Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[EvolvingPhoenix]

God I envy you right now. Looks like you're doing great. Sending the Indonesian chick a message and then blocking her sounds rather cold to me, but I've never had to break up with a GF so what do I know.

[DarthXedonias]

God I envy you right now. Looks like you're doing great. Sending the Indonesian chick a message and then blocking her sounds rather cold to me, but I've never had to break up with a GF so what do I know.

Eh, things are good so far though like I said I do hope Shannon figures out something when he gets back about the subconscious working double time to "undo" all the progress you made ,while actively listening to the sub, when you are on your days off. I have noticed this type of response for a while. Funny you mention the girlfriend thing since right after I sent the message she was still up , which is not what I was counting on, and I know she was freaking out so I ended up calling and talking to her. I'm still going to think it over the next day or so but man she sounded desperate as hell. Like when I talked to her at one point she sounded like she was having a mental break down. On top of that like a few mins after I ended the call she sent me a message saying, "Just please don't leave me". 

To be honest it sounded like she was willing to make even more concessions, etc to make it so I don't leave. To be honest, this is the first time I've seen a women so broke. Then again this is the first time I've actually had freedom to get my value from myself so I could care less about a relationship and therefore when things aren't to my liking I will leave with no problem anymore because my value comes from myself not her. The only reason I might reconsider is: (1) She has said she won't mind running a subliminal so in the future she could reach a level of self development I am ok with, (2) She gave even more concessions, and (3) I still have a "sticking point" of when it comes to hurting other people's feelings. When I say that last part I don't mean some simple thing that will hurt their feelings, it is something big like this where she sounded like she was totally emotionally destroyed.

Its also true what Shannon said a long time ago the one that cares the least about the relationship is the one that has the most power in the relationship. I don't get my identity from anything external from myself so I don't give as much of a damn really. It quite the interesting feeling of being the one that is the least needy in the relationship. Its also funny how when you become less needy about them they become more needy about you. I had this weird feeling as I was growing more that as I became even less needy of her or not even "needing" her at all the more she grew attached to me. I guess that is just how most women are. Quite perplexing seeing this in action. I think it is only perplexing now since I can't fathom why someone would "need" anyone else. I hate to sound cold but to be honest when I think of such things I just think "weakness" and "insecurity". It seems to come from the sense that you yourself are not adequate enough and you "need" someone else to make up for that inadequacy.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

God I envy you right now. Looks like you're doing great. Sending the Indonesian chick a message and then blocking her sounds rather cold to me, but I've never had to break up with a GF so what do I know.

Eh, things are good so far though like I said I do hope Shannon figures out something when he gets back about the subconscious working double time to "undo" all the progress you made ,while actively listening to the sub, when you are on your days off. I have noticed this type of response for a while. Funny you mention the girlfriend thing since right after I sent the message she was still up , which is not what I was counting on, and I know she was freaking out so I ended up calling and talking to her. I'm still going to think it over the next day or so but man she sounded desperate as hell. Like when I talked to her at one point she sounded like she was having a mental break down. On top of that like a few mins after I ended the call she sent me a message saying, "Just please don't leave me". 

To be honest it sounded like she was willing to make even more concessions, etc to make it so I don't leave. To be honest, this is the first time I've seen a women so broke. Then again this is the first time I've actually had freedom to get my value from myself so I could care less about a relationship and therefore when things aren't to my liking I will leave with no problem anymore because my value comes from myself not her. The only reason I might reconsider is: (1) She has said she won't mind running a subliminal so in the future she could reach a level of self development I am ok with, (2) She gave even more concessions, and (3) I still have a "sticking point" of when it comes to hurting other people's feelings. When I say that last part I don't mean some simple thing that will hurt their feelings, it is something big like this where she sounded like she was totally emotionally destroyed.

Its also true what Shannon said a long time ago the one that cares the least about the relationship is the one that has the most power in the relationship. I don't get my identity from anything external from myself so I don't give as much of a damn really. It quite the interesting feeling of being the one that is the least needy in the relationship. Its also funny how when you become less needy about them they become more needy about you. I had this weird feeling as I was growing more that as I became even less needy of her or not even "needing" her at all the more she grew attached to me. I guess that is just how most women are. Quite perplexing seeing this in action. I think it is only perplexing now since I can't fathom why someone would "need" anyone else. I hate to sound cold but to be honest when I think of such things I just think "weakness" and "insecurity". It seems to come from the sense that you yourself are not adequate enough and you "need" someone else to make up for that inadequacy.

