My EPHRA 2.0 Journal

[Greenduck]

Hi man,

I'm also struggling with the habit of comparing myself to others, especially people who are successful, strong, confident, or any good attribute. But it's getting better. And I know when comparing you both overlook your own good sides and you don't see the other person for who he or she is, but you just stay in your head. I noticed it get better when you get to know the person you are comparing yourself with.

Also think my issues stems from my mother's narcissistic tendencies and inability to see her child, me, for who I am, rather as seeing it as an extension of herself, thus making it possible to compare. We are so much more than we think, and we can't be compared because we are all amazing. Good luck with your healing!

[Benjamin]

Update - another thing I chose to do was go back & eliminate my social media accounts. I have been debating doing it for a while & finally said " f*** it". I'm starting a 2nd job here soon so I'm not going to have the time as it is

Yep I waste too much time on facebook sometimes, and it's not doing anything productive. The way it's designed is to get you going back just checking if you got liked and such, and it's definately not helping us with not caring what people think.

Shame cos it's useful to find events and also message friends so I don't want to delete it completely.

[JCasterlin]

Update - another thing I chose to do was go back & eliminate my social media accounts. I have been debating doing it for a while & finally said " f*** it". I'm starting a 2nd job here soon so I'm not going to have the time as it is

Yep I waste too much time on facebook sometimes, and it's not doing anything productive. The way it's designed is to get you going back just checking if you got liked and such, and it's definately not helping us with not caring what people think.

Shame cos it's useful to find events and also message friends so I don't want to delete it completely.

I felt that way at first but then I realized that for whatever reason 99% of the time I'm the one messaging people. I get people have lives. Especially those with children , families, or other obligations . I feel it comes across as needy & desperate. The exact opposite of what I'm going for

[JCasterlin]

Hi man,

I'm also struggling with the habit of comparing myself to others, especially people who are successful, strong, confident, or any good attribute. But it's getting better. And I know when comparing you both overlook your own good sides and you don't see the other person for who he or she is, but you just stay in your head. I noticed it get better when you get to know the person you are comparing yourself with.

Also think my issues stems from my mother's narcissistic tendencies and inability to see her child, me, for who I am, rather as seeing it as an extension of herself, thus making it possible to compare. We are so much more than we think, and we can't be compared because we are all amazing. Good luck with your healing!

My mother is ridiculously narcissistic as well. Everything is about her or my half brother who is so much like her it's scary. Neither one can admit fault or accept responsibility for their actions. Both are incredibly bigoted although they will say they aren't. I'm actually the polar opposite of him in that he's currently in treatment for the whatever time,.I have a strong marriage & my wife is my best friend. He is in the process of getting divorced & losing his family because of his alcohol addiction. I don't drink. Not my thing. I don't do drugs of any kind other than the ones I'm prescribed. He can't hold down a job or will quit one for a plethora of lame excuses. I just received acknowledgement as employee of the month for the team I'm on at work. That & I mentioned before how I'm about to start a second job. My mother considers him the golden child of the family & yet I'm somehow lazy . Yeah ok

[Zane]

Hi man,

I'm also struggling with the habit of comparing myself to others, especially people who are successful, strong, confident, or any good attribute. But it's getting better. And I know when comparing you both overlook your own good sides and you don't see the other person for who he or she is, but you just stay in your head. I noticed it get better when you get to know the person you are comparing yourself with.

Also think my issues stems from my mother's narcissistic tendencies and inability to see her child, me, for who I am, rather as seeing it as an extension of herself, thus making it possible to compare. We are so much more than we think, and we can't be compared because we are all amazing. Good luck with your healing!

I have a strong marriage & my wife is my best friend.

I don't drink

I don't do drugs of any kind other than the ones I'm prescribed.

I just received acknowledgement as employee of the month for the team I'm on at work.

.................

He is in the process of getting divorced

Losing his family because of his alcohol addiction

He can't hold down a job or will quit one for a plethora of lame excuses

.......................................

I think we all know whose in better position and who isnt..

[Zane]

My mother considers him the golden child of the family

Are u kidding me???

[JCasterlin]

My mother considers him the golden child of the family

Are u kidding me???

No sir.As an example right after Christmas 2017 he was pulled over for a DUI . I believe that was his fourth DUI in just over ten years. Apparently he went somewhere to be supportive to a person he knew. Instead of blaming him for drinking & driving my mother chose to cast blame on the person he was with , who was oddly not with him when he was pulled over, & the arresting officer. Subsequently he lost a well paying job because he no longer had transportation . When that happened he couldn't pay the rent at his apartment so my mother decided to.

[findingme]

That sounds horrible James. Having blood relatives that distorted can not be a pleasant reality at all.

[JCasterlin]

That sounds horrible James. Having blood relatives that distorted can not be a pleasant reality at all.

I see being honest about it as the process of healing. After July 1st I hope to not have to deal with her any longer. She's created far too much unnecessary stress & drama for myself & my wife. Because of past mistakes on my part we were semi forced to get an apartment with her back in mid October 2017. Instead of waiting until the lease ends on Halloween of this year she decided to see if she could somehow fuck us over by moving out four months beforehand. Hence the reason why I've gotten a 2nd job. I did question working on healing issues relating to a person while still being subject to them daily . Right now I see everything as a process of growing.

