Sean's AM Journal

[Benjamin]

Interesting. I'm getting what your reporting on Stage 2. I have no motivation to do anything and haven't cared much at all about other people so have rarely been seeing them. Especially the last few weeks.

So i'm not sure what Stage 3 will bring.

[Spiral]

I was done with alcohol by stage 5 during my second run through. So you may be getting to it earlier. You begin to realize that alcohol literally is poison. You may have already known that but now you are starting to take it seriously. And by now you may be possibly reducing your soda intake. I could be wrong.

[Shannon]

Since starting AM 5 and quitting all alcohol, I have zero reason to drink. I am a social asskicker lately. I meet one or more new friends every single day. There is simply zero social anxiety anymore, and I find that if anything, I am too excited to talk to everybody now, because I'm having so much fun!

Of course some of this is the experimental manifestor I am testing... I'm not sure how much... but wow, this thing is kicking ass, and I'm only 9 days in. If things keep going the way they're going with this thing, I am going to have it achieve the goal I set forth within 14 DAYS of starting it... not saying that will happen for everyone, or every goal... but it's most definitely steering my whole life toward my goal, and has changed me drastically into what I need to be to achieve it.

In fact I expect to achieve it at least five times over during the 6 month test.

And yes, this baby is going to be put into production after a little more testing. Not only is it safe, but it's so effective I am tripping over my jaw almost every day at what it's doing!

But alcohol really is poison. I didn't put anything into AM that mentions alcohol, but I suspect that quitting effect and bad responses to alcohol comes from the interplay of the "make yourself healthy" scripting and the social anxiety destroyer.

[MangoEruption]

So, can this new manifestation technique be used for any goal? If it can it would be amazing to use as a replacement for FYPJ. Just a thought for those struggling out there.

[Shannon]

So, can this new manifestation technique be used for any goal? If it can it would be amazing to use as a replacement for FYPJ. Just a thought for those struggling out there.

Not any goal - but it can do everything the standard manifestor can do, and a lot more goals than that. It can help make a lot of things happen. It's awesome. FYPJ is a perfect idea. Perhaps I'll build that as an experimental.

[Sean]

Yes, alcohol is a poison, and I was drinking it out of habit, not a desire to use it as a crutch for social anxiety. I've used it so little over the past few months, I'm finding myself very sensitive to the effects, which can last days afterwards. I'll have to refresh my vitamin supply, because I'm out of the neon-pee, er, I mean B, vitamins.

I quit sodas years ago. I hate the taste of colas now, except for a Mexican Coca-Cola about annually. Most of my liquid intake is water, occasionally a Biotest pre/post workout drink, and iced-tea. Coffee or hot tea occasionally, and, if the water and iced tea are dreadful, a root beer. I try to keep myself clean, in that regard.

Shannon, I'm really interested in your manifestor. Would this be a good thing to go along with BASE or Ultra Success? Or instead of one of those? A friend of mine and I are starting a business, and it seems that every road block costs us a great deal of time and we're not moving ahead as we would like. BTW, you are still a huge tease.

I briefly considered going out tonight, but I want to do nothing at all. I have work I need to get done, and the same problem applies. Mostly, I want to shut the world out. I'm currently not even excited about seeing my daughter tomorrow night, and that is unusual. I normally look forward to this with great anticipation and excitement. She's such a love.

I'm feeling broken. I saw a bit in a movie about an old guy dying, and later another man's sense of loss when thinking about his long-ago childhood. "It seems a thousand years since I ran in the sunlight as a little boy..." It does seem a thousand years since I ran and played as a child. Maybe this is my turn, where I'm changing how I present my inner little boy, and grieving over the change.

What comes to mind also is resisting the step into manhood. It's like there is a fear there. When I look at the fear, to understand it, I keep hearing my ex-girlfriend's voice telling me I'm afraid of responsibility and being depended upon. She was a wicked woman, so I can't rely on her opinion without some kind of corroboration.

I'm feeling the need for comfort. I really just want to hold and be held by a woman who loves me. The rational part of my brain jumps in and labels this a little boy's need for mommy. And that brings up all three of my significant love relationships, where each felt like my mother in the relationship.

