Ricardo's - AM 6 Journal [FINISHED]

[Ricardo]

Stage 2 day 1
Quick update.. The nofap thing that started for me in stage 1 is continuing and i feel so much more energised and sexy with no urge to have release. I also noticed that I've become quite sensitive down there to even the slightest rub!

[Ricardo]

Stage 2 Day 3
Had a serious relapse to an exaggerated version of my 'previous' self yesterday. I became angry at everybody and everything and felt so miserable I just wanted to hide. Even my face felt screwed up and desolate, i had to keep my head down and try and get home from work as quickly as possible. It passed off after a night sleep and I have noticed that the BS intolerance has dropped down to the point where I feel sorry for those doing the BS. It seems clear to me now how insecure people are and how they cling to the slightest bit of power like a prop. All I see is a sad individual who I would never want to be.
Have also been getting very nostalgic playing old music and watching stuff from my younger years. It gives me a sad feeling because I can see how much time I wasted on being a idiot and drifting from one fad to another with no concept of the future. It might sound cute and 'thats what you do at that age' sentiment but believe me it comes at a big price in later life when you're skint, lonely and nothing to look forward to.

[Ricardo]

Stage 2 Day 7

Have caught the cleaning bug and realised what squalor I had before accepted for tidy! Even got some electric room fresheners so we're all tidy and smelling nice now I am still having relapses but they are not as intense and they are wearing off. I'm also having this re-occurring thought that I'm wasting my time doing WM (after finishing AM6) because it won't work for someone my age and I'll be an Alpha male with no woman or with just the type I'm desperately trying to avoid! No doubts/resistance about being Alpha just this nause regarding women using WM. If it's a form of resistance it's trying bloody hard!

[Ricardo]

Stage 2 Day 11
My confidence levels have increased some more and I've developed a real liking for myself! Every time I look in a mirror I just think "Wow you look good" I'm walking along with a real confidence and coolness, none of this 'head down don't look at me' nonsense that plagued me for many years. Nofap is continuing. Had a couple of 'wobbles' but managed to control myself and switch attention to something else. Feel good and sexy though and have a greater appreciation of women as women not just because they're hot or dressed sexily. My energy levels are higher and I am sleeping much better. Before my sleep was very scratchy now I'm sleeping hours at a time and feeling more refreshed. Relapses are very weak now to the point of me controlling them away and basically laughing at them

[Shannon]

You're very responsive, and that's a good thing. You're also seeing what happens when you drag someone to their feet and beef them up quickly: there's some turbulence, and you have resistance sometimes. It's a testament to how powerful the program (and SlipStream) really are that you are only experiencing these resistances every so often, and only for a little while. In the beginning of AM, back in Version 1-2-3, it was really rough. I went through weeks and months of it at a time sometimes. I wish I was able to have simply purchased V6 instead of having to develop it.

The threatening stares by strangers, by the way? That's happening because you're displaying two things that upset them. First, you're displaying some traits that are very alpha. AM6 is designed to produce Transcendent Alpha, remember. The Transcendent Alpha is threatening to all the non-Transcendent Alphas because he does not conform to their power structure, or follow, or fall into line and has no need to challenge and perform the typical chest beating routine to assert his dominance. So he basically is just walking past the line of guys all trying to be alpha, all challenging eachother for position in line, and walking to and past the guy at the head of the line. That's very upsetting for those guys because it's behavior that calls into question their real level of dominance, power, alphaness and control. You don't even see that you're doing it yet, because it's in your attitude and body language.

The second thing I'd bet you're doing is displaying contradictory signals. You're not "there" yet, so the TA signals are there, but not consistent. This will really piss off the "Alphas" because they are being challenged (in their minds) by a guy who doesn't even know he's doing it, and isn't "really" alpha.

In most cases I encounter after having become more solid in my alphaness, these guys are not threatened by me so much anymore because I am consistent, and because I could not give a flying rat's patoot about challenging their social ranking as it is. Do. Not. Care. I'm just there to observe and enjoy, and when they see that, they tend to calm down and carry about their business. Occasionally a more evolved one will start befriending me, trying to figure me out.

Enjoying your journal. :-)

[Ricardo]

Thanks for your input Shannon. The reasons for the stares sound right. I'm obviously giving off some perceived threat subconsciously because these are threatening stares from strangers not casual glances. Even walking along the street I get a look like they want to punch me. But not all the time so no i'm 'not there' yet.
I wouldn't expect to 'be there' yet after only a stage or 2 but the changes for me have been quite profound. I was a mental wreck, very angry, jealous and bitter always believing that everything was against me and bad things only happen to me blah blah, but the sub has just melted most of it away to the point where I can't believe I carried such mental baggage in the first place.

