whome: OF3

[fab10]

Day 51

Visiting my family out of town. Going ok so far.

Speaking of dreams, I had a nightmare of a magnitude greater than anything I remember ever having before. It was a cross between torture and sexual assault. I remember dissociating in my dream, noticing the pain but holding on by counting seconds and it was at least two minutes before a round was over. The whole time I didn’t realize that I was dreaming during it and then I somehow found myself awake.

This matches nothing in real life. I have no idea how this relates to OF either. Dunno if this is the right place to speak about this.

It probably relates to OF because it contains very fearful images. It sounds to me like you are executing, hopefully you are removing some deep fears that stand in the way of your healing.

[whome]

It probably relates to OF because it contains very fearful images.

I’m unsure because in general all of my dreams are nightmares or at best, neutral. What made this different wasn’t that the images were fearful; that happens all the time for me. What happened this time was that my brain didn’t wake me up before the torture started, but let me experience the torture for a while before waking me up.

For someone who rarely has nightmares and then has nightmares on OF, I can see “having nightmares” as being an OF execution sign. For me, who constantly has nightmares, is increased suffering in a nightmare a sign of OF execution?

Day 57

Second day off. Now I’m back home and will be back to the three hybrid loops.

I’m also seeing the new practitioner tomorrow, and am hopeful.

[whome]

Day 58

Three hybrid loops.

Today was another session with the new practitioner. Good stuff.

[whome]

Day 59

Three more hybrid loops.

[whome]

Day 60

Three more hybrid loops. Day 3/4 on.

[whome]

Day 61

Three loops. Two days off, now.

[whome]

Day 64

Three hybrid loops. Time to get some video recorded for a project, and then food.

[whome]

Day 65

Another three loops.

[whome]

Day 66

Three loops of hybrid.

[whome]

Day 67

Three loops of hybrid. Then a break of two days.

I wish I had more to say, but I can’t say that I’m experiencing anything that I can attribute to the sub.

[whome]

Days 70, 71

Three loops each day.

Still chugging along.

[whome]

Days 72, 73

Three loops of hybrid each day.

My work with healers is going well, though it does seem like we’re chipping away at an infinite supply of grief and pain, but things continue.

I’ll post any incidents here that strike me as being different or that might have OF as a factor, but for now I’m hanging out in grief and pain land with nothing to note as different, which is why I’m reducing my posting schedule.

[whome]

Day 76

Three hybrid loops.

Feeling bummed. Online dating is exhausting always, but then there are the glorious moments when out of the hundreds of sent likes, a hot girl replies, you manage to get the conversation going, she seems engaged and is asking questions back, and then suddenly you’re unmatched.

I know that I don’t allow myself, ever, to look forward to anything or be excited about anything, and it’s not like I was envisioning anything happening, but it still hurts.

[Z-Man]

Day 76

Three hybrid loops.

Feeling bummed. Online dating is exhausting always, but then there are the glorious moments when out of the hundreds of sent likes, a hot girl replies, you manage to get the conversation going, she seems engaged and is asking questions back, and then suddenly you’re unmatched.

I know that I don’t allow myself, ever, to look forward to anything or be excited about anything, and it’s not like I was envisioning anything happening, but it still hurts.

Hey Whome if you are doing online dating you can take so serious it is a game to those women. If you do they will eat at your self-esteem and you don't need that right now. I hope your journey is going good with OF V3? Do you feel Hybrid works better than US or Mask?