Thinking about the oppurtunities with girls I "missed" the last few years. Im facing some inward stuff at this moment, stuff that was obvious as far as I am concerned yet now just realize. I feel executing.
Also, when paying for stuff, the blond girl who's cute, was highly engaged. Caught 3 other women watching as we we're engaged.
Im having lightbulb moments aswell, like internal stuff comes to light. Those "oh wait a minute!" Moments. Those internal things that are sudden clear for me like on 3.3 D but absolutely profound its great to be back. Im also coming more and more to realize how much shit is not holding power anymore. Its like the next logical step. FRM ftw.
Woke up this morning feeling light, without fear, rather like "something missed" 0 internal triggers at all. Serene even.
Anyways, as I woke up, I was thinking back at choices through my life, related to the former post about "missed oppurtunities". I arrived at the point of when "shit became to much > shutdown" around I dont know what age. At a point I decided fuck it back then. Now, tracing back to this point was fairly easy, and, guess what? Fear was the root. This also shows how execution is inevitable.
We have choices.
Im also cutting out crap out of my life who functioned as a "distraction". Not going to delve into it here. It was and is rather dark and seems to be in an uprising globally. It all made me kinda not grounded, in my head, distracted while life and relationships are right here to work on and life keeps moving, Clock keeps ticking away. Responsibility without fear
My attitude has definitely shifted. My character grown. My focus coming back.
To finish this post, without fear, wisdom is applied. Atleast should, as im my case, some things when they are crossed, will seriously compromise my life. Yet, my head is still "there".
(02-10-2019, 07:39 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]Woke up this morning feeling light, without fear, rather like "something missed" 0 internal triggers at all. Serene even.
Anyways, as I woke up, I was thinking back at choices through my life, related to the former post about "missed oppurtunities". I arrived at the point of when "shit became to much > shutdown" around I dont know what age. At a point I decided **** it back then. Now, tracing back to this point was fairly easy, and, guess what? Fear was the root. This also shows how execution is inevitable.
We have choices.
Im also cutting out crap out of my life who functioned as a "distraction". Not going to delve into it here. It was and is rather dark and seems to be in an uprising globally. It all made me kinda not grounded, in my head, distracted while life and relationships are right here to work on and life keeps moving, Clock keeps ticking away. Responsibility without fear
My attitude has definitely shifted. My character grown. My focus coming back.
To finish this post, without fear, wisdom is applied. Atleast should, as im my case, some things when they are crossed, will seriously compromise my life. Yet, my head is still "there".
Without fear is the place to be
And it gets only better and better.
I keep changing leaps and bounds. More fear is removed and one of them was
"Fear of going out" that one is gone and caught on the spot.
Having a huge headache whole day on the left side of my head. Im looking forward to running my loops once again.
My ego seems to struggle for survival. Now, on 3.3 I at times feel dissolving/melting away in oneness. It weird. My fear around "losing my identity" is also brought to light. Its like equal to death. Let go, release on release.
Another is, the fear when going out is rooted in beliefs. I also am tracing back the fear around women and seems to go pretty far back as far as Im concerned and aware.
I remember a period I didnt care about women to begin with. Or rather, it felt like a burden/didnt saw any use in it. Yeah go figure how it catches up now.
Also, in Tiger's journal, there was talk about alpha and being talked down upon by said "friend" with running these subs, having celebrity effect, rising in ( perceived) status ( this is a huge one! ) insecurities are exposed, and yes, this will shake things up. A guy I know for a long time and with whom I met up last time, flipped out over the program 'ex on the beach'. It doesnt affect anyone, but it was like he went off, like a bull on a red flag. The toxity and vileness coming from him was almost tastable in the air. Now, it was not the words he said ( sluts ) but the way he said it, was downright repulsive. Its a huge wall thrown up in the seduction process if you ask me.
It shows it bringing down group value and this toxity is a hindrance for group perceived value.
