06-29-2021, 06:14 AM
Intermission
I'm supposed to start my short DMSI run on Thursday. But, to he honest, I have no idea what I truly wanna run now. I fell... Puzzled. Directionless almost. I got everything I wanted except for relationship and I don't fool myself DMSI will magically help me in this regard. I'm not after casual sex and AM has better potential in helping me in that area. If anything I long for BIATBW & ASC combo, old but powerful sub combination that worked wonder for me, what, 5-6 years ago?
As for that girl I mentioned... I feel frustrated. So the story is that we started writing, we met for a date and everything was fine. I was really going well, nice and slowly. But then she stopped responding to my messages and since then she responded only once, over a week ago. She said she needs some time alone because she's overwhelmed with her studies and in situations like that she keeps away from the people. And I believe her. She seems like the type who would take things to personally and as an introvert added frustration makes her wanna limit her interactions to escape to her own safe zone.
That being said it's frustrating. I this situation I don't know if that phase of hers will pass and we'll be able to have fun again or if she ghosted me never to talk again. I don't think she has found for other buddy and I hope if she were to ghost me she would let me know. That may be fool's hope, sure, but that's what my intuition is telling me. And I am willing to wait, in my current year-and-a-half long journey with Tinder she is the best girl I've found so far. Not the most beautiful, not the nicest, but certainly the best. I'd feel such a shame and disappointment if I were to lose that chance. And with each day of radio silence chance for that increase.
Add to that the simple awkwardness as I don't even know what should I do. I message her every now and then, either sending her some nice pictures from my walks or texting some cheers. I don't want to message her at all as I feel like I'm nagging her when she wants to be left alone. All the same I want to keep posting to show her that I care and I'm not mad at her for that behavior (like I said, I'm frustrated, but not mad). Although, to be honest sometimes I am mad. It passes quickly though and I don't wanna write this to her as message written in anger would only make her situation worse, given what I believe is happening is true.
At the end of the day it's all not that important. Opportunities come and go and I've been on a lucky streak anyway. The anger I feel is more the symptom of my low self-esteem when it comes to women more than the reaction to the current situation. So the best course of action is to keep doing what I've been doing. If she returns - great. If she doesn't - she was never to be mine to begin with. DMSI won't help me get her but it will make me feel like I have more options. And when anger and despair come that is the realization that I need.
I'm supposed to start my short DMSI run on Thursday. But, to he honest, I have no idea what I truly wanna run now. I fell... Puzzled. Directionless almost. I got everything I wanted except for relationship and I don't fool myself DMSI will magically help me in this regard. I'm not after casual sex and AM has better potential in helping me in that area. If anything I long for BIATBW & ASC combo, old but powerful sub combination that worked wonder for me, what, 5-6 years ago?
As for that girl I mentioned... I feel frustrated. So the story is that we started writing, we met for a date and everything was fine. I was really going well, nice and slowly. But then she stopped responding to my messages and since then she responded only once, over a week ago. She said she needs some time alone because she's overwhelmed with her studies and in situations like that she keeps away from the people. And I believe her. She seems like the type who would take things to personally and as an introvert added frustration makes her wanna limit her interactions to escape to her own safe zone.
That being said it's frustrating. I this situation I don't know if that phase of hers will pass and we'll be able to have fun again or if she ghosted me never to talk again. I don't think she has found for other buddy and I hope if she were to ghost me she would let me know. That may be fool's hope, sure, but that's what my intuition is telling me. And I am willing to wait, in my current year-and-a-half long journey with Tinder she is the best girl I've found so far. Not the most beautiful, not the nicest, but certainly the best. I'd feel such a shame and disappointment if I were to lose that chance. And with each day of radio silence chance for that increase.
Add to that the simple awkwardness as I don't even know what should I do. I message her every now and then, either sending her some nice pictures from my walks or texting some cheers. I don't want to message her at all as I feel like I'm nagging her when she wants to be left alone. All the same I want to keep posting to show her that I care and I'm not mad at her for that behavior (like I said, I'm frustrated, but not mad). Although, to be honest sometimes I am mad. It passes quickly though and I don't wanna write this to her as message written in anger would only make her situation worse, given what I believe is happening is true.
At the end of the day it's all not that important. Opportunities come and go and I've been on a lucky streak anyway. The anger I feel is more the symptom of my low self-esteem when it comes to women more than the reaction to the current situation. So the best course of action is to keep doing what I've been doing. If she returns - great. If she doesn't - she was never to be mine to begin with. DMSI won't help me get her but it will make me feel like I have more options. And when anger and despair come that is the realization that I need.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
