USLMax Interlude and Musings

[Have at ye]

Yeah, definitely needed sleep. I think I slept for over 12 hours, with little breaks in-between.

Finishing up my loops of USLMaxx right now, then it's 3 days of break. So back to listening on Tuesday.

[Have at ye]

Got another quick'n'easy language job several hours ago, from a return customer who works in my other field (musac).

[Have at ye]

Testing a "psychic shield", passive, from today on. By passive I mean I do not have to funnel my personal energy into the thing. Early indicators are me gusta - I got a feeling of relief and power the moment I "turned it on", so to speak, which I find from experience is indicative of ill-intent being blocked. Gonna see how it works in the long run. I'm disengaging from "additional shielding protocol" to see how that thing works exactly.

Also going to try and employ this shield to, f. in., protect my responders to DMSI in ver. 3.3 from the ill-intent and ill-reactions of those who do not like the fact that they are responding to me - and hopefully also ill-intentioned advice that's given with the express purpose of sabotage. This has been a constant nuisance since ver. 3.1 (and, come to think of it, even pre-DMSI - my *entire friggin' life* pretty much).

Been totally leveling up my Sorcerer class this weekend. Good progress as far as I can tell. Now I think I'll clean up my apartment somewhat, lol. Tomorrow going to do Bardic practice.

[Have at ye]

Noticed a pattern to my dreams lately. I get these lucid/semi-lucid dreams in which I am actively trying to do a thing (how shall I put it - basically to remove myself from "the flow of things as they are", to gain more freedom), and then after a time I will notice that something is trying to drag me down from doing that (usually something at a personal level/fear related or fear causing); and then I try to remove that.

These dreams occur either while I'm actively listening to USLMaxx, and trying to sleep, or when I'm on secondary ASRB break. Not every day, but regularly enough and with enough similarities that I'm noticing a pattern.

This lets me know what needs to be, shall I say, extricated, and then I do that. With prejudice.

[Have at ye]

Hmm. Started getting a headache yesterday, and it's still going on a bit. It's probably a side-effect of my extraction/removal process of negative thingies that took hold in me brain (I noticed that there was a lot of them somewhere around the Theta level of brainwave activity, and now they seem to be moving upward. Most of it would be negative intentions sent by others which I unknowingly allowed to take root to any extent, back when I did not know better how to deal with this. A lot of it is actually a memento of my time on DMSI ver. 3.0.1, as far as I can tell ). At first I thought this might be a) overload, or b) dehydration, but after I started doing a certain thing (or rather - thinking certain things), I noticed that it started gradually dissipating.

The shield I mentioned earlier seems to be working. It's also supposed to have the effect of "puryfing" anything untoward that does get through to my aura (f. in. should someone stand close enough to me that they're within it, etc.), so the above may also be a side-effect of that. Hopefully this would allow me to actually "release" the darn things without sending them back into the universe, so to speak. Bad juju that. Actual factual transmutation requires conscious focus in order to get the desired result and not derp out, and there's only so many hours in a day.

Bardic skillz improving greatly at a stead, rapid pace. Apparently, I'm an even bigger mutant, vocally, than I previously thought. Got some time to work on some good repertoire in the nearest future. Dis gon be gud. B)

Purchased this dietary weight-cutter supplement I've been using some time back with decent to good results, and am back on it. Early indicators of it working well together with what I'm doing for physical fitness are promising. Just gotta remember to stay hydrated.

Continuing USLMaxxing tonight.

[Have at ye]

Also, I'm in the process of figuring out how to shield and protect the, how shall I put, "manifestation trends" I'm projecting (f. in. through DMSI or USLMaxx) from getting hijacked or sabotaged. Given the apparent hostility of the environment in which I'm operating, this is going to be mayhap not exactly necessary, but very, very useful if I am to achieve what I've set out to do. It could also perhaps be useful in preventing the phenomenon known as "auric stealing" that sometimes happens when DMSIng, just gotta figure out a way how to apply it for this purpose.

[Have at ye]

Loops felt good yesternight, especially the first one and then the final 3-4 (I don't remember, really, as I fell asleep). Had some... very interesting dreams, on the more normal side this time.

Continuing.