Now, coming back to the tension im feeling that are tied to beliefs ( im interested what they are, cant recall ) and by recignizing it as so, I felt suddenly bulletproof/unstoppable.
Felt daddy as fuck and the shift was profound. Wherever I go, my interactions have seductive qualities.
Z who goes overt sexual. W who is way more engaging and give me puppy bowl like eyes. E who is way more looking up to me and physical. I who is seducing and seduced. Im feeling effin great to say to least.
Also, I am aware how I operated on a "needy" kind of vibe. Its shifted to giving and none is lost. Its a win and a release of tension.
Im pretty confident and sure im executing and will be executing. Some big things ate dealt with, some holes closed off ( no pun intended...or is it?) and FRM is effwctive yet want it to go even faster at times as I have a hard time understanding how some fears can be so fucking stubborn.
When I started running DMSI, I thought the flip was easy, like flipping a switch, getting me out of a funk/state, like a lightswitch, just "out of shape" but hey, DMSI is so much more.
- And women keep calling me daddy - ( the fuck? )
Im also realizing im still holding on some negativity. Its unattractive in the end, also...why?
Im having more going on, but I wont delve into it, due to several board/forum rules. I can but wont.
To add;
FRM "forces" me to be honest with myself, my desires aswell. Through the day I felt aroused ( in my mind my crotch area lights up with a red dot ) and im getting used to it. Appreciating it. Getting comfortable with it.
FRM also causes me to suddenly get it ( the fear ) and owning it up.
Quick edit: porn is dead, atleast, im having still urges for whatever reason. Its scarcity. Why watch porn when you have gfs taking care of your desires? Anyway, now watching porn with a girl is coming up. I know some girls who find it hot. Another is, when C was younger and had this vacation house, she told she wanted to have guys over to re-enact scenes and having basically an orgy.
Porn also causes an unablety for me to genuine seduce instead of running against a (mental ) wall. Like, the image in my head dominates like a blockage.
(02-12-2019, 09:58 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]To add;
FRM "forces" me to be honest with myself, my desires aswell. Through the day I felt aroused ( in my mind my crotch area lights up with a red dot ) and im getting used to it. Appreciating it. Getting comfortable with it.
FRM also causes me to suddenly get it ( the fear ) and owning it up.
Have you read about chakras? The root chakra, which is our most fundamental chakra and is blocked by fear, is represented by a red sphere. Just thought that you could be interested as you described it.
Yes, I am aware of that. It makes sense that it is blocked by fear. Holy shit, the realisations now. My body feels on fire as I write this.
At a friends house right now. Im witty and quick as fuck, very animated ( talking with hands ) and trusting in what is going on.
(02-13-2019, 01:27 PM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]At a friends house right now. Im witty and quick as ****, very animated ( talking with hands ) and trusting in what is going on.
I say go for it.
Im thinking a bit about the last few days and am going over the recent experiences with K. She is 2/3(?) Years older then me, but, im also thinking about Beg4jay, who claims to have older submissives. Im coming to the conclusion that it is perfectly possible, through display of masculinity and how women get hooked on it. Its energy dynamics. Im not foreign with this stuff.
Also, at work, the convo's we're sexual. With R, who I consider a friend also, we are open in this talk, joking, easy about it like no big deal. We share experiences and it is great. We wont hide that shit and it turns J on. Big on the sexual talk. She displayed way stronger IOIs towards me in a quirky way, very touchy, hard to not escalate and she does takes it a step further. Almost competitive like. Would tap that ass and wont hide it. Own your desires. Im also clear of what ASD would trigger which is understandable. It gives insight about why girls do so and im fine with it. Im progressing even further.
Then, with Z, she borrowed my phone a bit ( I dont care, whatever, yet there is something off about it all, im well aware of turning alpha into beta. Theyre shittests. ) Anyways, she called a friend of hers, R, and R is now msging me. Z and R basically fought over me. It now clicked. We're also sharing openly sexual topics. I joked as she was calling and her friend, R ( not the collegue ) was like "im going to message him. Z: no you dont, dont fuck him or Ill kill you ( bff banter ) im so non needy that im self amused with a big filthy grin on my face
Then, went to get some things, and its formal to show ID to the security guy.
