**Jake's Overcoming Fear v.3 5.75.7G Journal**

[Jake2015]

Day 64/180 ON #1- Wed 21 July - part 2

6) Mood isnt great. Not unhappy just not motivated, clearly this must be fear because the only thing left for me to do is study and im not.

7) Had softer stool then earlier. Is it something I ate, is it due to the sleep supp from last night, is it the sub i really dont know.

8) All I do know is i have the feeling to increase to 5 loops so ill see how I feel once my 2 days OFF is completed.

I have been on 4 loops for 14 days today and thats a total of 3.5 cycles so yeah now the feeling to increase is there as im still lost with seeing any results.

[Shannon]

How about you switch to 4 loops hybrid?

[Jake2015]

How about you switch to 4 loops hybrid?

I was avoiding hybrid incase the masked track disrupted my already precarious sleep cycle/regimen but as you've now mentioned it ill take your lead and try it.

Question: You have me on 13/15 volume for the US track, what would you like me to do for hybrid please?

Thanks mate!

[Jake2015]

Day 65/180 ON #2- Thurs 22 July

1) Got to bed after taking the sleep supps. Aim was 1am, slept after some youtubing around 1.30am.

2) Woke at 10am due to alarms, kept snoozing and finally sat up at 10.30am - terrific compared to last week or so but not ideal.

3) Long story short finished morning ablution etc by 11.05 and then made "add water to mix" pancakes as easy so why not. Ate and according to my timeblocking, I was going to go out for a walk around now but saw @Shannon 's post to me above which I wanted to reply to incase he was online anytime soon thus decided to update my journal and then go walking.

Walking isnt an easy thing as I hardly go out anyway so im going for a walk to see if it changes my mood and helps with the procrastination and flunk ive been in as per my past few posts.

4) Today was tired when i woke but it wasnt as much of a struggle as it was yesterday. I purposefully stayed in bed even when I woke a little here and there until 10am was reached to give my body as much rest as I could. Mentally did I get good quality sleep, I hope so.

5) I do now feel a little tired, due to the high carb pancakes (plus maple syrup and nutella cos im worth it lol) but I have to walk so not going to dilly dally on it any longer.

6) Mood seems a little bit better but that is because I have eliminated alot of stress and pressure such as studying from my schedule. So lets hope hybrid really helps me out which i will download later today and start after my 2 days off.

7) Bowel movements seem not to be abnormal today so far. Not diarrhoea is what I mean.

[Jake2015]

Day 65/180 ON #2- Thurs 22 July - part 2

8) Went for a walk, 28mins, 1.5miles, slow intensity. Apparently meant to help the mood well didnt change anything, except I felt more tired after I got home and showered.

9) Fear is real. The fear and anxiety is within me when I think or imagine that I have uni work to do. Im avoiding it like the plague.

I have also realised I think, and I emphasise that I think, that usually on the 2nd ON day I feel more fear - maybe because sometimes im unaware of the fear but anyway on the 2nd ON day - I then feel glad and grateful I have 2 off days because today I was thinking the same that thankfully tomorrow is an off day, so this seems to be the case and ill make mention of this to @Shannon incase he wants to change strategy for me.

10) so got home from walking, showered, cleaned up and then sat to ate. After eating realised im tired and fearful as point #9 and so have been procrastinating due to both for 2hours.

[Jake2015]

Day 65/180 ON #2- Thurs 22 July - part 3

Got my reply and so ill be moving onto 4 loops of hybrid after my 2 OFF days, as per this post:
https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Shann...#pid247573

Ill download hybrid now and get the playlist set up on my phone.

Today as an update has been a scary fearful one. I today can see more than ever that im avoiding studying when I have zero reason to. Its not even scary. I know an easy way to study and yet im fearing it. I dont get it but im not giving up. I need to smash through this and hopefully hybrid with the remaining days to 180 will help me do this.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Jake, because of Shannon's comment in his journal I decided to go back and look at your journal and it took me only 2 pages to be convinced that the sub IS working for you. However, I think you have a fear of self-delusion that causes you to be very staunch about what you define as progress or not. With the slight readthrough of your journal I saw at least 3 people saying your executing and I saw IN YOUR OWN WRITTEN WORDS that you were executing as well. With that information, I have come to the conclusion that your fear of self-delusion has come upon you. You are already, in fact, self-deluded. Fear has so self-deluded you that it has thoroughly made it into your self-narrative, and even though people have said your executing and YOU YOURSELF HAVE WRITTEN IN A WAY THAT DESCRIBES EXECUTION AND CHANGE, you are defaulting back to the fearful self-narrative just in case that change wasn't "true change", whatever that is. It's so deep that it feels normal to do what you're doing. However, from an outside perspective, it's easy to see that you're deluding yourself. You are journaling change and then redact it saying that you aren't changed. Sometimes change is 2 steps forward and 1 step back and instead of neurotically focusing on that step back, which is generally a fear reaction, how about you celebrate the 2 steps forward you took. Fixate on those 2 steps forward. Honestly, the only way you can say change isn't happening is because of self-delusion. How about you get honest with yourself and admit to YOURSELF, not anyone else, that part of your default disposition is fearful self-delusion. It may not FEEL like fear, but that's because you've become so accustomed to it that it feels normal. Just take some time and read your journal from the beginning and try to see it from an outside perspective. It might just be the catalyst you need to observe your self-delusion from an external perspective.

