My EPHRA 2.0 Journal

[JCasterlin]

I'm taking the advice of a few folks on here including Benjamin & I'm going to run E2 for 180 days . Today is day one. To become the guy or alpha/sigma I want to be running E2 for six months prior to doing multiple runs of AM6 is probably the best option. Ive been reading up on & researching Sigma Males & honestly its exactly what I'm aiming for

[JCasterlin]

I read somewhere in the forum how running E2 can be addicting. That would be an interesting experience. I will see how I feel as time goes by if I decide to go beyond the 180 days. I grew up with incredibly toxic as well as mentally & emotionally unhealthy parents & step parents. I never really understood why I had so many of the same issues over & over again in my life until I started reading about narcissism & the traits & characteristics of emotionally unhealthy people. One of my earliest memories is watching my Mother & Father fight. I recall this endless back & forth blame game especially on my fathers end. Guy had been remarried for several years & was still blaming my mother for various wrongs in his life. I saw my father & step mother spend money they didn't have & listened to the sound of the telephone endlessly ringing usually with a bill collector calling or the electric company knocking on the door to either get a past due payment or as in two cases , temporarily shut off the power.
I saw & heard my parents & step parents say & do some of the most toxic , hateful, self sabotaging things . My step father always acted like I was a problem to be gotten rid of. He used to beat on me for the smallest of issues . Usually something related to me somehow being a bad influence on his children from a previous marriage. He tried twice to have me sent to a foster home. Both my parents & step parents seemed to have no problem questioning my intelligence growing up. I was told I would be lucky to graduate high school. Never mind I was the first kid in the family to do so on time & with extra credits. I could go on but as you can see I've got quite a bit inside me I wish to eliminate before I take the journey towards AM.

[JCasterlin]

I just realized I didn't say much about today. Or anything for that matter. I played the masked stream version for an hour or two before switching to the ultrasonic version while I sleep. I'm already running into a bit of resistance to change subs or ask myself why I should spend the next six months of my life cleaning out the mental garbage. It's at that point I remind myself of a quote from a Mark Manson article he wrote just about this time last year

"Let me state that more clearly: Not dealing with your emotional baggage can literally kill you or make you go crazy".

I've been making similar mistakes over & over again in the past. Granted I have improved in a lot of ways from where I was a few years ago but as much as I struggle with admitting it , AM6 will not bring the results I want unless I do the work beforehand. If I'm going to become as mentally & emotionally healthy as I'm aiming to be a six month journey with EPHRA is definitely a great place to start

[findingme]

E2 may scare you initially, especially if you're used to controlling every second of your day. E2 works best, from my recent experience, when I focused on other things.

This was in sharp contrast to 16 months ago starting up E2, thinking "this, that, and this NEED to change FIRST!" Control is how I'd learned (emotionally unhealthy) people survived. And I practiced doing that.

This cemented the stress I lived under. I created it, and I maintained it.

But E2 works, with and without me knowing what it's working on. I'd be running it now, but I'm starting DMSI next Friday, and I need off-time from E2. Why? About a month or 2 into E2, I began feeling the Positive Thinking, Positive Attitude in it. This felt great--as if I'd prefer to go out and try new things vs. staying unhappy.

Let E2 do its work. It'll happen. I am sure about that.

[JCasterlin]

E2 may scare you initially, especially if you're used to controlling every second of your day. E2 works best, from my recent experience, when I focused on other things.

This was in sharp contrast to 16 months ago starting up E2, thinking "this, that, and this NEED to change FIRST!" Control is how I'd learned (emotionally unhealthy) people survived. And I practiced doing that.

This cemented the stress I lived under. I created it, and I maintained it.

But E2 works, with and without me knowing what it's working on. I'd be running it now, but I'm starting DMSI next Friday, and I need off-time from E2. Why? About a month or 2 into E2, I began feeling the Positive Thinking, Positive Attitude in it. This felt great--as if I'd prefer to go out and try new things vs. staying unhappy.

Let E2 do its work. It'll happen. I am sure about that.

I wouldn't say I'm a control freak as much as I let myself get attached to outcomes way to easily & especially recently much to my detriment. I have this nasty habit of getting in my own way ( i.e. my ego ) especially when it comes to things like my job. I've gotten incredibly lucky in that most if not all jobs I've had I have grasped very quickly. The one I have now is the exception. I love it & it's a huge opportunity but its something that I've never done before or anything close & it f***s with me. I'm forced to attempt to be patient , trust that my supervisor is right when he says to stop trying so hard & just let things happen.

