09-23-2020, 12:30 PM
Stage 2 Day 13 (0)
I've read through some other journals on this forum and wow, I did not expect others to have problems as well. From my experience I tend to have a little bit different experiences than the most. Also it'd be easy to fell the same if I were to read these testimonials beforehand and expect crap to go sideways.
At least I know the sub is working. My biggest problem with this right now is not that I feel tired, useless and bad. It's that I don't know why. I've gotten to this point where I know myself enough that when something is wrong, I know WHY it is wrong. At this moment I'm dumbfounded as to what is making me so mindscrewed.
Today was probably the most useless day I've had this September. And, to be perfectly honest, I'm not mad about it too much. For a short period of time, something like hour or two, I was happy and free. No, I did not do drugs, I simply played some old video game I've label too time consuming to play nowadays. You know, these "one more turn" kind of stuff.
Alas I had to do for a walk and the to the grocery so the magic was broken. But maybe it shows me my issue - I've been forcing myself to do stuff, lost in a web of obligations and habits. At the same time though if not for them I'd be a FF who'd probably loose his job. I like the person who I'd become, I just hope I can keep being that person without feeling like crap all the time.
I've read through some other journals on this forum and wow, I did not expect others to have problems as well. From my experience I tend to have a little bit different experiences than the most. Also it'd be easy to fell the same if I were to read these testimonials beforehand and expect crap to go sideways.
At least I know the sub is working. My biggest problem with this right now is not that I feel tired, useless and bad. It's that I don't know why. I've gotten to this point where I know myself enough that when something is wrong, I know WHY it is wrong. At this moment I'm dumbfounded as to what is making me so mindscrewed.
Today was probably the most useless day I've had this September. And, to be perfectly honest, I'm not mad about it too much. For a short period of time, something like hour or two, I was happy and free. No, I did not do drugs, I simply played some old video game I've label too time consuming to play nowadays. You know, these "one more turn" kind of stuff.
Alas I had to do for a walk and the to the grocery so the magic was broken. But maybe it shows me my issue - I've been forcing myself to do stuff, lost in a web of obligations and habits. At the same time though if not for them I'd be a FF who'd probably loose his job. I like the person who I'd become, I just hope I can keep being that person without feeling like crap all the time.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
