Obliteration (OGSF v2)

[Benjamin]

Back to listening after 6 days off.

Had alot of intensity and hopelessness come up around similar things, but I decided I don't want this to be another "everythings fucked" post, though I did very strongly feel like that earlier.

So a few things i've noticed.

-I've been doing Qigong in the morning on the grass with my shirt off, and having my shirt off alot more at home, even challenging myself to walk to the letterbox without it on which brought up fear and now I do it fairly comfortably. This is due to excess skin from weight loss that I can't do anything about and i've tried, if it wasn't for that i'd look almost how I want to, which is why I hate being shirtless.

Anyway, went to the beach earlier in the week with a friend.. didn't pack for it as we just went down there but standing there looking at the water I decided to take my shirt off and then as a challenge to myself walk back over the bridge with it off. And then even up the street back to my car which was a little more uncomfortable as it's more out of context than on the beach. But I felt relatively good.

Today went to the beach by myself, felt fairly fearful today especially around girls. But sitting there I thought of taking my shirt off again as a challenge against the insecurity. I hesitated a bit but then took it off, and sat there a while, then walked back to the other side with it off and felt fairly comfortable. I can't say I felt much intensity doing it now.

But i'm noticing since listening during the day that I just feel more 'blocked' around girls and unable to really feel the fear, which generally happens anyway but I had been doing a thing where i'd imagine talking to them and then feel it in my body and jump to the middle of the feeling and it would relax that feeling. I really think v1 lead me to do that, also I follow the urge that tells me when to do it, some days it will feel like "no not today as OGSF is working through something" and then other days "ok it's allright to do it today" it's hard to explain but it doesn't seem to conflict. But today I was struggling to feel those feelings in my body or bring them up.

Anyway the shirt off thing. It doesn't feel like much really, but if I logically think that say 6 months ago or something if I thought about taking my shirt off i'd be really fearful and wouldn't do it, actually I remember another time maybe 3 or so months ago I planned to take it off and walk across to the beach and I wussed out and there was tons of fear. Well the 2 times this week didn't feel too bad. So progress, though not necessarily progress in the direction I really want the most.

-The other thing is for the first few months of V2 I really couldn't be fucked socializing, I pretty much felt like I couldn't be bothered. I know from the past it isn't necessarily legit but trauma based. And I wasn't doing much other than staying home or going to places by myself. Since starting v2 listening through the day the urge has come back, and i've been more social again, plus been invited to things, whereas before it was like that was being prevented by whatever I was holding onto.

-I had an idea to treat this 'sabotage' i've talked about as if it is a part of me, and each day sitting down and asking what it wants from me, what it's trying to tell me" and writing down the answer, then communicating with that part. Nothing fancy just eyes closed imagining i'm talking to it. I notice after that I feel more relaxed and it seems to have lessened it a little bit but it still comes up reflexively to try to derail things when something is shifting. I've been attempting to then talk to it in that moment which maybe helps a little.

Doing this hasn't conflicted either, i've been reluctant to do this cos on one hand doing other mind programming conflicts, but Shannon has also mentioned talking to these parts of ourselves and reassuring it. So I haven't really been sure how to do this without conflict. I also come across IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy again which is parts work and brought the book, but not sure if that would conflict as it's obviously more complex than the simple way i'm doing it so far.

-The last thing. I meant to sit down today as it's NYE and revisit what i've done this year and my goals but going to a friends soon for the night. So i'll look at it tomorrow. But thinking about it my priority goal needs me to make more money, so I keep thinking of Money Magnet.

Yes i'm having resistance to OGSF today with the intensity that come up earlier, but the idea to use Money Magnet has been there all along, even before using OGSF and keeps coming up. I knew before and using the past few programs money is what I need to deal with.

I'm trying to think of why I started OGSF. Was it mainly hoping it would deal with something around girls? Which is my most thought about thing, the biggest thing that gives me intensity, hopelessness and such.. but not really the goal I 'need' as I do with money towards acheiving my primary goal. Also OGSF for things like engaging with the world more, which i've done a little bit subtly like going to 2 martial arts seminars, but I know it won't solve the thing around money which I think is the biggest thing I need to move forward and stop being stuck where i've been for quite a while.

