11-06-2020, 04:22 PM
Stage 3 Day 27 (0)
Had to take a day off because I felt so bad. LTU really pushes me hard right now to the point I'm willing to disregard my limits and I'm paying the price for this. I even had to convince myself that it would be OK not to work on Saturday. And I won't, I will be as lazy as possible and I will be regaining my strength.
The mentality of "do this or this is resistance and self-sabotage" really is not working right now. I want too much too fast. Prioritizing is hard as everything seems important (especially when I was already having it) and guilt over being worse than my past self is overbearing.
I need to be more clever about this but how do I distinguish between proper care and excuse?
I have this beautiful vision how in a years time I will have a new job, I'll be able a rest a flat all for myself and I'll be able to focus on anything I want. This is most probably faulty but it gives me hope and direction, and that is worth a lot. If you were to ask me during my LTU5 runs where do I see myself in a year's time I wouldn't be able to answer. Now I know perfectly well. And I almost hope my current plans go to shit as then I'll have to work hard at it knowing what I truly want now.
I don't like this stage but I like it for the courage in exploring new ideas.
Had to take a day off because I felt so bad. LTU really pushes me hard right now to the point I'm willing to disregard my limits and I'm paying the price for this. I even had to convince myself that it would be OK not to work on Saturday. And I won't, I will be as lazy as possible and I will be regaining my strength.
The mentality of "do this or this is resistance and self-sabotage" really is not working right now. I want too much too fast. Prioritizing is hard as everything seems important (especially when I was already having it) and guilt over being worse than my past self is overbearing.
I need to be more clever about this but how do I distinguish between proper care and excuse?
I have this beautiful vision how in a years time I will have a new job, I'll be able a rest a flat all for myself and I'll be able to focus on anything I want. This is most probably faulty but it gives me hope and direction, and that is worth a lot. If you were to ask me during my LTU5 runs where do I see myself in a year's time I wouldn't be able to answer. Now I know perfectly well. And I almost hope my current plans go to shit as then I'll have to work hard at it knowing what I truly want now.
I don't like this stage but I like it for the courage in exploring new ideas.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