Looking forward to the remaining stages!

[SargeMaximus]

In most cases I encounter after having become more solid in my alphaness, these guys are not threatened by me so much anymore because I am consistent, and because I could not give a flying rat's patoot about challenging their social ranking as it is. Do. Not. Care. I'm just there to observe and enjoy, and when they see that, they tend to calm down and carry about their business. Occasionally a more evolved one will start befriending me, trying to figure me out.

This is interesting Shannon as I'm discovering that as I go through SM 3, I'm beginning to challenge the social structures more and more. I actually wondered today (after almost getting in a fight with my boss) why I'm being so "social-structure" obsessed. I mean, as it stands, I can easily default to my "child of the universe" state which is very laid back, non threatening/threatened, and calm and solid. A state that garners much respect among the other males and calms everyone in my vicinity right down. Yet, there was something in me today that said "try and take over the pack" more or less.

Why would that be happening?

[Shannon]

That's a good question. Let me go read the 90 pages of SM3's script and see. lol

Kidding aside, I don't know. I don't recall anything being in the script of SM3 that would do that. But SM3 isn't AM6.

[SargeMaximus]

That's a good question. Let me go read the 90 pages of SM3's script and see. lol

Kidding aside, I don't know. I don't recall anything being in the script of SM3 that would do that. But SM3 isn't AM6.

Hmm, is it possible that while AM initiates a more "detached" "alpha", SM initiates a more socially dominant one? Or is it more likely just my insecurities firing up?

I'd like to know because if it's insecurities, I can tap on the desire to be socially dominant, whereas if it's part of the program, I can tap on my reluctance to act on said desire.

[Ricardo]

Stage 2 Day 18

So far this seems to be a stabilising of my changes in Stage 1:

Very self confident and positive image of myself and much more sociable and a feeling of elevation above everyone else...I am the MAN!

The only downside so far are mood swings. These seem to be increasing and when I'm
feeling good I'm feeling really good, but then just as easily I can feel moody and
depressed with everything including the subs. I've also had an increase in fatigue
which stopped me doing my muscle building exercises. I managed to overcome that and
the fatigue has eased off a lot since. The mood swings are sometimes quite rapid
though and for instance I can be feeling great, then I can be feeling moody and
jealous, then I can feel all forgiving and benevolent despite just hating the
person a minute ago! Predominantly though I'm feeling great.

I've also noticed a big reduction in my fear levels. Before starting AM I would
struggle to go anywhere new or do anything different and was easily intimidated by
people. Now I can stare them out, argue my case, call people over and be very
domineering if I have to.

Amazingly the nofap has lasted and I'm nearly 3 weeks without a tug! The last time
that happened was 1978 so that's quite an achievement

Although I do feel very hot and horny around women the urge to fap is greatly
reduced but I do miss the orgasm and tension release of a good ol tug so maybe in time I will succumb

[Ricardo]

Stage 2 Day 26

Quick update..

Although neediness is supposed to be eliminated I find myself becoming more desperate to have a women in my life to smooth the way with some pleasant distractions! It maybe the nofap thing which I'm doing but after this amount of time it's making me incredibly horny sometimes to the point of distraction. It's getting quite bad because now I'm strongly thinking of doing MYPSL 5G instead of WM2 which I had planned after AM6. The other day I found myself ogling this young woman on the train and when she noticed me she took her coat down off the rack and put it over her legs

I will do a wrap up of level 2 next weekend.

[Ricardo]

Double quick update...

Sorry my nofap just ended I feel at peace again. Next I'll try for a full month

[Shannon]

That's a good question. Let me go read the 90 pages of SM3's script and see. lol

Kidding aside, I don't know. I don't recall anything being in the script of SM3 that would do that. But SM3 isn't AM6.

Hmm, is it possible that while AM initiates a more "detached" "alpha", SM initiates a more socially dominant one? Or is it more likely just my insecurities firing up?

I'd like to know because if it's insecurities, I can tap on the desire to be socially dominant, whereas if it's part of the program, I can tap on my reluctance to act on said desire.

SM tells you to be alpha in the ways that result in sex. That is left for your own subconscious to interpret so that it works ideally for each person, instead of attempting to shoehorn everyone into a preconceived idea which may be limited by my current understanding.

[Ricardo]

Stage 2 Day 32

Time to wrap-up this stage..

I failed my "nofap for a month" challenge. It was about 3 weeks which is a huge achievement for me because it's the longest ever. There are positives though as I now know I can go a long time and also of the benefits of extra energy and feeling good that I really loved. I got so horny that the feeling just wouldn't go away and I was becoming miserable. Now I'm much more aware of my weaknesses I will try to think of ways to mitigate them so I can go longer. I actually had no idea how much that regular release desensitizes you as I have now.