But like almost every other subliminal with OGSF i've used I keep thinking "just a little longer, just a little longer, maybe it will break through something" and then not necessarily getting to that breakthrough. Like "another 3 months and then see" or "do what i've known for a long time I need to do, deal with money". Is OGSF a way of putting that off and procrastinating in a way? Like "oh yeah I just need to heal more" and not moving forward.

I probably said this but before I finished UH I got this strong feeling of "it's time to move forward now" and went in the direction of money with another program and didn't notice much after a few months other than some assertiveness mostly and then stopped and now back to OGSF like "oh fuck nah I need more healing stuff".

Yep ive said all this stuff before. But those are things ill think about when I look at my goals and try to find if I wrote my reasons for using OGSF and compare those.

[Benjamin]

Went to a friends last night for new years.

Has anyone noticed on OGSF v2 at times a lack of respect from some people? It's weird, I don't know if it could be the difference between DRS and the grounding shield or what it is.

It was the same place I went for christmas night, and I was fairly comfortable and talking to everyone and talking alot in the group and felt good, last night fairly comfortable but a little awkward at times. Then a guy who's meant to be my friend, well he's dating another friend but i've hung out with him enough in the group i'd have called him partly a friend.. i've never had this from him before but he suddenly started talking shit and having a go at me. Telling me i'm weird, that I come out with weird stuff, then stuff like "imagine anyone being in a relationship with you with your weird shit" and other things, way past banter and insulting. I started to shut down a bit and get annoyed, but also found myself not able to be assertive, as really i'm not usually dealing with this shit anymore, all the people i've hung around in the last few years are never like this, and are positive and encouraging so it took me by surprise. It's mainly thinking about it after (today) that I realized how fucked up his behaviour was.

After a few times I said some things back, kind of giving him shit back but not strongly enough. And today i've been thinking that I don't even want to be around this guy again. Partly pissed off at myself for not being assertive, but also realizing that he obviously has some issue. I was wondering if it's that I am so comfortable in the group, talking alot, people listening to me and such and he just got insecure in the end. Cos my personality is the same as every other time i've hung out with him and he's never done this shit before.

Weird that this is happening when I again start being social again and plan to organize some get togethers, and also how earlier in the day I had alot of intensity and feelings of rejection around girls and maybe I was also partly showing that in my energy so low quality people try to take advantage of that.

I'm thinking of just organizing the outing I had planned with friends who are positive and supportive and have never done shit like this, even if it's friends I haven't seen for a while. Sadly this excludes my other friend who I met him through (his girlfriend) who has always been positive and good to me.. and maybe some others in the group cos it would be like "oh why didn't you invite him" possibly. But in a matter of a few hours he's gone from someone I enjoyed being around and always got along well with to losing alot of respect for him and thinking he's a fuckhead and completely untrustworthy, as people who do this usually are.

I've noticed this lack of respect from some people in some situations on OGSF v2, I don't remember it from V1 which is what made me think of the different shields. But then also weirdly I have better interactions with certain people, like when i'm getting served in shops.

Another thing that I don't like, that I can only attribute to something that OGSF v2 has lead to.. i'm assuming my motivation for some things was due to fear. I've lost alot of energy and motivation for working out, it just isn't seeming to be interesting.. same with martial arts, and my teaching classes (currently just a womans self protection class) i'm just not keen for it, and even finding it harder to think of planning sessions, like something shifted and made it harder to access the mindset and such needed, possibly due to trauma healing and working on fears.

It's weird but my mindset around working out and training has been weak recently, like usually my mindset would be "no matter how I feel i'm doing my workout" wheras this week my last week 'on' before having a week off working out to recover, I felt low energy and didn't do the normal workouts, just did stretching. That doesn't lead to results, sure i've had to listen to my body more in recent times, but it can go too far in the weak mindset way which doesn't lead to positive things.

I've spent a few hours today revisiting how I went towards my goals in 2023 and what I can do with them in 2024. Looking at it logically, money is definately the priority. Not necessarily the first priority goal so it is inseperatable from earning more money, but without money and a consistent good income I can't achieve my priority goal. Part of not going for the goal is fear, alot of fear.. but if there wasn't fear then the logistics of it would still be held back by lack of money.

[Darkness]

Grounding shield seems to be like a truth serum sometimes. It sucks that dude acted like such a disrespectful dickbag.

[Benjamin]

Grounding shield seems to be like a truth serum sometimes. It sucks that dude acted like such a disrespectful dickbag.

