USLMax Interlude and Musings

[Have at ye]

Quite possibly, the FRM in this one feels kinda like the switch from DMSI 3.1 to DMSI 3.2, once the Wall modules got introduced, heh. Seems to be working more effectively and efficiently than the previous one, but also the emotional side-effects of its working are more pronounced, seems like.

On break until and including tomorrow. Finishing the tour tomorrow - it's going pretty well, although I am physically tired (because the boyo who's my double is being evasive, as the one last year was - they don't want that work after tasting what a single tour involves, lol - and there's a good reason for a dual cast in this instance, to alternate them each month to prevent exhaustion).

[Have at ye]

Interesting. Had a long and vivid dream which I believe was related to the cockroach dream from earlier, but more literal and less symbolic.

[Have at ye]

Tour's done, wooooo! Now for some R&R. Continuing USLMaxxing on the morrow.

[Have at ye]

Crap. Caught another little something yesterday, hopefully I'll have it under control by Monday. Listened to my loops today already. Using the weekend to rest up.

[Have at ye]

The illness I've come down with and other stuff have made me believe that I was a bit energy depleted, so I'm now focused on replenishing it. Feeling better already.

[Have at ye]

Gonna have to take a further day off from Bardic practice, as I need to cure up this sinus infection I've got, but thanks to the fact that I felt the need to restore energy ASAP - or face having to waste days on recuperation - I found a very effective and non-time-consuming way of doing that (another one! ), so that's good and should prove very, very useful in the long run too. Should be good to go by Wednesday, I think.

Even though physically I'm not in top shape right now due to the sinusitis, I can feel my mind becoming clearer and some things/ideas/mental images making a comeback from the previous version of USLMaxx. I think this may be a good sign, we'll see. In the meantime, I think I'll be doing some Sorcirer practice because I've been neglecting it these past couple of weeks.

[Have at ye]

Interesting thing I've been noticing lately. Usually, people would assume I'm older than I actually am (most probably because I'm bald and beautiful. I also have an extremely low voice). Recently, though, people who do not know my age tend to assume I am several years younger than I actually am. Interesting (trivia fact)!

[Have at ye]

Listening to my loops for the day, then it's two break days. Resuming on Sunday.

Today I'm still recuperating, but I did find some neat new techniques/thingies that are going to be helpful in the long run, especially as pertains my energy levels. I've been operating on an energetic deficit for an extremely long time. I would let it waste away, slip away, or be taken away by others, and I've been trained that I must do so (let others take my energy, or use my efforts for their own gain with me getting pretty much nothing in return), or otherwise I'll get punished, have no friends, and in general be alone and ostracized, and find no "help" or "support" anywhere. And by nature I have/have had lots of energy. This energetic deficit has been the cause of very, very many bad things that have happened to me over the years.

No fucking more.

Also, been getting some interesting dreams recently, of the "normal" variety. These past two weeks I've been wondering whether the profession I've chosen was the right choice - mostly because even though I really, really enjoy it, and always wanted to do it, the quality of people that are drawn to it is extremely low (I'd even go as far as to say that a lot of people working in it are disgusting human offal and a waste of space), and whether I really want to keep exposing myself to their humiliating and slanderous ways. I've been considering this pretty much since August, at the least, but now it's coming to the forefront.

Then again, I'm a little bit tempted to keep going simply out of spite. Dunno whether it's a good thing. Guess I'll keep pondering and see what conclusions I come to in the end. A change of environment would be most welcome.

[Have at ye]

I'm noticing something to the contrary of what most others are reporting - I actually tend to feel a bit better on the off days from USLMaxx.

FRM is attempting to dig through some very stubborn fears, I believe, and it's making progress, though it has not been the most pleasant of weeks TBH (mostly because I had to spend it at home recuperating from sinusitis. Back to action on Monday). I think I know what's what, though, and what fears are resulting in which reaction (the logic behind is not quite exactly... logical or, rather, linear. The cause-and-effect process behind it is extremely illogical, but nobody said humans are rational creatures, lol. I guess someone did probably claim that at some point, but they were wrong, haha).

Anyhow, turns out it's Black Friday or whatever other pagan consumerist holiday they have now, and I got a 50% discount on an Item I've been eyeing and planning to purchase for some time (about a month) but was not really willing to spend all of my disposable monies on (it was 550$, which given the current USD/PLN exchange rate is quite a lot of potato). So I got it using the discount for half the price which seemed like a really good deal, and am going to be testing it in the nearest future. First tests indicate it's quite powerful, just gonna have to experiment and practice with it for a spell.

BTW. going to switch to DMSI 3.3 on release day, potential turbulence be damned. Energetic requirements wise, I think I'm set, and I'm not really worried about anything else. Got two back-to-back birthday parties on the 30th/1st, so if it's out by then, I'll be able to check it out "in the field" given short term usage.

The fears that USLMaxx FRM is working through are pretty much the same fears that DMSI FRM is going to be targeting, as they're all related at some level, I think. Gonna see what happens when the time comes.

[Have at ye]

Finally went to practice Bardic skillz, it went very well, especially given the recent sinus infection. I'm working on a rather difficult and complex piece right now, and I actually found myself amazed how smooth the whole thing went - I pretty much worked through the whole thing in one sitting, which is quite a feat TBH. I actually had to restrain myself from overworking, as I still need to watch my throat, so to speak.

The fear I noticed in my voice during the first week of USLMaxx3 (after the update) seems to be gone altogether. Boo-yah.

Continuing Bardic practice on Wednsday. Now it's time for some Sorcirer pratice, I have a couple new tools and new ideas regarding them I wanna try out.

In other news, as I was listening to USLMaxx yesterday, I got this thing I'd oftentimes get on DMSI - suddenly, out of nowhere, I got very sensual thoughts/visions regarding a particular female that caught my eye recently. Some time later, I noticed that she's messaged me on my phone. She proceeded to rather cleverly and indirectly inquire whether I'm still with that ex of mine, and then made it known that she's also single through a rather amusing anecdote (we've known each other for quite some time and would meet at parties every now and again, albeit we were both in relationships during that time). Afterwards, she inquired whether I am coming to her birthday party on Saturday (I am). My DMSI sense is tingling.

[Benjamin]

She meant are you coming AT her birthday party!

[Have at ye]

She told me to come but I was already there, as the poet said.

[Benjamin]

Hahaha

[Have at ye]

Interestingly, I'm noticing that if I'm to experience unpleasant or unwelcome thoughts/emotions regarding USLMaxxing, they usually occur about 12 hours after I've listened to my daily loops.

They're becoming progressively easier to deal with, though.

We're gonna win this thing, lol.