[Benjamin]

I'm not sure i'd use the word addicting. But the times that it was going well I was just more enjoying life, doing things I used to do as a kid like drawing, playing boardgames, just exploring places and enjoying more of it.. and kind of a feeling of joy.

I really liked that, though motivation to achieve things in general was low which can happen because it's focusing on healing.

[JCasterlin]

I'm not sure i'd use the word addicting. But the times that it was going well I was just more enjoying life, doing things I used to do as a kid like drawing, playing boardgames, just exploring places and enjoying more of it.. and kind of a feeling of joy.

I really liked that, though motivation to achieve things in general was low which can happen because it's focusing on healing.

I get it. I'm loving E2. I'm quite sure I will have days where I don't feel that way but the last two days have been so ridiculously cool. For probably the last ten to fifteen years I've felt it was almost impossible to let myself go & just enjoy whatever it is I'm doing. Some mental or emotional block kept that from happening. After two days of E2 I feel like I'm finally going to be able to steer my way through life without the emergency brake on. It hasn't happened yet but I have zero doubts it will.

[JCasterlin]

Day 2 - I've been enjoying the last couple of days feeling really calm & quite a bit introspective. Yesterday I probably got somewhere between ten to twelve hours of exposure time in & today so far I've got at least six hours in. Its 4:10 PM here so I can probably get close to twelve again today. I really feel that doing a run of six months if not double or triple that , was or is the best choice at this time given where I am in my life at this moment, the changes happening in the next couple of months, & my goals for the not too distant future.
To be dragging around the same mental & emotional baggage could easily hinder if not possibly sabotage my progress. I grew up watching what not resolving your inner crap can do to someone. I see it now with how much mother at almost 75 years of age responds to any inconvenience as an apocalyptic event. I know this won't be easy but I will do the work & press play every day

[findingme]

E2 may scare you initially, especially if you're used to controlling every second of your day.

I feel like I was all in your business, telling you were a control freak. I was wrong. I apologize for putting you down.

I don't like being treated like this myself. I'll mind my words in the future.

[JCasterlin]

E2 may scare you initially, especially if you're used to controlling every second of your day.

I feel like I was all in your business, telling you were a control freak. I was wrong. I apologize for putting you down.

I don't like being treated like this myself. I'll mind my words in the future.

Dude it's fine. I didn't take it that way. Say what you want

[Greenduck]

Day 2 - I've been enjoying the last couple of days feeling really calm & quite a bit introspective. Yesterday I probably got somewhere between ten to twelve hours of exposure time in & today so far I've got at least six hours in. Its 4:10 PM here so I can probably get close to twelve again today. I really feel that doing a run of six months if not double or triple that , was or is the best choice at this time given where I am in my life at this moment, the changes happening in the next couple of months, & my goals for the not too distant future.
To be dragging around the same mental & emotional baggage could easily hinder if not possibly sabotage my progress. I grew up watching what not resolving your inner crap can do to someone. I see it now with how much mother at almost 75 years of age responds to any inconvenience as an apocalyptic event. I know this won't be easy but I will do the work & press play every day

Hi man! Will probably follow your journey a bit, best of luck!

I'm recognizing my "past self" in you so I just wanted to give you some pointers that I would have given to myself:

• Don't focus so much on how many hours that you listen, focus more on how you feel in general - when you listen, after, during the day. Better to start slow with around 1-3 loops per day, and when you FEEL that you want more, well listen more. It's the same phenomenon as when you start exercising and do it 5 times a week for 3 weeks (or 1 week) until you crash, or worst case get injured. So take it slow, no need to hurry. Better to get used to the subliminal slowly and know how it feels.
  
• Get into the "now". Just as I did, I thought much about how things would be in the future. But the future will always be the future (get what I am saying?) Things are happening now and you can only feel in the now and only heal in hte now. Get here, feel what you are feeling right now and let it come out. There is where the healing is done. That is the way you get most use of the subliminal. It's not magic, it's words spoken to you, but you need to open up yourself to it and to the experience of helaing.
  

And I know the situation with having a mother who overreact to everything, lol. It's a real pain in the ass, but I believe many of us have had that kind of situation. I have learned to stay calm and not react to her overreacting, as it only spurs that fire. Better to take a chillpill and let her be.