Yeah I guess he's showed what he's really like. Just when I started socializing more again which sucks.

[Benjamin]

I don't really know what's going on. It feels like OGSF is tearing me down and I don't know how to deal with it. As I said motivation for working out and martial arts training is very low. I had this week planned off for recovery, and the thought of working out on monday isn't enthusing me and it's like my passion for training has disappeared. I wonder if part of my motivation was fear, like "fear of being overweight like I used to be" and it was continually spurring me on. And for martial arts "fear of being attacked, or bullied or such" and struggling to connect with new positive reasons for both. But I have to do so, if my physical being goes back to shit then everything goes to shit.

Energy is quite low in general and been feeling weak. I can't say if it's OGSF doing stuff or acupuncture and chinese herbs causing it.

I also had a thought today that I need to explore more my REAL goals, like alot of the stuff I explore are my real goals, but in some ways fear and other baggage makes me think "ok I have to stay here because I can't imagine it possible being anywhere else, though ideally i'd be somewhere else" in one area.

Last night I had some strong intensity come up when I went to bed. I didn't fully cry but that's where it was heading. Like strong sadness coming up and my face reflexively screwing up and my eyes a bit watery but not able to let it get to the point of breakdown. I just tend to block it from that without meaning to, even if I want it to happen to process it. This also feels like part of this sabotage, stopping me from getting to the lowest point where I just am like "fuck it i'll do what I need to do" and it interrupts those intense emotions before it gets there, seemingly stopping it from processing.

Lasted about 3 weeks then another porn binge last night, after going out and just working to confront the emotions coming up around girls, breathing through it, letting myself feel it, mostly by imagining saying things to them and letting myself feel that intensity. What's funny is I went down the street before, half out of it and cloudy headed and the women serving me were really friendly in one shop, I usually do talk to them but one had a fly swat and another goes "hit him with it" and I said "you'll need a bigger one". She replied with "oh no it's not to hurt it's too excite". Now she's yuck and old but this is unusual, they are always friendly but haven't said anything like that.

Then in the supermarket I was sure this girl was really checking me out, but I just didn't care. And thinking about it the day after using porn this tends to happen sometimes. It's almost like temporarily the neediness is gone and I don't care, even if i'm feeling shit i'm not trying to get their attention or hoping they will look at me or whatever. Then a few days after generally I feel worse. That is weird.

Anyway, it seems whether I hide from the emotions or confront them I get a similar outcome. Tried several times to write and explore the issues and see what I come up with and get logical sounding things of why it's likely happening. But then the pattern happens again without thinking. And after i'm like "fuck, again.. couldn't I have just stopped before doing it and let myself feel it".. yes I could have, but that doesn't come to mind usually at the time.

Trying to keep on OGSF, still having thoughts of I need to do something to allow me to actually achieve goals instead of just fucking around. Like MM or US. The thing is I always keep thinking "something is coming, a breakthrough is coming" especially when there's alot of resistance, but then not much ends up happening. "Maybe if I use it a bit longer" the thing is i've been saying these things for a very long time and my experience has shown me it's not true, but I keep having to hold on as I won't accept the option to just give up and stop trying as that could easily lead me to really let things goto shit.

Also most notable is when listening on my mp3 player plugged into speakers i'd have wildly varying urges of autoconfig. Sometimes like 6 or 8 loops then back down to 1. Listening on my phone so far only 1 day I had the urge to listen for an hour, then the next day back to 40 minutes. Other than that sticking to the days on/off with 40 minutes. I wonder if it was the volume not being anywhere near right and my mind trying to make up for that by doing a huge amount of loops.

[Benjamin]

Still going along on this, so far still been doing 7 days on/6 days off 40 minutes a day. Except for today I had the urge to play it for 60 minutes after last night I was thinking "it's strange I haven't got autoconfig".

The day listening, or atleast listening at the instructed volume on my phone seems to be dealing with stuff better. But there are some negatives, like with the night listening I had little desire to play games or look at social media, but with the day listening i've been playing games alot and had more urge to look at social media. Not back to it like I was, but it's increased a little. I don't know why this is. I remember on E2 with day listening I think I lost interest in drinking coffee but had other things that the night listening was doing that I preferred. I was wondering a few days ago if I should do both, like the day listening at the instructed volume then maybe a loop at night how I was doing it before. I'd like it to have the effect of getting the best of both worlds, but i'm thinking it would actually just overwhelm me.