[JCasterlin]

Day 8 - I have to go back & read the sales page but I believe E2 has the Naturalizer in it if I'm correct. If so I feel as if their are times where these cool moments happen that make me wonder why I waited so long to listen to this. Especially the aha moments or the willingness to address something I may have done everything I could to avoid previously. If I feel like this after eight days it makes me curious & excited to see how I feel 96 or at 192 days. As a someone who has gone to therapy & been on medication for anxiety , ADHD , & depression I won't say this is better or a replacement for any of those but it wouldn't hurt as a supplement. To be fair I am still on meds but I feel I am having my own private intense therapy session every time I press play on E2.

I read in the Mens Product Discussion are how it was suggested that a person see AM6 as the rite or passage from boy to man. I'm paraphrasing here. I am seeing E2 as the foundation to that process

[JCasterlin]

Day 9 - I'm not trying to make this a daily journal but for now it seems that will. It will probably change when I start my 2nd job next weekend. Treated myself last night by watching the first game of the NHL Western Conference Finals. That was fun . I love hockey. Especially playoff hockey. An already fast & brutal sport steps it up a notch. I honestly didn't realize how big the Winnipeg Jets team is. Average height is 6' 2" or 187 .96 cm. As big as they are they are ridiculously fast as well.
Enough about hockey. Taking care of my Sunday stuff such as laundry to get ready for the work week. May have to modify that once the second job starts, do it later in the day, or ask my wife to do it during the week. While I'm at work. She offered to so why not? Once less thing to worry about. Let's me focus on what I need to do especially work. I'm still not sure how long I will run E2 before switching to AM6. I'm going to wait at least until after 64 days & decide then if I'm going to run it for I'll only another 32 days, Go a total of 196 days , or start AM6 & do a few runs of that back to back. I know for sure that when I do start AM6 I will spend at least two years with it. Unless of course AM7 comes out during that time. Then I will complete whatever run I am doing of AM6 & move on to AM7

[findingme]

If I may, I'd like to share with you something I experienced myself while running E2.

I used E2 on ultrasonic mode (US) my first 2 months.....and I had almost no change. My volume was probably low truthfully, but I was scared of hurting my ears with the silent frequencies. I also didn't post much at all while on E2 either.

So out of curiosity, I used the masked version while sleeping. After listening to it for one night, I woke up (on a Saturday--no work) and I had memories and images from college days surfacing. I was moved, as I had isolated heavily in college my first 2 years, and E2 was reminding me I still lived like that in many ways. Fear was running my life. I used it to guide EVERY decision I made.

I posted about this to Shannon, also saying I know I am an audio learner (I learn best by listening vs. watching or doing). On nearly every sub I've owned since then, I use either masked or hybrid (masked and US together). Since then I've had consistent results using Shannon's subs.

And lastly, I'll share a clear negative running the US version which I learned from. My first IML sub was Overcoming Guilt, Shame, and Fear (OGSF). I used US only for maybe 3 or 4 days, and I couldn't handle it--resistance fought back HARD. I learned later that the US version is basically a drill sargeant approach vs. the masked, which is more suggestive and easier to accept by the subconscious. I wanted healing, so I've stayed with masked (or hybrid), with minimal resistance surfacing.

We're all different. But use this if it'd benefit you.

[JCasterlin]

If I may, I'd like to share with you something I experienced myself while running E2.

I used E2 on ultrasonic mode (US) my first 2 months.....and I had almost no change. My volume was probably low truthfully, but I was scared of hurting my ears with the silent frequencies. I also didn't post much at all while on E2 either.

So out of curiosity, I used the masked version while sleeping. After listening to it for one night, I woke up (on a Saturday--no work) and I had memories and images from college days surfacing. I was moved, as I had isolated heavily in college my first 2 years, and E2 was reminding me I still lived like that in many ways. Fear was running my life. I used it to guide EVERY decision I made.

I posted about this to Shannon, also saying I know I am an audio learner (I learn best by listening vs. watching or doing). On nearly every sub I've owned since then, I use either masked or hybrid (masked and US together). Since then I've had consistent results using Shannon's subs.

And lastly, I'll share a clear negative running the US version which I learned from. My first IML sub was Overcoming Guilt, Shame, and Fear (OGSF). I used US only for maybe 3 or 4 days, and I couldn't handle it--resistance fought back HARD. I learned later that the US version is basically a drill sargeant approach vs. the masked, which is more suggestive and easier to accept by the subconscious. I wanted healing, so I've stayed with masked (or hybrid), with minimal resistance surfacing.

We're all different. But use this if it'd benefit you.

Oh wow . Thanks for the input. I've been curious about playing the Ultra Sonic version & if I have it on the correct volume. I have no problem playing one of the masked versions on speakers while I sleep. I will start that tonight.

[JCasterlin]

Day 9 update - I'm not sure if this is temporary but I noticed earlier I am not fighting myself with listening to the sub. Doesn't matter if I'm openly willing to admit to myself or not , I know E2 is working & doing what it's meant to do. I was thinking about what my goals are for E2 & AM6. Outside of the obvious ones I think what I hope to gain from both is to let go out expectations , outcomes, & FOMO ( fear of missing out) . I'm almost 99.8% positive some if not all of my prior self sabotage was related to one of those three things