Look I'm not saying to stay with this girl if the relationship doesn't work. Just promise me you won't judge her for not being where you are. If there is one thing I have learned from my experience at rock bottom, it's compassion for people who are at their lowest. 

You're so right about the one with more power giving less of a damn. It still kills me how easilly my ex friend can do without me in her life. Whatever you do with this girl, please try to do it with love and compassion for her in your heart. And try not to judge her for being where she's at. She's only human.

[DarthXedonias]

Look I'm not saying to stay with this girl if the relationship doesn't work. Just promise me you won't judge her for not being where you are. If there is one thing I have learned from my experience at rock bottom, it's compassion for people who are at their lowest. 

You're so right about the one with more power giving less of a damn. It still kills me how easilly my ex friend can do without me in her life. Whatever you do with this girl, please try to do it with love and compassion for her in your heart. And try not to judge her for being where she's at. She's only human.

Hmmm @EvolvingPhoenixI think you might have misunderstood a few things. I'm not going to be some heartless person in dealing with her or else I wouldn't have called her and talked to her about those things. I felt quite a few things while talking to her so its not like I'm being totally brutal with her. Point is and I know this for a fact that if I decided to stay with her it would be out of "pitty" at this point and I don't think I have to tell you how relationships based on "pitty" end. Oh I could still make that choice and it would be fine as long as I realize what the consequences will be and take responsibility for them. Its not simply about making the right or wrong decision (though that is still majorly important) but it is also important to "own" the consequences of that decision once it is made. 

Another thing which I did notice which I do want to make sure you avoid. Don't fall for the societal lie of "don't judge". I want you to do something the next time you see someone that you know subscribes this type of thinking. See if what they do to someone they meet who constantly lies or treats them badly. You'll notice right away that they will judge that person as not a good person and refuse to hang around that person. The point of all this is that they don't fully follow their own rules. I find that those people generally like saying "don't judge" so they don't get called out on their own lack of progress or misdeeds but as soon as it suits them they will then go on to judge others because its to their benefit. Judging is an aspect of life. People need to judge in order to determine things like, "is this person trustworthy? Is he a rat? Do I want to associate with this person? What is their character like?". What people should really say is "Don't judge unfairly or without good knowledge of the situation or person involved". That would be a much better thing to say. I only bring this up since this is one of those lies society, mostly people not going anywhere in life, try to sell us. Hell, they might try to sell it to you so you too will just live and accept mediocre in your life. 

Btw @EvolvingPhoenix I think there is a video that might help you out quite a bit and I was thinking about sending this to you for a while. I think @Benjamin will find this helpful as well since it touches on Slave morality, Master Morality and the top which is the self actualized individual. It does talk about these philosophical ideas in the concept of the stars game "knights of the Old republic 2" but it is very true in its assessments. I had seen this video like 2-3 months ago before I even got started on LTU and went through this change. Hence, I've been on different sides of what it talks about and verify that most of what he says is true. Its pretty long (like almost 2 hours if I remember correctly) but is worth it. So you might want to break it up into different sections if you can't watch it in one sitting. I would highly recommend others watch it as well if they are interested.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

When I say "don't judge" this person, it's because my time at rock bottom has taught me compassion for people at their lowest. I'm not saying you can't disapprove of misdeeds by people, but the fact of the matter is unless you ARE that person, you CAN'T really judge them fairly for their lowest points in life, because you're not them and you don't know what it's like to be them. It doesn't mean you have to put up with shitty behaviour, it just means that they are always worthy of your love and respect, even at their lowest. That there's more to them than their worst. IT's easy to argue for judging people when you come from a place of strength, but that's the weakness of strength: a lack of compassion for people at their weakest.

I've made some pretty terrible mistakes, but unless you've BEEN me, experienced what I've experienced, felt what I've felt, suffered what I've suffered and been through what I've been through, you wouldn't truly understand those mistakes I've made. Not really. And you wouldn't truly understand me. You could judge me, but not fairly, because you have no true understanding of what it was like on my end when making those mistakes. That doesn't mean to approve of what I did, but unless you were in the driver's seat, you can't understand those mistakes. If you did, you would have nothing but compassion and forgiveness and understanding for others who make those mistakes as well, or you would punish yourself for those mistakes without end. I know this because that is what I do t myself unless I can see myself with love and compassion and forgiveness. We all make mistakes. To error is human. I try not to judge people for their worst mistakes anymore because I've MADE terrible mistakes and if I'm to be judged for those mistakes, I honestly don't think I deserve to live. It doesn't mean put up with shitty treatment from people, but just not to judge them for it, because it's easy to judge when it's not you making the mistakes.

