Strumming my Brain with MLS 3.0 Journal

[Ampersnd]

UHGGG!!!

I'm doing absolutely NOTHING today, and I hate it!
Feels like I'm going nowhere. I'm just sitting and reading Sub Talk testimonials and Facebook news feeds.

I keep running the program in the hopes that something will shift.

[Zane]

I know what u r going thru and seriously Idk how longs its gonna take. Clearly H&C is what is doing all this.

[Ampersnd]

Day 22,

@Zane; yeah, today was the worst it's ever been.

The only really productive thing I've done today was read through the entire 23 pages of testimonials in this forum.

I've only been awake for 10 hours, but since it's 1:30 am and I'm getting tired, I'll be going to bed.

I realize that I have a habit of thinking that my breakthrough will come from the next stage/the next subliminal, when I think that the breakthrough comes from sticking to the process and sticking it out.

When I was on DMSI's A side, I couldn't wait until those 32 days were up to be able to run the B side, but I should have just stuck to the A side until I actually got results I wanted.

Same with MLS; I want to stick with MLS until I develop some pretty serious skills in the areas important to me; guitar, singing, acting, etc. Only then should I consider the next thing.

Same with DMSI or BASE. I haven't reached the goals because I didn't stick to it long enough. It was me that wasn't sticking to it. Which is fine, because these were decisions I made relative to my situation.

[Ampersnd]

Some thoughts that are uncharacteristic of me:

"What's the use of reading a new book/watching a new course, when it won't take me closer to my goals?"

"What's the use of having goals when they're not going to be accomplished?"

"I have so many interests that I couldn't possibly become a master, let alone competitive, in any of these fields."

Yeah, this is certainly me subconsciously fighting the goals of this program.

[Zane]

Some thoughts that are uncharacteristic of me:

"What's the use of reading a new book/watching a new course, when it won't take me closer to my goals?"

"What's the use of having goals when they're not going to be accomplished?"

"I have so many interests that I couldn't possibly become a master, let alone competitive, in any of these fields."

Yeah, this is certainly me subconsciously fighting the goals of this program.

Welcome to MLS-5.5G my friend.

[Ampersnd]

Day 23,

I'm 51 minutes into 'There Will Be Blood'; Daniel Day Lewis is so likable, up until he starts being weird with this little girl.

Edit: Ok, now someone died, and the music is being weird, so I assume it'll start becoming interesting.

[RTBoss]

Day 23,

I'm 51 minutes into 'There Will Be Blood'; Daniel Day Lewis is so likable, up until he starts being weird with this little girl.

Edit: Ok, now someone died, and the music is being weird, so I assume it'll start becoming interesting.

Love, love, love that movie. Let me know how you like the bowling alley scene!

[Ampersnd]

Day 23,

I'm 51 minutes into 'There Will Be Blood'; Daniel Day Lewis is so likable, up until he starts being weird with this little girl.

Edit: Ok, now someone died, and the music is being weird, so I assume it'll start becoming interesting.

Love, love, love that movie. Let me know how you like the bowling alley scene!

Umm... ok. It's a fantastic character, and the dialogue is good. But that scene, as a climax to a movie, wadn't that great. I guess I don't 'get it'. Although he's rich, I don't think he's really won. He's disowned his son, basically by his own eccentricities, and turned himself into a recluse. I was waiting for this movie to go somewhere.

But it's a funny scene in itself.

[Ampersnd]

Also Day 23,

Yeah, Daniel Day Lewis is a pretty fantastic actor. I'll look up to him for my acting classes. I'll need to rewatch the movie to extract the meaning. I've heard people say that his performance is hands-down the best in cinema history. I don't know about that, but it was very impressive.

I'm getting this inner sense of: 'I could become an extraordinary actor too, but I just don't know how yet,' even though I've never taken an acting class. This is a departure from yesterday's inner dialogue, where it all felt pointless.

ON ANOTHER NOTE:
By the way; if you ever think you've got an alright-looking face, but want to perk it up, you should use 'Facebuilder'. I've been using it for a long while, and I've stopped using it for a while. Just one session, and my face looks refreshed and rejuvenated. LOL a little vain, but you've only got only life.

[RTBoss]

Day 23,

I'm 51 minutes into 'There Will Be Blood'; Daniel Day Lewis is so likable, up until he starts being weird with this little girl.

Edit: Ok, now someone died, and the music is being weird, so I assume it'll start becoming interesting.

Love, love, love that movie. Let me know how you like the bowling alley scene!

Umm... ok. It's a fantastic character, and the dialogue is good. But that scene, as a climax to a movie, wadn't that great. I guess I don't 'get it'. Although he's rich, I don't think he's really won. He's disowned his son, basically by his own eccentricities, and turned himself into a recluse. I was waiting for this movie to go somewhere.

But it's a funny scene in itself.

Ha, well, I like screwed up movies that don't have happy endings, I guess. I like all kinds of movies, but TWBB is about a business genius/oil tycoon and his decent into madness.

Loved the milkshake analogy in that scene.

[Ampersnd]

Feeling the old 'paralysis by analysis'. I think it's loosening up; I've been doing some planning, and setting goals for the next month and this coming year, and not just the next day or two.

EDIT:
This morning was especially difficult; slept fine, but my brain was mush, and although I could focus on the task, I couldn't concentrate on the details for very long.

But, after a small amount of coffee, I could do some research, leave my console, walk up to staff and discuss the details of a patient. I had it all available. Also, my time is being managed much better; I got 5 people done after 3 hours, which took me well over 5 hours at the start. I then breezed through 10-15 referrals for the rest of the day. I started using a custom data collection sheet to collect more information, faster. I now know how to tweak it to not have to double my work.

[Ampersnd]

I can relate to what Zane is saying about how listening to this subliminal is enjoyable. I don't know what it is either.

[Ampersnd]

Day 24,

I leave tomorrow to do my 2-day trip, as usual.
It's only worth it if I get some things done over there, so maybe I should take my plans and start translating them into tangible action tomorrow.

I'm thinking that a calendar, similar to how I schedule work, could be used to describe what I do day-to-day, while giving me enough time to mentally prepare. For example: Mondays, I do Italian, and write a blog post for website A. Then, Tuesdays, do German and blog post for website B. That way, if I have a week's notice to write a blog post, then I'm mentally prepared. It's not like I feel about writing for blog post A today, and when I don't feel like it tomorrow, I just stop.

I don't feel any breakthroughs, and though I'd like one, I'm not counting on it.

[Ampersnd]

Day 25,

Listened to the 'Getting Things Done' audiobook during my drive down. I basically finished it. I really like the concepts, especially that the ideas that float around in your head don't recognize past or future; they just occupy mental RAM in the present, so you have to get it out of your head and into a sorting system.

I've started making an Excel sheet. I want to make it as simple as possible, and I've worked on Outlook and getting more familiar with sorting my emails. I've gotten caught up from 800 or so new emails. I also created rules that made certain emails go to certain folders.

I've autoscheduled my time with my Excel spreadsheet. I've need to create a tracking sheet for my stated goals. This current sheet is just for the actions I'll take.

I feel things becoming upstuck, but I haven't let all the ideas out yet.