It still continues to be subtle. But I realized a few things I got over. First is taking my shirt off in public (well not like in the supermarket, but at the beach) which I really hated and would refuse to do. I do Qigong on the grass in my yard each day with my shirt off, and I started challenging myself to walk to the letterbox with it off after that, at first even that would bring up fear and i'd hesitate and feel uncomfortable. Now i've got comfortable doing it almost every day.

Then a few times I took it off and walked across to the beach. I managed it a few times, then another time I just couldn't do it because of fear. Well maybe 3-4 weeks ago I went to the beach with a friend and reflexively just thought "I want to take my shirt off" then I did and stood there for a while, then walked across the bridge back to the street and even decided to walk up the street with no shirt on which was a bit more uncomfortable but was okay.

A few weeks later at the beach with another friend I didn't have much of an issue taking it off.

Then last weekend I went to an alternative thing, basically meditation and a swim. I had no problem taking my shirt off, and I even went in the water and talked to a few attractive girls while standing there with my shirt off and I didn't care. These kinds of events I find myself able to talk to girls, but doing it with my shirt off for an extended amount of time is something I wouldn't have done before.

Also I forget if I mentioned I started kickboxing as I have no training partner for combatives now unfortunately. Interestingly the class started the very next week after my training partner quit which seemed like a sign, i'm enjoying it though in some ways it's more complex than expected and will reduce my effectiveness. Other than that i'm enjoying it and one of the goals is to get over the fear of sparring which i've never liked. Probably because I started with taekwondo for years as a teenager and there was no contact and if you made a little contact people would sook alot.

Last week we did some light sparring at the end of the class and I was a little hesitant since the guy I got paired up with my friend said he goes hard sometimes, but it was okay and I did better than expected, and actually enjoyed it and felt good after. Some of my combatives training where I got my friend to put gloves on and i'd cover definately helped, and going light is good as it's still a challenge but i'm not getting smashed, not sure if my body could handle too much going hard. I did a grappling class a few weeks in and it took days to recover so I stopped that for now.

I'm not saying my fear of sparring is totally gone, especially if it's a bit harder. But that was a good step. I remember before I started having physical issues like chronic fatigue and such and was in the best shape i've been in, I went to some kickboxing but I straight out told them "I don't want to spar".

Now I actually want to spar, want to get over the fear of it and I know it's good for my growth both in general and give me a different viewpoint on training different than what i've been doing the last 2 years.

I've also been a bit more social which is good.

Not sure what else other than i'm going through a book that deals with imagining your future self and then going backwards from there, like what would he tell you to do now, what priorities are most important and to pick 3.

Well again 2 of the priorities basically require dealing with money, 1 is money, the other isn't specifically money, but there's alot of fear around it hence using OGSF but also it requires money as i'd have a hard time doing so with how much i'm earning now, then money in general for my future because as time goes on this amount won't be sustainable especially with everything going up.

So again it's brought me back to.. should I do Money Magnet? I've been persisting on OGSF v2 as much as I can, but this is the 3rd time this has come up when exploring my most important goals. Sure now i'm not afraid of taking my shirt off at the beach, and I can do some sparring which are both good, but still in the back of my mind I think i'm hoping to deal with deeper stuff around girls and sex so that I can date again.

Funnily enough connecting to my future self girls aren't even in the top 3 priorities. Really the main thing is getting frustrated at times and wanting sex, though i'd actually prefer a girlfriend and not just casual like I used to do.. she might also distract me from the priorities. I do know that for the 8 months I was with someone 2022/2023 that I didn't have any interest in porn because I was having regular sex.

I'm at around 3 months of listening, not including the month where I fucked it up. I did 2 months before that and now upto around a month after it.

[Benjamin]

Had an interesting saturday night, noticably more uninhibited in my friends group and one crazy thing happened, the other was fairly interesting and got me thinking that both were due to me being less inhibited, not really giving a fuck and just having fun. I won't tell the stories though.

But that night I think or the next day this sabotage come up strongly and derailed that shift. It hasn't come up like this in a while and is slightly happening less since treating it as a part of me and communicating with it, but still haven't been able to solve it.