I can tell from the things you're saying that you've never hit rock bottom before and been at a truly low point in your life, but you don't know what experiences could drive you to become like that yourself, and one lifetime, you may find yourself having just those experiences. I used to look down on people who've made the same mistakes I've made... until I made them myself, which I never thought myself capable of. It's easy to judge from a place of strength. It's easy to look down on somebody when you're at a high point. Only when you've MADE the mistakes yourself, and had to forgive and love yourself, do you come to learn how worthy of compassion and forgiveness somebody else at their lowest is.

I've seen the video on Kreia and played Knights of the Old Republic. I still stand by what I've said. It's easy to look down on someone until you've hit rock bottom yourself. It doesn't mean I don't want to take responsibility for the mistakes I've made, but it does mean I am learning to have compassion for myself for making them.

[DarthXedonias]

When I say "don't judge" this person, it's because my time at rock bottom has taught me compassion for people at their lowest. I'm not saying you can't disapprove of misdeeds by people, but the fact of the matter is unless you ARE that person, you CAN'T really judge them fairly for their lowest points in life, because you're not them and you don't know what it's like to be them. It doesn't mean you have to put up with shitty behaviour,  it just means that they are always worthy of your love and respect, even at their lowest. That there's more to them than their worst. IT's easy to argue for judging people when you come from a place of strength, but that's the weakness of strength: a lack of compassion for people at their weakest.

I've made some pretty terrible mistakes, but unless you've BEEN me, experienced what I've experienced, felt what I've felt, suffered what I've suffered and been through what I've been through, you wouldn't truly understand those mistakes I've made. Not really. And you wouldn't truly understand me. You could judge me, but not fairly, because you have no true understanding of what it was like on my end when making those mistakes. That doesn't mean to approve of what I did, but unless you were in the driver's seat, you can't understand those mistakes. If you did, you would have nothing but compassion and forgiveness and understanding for others who make those mistakes as well, or you would punish yourself for those mistakes without end. I know this because that is what I do t myself unless I can see myself with love and compassion and forgiveness.  We all make mistakes. To error is human. I try not to judge people for their worst mistakes anymore because I've MADE terrible mistakes and if I'm to be judged for those mistakes, I honestly don't think I deserve to live. It doesn't mean put up with shitty treatment from people, but just not to judge them for it, because it's easy to judge when it's not you making the mistakes.

I can tell from the things you're saying that you've never hit rock bottom before and been at a truly low point in your life, but you don't know what experiences could drive you to become like that yourself, and one lifetime, you may find yourself having just those experiences. I used to look down on people who've made the same mistakes I've made... until I made them myself, which I never thought myself capable of. It's easy to judge from a place of strength. It's easy to look down on somebody when you're at a high point. Only when you've MADE the mistakes yourself, and had to forgive and love yourself, do you come to learn how worthy of compassion and forgiveness somebody else at their lowest is.

I've seen the video on Kreia and played Knights of the Old Republic. I still stand by what I've said. It's easy to look down on someone until you've hit rock bottom yourself. It doesn't mean I don't want to take responsibility for the mistakes I've made, but it does mean I am learning to have compassion for myself for making them.

Phoenix, I really do think your misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm not saying this as some accusation or to get you relied up. I'm was just trying to have a dialogue and to impart some wisdom given my own past mistakes and from being on both sides. I did find something you said particularly interesting:

I can tell from the things you're saying that you've never hit rock bottom before and been at a truly low point in your life, but you don't know what experiences could drive you to become like that yourself, and one lifetime, you may find yourself having just those experiences. I used to look down on people who've made the same mistakes I've made... until I made them myself, which I never thought myself capable of.

Funny enough this was making a judgement about me I might add. Btw, I am not getting on you for making this judgement I am bringing this up because you are not making that judgement fairly or with the full information. For example, you might have not been here for long but it wasn't until recently I became a totally different person. Before I had this amount of independence and self mastery I had been at rocked bottom. If you go back to any of my old journals or ask anyone here I was totally different than how I am now. You'll notice that the tone and way I speak about things is way, way different. There was a very good reason for this. I literally struggled for PTSD and a very bad kind I might add for years. I'm pretty sure getting to the point of wanting to kill yourself multiple times and almost doing so would count as "hitting rock bottom" I would say. Obviously your previous "judgement" was incorrect. 