And now, when I start to think of it, and get at the root of what's going on, I start distracting myself with other things. "Ooh, I need to move that onto a USB stick." "I wonder what's new at reddit." "Don't forget to pay your storage bill tomorrow."

I thought I had hit a rough patch before. This one is rougher.

Today, my boss had some negative things to say about my performance. They were accurate. He was incredibly rude while giving me the lecture, though. He'd ask questions, and interrupt, which is a pet peeve of mine. I think he knows it, too. His management style includes keeping people off balance that way, by bullying, interrupting, deliberate misinterpretation of arguments presented, and being a jerk. So much so that he made one of my colleagues cry. I was getting incensed by his interruptions and arrogance, and I'm glad he left when he did, because my self-control was running out.

[Shannon]

Shannon, I'm really interested in your manifestor. Would this be a good thing to go along with BASE or Ultra Success? Or instead of one of those? A friend of mine and I are starting a business, and it seems that every road block costs us a great deal of time and we're not moving ahead as we would like. BTW, you are still a huge tease.

I am going to include it as an engine in the next BASE and I'm looking at ways to make a version of US based directly on it. But this will take time, because as impressive as the results are so far I haven't achieved the stated goal yet.

And no, I am not a tease. I'm just excited and telling you guys what's going on.

Basically what I seem to have come up with is a hybrid manifestor/engine which can be used for a lot of programs. But right now I'm somehow again swamped... and working on five projects at once.

And because I broke the rule I set for myself about never working when I am tired, I just accidentally deleted the last 8 hours work on the program I was working on.

But progress continues. If things go the way I think they will, I'll have some very impressive results to report within 14 days of having started the program.

[Tiesto]

Shannon, I'd like to see this manifestor for manifesting sales..

If manifesting sales can be accomplished easily, damn, I can make tons of money selling high end real estate, and everything else as well, lol!

EDIT:

In sales, I feel my style at the moment is still number games, the more people I meet the higher the probability I'll meet the right buyer, but I feel this is ineffective, if your manifestor can do something like WM, but instead of being pursued by women, I'd like to be pursued by wealthy buyer who is interested in buying stuff that I'm selling..

[Sean]

Shannon, I'm really interested in your manifestor. Would this be a good thing to go along with BASE or Ultra Success? Or instead of one of those? A friend of mine and I are starting a business, and it seems that every road block costs us a great deal of time and we're not moving ahead as we would like. BTW, you are still a huge tease.

I am going to include it as an engine in the next BASE and I'm looking at ways to make a version of US based directly on it. But this will take time, because as impressive as the results are so far I haven't achieved the stated goal yet.

And no, I am not a tease. I'm just excited and telling you guys what's going on.

Basically what I seem to have come up with is a hybrid manifestor/engine which can be used for a lot of programs. But right now I'm somehow again swamped... and working on five projects at once.

And because I broke the rule I set for myself about never working when I am tired, I just accidentally deleted the last 8 hours work on the program I was working on.

But progress continues. If things go the way I think they will, I'll have some very impressive results to report within 14 days of having started the program.

Shannon, I'm just ribbing you. A tease wouldn't deliver, and you deliver, brother! In spades! I enjoy sharing your excitement over your discoveries and progress with the new technologies and techniques. No offense intended.

Go take a nap, man. Also, start using rsnapshot on your computer. You can also back up to a drive on the same system, or even the same hard drive. You can set it to trigger as often as you like, preventing a huge loss like the one you just experienced.

[Sean]

Today, I'm noticing a calm. A pacific paradigm for my reality. I was cut off in traffic, had someone driving in the parking lot as though they were off their meds, and a busy supermarket to navigate, and this was only during my lunch break. None of it ruffled my feathers.

I've been walking slowly, with that confident strut, and driving within a few mph of the speed limit. My sense of HURRYHURRYHURRY is absent.

All I can say, in reaction, is a relaxed "Aaaaaaahhh"

************** UPDATE **************

Today is "I Care, I Just Don't React Day". I'm not emotionally invested, one way or anther, with work, others' petty problems, or other random crap. Suddenly I'm working hard on my stuff, but not really worried that some of it is late, and that it is ridiculously boring.