I started nofap in the first place because everyone was going on about how good it was for you and how it improves most areas of your life. I was convinced that if you didn't fap then your groin area would eventually rupture and / or the sexual tension would turn you into some bully or raving megalomaniac. I did want to experience this 'better way of life' because in part I didn't believe it but in case I was wrong then I wanted to experience this as a total novice and see just how good it was.

Anyway finished the 2nd stage and I can say the following:

1. The changes from stage 1 are now more entrenched within me like my diet, exercise, hygiene and environment. These are massively improved and continuing as though I've always been like it. You have to remember that I was a hardcore chocolate, sweets, cake and biscuit man existing on mostly that during the week. Consequently my digestive health wasn't to good (i'll leave it at that) Add to that poor exercise, only bathing once a week (twice on a good week) and a pot belly, the changes have been nothing short of remarkable. The desire to slim the belly down hit hard and my exercising and body building really kicked in as before it was a bit half-hearted. Now the pot has gone down quite a lot and I'm hoping soon to see the abs I never thought I had! I'm also bathing most days of the week now.

2. I had a bit of an altercation at work which actually showed me just how little respect I had there. I work in a classic office environment, tick box initiatives, change for change sake and other such nonsense. My work had been changed which involved me taking on more and it was concocted in my absence by management. I was told this was going to happen but my views would be appreciated (an anagram for lip service). I knew it wouldn't work and had a compelling case to prove it. I said I would think about it and left it at that and was really angry (because it was crap anyway). I wanted to let it go and pretend I didn't care but I did care hugely and I was so angry that I put all my case down officially and sent it to the bosses. The upshot was the new system was abandoned and I even got my work pile reduced! One or two people only speak to me if they have to but there is a marked shift in the way I'm viewed. It's like "Wow i really misjudged this guy!" Now people are more wary of me but its more out of respect which I can feel in the air.
Oddly enough I have moments of guilt about it, that perhaps I over-reacted or was being unreasonable. I wasn't rude or insulting (despite the temptation) but just calmly and clearly explained the flaws in their knobbish plan but still felt really guilty for winning my case. Before doing AM I would have let it go unchallenged because I liked the quiet life and didn't want to make a fuss.

3. My ego has calmed down a bit more. I still like my reflection but not so much of the arrogance and the "ain' I great" attitude. It's becoming more of a quiet assurance.

4. My fear levels have gone down a lot and it's rather disconcerting as I don't have the fear of people or situations, that perhaps I should have at least some wariness of. Nothing bad has happened but I rather shock myself at my coolness and detachment from things that once instilled fear into me, e.g walking past a group of drunks, yobs etc.

5. I am also a much better conversationlist and I've noticed my voice on occasions comes out quite strong and masculine but then reverts back to quieter and softer. I still speak better but that tone I've experienced is really cool and sexy and it surprises me for a moment (where the hell did that come from?). I hope AM will bring that to the forefront.

6. The threatening stares from some men have almost gone but I'm noticing women giving me quizzical stares (when I catch them looking) then quickly looking away again. I thought at first I had some mark or something on my face and had to check a few times to make sure.

7. My energy levels are higher. The subs don't tire me anymore and I have much more stamina

8. I have noticed I walk more upright and take my time instead of mostly looking down and walking fast. I feel like the world can wait for me.

9. My sex drive is generally much higher which I thought was a product of the nofap attempt but read earlier that I had a manic sexy feeling for a while in Stage 1 before the nofap started. My appreciation of women has gone up to the point I think I'm wearing beer goggles!

10 Although neediness is supposed to be addressed in AM I seem to have increasing neediness for a woman in my life. I thought the nofap incident may have caused it but its still with me and getting worse. I'm ogling women far too much. My avatar about sums it up at the moment! I'm more convinced than ever that I should run the MYPSL 5G next as I would like someone reliable in my life before starting WM and 'hoping' a wonderful woman turns up on that. The definiton of Perfect is a bit flaky as I believed it was your conscious desires that created your perfect xxxx, but if it's the subconscious mind then that could behave like a nanny and give you someone you really don't want! For example, a diet rich in semolina, cheese and swede might be the best thing ever for me but I wouldn't want to eat it! I do have a lot of chatter in my mind about these things. Oh and porn has become a thing of the past

11. The nasty mood swings seem also to be dying off. Apart from the neediness I haven't felt bad or miserable for some time now.

I can say that even after just two stages I have changed so much for the better both physically and mentally that I can't believe I was ever as bad as the background I gave before starting this journal.

Roll on the Stage 3 big guns!