I am not saying this to be hard on you in anyway I might add. I am doing this so you can try to understand my points. I don't know how you could have took what I wrote earlier and gotten to thinking about what you wrote about above "unless" you read what I wrote with the worst possible interpretation. Also, where did I ever even hint that you should just judge people who are at rock bottom harshly. I never said that. What I am trying to do is impart some advice as someone who was also at rock bottom and trying to help you get to the point where I am at if possible. I can't do that though if you don't act in "good faith" like I do when I read what you wrote and automatically assume the worst possible interpretation. I just ask if you read something I wrote and it might not sound right that you "ask" me to clarify instead of assuming I meant the worst possible thing. 

Hell, I've had points where I had "friends" who were there for me during the good times and then when I went through depression all of a sudden they didn't want anything to do with me. Well, I say fuck them if that's the case. I've been down that road that you so happen to think I haven't been down. Point is in order to get out of all of that I had to have a paradigm shift in the way I think and I had to come to the conclusion that everything that I had learned from society, people around me, and even my parents was a lie. I had to start over from ground zero as far as the way I think and the way I thought the world works. That doesn't mean you go to extremes either. Some people mistakenly go to extremes in response to being at rock bottom for a while. For example, they might just say screw it all then figure they need to be complete assholes to everyone in order to either be taken seriously or not be abused and in return they become the new abusers. 

The point is not to chain yourself to any particular way of thinking or acting. Be dynamic and adaptive in the way you think and how you approach things. Don't allow yourself to stagnate by having your mind only think in one way and be insistent that this is the way the world "must" be. Continuously improve yourself and don't stop that. I realized, as I said before, that I am DarthXedonias and that is good enough. I don't "need" another person or a group to make myself whole because I already am. Because of all of that I am able to change the way I think, behave, and act out in the world as I like. I am not as limited like I used to be. I am not trying to tell you to be an asshole or encourage other people to do that. I am not telling people to not be compassionate (far from it actually). You can in fact judge people while acting in a compassionate manner about it. Its not a either or thing. Two girls come to making a judgement about a guy and decide he's not right for them. One lets him down easy while the other makes a scene and embarrasses him in front of everyone. Both came to the same judgement and conclusion about the guy but they acted in different manners. 

I hope this kind of clears up any misunderstandings you might have had whether about what I said or where you think I came from (past wise). All I'm asking in all of this is that you at least give me the benefit of a doubt when you read something I say and don't assume the worst interpretation. If you have a problem, just ask a question. I will be more than willing to answer with more specifics if it came off the wrong way.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I'm sorry DarthXedonias. You're right. I'm sorry if I misunderstood anything you said and I'm sorry for making that judgement and for not being in good faith.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

And that was an unfair assumption to make.

[DarthXedonias]

@EvolvingPhoenix It is no problem. I'm just here to continue to grow, share my experiences, and hopefully if anyone wants any advice I can help them as well. Either way, I was not angry with you at all the entire time. Was just trying to get you to understand my points as I might have not fully explained them and given the wrong impression.

Anyway, still having progress. Eh, I have come to the conclusion that the past is useless to me at this point. I should clarify though that unless something in the past has utility for me in the present or the future it is meaningless to me now. Too much of people's pasts has a temptation to given in. To give away control of yourself and for what? To be a slave to anger? hate?rage?depression? All of those things are unproductive and ultimately make your present and future just a repeat of the past. Hmmm funny, being a slave to the past makes your present and future void because the present and future becomes your past. You become a slave to the past and so you continue to repeat the past.

My mind is continuing to work in over drive with revelations like these. Things I realize about myself but new insights all the time about how I should perceive the world around me. It must take some energy because I am continuing to sleep most of the day. I assume when I have reached a certain level that I won't be as sleepy anymore. I am also realizing I just don't have much interest in relationships anymore. I think this is due to me not being needy but more importantly not being a slave to my sex drive anymore.

After finally having my mind freed and getting my identity from myself I realize there are two major ways we enslave ourselves. One way is that we get our identity (self worth, value, validation,etc) from something external from ourselves. By doing this we not only give up control to that external thing (or person) but we take on the limitations it imposes on us. Also, whoever controls that external thing that gives us our identity controls us.

