01-02-2021, 02:18 PM
Stage 5 Day 20 (3)
I've run LTU today and I do feel better. Somewhere between "average" and "bad" but at least not "bad". Also for some reason I keep thinking today is Sunday, I have no idea why though.
I keep feeling sick, I think it's due to my sinuses making pranks on me when atmospheric pressure is high. I've checked and there is a correlation - I'm not sure if there is causation but it checks out. Gonna make note of this in the future, but what worries me now is that forecasts say that it will only rise... F me I guess.
I was checking out prices of flats for rent in my neighborhood. I'm not planning on moving out until Summer and possibly Autumn but I wanna know how much would it cost and what is on offer. Thankfully there are nice places even in my current price range and if I land the new job my financial situation will only improve. There is no point in moving before I land the job though as I may need to go abroad for some time if I fail. So no eyeing any offers now, just studying the waters.
There were 2 kinds of offers that interested me. One was "studio apartment" (I have no idea if that's correct translation), all beautiful and fresh, with stylish furniture and brand new everything. The problem was that they are... small. Pre-COVID that would be fine, when you go to work and mostly sleep and relax there. But for me that wouldn't be enough, a flat barely larger than my current room alone to spend almost all day every day would be insane. Instead I'm eyeing renting a flat for 2 just for myself. These flats are older, not as nice but bigger, with 2 separate rooms. I'd love to turn one into an office and another into bedroom. I hate the fact that now I have to work and sleep at the same room and that would be an excellent solution.
BTW what I realized was that I really long for this idea of "home". I never really did before, I had my parents' place. But now I want this one place to call and make my own. As it's not easy to make emotional "home" with significant other for now I seem to be happy with a dream of physical one. I really lack this expression of myself, a place that would be shaped and molded by me for me. And I realized this is stupid, materialistic thinking but it really shows a deeper want I don't know how to realize just yet.
Oh, and one more interesting thing. I made a mistake. And sure, I make mistakes all the time, but here my intuition made a mistake and it's wrong only rarely. I the hindsight I think I should have stayed at my mom's until now. I wanted to leave for the city ASAP after Christmas and that was a mistake, I think I would've been happier there for another week or so, returning only today or tomorrow. Why intuition brought me to the city earlier? Dunno. But this is an interesting feeling for me to study.
I've run LTU today and I do feel better. Somewhere between "average" and "bad" but at least not "bad". Also for some reason I keep thinking today is Sunday, I have no idea why though.
I keep feeling sick, I think it's due to my sinuses making pranks on me when atmospheric pressure is high. I've checked and there is a correlation - I'm not sure if there is causation but it checks out. Gonna make note of this in the future, but what worries me now is that forecasts say that it will only rise... F me I guess.
I was checking out prices of flats for rent in my neighborhood. I'm not planning on moving out until Summer and possibly Autumn but I wanna know how much would it cost and what is on offer. Thankfully there are nice places even in my current price range and if I land the new job my financial situation will only improve. There is no point in moving before I land the job though as I may need to go abroad for some time if I fail. So no eyeing any offers now, just studying the waters.
There were 2 kinds of offers that interested me. One was "studio apartment" (I have no idea if that's correct translation), all beautiful and fresh, with stylish furniture and brand new everything. The problem was that they are... small. Pre-COVID that would be fine, when you go to work and mostly sleep and relax there. But for me that wouldn't be enough, a flat barely larger than my current room alone to spend almost all day every day would be insane. Instead I'm eyeing renting a flat for 2 just for myself. These flats are older, not as nice but bigger, with 2 separate rooms. I'd love to turn one into an office and another into bedroom. I hate the fact that now I have to work and sleep at the same room and that would be an excellent solution.
BTW what I realized was that I really long for this idea of "home". I never really did before, I had my parents' place. But now I want this one place to call and make my own. As it's not easy to make emotional "home" with significant other for now I seem to be happy with a dream of physical one. I really lack this expression of myself, a place that would be shaped and molded by me for me. And I realized this is stupid, materialistic thinking but it really shows a deeper want I don't know how to realize just yet.
Oh, and one more interesting thing. I made a mistake. And sure, I make mistakes all the time, but here my intuition made a mistake and it's wrong only rarely. I the hindsight I think I should have stayed at my mom's until now. I wanted to leave for the city ASAP after Christmas and that was a mistake, I think I would've been happier there for another week or so, returning only today or tomorrow. Why intuition brought me to the city earlier? Dunno. But this is an interesting feeling for me to study.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
