Let's bend some reality and muse randomly - DMSI 3.1

[Have at ye]

Wow, MLS5.5 sounds really *good*. Too bad I'm gonna have to wait until September/November to get it, pah! All's good, though, since I'm sticking to DMSI in the interim, as planned.

On that front - yesterday I only did 2 loops in the morning. In the evening I was so sleepy and tired, I did not put on my loops. In the end, I slept for about 14 hours. This is probably the humongous amount of loops I've been doing lately getting processed. Doing the 2 loops now, will see about later on.

I think that once I start seriously executing DMSI, 2 loops is going to be more than enough. The additional loops serve to break through resistance, mostly.

[Have at ye]

So, I've been doing 2 loops morning, 2 loops evening these past two days. And lemme tell you, I feel excruciatingly tired all the time - feels like I'd just like to curl up in a little ball of boredom and misery and go to sleep, but I've got trouble doing that too lately. Something's being worked on. It might be that the program is driving me to do or realize something big, and it is not exactly a pleasant or smooth experience. No idea what exactly that would be, though. I'll stick to the 2 loops morning, 2 loops evening deal at least until Sunday, and then maybe I'll add some more loops to the mix. Will try to tough it out with ver. B until the end of the month in such a way. Only 10 days left to go!

I've basically been driven to remove all distractions (no vidya games, no tv shows, no pornography, etc., still working on cigarettes and caffeine, though) throughout my time with DMSI, and now that I've got none at hand... well... I don't have anything to distract me from the general misery of resisting the script, or I dunno what.

Had an audition lined up for Saturday, but it got moved to September, because of course it did. I've just realized that for some reason, my summer's have been rather boring and miserable these past 3-4 years, heh.

Honestly, if I had the potato to buy MLS, I'd switch subs. But since I don't, I'm sticking to DMSI. Perhaps this is for the better in the long run. I dunno.

EDIT

Funnily enough, throughout that I do get moments of the morphine drip sensation, and various other physical sensations that seem to be related to projecting the DMSI aura (increased bodyheat, electrical current around limbs, warmth in the heart chakra area etc.).

[Have at ye]

Listening to DMSI sometimes feels like walking in circles. It is not (as whenever I choose to think about, I can see heaploads of changes and notice pretty powerful effects), but it sure as hell does feel like it at times.

Anyroad, pressing on. Currently using ver. A, 2 loops morning, 2 loops evening. Noticed that such a set up brings up a lot of *weird* stuff - as in it is either radical healing/clearing, or radical resistance. I am not so sure whether it is one or the other, as masking is a factor. F. in. oftentimes I am thinking about stuff that is (at least seemingly) totally unrelated to DMSI's goals, doing day-to-day stuff, etc., with nothing happening, yet internally feel like crap/like my gut is being torn to shreds from the inside out.

Since I presume that it pays off to stay the course while the going is the hardest (at least that is the general conclusion I have come to from reading other journal's and Shannon's advice contained therein), I will be staying the course of 2 loops day/2 loops evening for the time being, as it is kicking my ass.

I had a very strong urge to shoot myself in the foot and spend all my money for groceries this month on the newest MLS, but it has passed. The reason for that is that *I know* it would kick ass and I'd totally ace executing the thing with very little stuff to heal/clear (heck, DMSI ver. A has taken care of most of that already, I think). Thing is, though - I should be friggin' executing DMSI with comparable power and effectiveness, oy! I've had enough of coming up with dumb excuses to not execute the goddamn script, grr, subconsciously or not, or fucking myself over or self-sabotaging out of some dumb fears of inadequacy. The only way to execute the script is to execute the script. Simple as that. Herp derp derp.

BTW., one thing I noticed - some women, when exposed to my awesome auric presence for extended periods of time, start acting like they are suffering from hysteria - possibly due to an overload of sexual arousal and blocking themselves from relieving it by doing what they should be doing (i. e.: having sex with me ). This mostly applies to younger women of Catholic background/virgins/girls suffering from a case of acute girl-oneitis (as in - *wife material*). They also engage in avoidant behavior of a weird kind - they seem to be afraid of staying alone with me (most probably because they can feel that they might be unable to control themselves in such a scenario); thus, they seek out contact, but only when there are other people around (which is annoying, because all other signs otherwise indicate they are hot, bothered and ready to go). I'll need to make some more observations and field test it a bit more. It is possible I am not executing the script to its full extent yet, though, or there might be a leak there that must be plugged. Dunno.