The other thing that we are most likely to enslave ourselves to is something that is often promoted as "Freedom" or "liberating" in most western countries. This is the idea of enslaving ourselves to our own impulses or desires. As if doing whatever we want whenever we "felt" like it were freedom. I could go over some more quite obvious ones like : Is a alcoholic who drinks alcohol every-time he has the "impulse" to do it free? Is an obese person who gives into the impulse to eat all the time free? Hmm lets go with one that is more relevant to perhaps people on this board: Is someone who runs away from something he needs to do or to develop himself because he had the slight impulse "fear" about it free? I think we know the answer to this.

I'm starting to realize that in order for you to really be free you need to (1) get your identity from yourself, and (2) have self control/discipline. For that last part, following every instinct, impulse, or desire that pops into your mind isn't freedom, its slavery. Funny enough, those that are the most free in that regard are those that have self control and self discipline. So in this case most of society has it wrong. It is funny in someways. They think they are pursuing freedom when they are really pursuing their own enslavement. It is quite curious how at times we pursue things to get one result and end up getting the complete opposite. Anyway, I just felt like I would share that since that is one of the revelations i got over the last few days and it was really eye opening.

I think I only got that one because I was able to do those two things to ensure my mind is pretty much free at this point. It does feel different as well not be as much of a slave to anything.Whether that thing be fear, your own sex drive, or some external thing to give yourself an identity. Anyway, that is about all. I hope this post helps out someone.

[Griffin]

Thank you for this, I see what you mean and you have given me something to think about as i think this part is what i am struggling with.
i keep procrastinating and not starting on things

i truly appreciated it

Cheers!
.

The other thing that we are most likely to enslave ourselves to is something that is often promoted as "Freedom" or "liberating" in most western countries. This is the idea of enslaving ourselves to our own impulses or desires. As if doing whatever we want whenever we "felt" like it were freedom. I could go over some more quite obvious ones like : Is a alcoholic who drinks alcohol every-time he has the "impulse" to do it free? Is an obese person who gives into the impulse to eat all the time free? Hmm lets go with one that is more relevant to perhaps people on this board: Is someone who runs away from something he needs to do or to develop himself because he had the slight impulse "fear" about it free? I think we know the answer to this.

I'm starting to realize that in order for you to really be free you need to (1) get your identity from yourself, and (2) have self control/discipline. For that last part, following every instinct, impulse, or desire that pops into your mind isn't freedom, its slavery. Funny enough, those that are the most free in that regard are those that have self control and self discipline. So in this case most of society has it wrong. It is funny in someways. They think they are pursuing freedom when they are really pursuing their own enslavement. It is quite curious how at times we pursue things to get one result and end up getting the complete opposite. Anyway, I just felt like I would share that since that is one of the revelations i got over the last few days and it was really eye opening.

I think I only got that one because I was able to do those two things to ensure my mind is pretty much free at this point. It does feel different as well not be as much of a slave to anything.Whether that thing be fear, your own sex drive, or some external thing to give yourself an identity. Anyway, that is about all. I hope this post helps out someone.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

@EvolvingPhoenix  It is no problem. I'm just here to continue to grow, share my experiences, and hopefully if anyone wants any advice I can help them as well. Either way, I was not angry with you at all the entire time. Was just trying to get you to understand my points as I might have not fully explained them and given the wrong impression.

Anyway, still having progress. Eh, I have come to the conclusion that the past is useless to me at this point. I should clarify though that unless something in the past has utility for me in the present or the future it is meaningless to me now. Too much of people's pasts has a temptation to given in. To give away control of yourself and for what? To be a slave to anger? hate?rage?depression? All of those things are unproductive and ultimately make your present and future just a repeat of the past. Hmmm funny, being a slave to the past makes your present and future void because the present and future becomes your past. You become a slave to the past and so you continue to repeat the past.

My mind is continuing to work in over drive with revelations like these. Things I realize about myself but new insights all the time about how I should perceive the world around me. It must take some energy because I am continuing to sleep most of the day. I assume when I have reached a certain level that I won't be as sleepy anymore. I am also realizing I just don't have much interest in relationships anymore. I think this is due to me not being needy but more importantly not being a slave to my sex drive anymore.

After finally having my mind freed and getting my identity from myself I realize there are two major ways we enslave ourselves. One way is that we get our identity (self worth, value, validation,etc) from something external from ourselves. By doing this we not only give up control to that external thing (or person) but we take on the limitations it imposes on us. Also, whoever controls that external thing that gives us our identity controls us.