I had a conversation with my business partner this morning, and we had an impromptu brainstorming session on what we can do. The idea we're starting with is an app for iPhone and Android to help a specific class of users locate places associated with the product they use. I don't want to be more specific than that because we've not even written the business plan yet. We've determined a path forward from there that includes an under-served cultural niche to which we can market clothing, accessories, and other merchandise after we are successful with the app. This morning, we determined there is another area where we can deliver a product that is sorely needed within the real estate market, helping people get into homes while the banks are being so conservative under the current legislative uncertainties. Finally, we figured out a way to help others with net-zero arrangements where the business is not losing money, but still helping someone into a home when they need it.

The ideas are flowing, and I can see the roadmap of where we want to go. After a crappy night, today is a good day.

[Sean]

Shannon's post about your subconscious knowing what time it is really triggered an epiphany.

Lately, I've been waking up about 90 minutes before my alarm is set to go off. I've had the intent to get up and sprint for six intervals and a cool-down in the morning before going to work on the days I'm not lifting before work. I've not been getting out of bed to do either sprints or lifting, though going back to sleep has also not been possible.

I had not previously made the connection that this is what was going on, and wrote it off to the insomnia I experience when under stress. Evidence that lends credibility to my theory is that I have little trouble getting to sleep, even though I lay my head down on my pillow and worry that I might. On the contrary, I'm usually asleep within minutes. I am recommitting to getting out of bed when I awaken, because this is time lost and something I'm obviously resisting.

I heard on my morning radio program that people are getting obsessive/compulsive about checking their cell phones, and one of the addiction treatment centers has started offering a program to help people kick that addiction. This made me conscious of the fact that I'm not checking my cell phone as frequently as I used to, and I even ignore the text message alert for a while before checking to see the message.

Today is a good day of being in the "Caring without reacting" groove. This is such a good feeling. It's sublime, pervasive, and relaxed.

[Sean]

It seems that the first week or so of a new stage is when I get tired, and after that, I've adjusted somewhat to the physiological demands of the stage, so the tiredness is reduced.

Other than the calm, pacific attitude I've found during Stage 3, I'm noticing a much more social vibe. I'm less motivated, but when I'm out and about, I can socialize with others more comfortably and with greater skill. I'm also finding that my creativity for problem solving has increased. If this is the final stage of clearing out the trash that's been holding me back as a man, and consequently a human being, then increased creativity would be a natural result.

One of the things I've wanted to do was lose some fat that I've gained over the past three years. The method I chose to follow was using sprint intervals to do so, and yesterday, I did my first set. OH MY POOR LUNGS. I'll be doing them again today.

Yesterday I had to get a few things from the mall, one of which being a classy weekender bag. The Fossil outlet store had one that I liked, except for one detail. The first saleslady was young, hugely obese, and I asked if there were any weekenders similar to a briefcase I liked. She dispatched a guy to the back to see what he could find, and started chatting with me about other bags that might be OK. I liked one, but hated the clasp on the front because it was hard to open and close.

Her supervisor came over, who was merely overweight and asked if I was finding what I needed. I explained that Alex was looking for a bag in the back, and Stephanie was suggesting other things. After explaining what I was looking for, she took over and Stephanie went into the back to help Alex. The manager guided me toward her favorite bag, which was available in navy and olive, and then started babbling about how she liked the navy one. We joked about how women can use mens' bags, but vice versa is unacceptable, with her saying that in Japan, you see guys wearing pink pants and carrying purses all the time. "Oh, I'm sure I could get away with it, but I really don't want to. It's just fun to poke at those things while killing time. Plus, Japanese men tend to be rather effeminate." She cracked up!

During this, Stephanie and Alex come out of the stock room with three bags. The olive and navy versions of the one the manager showed me, as well as a third on that had a doctor bag opening. I had Stephanie get me the one I disliked from the front of the store, and started evaluating the three against each other. The manager made a lame joke about keeping the navy one for herself if it were the last one in stock, and the doctor bag being a Mary Poppins bag.

After a few more questions, I chose the olive bag, and Alex handled the cashiering while Stephanie and the manager went away to help other customers in the store. The other cashier, who hadn't been involved in helping me at all, interrupted to ask Alex to sign something for her.

"I'm sorry," she said to me as she handed Alex the slip.

"You're interrupting; it's very rude," I replied, letting my smile come through in my tone. She laughed nervously, blushed a little, and scurried away after Alex had signed her paperwork.