Best of luck! will be interesting to follow you

//Greenduck

And PS. This is my personal opinion and it may not be loved by people on this forum - but the sigma/alpha whatever stereotypes is just what they are - stereotypes that for some reason has been given WAY to much attention as a desirable goal here. Be yourself, you don't need a stereotype to strive to become. Sure it's good to have ideals and people to look up to, but to "become alpha" is in my eyes the same thing as someone trying to "be as" a famous rapper. It's copying behavior, rather than trusting your own instincts and usnig rolemodels as inspirations. You cannot be genuine if you are trying to copy other peoples behaviors. [/personal rant]

[JCasterlin]

Day 2 - I've been enjoying the last couple of days feeling really calm & quite a bit introspective. Yesterday I probably got somewhere between ten to twelve hours of exposure time in & today so far I've got at least six hours in. Its 4:10 PM here so I can probably get close to twelve again today. I really feel that doing a run of six months if not double or triple that , was or is the best choice at this time given where I am in my life at this moment, the changes happening in the next couple of months, & my goals for the not too distant future.
To be dragging around the same mental & emotional baggage could easily hinder if not possibly sabotage my progress. I grew up watching what not resolving your inner crap can do to someone. I see it now with how much mother at almost 75 years of age responds to any inconvenience as an apocalyptic event. I know this won't be easy but I will do the work & press play every day

Hi man! Will probably follow your journey a bit, best of luck!

I'm recognizing my "past self" in you so I just wanted to give you some pointers that I would have given to myself:

• Don't focus so much on how many hours that you listen, focus more on how you feel in general - when you listen, after, during the day. Better to start slow with around 1-3 loops per day, and when you FEEL that you want more, well listen more. It's the same phenomenon as when you start exercising and do it 5 times a week for 3 weeks (or 1 week) until you crash, or worst case get injured. So take it slow, no need to hurry. Better to get used to the subliminal slowly and know how it feels.
  
• Get into the "now". Just as I did, I thought much about how things would be in the future. But the future will always be the future (get what I am saying?) Things are happening now and you can only feel in the now and only heal in hte now. Get here, feel what you are feeling right now and let it come out. There is where the healing is done. That is the way you get most use of the subliminal. It's not magic, it's words spoken to you, but you need to open up yourself to it and to the experience of helaing.
  

And I know the situation with having a mother who overreact to everything, lol. It's a real pain in the ass, but I believe many of us have had that kind of situation. I have learned to stay calm and not react to her overreacting, as it only spurs that fire. Better to take a chillpill and let her be.

Best of luck! will be interesting to follow you

//Greenduck

And PS. This is my personal opinion and it may not be loved by people on this forum - but the sigma/alpha whatever stereotypes is just what they are - stereotypes that for some reason has been given WAY to much attention as a desirable goal here. Be yourself, you don't need a stereotype to strive to become. Sure it's good to have ideals and people to look up to, but to "become alpha" is in my eyes the same thing as someone trying to "be as" a famous rapper. It's copying behavior, rather than trusting your own instincts and usnig rolemodels as inspirations. You cannot be genuine if you are trying to copy other peoples behaviors. [/personal rant]

Thank you sir. I will do my best to follow your advice. Right now I feel more than anything I want to focus on being consistent , try my hardest to be patient, & not get attached to any outcome or results. Doing E2 in so many ways mirrors the process I have to take with my career. Like you said focusing on the now. Not always thinking about the future or comparing my progress to someone else's. It hurt like hell admitting that.

[ianmarconi]

Finally, a journal that's not DMSI or AM! People totally underestimate the power of emotional and physical (hello MHS, UD and MLS) healing. They think they need to be the ultimate alpha male or MPUA to be happy and satisfied only to find out years later that their traumas, poor health, and unresolved issues were holding them back. I am currently using MLS 5.5G focusing on detoxing my body resulting in an awesome mood, mind and body. I used to think that all problems were in the mind (focused mostly on meditating a lot) and forgot about the body but now i see how my own physical health was holding me back to achieving higher levels of wellbeing.
I will follow this one, good luck!

[StridingStrider]

Finally, a journal that's not DMSI or AM! People totally underestimate the power of emotional and physical (hello MHS, UD and MLS) healing. They think they need to be the ultimate alpha male or MPUA to be happy and satisfied only to find out years later that their traumas, poor health, and unresolved issues were holding them back. I am currently using MLS 5.5G focusing on detoxing my body resulting in an awesome mood, mind and body. I used to think that all problems were in the mind (focused mostly on meditating a lot) and forgot about the body but now i see how my own physical health was holding me back to achieving higher levels of wellbeing.
I will follow this one, good luck!

Yeah, wish I ran EPHRA before AM.