[Jake2015]

Jake, because of Shannon's comment in his journal I decided to go back and look at your journal and it took me only 2 pages to be convinced that the sub IS working for you. However, I think you have a fear of self-delusion that causes you to be very staunch about what you define as progress or not. With the slight readthrough of your journal I saw at least 3 people saying your executing and I saw IN YOUR OWN WRITTEN WORDS that you were executing as well.  With that information, I have come to the conclusion that your fear of self-delusion has come upon you. You are already, in fact, self-deluded. Fear has so self-deluded you that it has thoroughly made it into your self-narrative, and even though people have said your executing and YOU YOURSELF HAVE WRITTEN IN A WAY THAT DESCRIBES EXECUTION AND CHANGE, you are defaulting back to the fearful self-narrative just in case that change wasn't "true change", whatever that is. It's so deep that it feels normal to do what you're doing. However, from an outside perspective, it's easy to see that you're deluding yourself. You are journaling change and then redact it saying that you aren't changed. Sometimes change is 2 steps forward and 1 step back and instead of neurotically focusing on that step back, which is generally a fear reaction, how about you celebrate the 2 steps forward you took. Fixate on those 2 steps forward. Honestly, the only way you can say change isn't happening is because of self-delusion. How about you get honest with yourself and admit to YOURSELF, not anyone else, that part of your default disposition is fearful self-delusion. It may not FEEL like fear, but that's because you've become so accustomed to it that it feels normal. Just take some time and read your journal from the beginning and try to see it from an outside perspective. It might just be the catalyst you need to observe your self-delusion from an external perspective.

Ah chris I wrote a long ass reply to you then had 2 phone calls came back hit the back button and lost it all.
Suffice to say thank you I hear what you are saying.

Can you show me where you saw that the sub is working for me?

I cant reply to it all now sadly cos the initial reply was perfect and to the point but its lost and im drained so ill say thank you.

I will however take your advice and read the journal and see where any changes have been made etc. From my lifestyle I cant see it, there may be good days and bad days but thats usual to me whether that is definitely the sub or it isnt I dont know as I simply try and share everything I can in the hope that its some relevant data.

The self delusion was made apparent to me recently by Shannon as he asked me to look into what resistances I am exhibiting. Im due to that aware that im exhibiting 4 or 5 types of resistances according to that discussion and thus im executing based on seeing resistance. That doesnt change how I share how I feel and am daily, whether good or bad, the data is shared in accordance and that will undoubtably show self delusion but in regards to my fears I havent been able to see anything tangible. For the past i dont know how many days 14 maybe, ive been struggling with this fear.

Anyway i wont go into my long reply as I need to get on with things but thank you mate!

[RTBoss]

Have you gone through your own journal and re-read it?  Read it as if you were reading someone else's.  How about you find 5 instances where the sub could be making headway, and list them in a new journal entry.  If you have to question if something is the sub, list it.  It likely is.

[Jake2015]

Day 66/180 OFF #1- Friday 23 July

1) Didnt want to sleep early, took no sleep supps, went to bed around 2am I think if not later and woke at 11am after 2hours struggling with the snooze button. I wanted to wake at 9am and fix my clock but just couldnt.

Downloaded hybrid Ocean and hybrid TS tracks and made playlists of 4 loops. Will get them a try once the 2 days off is completed.

2) Fear is there anxiety is there regarding studying etc

3) Procrastination is there. All the effort into trying to get a system of timeblocking etc has fallen but wont give up.

4) Legs little sore from the walking yesterday otherwise all good.


Self note:

Strategy got changed. From ultra sonic track being played currently at 4 loops to be increased to 8 or 9 and then increase days on if and as needed to now same but using hybrid instead.

[Jake2015]

Have you gone through your own journal and re-read it?  Read it as if you were reading someone else's.  How about you find 5 instances where the sub could be making headway, and list them in a new journal entry.  If you have to question if something is the sub, list it.  It likely is.

No was just replying to mail and then replied to chris P Bacon and updated my journal but im going to do that and see and yeah thank you thats a good idea ill make a list and list it here and see then. Im starting it now so expect a journal of this in an hour or so. (depends how long it takes me)

Thank you mate!

[Jake2015]

oh ffs I just lost it all!!! took me 3 hours, fuck it!

[Jake2015]

Alot to get through so lets get on with it...

Day 66/180 OFF #1- Friday 23 July - part 2

5) RE: @RTBoss

So im over my anger lol I spent 3 hours (including 2 random phone calls that interrupted me hence the 3 hours) diligently sifting through my journal in 1 tab, copying/pasting into another tab where my reply was open to then simply hit send with accompanying thoughts and dissections. Alas I lost it all once I reached the end. That pissed me right off so I left to eat and then played my video game and now finally feel energised and motivated again so im back.