I do assume that, given enough time, they'll find a rationalization or excuse to engage in some dirty lovemaking with the wonderful author of this here Internet post, though.

[Have at ye]

Oh, one more thing: I noticed that my, um, penis sometimes hurts. LIKE A WHOLE LOT. If it is a way of motivating myself to execute the script through making myself uncomfortable if I don't, then it should be most effective, because *ouch*. I am not excluding the possibility that it might be something else, though. It's happened once when I was doing ver. B, and then once again yesterday (ver. A), and only happens when I'm in public.

[Have at ye]

Hmm, just noticed my smell has definitely changed - to one similar in strength and composition to the one I had while using ver. 3.0.1 - so that means tons of androstenol being produced, I guess. Curious.

Only thing I did different listening to my loops today is that I felt the urge to raise playback volume a ton, now it's at 0.00dB adjustment per foobar's indication.

Hoping this means some resistance has been overcome.

[Have at ye]

Had my first day where I felt actually good about myself and my life for the first time in about a month. This is big, given the general tone of this journal lately.

Tons of progress. It's as I have noticed previously - I've gotten past a lot of stuff intellectually, but not on the subconscious level, which resists accepting certain truths or new, better, more useful beliefs. I've probably still got some ways to go, but I can feel, see, tell and accept that I've actually accepted certain truths as they are and for what they are (mostly pertaining to: actual female nature and getting rid of irrational feelings of inadequacy/the need to impress/fight an uphill battle). There still might be some leftovers of that - I can tell because sometimes my brain will flare up with, for instance, "when you next have sex with a woman you will get ED because you're worthless, brah", but - given the progress - I am quite sure it is going to be taken care of soon enough, and its been kicking up less and less, and now when I do get thoughts of this ilk, I don't get angry or depressed - I'm actually rather amused with myself, lol ("lol, I can see what I'm trying to do here, get out of here with that bullcrap, me " and suchlike).

Funnily enough, I've had a slight windfall of potato that would allow me to purchase MLS right now, but - even though I will buy and use it sooner or later - I do not feel inclined to do so right now. Currently planning to keep running DMSI until at least September. MLS will keep. It's not going anywhere.

[Benjamin]

I'm sorry, potatos aren't a currency that paypal currently accepts!

[Have at ye]

I'm sorry, potatos aren't a currency that paypal currently accepts!

'tis an outrage! I shall write a stern letter and mail it to their offices by pigeon.

[Have at ye]

Random musing of the day:

When you wield true power (of any sort), use it to its limits but - don't be a dick about it. People can tell when you are more powerful than them, so there's no need to force it down their throats. This may breed resentment. Resentment leads to hate.

(and hate leads to the DARK SIDE . j/k)

Unless someone is really asking for it, I guess (as in - makes a power play and does not back down/is unwilling to cooperate with a greater power or a power of equal proportions).

[Have at ye]

I am now hyperfocused on resolving various issues that DMSI has been driving me to resolve. Connecting the dots - putting the pieces in place. Re-evaluating certain ideas, belief and behaviors of mine. A lot of it is now facepalmingly obvious.

And you know what? It feels fucking good.

It is making it kinda difficult to focus on other stuff, though, since I've now got some interesting things to do professionally, but I'll get to them in due course.

I believe I am also readying myself to quit smoking altogether. A part of me is still clinging to cigarettes desperately, as I am tempted to smoke even more than usual lately, but it is what it is - an attempt to cling to something desperately before letting go of it for real.

[Have at ye]

Funny.

So, whenever I am resolving internal stuff, I tend to take long walks. It just occurred to me - my subconscious, apart from doing clearing and healing, is also using these walks as an opportunity to scan my neighborhood for attractive females. And not just any females, but the kind that make me go all "[Oh rule 4 and all your four quarters], WHAT A WOMAN" in my internal monologue. It clicked after I chanced into the same very beautiful girl two days in a row (in the exact same spot, BTW. She was all smiles and oh-so-shy downturned eyes towards me both times), and then another one today who proceeded to check me out for 10 minutes straight while waiting for her bus.

Clever subconscious. DMSI for the win.

[SargeMaximus]

[edited as per rule 4]

LOL!!

[Benjamin]

Unfortunately will have to get you to edit that part though, rule 4

[Have at ye]

Suspected as much, truth be told. Oh well. Won't be able to edit sarge's quote, though.