Had some very strong intensity, depression earlier this week so I went back to listening a few days early into the off days. As soon as I started listening I felt much better.

I went on a big of a games binge, then earlier in the week I had the sudden urge to delete my games off steam and my C: reflexively as I realized how much time it's wasting. Yesterday I was struggling to focus and am having strong symptoms from chinese herbs and I started to play a game, very interesting because almost instantly my head cleared, I relaxed and felt better. Weird, but I realized that part of how I was feeling could have been a dopamine withdrawal especially with how I felt better instantly, and I ended up turning the game off.

Yesterday also I had some quite disturbing thoughts coming up that I really don't like and hasn't come up for a long time, I tried to stay with them thinking that I just have to allow it to be there to walk through. I feel it's due to past trauma, fear, rejection and such.

And I identified a new form of resistance which has happened twice now, and it's a sneaky and very convincing one. On UH I may have mentioned that I suddenly got this strong positive feeling of "I'm ready to move forward now" and I went with it and stopped UH and things went downhill, my gf broke up with me and things were weird for a while. Well I had this yesterday with OGSF v2, this strong feeling of "it's time to move forward now" and it didn't feel like resistance, especially since it's a positive feeling that seemed to be guiding me, not intense negative emotions trying to get me away from OGSF. And I partly gave in and did some processes on forgiveness with an audio then it guided me to release some other stuff around goals.

And last night I woke up in the middle of the night annoyed and realizing I had derailed OGSF again, at the time I did the process it felt fine but I woke up feeling distinctly different and realize how natural being under the influence of OGSF (and other new programs especially) feels very natural but there's this distinct feeling there that i've only become aware of if i've disruped the program. And I also started realizing all the things v2 is doing, alot more than expected. Haven't had much urge to look at porn for like a whole month, deleted my games.. and today after interrupting it i've got a strong desire for both, especially porn. I was starting to get off the computer more and read which is more constructive.

Plus other unexpected things it was doing. I also since last night have had this low grade anxiety in the background, my thoughts are that OGSF was working on something that was covered by the conscious shielding so now i'm feeling it more.

This is interesting also. I'm taking chinese herbs from acupuncture and the last lot I got diahhrea and it was overwhelming so he said to stop them. This lot is a different mix but the same thing happened from day 1, but felt more constructive this time plus old symptoms from years ago coming up stronger than in a long time which tells me it's going deep, so i've pushed through it. But a week of this is testing me, yesterday was pretty bad, felt especially weak. Then last night after disrupting OGSF I had a realization "ok the page talks about diahhrea, gastriointestinal distress (i've had pains in the gut too)" so I wonder if it's a combination of both. I definately attribute it to the herbs since it happened last time taking them and this time on the first day I started taking these ones, but it could be a combination of that and OGSF processing deep stuff (I hope it's that too). But I also realized OGSF is what lead me to acupuncture in the first place to heal more and get more energy.. hmm.

Also a strong feeling of sadness has been attached to these physical symptoms.

It's difficult not to goto one of the coping mechanisms with what's going on physically and emotionally.

[Frosted]

@Benjamin I’ve also noticed sadness heavily tied to my healing journey with OGSF2.

[Inconceivablezen]

Not so much sadness here but depression. Last night I felt a bit off, for no conscious reason. This morning I woke up with another big gain. Probably best is to accept the sadness or depression, not try to change it, and to let it run its course...

[Benjamin]

@Benjamin I’ve also noticed sadness heavily tied to my healing journey with OGSF2.

Oh yeah in general too, alot of sadness. The thing I found interesting in how it was coming up with my physical symptoms.

I just realized not much anger though, half the time it's like i'm unable to even connect with my anger. Like I know something annoys me but the anger doesn't come up.

Not so much sadness here but depression. Last night I felt a bit off, for no conscious reason. This morning I woke up with another big gain. Probably best is to accept the sadness or depression, not try to change it, and to let it run its course...

Check that too, definately been strong for me several times. I try to just let it be there and can for a while, then sometimes it gets overwhelming and I goto a coping mechanism which i'm trying to lessen.

[Topaz]

Does this program help with physical issues a well?
What is you experience with that?

Thanks

[Benjamin]

Does this program help with physical issues a well?
What is you experience with that?

Thanks

If your main goal is dealing with physical issues I wouldn't really look at OGSF since it's not it's goal.