The other thing that we are most likely to enslave ourselves to is something that is often promoted as "Freedom" or "liberating" in most western countries. This is the idea of enslaving ourselves to our own impulses or desires. As if doing whatever we want whenever we "felt" like it were freedom. I could go over some more quite obvious ones like : Is a alcoholic who drinks alcohol every-time he has the "impulse" to do it free? Is an obese person who gives into the impulse to eat all the time free? Hmm lets go with one that is more relevant to perhaps people on this board: Is someone who runs away from something he needs to do or to develop himself because he had the slight impulse "fear" about it free? I think we know the answer to this.

I'm starting to realize that in order for you to really be free you need to (1) get your identity from yourself, and (2) have self control/discipline. For that last part, following every instinct, impulse, or desire that pops into your mind isn't freedom, its slavery. Funny enough, those that are the most free in that regard are those that have self control and self discipline. So in this case most of society has it wrong. It is funny in someways. They think they are pursuing freedom when they are really pursuing their own enslavement. It is quite curious how at times we pursue things to get one result and end up getting the complete opposite. Anyway, I just felt like I would share that since that is one of the revelations i got over the last few days and it was really eye opening.

I think I only got that one because I was able to do those two things to ensure my mind is pretty much free at this point. It does feel different as well not be as much of a slave to anything.Whether that thing be fear, your own sex drive, or some external thing to give yourself an identity. Anyway, that is about all. I hope this post helps out someone.

At any rate, I still think we shouldn't judge people when they make mistakes. I may have made an unfair assumption about you, but it doesn't make what else I said untrue. "Don't judge" isn't a "lie" it's an ideal and judging doesn't have to be a part of life. 

I can't speak for your experience at rock bottom, but mine taught me compassion for people at their lowest. And just cause you made it out doesnt mean it's so easy for others. Thank god we have these subliminals. Most aren't so lucky.

[DarthXedonias]

@Griffin I'm glad I can help with my post

@EvolvingPhoenix I will write up a response to that later because I rather get on to some other topic. I think you are still majorly misunderstanding what I am getting at seeing as I am not fully disagreeing with you whatsoever. So I don't get why you keep on bringing that up as it does perplex me as I did not disagree. The only thing I would say about my position that might be different is that I am more nuanced.

Anyway, I have discovered something recently. My brain currently seems to be acting like some simulator of sorts. Its like I know what my goals are, what I need to do in the next 6 months (for example), what choices I need to make, and what could be the different results if I decide to do one thing over another. All this happens within seconds and its like I am able to realistically envision these things and how they will play out. I don't know what this is but I would be willing to guess this is a side effect of the Ultra Success module of the sub. My goals are clear in my mind and its like I instinctively know what I need to do to achieve them. Even though I don't like labeling myself anymore if some of you remember I was personality tested as a INTP/J type. I feels like ever since this transformation of sorts that not only did my primary and secondary functions go into overdrive but my least used functions have risen significantly.

I would guess this is my intuition in combination with something else. I also notice that I am more readily able to process emotions and don't fear processing them at all really. Even dealing with emotions used to be a big sticking point for me but not anymore. I seem to mostly be in this highly elevated zen, knowing type state. Its almost like my consciousness had some kind of upgrade as well. I hate to use the term because it might sound arrogant but its like some kind of Enlightened state. Almost like most things can't touch me on a mental level and I won't allow something to influence me unless I want it to. The last part seems to mostly pertain to emotions. Like I am allowing myself to feel a certain emotion but only to a certain degree where its not overpowering.

It is like I just allow the emotion to pass through me, feel it, understand it, and then I just let it pass. I just see my emotions as a natural part of myself and not some enemy. The greater issue is to maintain control of the emotion but also let it pass through. Also the control of the emotion must not come from a place of fear. In my case it used to be a "fear" of losing control itself. This would make me overdo things and totally shut myself down emotionally in response but of course you can only keep emotions shutdown for so long. They need to come out eventually. I'm starting to understand even more why I was such an emotional rek due to this. Now everything is a lot clearer though and my emotions don't get in the way of my rationality. More than anything it feels like they have optimized to boost my rational ability in someways.

Either way given my sleep patterns I feel like this metamorphosis is not over yet. I have the feeling that my sleep patterns will return to normal once this transformation is fully over. As of now I am so tired a lot of the time. I might add as well that I have pretty much no desire for videos games or watching youtube videos. The only exception I have seemed to notice with youtube videos, related to that Kreia video I posted, is if the content is philosophical in nature and actually offers some better to one's mind. I find most video content on youtube to just be mostly bitching and complaining about various things without either offering any real solutions or the thing they are bitching about really doesn't matter in the end.