He: looks longer, then says; 1989?
Me: yeah
He: looks at it again, looks at me and says" you look good"
Me: thank you, what age would you guess I was?
He: mumbles unintelligently
Me* walks in* flirts with the girl behind the counter* gets stuff and walks out.
Anyways, im feeling like a walking piece of meat. The attraction is high and tbh, it feels like agressive reality bending or, atleast trying to.
I feel so damn close now. Things are keep being exposed and get rid off. My body is vibrant and loaded. My eyes have a golden glow over them like in a earlier DMSI version where they became more silverish. Theyre really standing out. Glorious.
Caffeine makes me again, very fast. Total idgaf attitude, blended with sexual display and not affraid to flirt. Im executing. Matter of FRM removing enough to just effortlessly be in state, which I already feel to be relief. Its an "its so easy, why not doing it earlier" kind of thing. Trysting and being.
Aroused and agressive, wanna fuck some poon.
I honestly feel when UMS will come out I execute the living shit out of it.
Im very upbeat today. I am more and more introduced to people for some reason. My psych ( with whom Im talking to process things ) asked if I had a gf. Because I was so positive. FRM is kicked into overdrive it seems. I am not surprised if more people are having this thought. Its a strong way of conveying. It gives social proif and status.
Im incredibly open, easy going. I love life. Im self amused and fear is very much absent in my intersctions. Very animated, lively, free and cutting ties with my past fully. Its no discussion anymore and im feeling bliss. Im.still aware if fear pops up rather covertly and quick to realize it/what it is. Im coming across as genuine and authentic.
Out of the blue, John told he had 3 new coworkers. They happened to be female. He coined introduction. I agreed on it, cuz why not. Socializing is fun. They happened to be pretty cute. All 3 gave puppy look eyes. Especially the darker woman. Sparkles in her eyes. The other 2 we're timid.
We introduced to eachother and I told them I would see them around. Brought up some things but the psych was very much qualifying and rather serving me leaving me free in all things and even encouraged it aswell as forget some things to add more positivity. Im clearer in my words and articulation of it.
Anyways, when I left the darker woman spoke to me as a woman speaks to a high value male. "It was nice meeting you" in a soft interested way.
Also, peoples attitudes if negative dont register much anymore. Im unaffected by them. No effort at all.
(02-15-2019, 09:16 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]Im very upbeat today. I am more and more introduced to people for some reason. My psych ( with whom Im talking to process things ) asked if I had a gf. Because I was so positive. FRM is kicked into overdrive it seems. I am not surprised if more people are having this thought. Its a strong way of conveying. It gives social proif and status.
Im incredibly open, easy going. I love life. Im self amused and fear is very much absent in my intersctions. Very animated, lively, free and cutting ties with my past fully. Its no discussion anymore and im feeling bliss. Im.still aware if fear pops up rather covertly and quick to realize it/what it is. Im coming across as genuine and authentic.
Out of the blue, John told he had 3 new coworkers. They happened to be female. He coined introduction. I agreed on it, cuz why not. Socializing is fun. They happened to be pretty cute. All 3 gave puppy look eyes. Especially the darker woman. Sparkles in her eyes. The other 2 we're timid.
We introduced to eachother and I told them I would see them around. Brought up some things but the psych was very much qualifying and rather serving me leaving me free in all things and even encouraged it aswell as forget some things to add more positivity. Im clearer in my words and articulation of it.
Anyways, when I left the darker woman spoke to me as a woman speaks to a high value male. "It was nice meeting you" in a soft interested way.
Also, peoples attitudes if negative dont register much anymore. Im unaffected by them. No effort at all.
The Anti-fear mod/ frm is powerful stuff. It has kicked us all in to overdrive