But in saying that I have noticed some interesting things. It has lead me to do acupuncture, aswell as for a while looking into vital energy practices and trying different ones until I found what i've decided to stick to. I really realized this when I interrupted the program a few days ago and then I felt less like doing those practices and was thinking "why am I doing this?".

Though it may depend on if your physical issues are connected to the goals of the program, for me I believe that a big part of my fear of really going and engaging with the world is low energy levels, which I have actual evidence of. They were really bad a few years ago, much better now but still not as i'd like. I feel this is why i've been lead to these things to help with that. Cos I need to have higher energy levels to really get over that fear, otherwise the fear may be gone but if the low energy levels are still there it would trigger more fear.

That's what it seems to have been doing for me atleast.

Also there's a deeper level where physical issues are usually at their core mental, emotional, spiritual etc and you also need to deal with those higher levels aswell as the physical level (things like new german medicine ignore the physical level, but say you have an infection you still need to deal with it and not only the 'spiritual' level) so that could help in the long term.

But i'd still say if the priority is physical healing you'd want something like Optimal Physical Healing.

[Topaz]

Does this program help with physical issues a well?
What is you experience with that?

Thanks

If your main goal is dealing with physical issues I wouldn't really look at OGSF since it's not it's goal.

But in saying that I have noticed some interesting things. It has lead me to do acupuncture, aswell as for a while looking into vital energy practices and trying different ones until I found what i've decided to stick to. I really realized this when I interrupted the program a few days ago and then I felt less like doing those practices and was thinking "why am I doing this?".

Though it may depend on if your physical issues are connected to the goals of the program, for me I believe that a big part of my fear of really going and engaging with the world is low energy levels, which I have actual evidence of. They were really bad a few years ago, much better now but still not as i'd like. I feel this is why i've been lead to these things to help with that. Cos I need to have higher energy levels to really get over that fear, otherwise the fear may be gone but if the low energy levels are still there it would trigger more fear.

That's what it seems to have been doing for me atleast.

Also there's a deeper level where physical issues are usually at their core mental, emotional, spiritual etc and you also need to deal with those higher levels aswell as the physical level (things like new german medicine ignore the physical level, but say you have an infection you still need to deal with it and not only the 'spiritual' level) so that could help in the long term.

But i'd still say if the priority is physical healing you'd want something like Optimal Physical Healing.

Unfortunately I have an autoimmune disease
I bought Optimal Physical Healing and intend to use it after the refresher of AM6

But I think an autoimmune disease might need something stronger like Universal Healing
However I am very impatient and don't want to use 6 months program for that soon...

I will update

Thanks for your input it does help
I'm trying to learn as much as possible from everyone here in the community
It's great to have this community it's really unique

[Benjamin]

Struggling.

3rd week of diahhrea, with a few days inbetween when I stop these chinese herbs.

The first lot was meant to detox, the last lot weren't and the acupuncturist was confused why and told me to stop them. This lot this week wasn't meant to either, but yet again it's happening, though not as badly.

I decided to muscle test it today, I can't be sure anymore if answers are accurate and there is confusion due to what come up on another level. But it's suggesting basically that if I get healthy it will be easier to achieve my main goal at the moment, and that i'm so scared of that so my body is reacting badly to the herbs. And also suggests that the same fear will block alot of Money Magnet from working, as money is the other needed aspect to achieve the goal.

That is interesting as I was wondering if it was somehow connected to OGSF or fear, very strange though it coincides perfectly with when I take the herbs and lessens when I stop them.

If this is the case, which i'm not sure how to find out if it is past the muscle testing then it seems OGSF v2 is just hitting up against it and not getting past it. Whether it's volume, usage patterns or it's just not going to happen I don't know.

Leads me to wonder if E6 and the broader range of healing and increased power would help. But is that also resistance? I don't know.

Also since disrupting OGSF again i've had almost no desire to go out and socialize, don't really want to do anything much at all, thinking about going somewhere is making me uncomfortable and like I wouldn't enjoy it, or feeling that i'd just sit there quietly like a blob or something. This is frustrating because before I disrupted it I was starting to do more again and goto some things I usually wouldn't and enjoying it.

Of course the physical symptoms like diahhrea which have made it difficult to go too far, and feeling weak haven't helped.. but that's not the full explanation.