[Have at ye]

Been thinking lately there's this multi-level, extremely complex decisive process going on in the course of everyone's existence (I guess you could use game theory to analyze it), and even though it is, in fact, a decisive process, and not, um, let's say, "a higher power" deciding for you, it is - and I believe deliberately - being obfuscated as to its exact mechanics. If you look or think deep enough, you're going to arrive at them, because all the data's there, but it's *hidden in plain sight* so to speak. Call it whatever - karmic contracts, bonds, cords, whatever.

And since I fail to remember anybody asking me whether I'd like to opt in into the deal, or at least giving me clear data on how the deal's supposed to work from the get go, then I say that the deal has been made in bad faith.

So I'm altering the deal.

(Pray I don't alter it any further, lol)

[RTBoss]

Haha...

This deal's getting worse all the time!

[Have at ye]

By the by, the fear removal modules are working at a steady pace and doing what they're supposed to be doing. I'm noticing situations of various kinds in which I'd oftentimes get a fear/worry/nervous reaction of some sort, whilst now it's not happening or at least is diminished greatly.

[Have at ye]

Attempted to apply that passive shield to: positive manifestation trends, DMSI sniper, DMSI aura, DMSI responders, myself. Gonna see how this works out.

Been cleaning out my apartment gradually.

Had some run ins with toxic family members (mother, brother). Haven't had such for at least the past 4-5 months, I think. Stood my ground. I'm frickin' tired of having to do so, though. They're like frickin' animals. The "calm and composed" approach does not work, they don't give a crap about reasoning, or seem to accidentally "forget" after a time and try to test me again. It's a fucking nuisance, TBH. It's like they're daring me to cut off all ties to them. Because this stuff is a fuckin' waste of time and my energy, and mommy's pretty much admitted she's doing it on purpose to deprive me of it. Like I haven't noticed, pah.

Free weekend this weekend. "It is time for more... experiments!"

[Have at ye]

These last couple of days have not been the best of days. I think I made a mistake in my usage of USLMaxx and lowered the playback volume for this weeks' session, and I seem to have reacted to it through becoming a bit derpy (f. in. my sleep cycle is completely messed up right now So today I overslept instead of going to bardic practice, among other things. And the same thing happened on Friday), though family derpage did play a part in this.

The lowered volume seems to have allowed for a resistance reaction to take place. I am noticing thoughts like "I aa *soo* tired of living like this", emotional reactions of sadness, etc. Noticing way less motivation to do things and a desire for escapist entertainment.

At least whatever I'm doing for physical fitness is working extremely well. So I'm going to stick to it for as long as I can and see the results.

The shielding I'm employing does seem to be working too, though. Now I have a pretty good certainty that whatever derpage occurs is due to something internal, not external influence. I can also now usually tell the difference ASAP.

6th day of this ASRB session today. Then 3 days of break. Going to be switching to the updated version once it's released.

Going to attempt to fix my sleep cycle the hard way today.

[Have at ye]

Okay, had to pretty much yell at myself today, because the resistant aspects of my kid-self were getting uppity. Took me about an hour of talking to myself under the shower, also resorted to affirming "I now choose to execute blahblahblah", and kept doing it until I felt will going where I want it.

Gotta remember for the future - do not lower the sub's volume even if I feel like it. Even though listening to it for 8 hours at a very high volume (Foobar says 0dB volume adjustments, and I'm using hybrid on headphones) may be a bit tiresome, it's what works best for me.

Apart from that, getting a lot of thoughts and information from myself pertaining to my career and interpersonal relations, and how various reactions and ideas I got during childhood may be affecting these two. I remember back when I was using US/LM 4g combo I had some dreams related to that (career-wise mostly), but now it's much more clear and vivid. It's a bit wonky, with some contradictions, but should not pose much of a hurdle now that I *know*.

Managing to fix my sleep cycle for now. Gonna try getting up even earlier tomorrow, as it's bardic practice day, and I've got stuff to do - because I'm touring from the 12th again and it overlaps with my practice time.

Time to get cracking again.

[RTBoss]

What if the lower volume is exactly what you need to progress? Different volumes supposedly hit different aspects of the subconscious, such as your "Eleven-year-old self," for example. Why not run it where it hurts until it stops hurting, rather than adjusting to where you're already comfortable?

Just a different perspective on the matter that may, or may not, be correct. You'll do what's best for yourself, of course.