"I'm a peacock, you gotta let me fly" - Maverick Journal 2023

[Ampersnd]

Day 157,

I'm in this strange position where I do not have any long-term plans or goals.
No lofty desires, nothing pulling me towards my dreams. No dreams except the hobbies I had 3-4 years ago.
I am not fighting that, letting and be, and I will wait and see.
This state of being is not anything I've experienced in about 15 years, so I understand that it is subliminal related.

[Z-Man]

Day 157,

I'm in this strange position where I do not have any long-term plans or goals.
No lofty desires, nothing pulling me towards my dreams. No dreams except the hobbies I had 3-4 years ago.
I am not fighting that, letting and be, and I will wait and see.
This state of being is not anything I've experienced in about 15 years, so I understand that it is subliminal related.

So how do you get your subconscious to do 100% of script?

[Ampersnd]

Day 157,

I'm in this strange position where I do not have any long-term plans or goals.
No lofty desires, nothing pulling me towards my dreams. No dreams except the hobbies I had 3-4 years ago.
I am not fighting that, letting and be, and I will wait and see.
This state of being is not anything I've experienced in about 15 years, so I understand that it is subliminal related.

So how do you get your subconscious to do 100% of script?

I'm not sure I understand the thrust of your question. Are you asking in a rhetoric sense, to teach me how to do so? Or are you asking how I do it? I haven't claimed to know how to make my subconscious do 100% of the script. I'm following the instructions as written.

[Giacomonos]

So how do you get your subconscious to do 100% of script?

I'm not sure I understand the thrust of your question. Are you asking in a rhetoric sense, to teach me how to do so? Or are you asking how I do it? I haven't claimed to know how to make my subconscious do 100% of the script. I'm following the instructions as written.

I think that he wrote the reply to the wrong Maverick journal as I think he'a referring to Determined' journal entry (https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Maver...n=lastpost)

[Ampersnd]

Day 161,

I feel a bit deconstructed. Unwound. My productivity is still okay, but I'm still in that non-resistance mode of being / feeling.
Work has slowed down enough to where I can consider what I'm doing with my life and spare time.

I think that I built an identity over the years of being this overachieving hyperintellectual, but I figure that I'm not as smart as I assume myself to be.
In politics, I'm often leaning on others on my 'side' to make my arguments to me.
I'm not as charismatic or assertive as I once thought. A lot of it is fantasy playing out in my head.
Not really stepped up to be 'that guy'', though I hold that identity most of the time.
I'm not really kicking ass at Jiu Jitsu or martial arts in general; in fact, I'm lower than middle of the pack.

Learning my limitations to some extent; some of these recent limitations are a matter of psychology at this point.
Just been tired of life not happening in front of me; any time I've had excitement, I've had to seek it out deliberately, which is pretty lame.

[Ampersnd]

Day 166,

My inner experience has undergone an improvement.
True to the framework from Dawkins' book of "Letting Go", I've gone through a sufficient patch of Apathy (deemed the lowest level), where I'm now soaked in fear and dread; the quality of which a highly-armed biker gang is coming to your house in broad daylight, and you're left defenseless. Even if you defend yourself, you'd be in legal trouble.

Of course, this isn't actually happening, but I'm undergoing the emotional experience without assigning thoughts, without planning or bargaining or considering myself above the experience of fear. I think that going through OFv.4 gave me a slight spiritual ego about being "above that", when in reality there's still some fear left over, brought on by guilt or shame.

[Ampersnd]

The following is to poke comedic fun at the way Maverick was presented then and now. Again, this is a simple joke.

Duke in October 2022:

• "Such subliminal. Much smooth. Very wow. No headaches"
  
• "Check out these business moguls and titans of industry who are also Mavericks"
  
• "You'll be stripped down to your core, and get sprinkled in diamonds and gold (sprinkle sprinkle)"
  
• "I gave up drinking and copying witty lines from movies"
  
• "My prestigious job and three side hustles are doing EPIC!"
  
• "Asian threesomes"
  

Duke in August 2023:

• "Wait, what did you expect, a walk in the park?"
  
• "We all die; deal with it."
  
• "Maverick will repeatedly kick you in the balls, and you will smile"
  
• "Oh yeah, those life plans you made? You might just drop them today."
  

In sum, Maverick:

• Provoked enough despair and anguish to make me consider taking up drinking, but actualized me enough to not take up drinking.
  
• Provided an itemized list confronting me with my past failures and current inadequacies.
  
• In spite of this, I wouldn't change it for what I feel that it's unlocking within me.
  

[Duke.Togo]

If this is the best joke you can come back with after 6 months of using Maverick, I think you should just drop the sub now.  Clearly, you aren't going to reach your potential at being a comedian.  