In summary:

My journal is actually in 2 parts. This isnt the readers fault for being unaware of this, but mine for not making it clear. Everything before June 10th is what I regard as simply listening to get the hours in and the progressive change started for the period after June 10th.

Pre-June 10th was when I was in the UK. There its a safety bubble, my sleep is shockingly poor and bad, this includes my sleep time which is why I then struggle when at uni to fix my sleep and other things. That environment isnt where I face my fears, where I live them, im safe, im secluded, im untested so any indication of execution is great but my fears arent being tested or challenged.

Post June 10th - this is when I flew back to Europe and back in my uni apartment/flat. Even though im home 24/7 due to covid and only go in due to exams im hardly outside either though im attempting to get walking started while the sun is shining. Point is that here is where I am facing the BIGGEST challenges of fear, such as procrastination, insecurities, self image issues etc. Even fears such as insects, heights etc. Heights being tested isnt likely as im not anywhere high up, however insects if they cross me at home will be a test. Fear around studying, such as learning/studying to making calls or researching around my career etc.

From my journal it is clear that I am executing and that is prevalent by default from the types of resistance I have been shown I am exhibiting indicating a turmoil thus the subconscious is being challenged by the subliminal and also by random dreams and tiredness or feelings though feelings are subjective and clearly arbitrary in my case as im not always sure of them nor aware of what they are or mean.

This being said the issue stems from not being able to see consistent signs and indicators that go beyond the dreams or tiredness. My fears are very much still there and these are the only tangible signs I can have when i have them, that the sub is working in that my fears reduce or vanish.

So my wording has to change, it isnt that I mean when I am doubtful whether or not am I executing, sure that is clear but is it working at the best intensity for me, because the fears are still there after 60+ days.

Put another way, I am showing signs I am subconsciously listening to the sub and thus executing because I have 4-5 types of resistances exhibited, I am feeling tired or have done and I have had some dreams but after 60days this is so far all I seem to be showing. I haven't seen anything in relation to my fears, fears that I know I still have, from minor insecurities to larger ones.

This is why i am moving to hybrid and will move up in intensity until I know fears are being squashed!

Proviso: if hybrid disturbs my sleep, or causes too much friction ill resort to US and then increase the loops that way of course. Its about finding that sweet spot.

Whilst others in their journals speak of euphoric feelings or positive emotions that negates fears or they offer a clear insight into how the sub is making them feel different or how they have less fear, for me this eludes me. This leads me to then become apprehensive and doubtful that then causes me to be deluded. So for me it isn't that the sub isn't being executed but the fear is that the execution may be less potent to do any real damage to my fears, quick enough. I guess put another way its working too slow on me and then im left wondering is it indeed working but what I really mean is, is it at the right intensity to do the most it can for me.

Afterall the sub giving me dreams etc is all well and good but fear evaporation is the name of the game.

Since the POST 10th June period, the fears leading to mood changes of laziness and apathy are there and clear and obvious as well as the procrastination amongst others. The real test for this sub began from this period on. Which is why my confusion as to how the sub is working for me and if it is came about more after this period.


6) I did a google search for procrastination and fear and came across a page that I had read before but this time I made notes on it and really tried to internalise it. The page explained procrastination to be fear not laziness and a 3 step approach to overcome it when it arises:

i) Acknowledge that it is fear, nothing about me but that it is my fear at the said task ahead.
ii) Forgive yourself, realise that its acceptable to be afraid and that this is normal.
iii) Dont say to yourself to 'just do it' but to say to yourself "Just Get Started"

That 3rd step energised me, just changing the script gave me a different mindset and made me feel energised again which led me to come here and update this post before seeing what else I can do, because as Prince Adam of Eternia once said "I HAVE THE POWER!"


7) Today otherwise has been a lousy day with fear and procrastination otherwise.

After the 2 days off, i will begin with Hybrid. Downloaded already, on my phone and playlists of both ocean and trickling stream, set up and ready to go!

[Shannon]

What you need to realize is that "constantly looking for signs that it's working" is fear. Fear that it will work, and fear that it won't. This is that form of resistance that pits the subconscious fears against the conscious fears to cause gridlock. You're also mixing in the self blindness that requires that you lie to yourself to fail to see what is actually happening. That is another escape and resistance tactic.

Now answer me this. Why does the subconscious respond with fear to playing OFv3?

The answer is because OFv3 is DOING SOMETHING. It's HAVING AN IMPACT. It is pushing you to remove the fears that you have come to rely on to "keep you safe" and "keep you alive", which, when the program tells you to let go of them, it res[ponds with MORE FEAR. Why? Because it sees that unless it reacts, those fears will be removed, and then you won't have them to "keep you alive".

Resistance, by definition, is a response to the program having an impact that is aimed at achieving it's goal. It is, in other words, proof that the program is in fact working.

The key is to find the level of impact and input required for your cooperative subconscious to achieve the program's goals despite the actions of the uncooperative parts.

Don't give yourself an escape "in case". Just do it.