07-12-2021, 10:33 AM
At the beginning of this month, I switched from OFv3 to UMSv2s1. I really didn't want to, we were making really good progress, but I need a financial boost right now. This appears to be the end of a long cycle for me, where everything is falling apart and being replaced, and things are definitely not easy.
Yesterday I realized that my subconscious has been attempting to sabotage my efforts on UMSv2s1 by getting me to play other subs that will derail UMS in the name of "experiments". I haven't been able to do experiments in a long time, since subs have gotten so powerful, for precisely that reason. I actually caught on to what was happening because I realized that I was willing to "experiment" with subs that I finished doing experiments with over a year ago. So last night I played it again, even though it was supposed to be my first day off for this cycle. I am wiped out today.
Lately I feel a lot of fear. I have also noticed that my motivation to work has dropped severely and some part of me is trying very hard to distract me from work. It succeeded for a couple days by putting me in a sort of stupor that led to me just watching documentaries all day and not realizing what was going on. But it is inevitable that I will sooner or later figure it out, so what good does this do? And the moment I did, I was back to work, published Stage 2 of UMS and have been working on E5. It is still trying to distract me, this time by having me doing forum work first. Whatever that part of me is afraid of, UMSv2 is seriously threatening to it, which means it works. The part of me that is and has always been afraid of actually becoming financially wealthy is being backed into a corner and forced to change, and it's going to extraordinary lengths to try anything to slow down or stop this process. But I will win.
I really miss OFv3, honestly. I feel a lot of fear about the changes taking place in my life right now, the endings and new beginnings and the uncertainty that is resulting. My dogs are about to die of old age and that has been stressful, no good choice as to how to handle it. I want them to go because A, B and C, but I don't want them to go because of X, Y and Z...
Just a lot of turmoil in me right now.
When I finally did start E5 I realized that somehow I had once again thought it would be quick and easy, when it will not be.
Back to work on E5 then. Screw these distractions.
Yesterday I realized that my subconscious has been attempting to sabotage my efforts on UMSv2s1 by getting me to play other subs that will derail UMS in the name of "experiments". I haven't been able to do experiments in a long time, since subs have gotten so powerful, for precisely that reason. I actually caught on to what was happening because I realized that I was willing to "experiment" with subs that I finished doing experiments with over a year ago. So last night I played it again, even though it was supposed to be my first day off for this cycle. I am wiped out today.
Lately I feel a lot of fear. I have also noticed that my motivation to work has dropped severely and some part of me is trying very hard to distract me from work. It succeeded for a couple days by putting me in a sort of stupor that led to me just watching documentaries all day and not realizing what was going on. But it is inevitable that I will sooner or later figure it out, so what good does this do? And the moment I did, I was back to work, published Stage 2 of UMS and have been working on E5. It is still trying to distract me, this time by having me doing forum work first. Whatever that part of me is afraid of, UMSv2 is seriously threatening to it, which means it works. The part of me that is and has always been afraid of actually becoming financially wealthy is being backed into a corner and forced to change, and it's going to extraordinary lengths to try anything to slow down or stop this process. But I will win.
I really miss OFv3, honestly. I feel a lot of fear about the changes taking place in my life right now, the endings and new beginnings and the uncertainty that is resulting. My dogs are about to die of old age and that has been stressful, no good choice as to how to handle it. I want them to go because A, B and C, but I don't want them to go because of X, Y and Z...
Just a lot of turmoil in me right now.
When I finally did start E5 I realized that somehow I had once again thought it would be quick and easy, when it will not be.
Back to work on E5 then. Screw these distractions.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