As a side note, I have been in contact with a Korean recruiting company. I had already got a few offers from places in China but out of the 5 I saw I only saw 2 that looked worth it and even those had issues with them. Therefore I contacted a company in Korea and now going to move forward with that since things look pretty good. There might be a chance I might only have to work 4 hours a day as well which would be very good. Would give me more time to explore Korea and be more laid back. Another thing is also that I would be getting 26 paid vacation days off and that is not including national holidays which would bring it up to 7 weeks per year. So, not a really bad gig when you add in that and free accommodation.

The other thing that is on my mind is whether I might switch back to DMSI right before I leave. Part of it is so I can finally experience the sub with less to no resistance and the other thing is I am interested to see what my results will be like in Korea. Granted, I have no doubt I will get the results I want but on the other hand having this transformation has made me question whether I even want all that. I'm finding more enjoyment from my continual self improvement than the idea of any "relationship". I'm finding the prospect of a relationship being boring on some level. Funny, there would have been a time where I was so needy and even thirsty to a degree that the prospect of staying in a relationship just for sex was good enough for me. Now? I barely even care and the idea of staying in some relationships just because she is beautiful and can offer me consistent sex almost disgusts me in some ways.

When I say that I don't mean that in some male feminist type of way either. I just guess that I am not as easily impressed anymore along with not being as needy. It seems since I have mastery over myself that sexual urges are just one of those things I might have to fulfill every once in a while but it is not a big deal anymore. It is not this priority that trumps all other priorities. I control my sex drive instead of my sex drive controlling me. It seems like self development is a much more important priority to me.

Anyway, that's about most of the the changes for now. Will see you guys later.

[DarthXedonias]

Hmmm I guess it might be best to start off with a quote:

“When you are content to be simply yourself, and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” - Lao Tzu

I am finding this be the case. As I have come to just be simply myself more and more people are trying to engage me in conversation and be buddy buddy to me. Also, they don't seem to be intimidated at all by me or avoid me. I actually went to the DMV the other day to get a replacement driver's license which I will hopefully get in 2 weeks then I will go to Triple A in order to get a international driver's permit which I could use Korea (or other places) to drive a car in the country. Either way I went there, without an appointment, early in the morning and had no issues. Took about an hour and half or so but I didn't complain, bitch, or moan like most people do when going to the DMV. I surprisely enjoyed myself for some reason because I found no problem in doing what I knew had to be done. Also, had multiple people trying to act nice to me or even ask me random question which I usually don't get at all.

Either way, definitely noticing more respect and I also notice that that quote falls inline with the whole transcendent alpha view to a degree. It is interesting that after I've had this transformation that I've started searching for philosophical stuff to see if anyone has come to the same conclusions I have over the last 2 weeks or so about what I am observing and I am finding quote a few philosophers have commented on the same things. There is one other Lao Tzu quote I found that also reflects something I noticed and am actually going through:

"Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people’s approval
and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity."

What especially jumped out at me was two parts. The first part about being people's prisoner which echos back to something I had said a little while ago though in the situation of getting your identity from them. Also the last two sentences talk to something I have been feeling. I am most now about my purpose and what I need to do. Anything else besides those things (entertainment, etc) are just distractions. Its like a hunger to just get to reaching my goals. Unfortunately, many people get so distracted with simple pleasures of life and I'm really starting to notice that. I started to notice that what i used to watch on youtube was mostly people reviewing or talking about entertainment. If it was something else it was usually bias BS trying to sell you a certain narrative not encouraging you to actually think. As of now I spend more time searching for jobs and debating whether to apply to them. I barely watch any youtube videos and when I do it usually about philosophy or something that will actually help me grow.

Didn't realize how much of what I watched was just people bitching and complaining about something, usually entertainment. I mean, I guess this whole change in my thinking made me realize just how much "entertainment" is a large part of people's lives right now. Very little is has to do with anything that actually moves their lives forward which is a shame. There is one other thing related to this that I have noticed. I can't stand people complaining or bitching about how hard and difficult something is. Something about that behavior just drives me up a wall. How hard or difficult something is is largely based on your mindset while doing it. You can make it more difficult or easy depending on your mindset while doing said task. It all reminded me of something Shannon had said a while back ago when using Smoking as an example. How everyone says quitting is hard and therefore everyone gets that belief that it must be hard. So when they try to quite their actual belief system makes quitting actually hard.

