Dont blunt your desires for seeking approval. If you dont like something ( one friend seems to be game addict, his relationship is noticably suffering, like a vase desperately holding to irself with cheap weak tape lol ) such as videogaming, watching tv, its all waste of time to me. It can be done to have, but in a non addicted fashion.
I blew up this weekend against a friend of mine. I was done with his toxicness, his bs and manipulations. DMSI reveals insecurities, masks fall off and things get clear.
Turn your bedroom in a shrine. Clean your house, your car.
I think I caught my pheromone scent. Mixture of sweet vanilla, chocolate blend. Hard to pinpoint what it is exactly. It caught me by surprise.
Seeing challenges as fun, as a game and sheer dominating them. My masculinity comes out bigtime.
Currently its like war inside. My mind is going all kind of directions. Yesterday there was a party, and one element involves dress up. Good times for peacocking.
Anyways, im feeling almost castrated. Dont get me wrong, im working on and incorporating habits, shifting and changing leaps. Yet, yesterday, while not all was bad, and I had some good times, I was affected by some of my friends states. Reactionairy while it doesnt phase me before, yet mixed with social freedom, owning the place through body language.
Anyways, those close to me ( or we're not sure yet ) we're increasingly gaslighthing me and amogging has increased. Its 2 weeks now, now that im in open target modus. Shots are fired and I feel just straight up depressed, powerless (!) Agression seems to be supressed for whatever reason, like a sexless beta male niceguy.
Its a really mixed bag, and tbh, im scared.my subc is scared like a little kid. Im gaining more discipline, still having the occasional mindfog, an social, funny, witty and open, yet with them...idk. idk why im so empathized and invested in this group, when its obviously its hindring my success as they show undesirable elements and incel crap.
I just want this attachment to be over with. Its not healthy and i feel my mind is getting real hard blows and spins me into a state of freeze and almost punched into submissiveness due to powerlessness and confusion.
My speaking is also real messed up. Sentences come out but these sentences are all butchered up.
Today however, I went over a hump so to say, my focus in the right places, discipline up, urges arent important, like my inner state has taken over management of it. Its vital. Life is great. Going to hit the gym hard and optimalize my physique aswell as my mind. No time for stopping, just go.
(03-04-2019, 04:08 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]Currently its like war inside. My mind is going all kind of directions. Yesterday there was a party, and one element involves dress up. Good times for peacocking.
Anyways, im feeling almost castrated. Dont get me wrong, im working on and incorporating habits, shifting and changing leaps. Yet, yesterday, while not all was bad, and I had some good times, I was affected by some of my friends states. Reactionairy while it doesnt phase me before, yet mixed with social freedom, owning the place through body language.
Anyways, those close to me ( or we're not sure yet ) we're increasingly gaslighthing me and amogging has increased. Its 2 weeks now, now that im in open target modus. Shots are fired and I feel just straight up depressed, powerless (!) Agression seems to be supressed for whatever reason, like a sexless beta male niceguy.
Its a really mixed bag, and tbh, im scared.my subc is scared like a little kid. Im gaining more discipline, still having the occasional mindfog, an social, funny, witty and open, yet with them...idk. idk why im so empathized and invested in this group, when its obviously its hindring my success as they show undesirable elements and incel crap.
I just want this attachment to be over with. Its not healthy and i feel my mind is getting real hard blows and spins me into a state of freeze and almost punched into submissiveness due to powerlessness and confusion.
My speaking is also real messed up. Sentences come out but these sentences are all butchered up.
Today however, I went over a hump so to say, my focus in the right places, discipline up, urges arent important, like my inner state has taken over management of it. Its vital. Life is great. Going to hit the gym hard and optimalize my physique aswell as my mind. No time for stopping, just go.
One of my greatest insights during my time of healing have been that I went from place where I tried to convince other people of how to think and behave, to learning to keep my own values and standards to myself, not investing in trying to change other people. I may recognize what you are saying about the "gaslightning" thing from when I tried to convince people on how they should act, and that triggered some deep resistance in them and they tried to defend themselves by this behavior. It's actually just a counter-action coming from your own behavior, if you are trying to push people somewhere they will just push back. The only way to lead is by example so what I realized is that I need to internalize the things that I am striving for and embody them before being able to be a role-model for others. Before that I'm just a talker who want his ideas to be validated by others, rather than is walking his own path in internalizing them.
Anyway, things have become much less confrontative and I am at much more peace by keeping my standars to myself and letting other people do what they want to do. I also have become less judgmental towards other and myself and not judging myself so hard with so much negative self-talk. How we treat others, we also treat ourselves, so we better start working on both those things for both our own sake and others. Compassion is a much stronger motivator to become stronger and more at peace, rather than bullying yourself by saying down-putting things. That's just something I believe have lived on from old ways of motivating people, and is not really the best way to go if you want to make yourself better.
And good job with the PMO. I'm on day 67 and I can tell you that it becomes easier, just hold on and don't let your mind and past behaviors trick yourself back to a habit you are not benefiting from.
Definitely, some golden nuggets you posted Greenduck, thank you. What you say rings true and its pretty spot on. Its also not the first time my mind flipped in that regard. It all went downhill from there and am probably scared to admit it inside. In fact, this might actually be a FRM response, as in, internally loads is happening and it expresses outwardly. As within, so without.
Also, the negative selftalk is something im changing. It came to light some days ago and how "sticky" it is.
Your compassion part reminds me of "giving without needing"anything in return. Heh, my ego seems to be like "kol, the heck you just say?!"
Its also one of my drives to want to go rougue. In a sense it feels like escaping, but its getting real old to deny myself the full pleasures and indulgensesof life.
When such heavy stuff happens, its like my inner locus of control is gone. Value, selfworth, other things occupy and are burried when shit hits the fan.
(03-04-2019, 04:35 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]Definitely, some golden nuggets you posted Greenduck, thank you. What you say rings true and its pretty spot on. Its also not the first time my mind flipped in that regard. It all went downhill from there and am probably scared to admit it inside. In fact, this might actually be a FRM response, as in, internally loads is happening and it expresses outwardly. As within, so without.
Also, the negative selftalk is something im changing. It came to light some days ago and how "sticky" it is.
Your compassion part reminds me of "giving without needing"anything in return. Heh, my ego seems to be like "kol, the heck you just say?!"
Its also one of my drives to want to go rougue. In a sense it feels like escaping, but its getting real old to deny myself the full pleasures and indulgensesof life.
When such heavy stuff happens, its like my inner locus of control is gone. Value, selfworth, other things occupy and are burried when shit hits the fan.
What have really helped me, because I recognize this you are talking about "going rouge" is really as you say an escapism from dealing with yourself, is to just sit with my own emotions. Literally. Sit with yourself, cross your arms if that make you more comfortable, breathe and feel what you feel. Or share it with someone you trust if you can do that. The more you do it the more easily it will be. In my case I haven't been used to engage and recognize my own feelings due to a parent that made that impossible during my upbringing so I am still learning.
Compassion isn't just about giving without wanting anything back, it's also about realizing that maybe you don't can give at the moment but need to get support from other people, and that that is also OK and that you deserve to have that support.