Alex seemed pretty new, and the transaction was taking time, since the credit card machine was waiting for him to do something on the register, and he was fiddling with my bag. The other cashier came back, asking him a question.

"Augh! Twice!" I exclaimed loudly, this time chuckling at my own mock indignation. She chuckled, blushed again, and hurried back to her register after dealing with Alex.

On my way out, we had some more fun teasing Stephanie about using the weekender I disliked as a purse, since she had it hanging off her arm like one. The sad part was that it was about purse-sized for her, since she was so huge.

An interesting detail about this whole story was that none of the women were attractive to me. The register girl was a 5, and the others were below that in my opinion. I didn't care: the fun was in the flirtation without any expectations. Being present in the moment, honing my wit, and, I believe, improving the day of at least three people in addition to myself.

[rayrocanaldo]

It seems that the first week or so of a new stage is when I get tired, and after that, I've adjusted somewhat to the physiological demands of the stage, so the tiredness is reduced.

Other than the calm, pacific attitude I've found during Stage 3, I'm noticing a much more social vibe. I'm less motivated, but when I'm out and about, I can socialize with others more comfortably and with greater skill. I'm also finding that my creativity for problem solving has increased. If this is the final stage of clearing out the trash that's been holding me back as a man, and consequently a human being, then increased creativity would be a natural result.

One of the things I've wanted to do was lose some fat that I've gained over the past three years. The method I chose to follow was using sprint intervals to do so, and yesterday, I did my first set. OH MY POOR LUNGS. I'll be doing them again today.

Yesterday I had to get a few things from the mall, one of which being a classy weekender bag. The Fossil outlet store had one that I liked, except for one detail. The first saleslady was young, hugely obese, and I asked if there were any weekenders similar to a briefcase I liked. She dispatched a guy to the back to see what he could find, and started chatting with me about other bags that might be OK. I liked one, but hated the clasp on the front because it was hard to open and close.

Her supervisor came over, who was merely overweight and asked if I was finding what I needed. I explained that Alex was looking for a bag in the back, and Stephanie was suggesting other things. After explaining what I was looking for, she took over and Stephanie went into the back to help Alex. The manager guided me toward her favorite bag, which was available in navy and olive, and then started babbling about how she liked the navy one. We joked about how women can use mens' bags, but vice versa is unacceptable, with her saying that in Japan, you see guys wearing pink pants and carrying purses all the time. "Oh, I'm sure I could get away with it, but I really don't want to. It's just fun to poke at those things while killing time. Plus, Japanese men tend to be rather effeminate." She cracked up!

During this, Stephanie and Alex come out of the stock room with three bags. The olive and navy versions of the one the manager showed me, as well as a third on that had a doctor bag opening. I had Stephanie get me the one I disliked from the front of the store, and started evaluating the three against each other. The manager made a lame joke about keeping the navy one for herself if it were the last one in stock, and the doctor bag being a Mary Poppins bag.

After a few more questions, I chose the olive bag, and Alex handled the cashiering while Stephanie and the manager went away to help other customers in the store. The other cashier, who hadn't been involved in helping me at all, interrupted to ask Alex to sign something for her.

"I'm sorry," she said to me as she handed Alex the slip.

"You're interrupting; it's very rude," I replied, letting my smile come through in my tone. She laughed nervously, blushed a little, and scurried away after Alex had signed her paperwork.

Alex seemed pretty new, and the transaction was taking time, since the credit card machine was waiting for him to do something on the register, and he was fiddling with my bag. The other cashier came back, asking him a question.

"Augh! Twice!" I exclaimed loudly, this time chuckling at my own mock indignation. She chuckled, blushed again, and hurried back to her register after dealing with Alex.

On my way out, we had some more fun teasing Stephanie about using the weekender I disliked as a purse, since she had it hanging off her arm like one. The sad part was that it was about purse-sized for her, since she was so huge.

An interesting detail about this whole story was that none of the women were attractive to me. The register girl was a 5, and the others were below that in my opinion. I didn't care: the fun was in the flirtation without any expectations. Being present in the moment, honing my wit, and, I believe, improving the day of at least three people in addition to myself.

Cool stuff sean.

[Spiral]

That is really good Sean. You took it to another level man.