Another thing I noticing is just how limitations we put on ourselves through out thinking. This is a natural consequence when I stopped getting my identity from things external from myself. Once I stopped doing that I also stopped accepting the limitations that came with accepting those things as the basis of my identity. Now I seem to notice duality type thinking all the time. Everything always seems to be narrowed down to 2 choices for most people. Also, if you say you aren't for A then that "must" mean you are for option B though this shouldn't be the truth at all. You could well be for options C, D, E, F, or G or a combination of any of them which people haven't thought of. Also, relying mainly on experience is a fools errand. Experience has its place but it should be tempered with logic, reason, and evidence. To rely solely or mostly on experience is to rely on the past for experience is the culmination of your interactions in the past regarding the situation at hand. I don't think I need to go over what I said about "enslaving" yourself to the past?

Yet people keep on relying on their experience despite funny enough that experience not providing them with the life they want. You have to ask yourself if your experience is so noteworthy then why despite saying you have learned from it you keep repeating the same mistakes? Why don't you have the life you want now then? There is the problem of your "experience" being bias. For example, someone has an experience that is totally opposite than yours. Does your experience invalidate their experience? I doubt it. There is a reason why we don't allow "experiences" as definitive scientific data alone. Your "experience" is a small "sample" size compared to the other billions of people on this planet. As noted your experience can also be bias. Therefore, to insist that your "experience" has taught you this or that as if it is definitive of anything will get you no where. Insisting that things "need" or "aught" to be this way or you need to conduct yourself in a certain way every time "this" situation arises is to enslave yourself to the past. Therefore insuring your future and present is no different from the "past".

It is interesting how easily people fall into this trap. Funny enough this is one of the reasons why "novices" who just entered a field are more likely make new revolutionized discoveries than people who have been the field for a very long time. Their thinking isn't as rid git and they haven't been doing something in such a certain way for a while that they have become "set" in their ways. This is one of the common complaints about old people as well. That they might have wisdom but most lack a open mind because they have been so set in their ways that they can't conceive anything outside of that narrow thinking. Either way this is a major flaw I have noticed. This duality in thinking and over reliance on experience as if it were the end all be all of knowledge.

I think I am really thinking about this all now because I notice now the blindness of my previous self and the holes in my previous thinking patterns but I am also noticing how almost all the people I meet are affected by these things. In other news I am filling out the forums for going to South Korea though I am still not set on just that particular country. I probably am going to switch to DMSI right before I go though. I rather run UMS when possible but its probably going to be a few months before that comes out which I completely understand given the mess Shannon has to deal with at the moment. Some part of me is like "I might as well have some fun while I wait" but to be completely honest since I am no longer a slave to my urges especially my sex drive the idea of having random sex just doesn't appealing to me. I could be doing more important things with my time then dealing with annoying relationships.

Eh, still don't really feel anything for the Indonesian women anymore and if I stayed with her I realize it would be mostly out of pity. I wouldn't want that because that would just put even more strain on the relationship and make it even more unworkable. Funny thing as well the Filipina who I am still in contact with after she found out I might be dumping the Indonesian made it seemed like she had learned her lesson and that I could have as many women as I wanted if I was with her and she would be down with having threesomes, etc. Honestly though I do have the goal to have more than one women at one point its like I am not ruled by that singular urge anymore. Its like 2 chics could offer me a threesome right now and if I weren't feeling it at that moment I wouldn't do it. Being a slave to such things is beneath me. I mean I will still consider her offer but for now I rather focus on myself and improving myself.

So, in the end we will see. Might still run DMSI for the shits and giggles until UMS comes out. When that comes out though that will be my main and only focus. That is the ticket to the life I want and to accomplishing my goals. I mean BAMM 6G might certainly help out but by the time that comes out UMS might have helped me accomplish most of everything I wanted anyway. For now I mostly want to develop the traits that will lead me to success, money and power. Why bother with sex at that point if you have those things anyway and can get sex regardless?

Anyway, that is about it for now. Still lots of changes and revelations so far. Hope this keeps going.

[Raz]

@DarthXedonias 

Thank you, I really like your detailed posts. Seems you and I are on a similar trajectory regarding growth and insight. This is to be expected, I guess, since we are running the same subliminal.

I am curious, though. From your posts I get the impression that you want to switch over to UMS as soon as it is developed, right? Is this solely because you perceive UMS to be better aligned with your middle/long-term goals or do you additionally believe that you have seen most of what LTU has to offer? I ask, because your posts have (at least for me) this recurring theme that you already finished your transformation and now look at life from the other side. Aren't you interested in what else could change over time? There might be things further down the LTU rabbit hole that you and I cannot even imagine yet.