And I still love me my Asian threesomes. 

Don't hate the player, hate the game. 

The following is to poke comedic fun at the way Maverick was presented then and now. Again, this is a simple joke.

Duke in October 2022:

• "Such subliminal. Much smooth. Very wow. No headaches"
  
• "Check out these business moguls and titans of industry who are also Mavericks"
  
• "You'll be stripped down to your core, and get sprinkled in diamonds and gold (sprinkle sprinkle)"
  
• "I gave up drinking and copying witty lines from movies"
  
• "My prestigious job and three side hustles are doing EPIC!"
  
• "Asian threesomes"
  

Duke in August 2023:

• "Wait, what did you expect, a walk in the park?"
  
• "We all die; deal with it."
  
• "Maverick will repeatedly kick you in the balls, and you will smile"
  
• "Oh yeah, those life plans you made? You might just drop them today."
  

In sum, Maverick:

• Provoked enough despair and anguish to make me consider taking up drinking, but actualized me enough to not take up drinking.
  
• Provided an itemized list confronting me with my past failures and current inadequacies.
  
• In spite of this, I wouldn't change it for what I feel that it's unlocking within me.
  

[Ampersnd]

If this is the best joke you can come back with after 6 months of using Maverick, I think you should just drop the sub now.  Clearly, you aren't going to reach your potential at being a comedian.  

And I still love me my Asian threesomes. 

Don't hate the player, hate the game. 

The following is to poke comedic fun at the way Maverick was presented then and now. Again, this is a simple joke.

Duke in October 2022:

• "Such subliminal. Much smooth. Very wow. No headaches"
  
• "Check out these business moguls and titans of industry who are also Mavericks"
  
• "You'll be stripped down to your core, and get sprinkled in diamonds and gold (sprinkle sprinkle)"
  
• "I gave up drinking and copying witty lines from movies"
  
• "My prestigious job and three side hustles are doing EPIC!"
  
• "Asian threesomes"
  

Duke in August 2023:

• "Wait, what did you expect, a walk in the park?"
  
• "We all die; deal with it."
  
• "Maverick will repeatedly kick you in the balls, and you will smile"
  
• "Oh yeah, those life plans you made? You might just drop them today."
  

In sum, Maverick:

• Provoked enough despair and anguish to make me consider taking up drinking, but actualized me enough to not take up drinking.
  
• Provided an itemized list confronting me with my past failures and current inadequacies.
  
• In spite of this, I wouldn't change it for what I feel that it's unlocking within me.
  

Have had the occasional inkling towards giving comedy a try, but hardly a serious one.
This one bubbled up, so I took a shot. Sometimes one has to risk disapproval from the mentor (that's you) for a cheap joke; it's the Maverick way.
I will continue my listening schedule as planned, at least until the Asian threesomes start kicking in

[Duke.Togo]

If this is the best joke you can come back with after 6 months of using Maverick, I think you should just drop the sub now.  Clearly, you aren't going to reach your potential at being a comedian.  

And I still love me my Asian threesomes. 

Don't hate the player, hate the game. 

Have had the occasional inkling towards giving comedy a try, but hardly a serious one.
This one bubbled up, so I took a shot. Sometimes one has to risk disapproval from the mentor (that's you) for a cheap joke; it's the Maverick way.
I will continue my listening schedule as planned, at least until the Asian threesomes start kicking in

That's the spirit! Hit me up when you get that first Asian threesome so we can compare notes.    

Enjoy the ride... I'm signing off from the forums for a while.  But I'll check in every now and again to see how you guys are surfing that great big ocean out there.

[Yous]

The following is to poke comedic fun at the way Maverick was presented then and now. Again, this is a simple joke.

Duke in October 2022:

• "Such subliminal. Much smooth. Very wow. No headaches"
  
• "Check out these business moguls and titans of industry who are also Mavericks"
  
• "You'll be stripped down to your core, and get sprinkled in diamonds and gold (sprinkle sprinkle)"
  
• "I gave up drinking and copying witty lines from movies"
  
• "My prestigious job and three side hustles are doing EPIC!"
  
• "Asian threesomes"
  

Duke in August 2023:

• "Wait, what did you expect, a walk in the park?"
  
• "We all die; deal with it."
  
• "Maverick will repeatedly kick you in the balls, and you will smile"
  
• "Oh yeah, those life plans you made? You might just drop them today."
  

In sum, Maverick:

• Provoked enough despair and anguish to make me consider taking up drinking, but actualized me enough to not take up drinking.
  
• Provided an itemized list confronting me with my past failures and current inadequacies.
  
• In spite of this, I wouldn't change it for what I feel that it's unlocking within me.
  

Hahaha good one man.

I quited drinking one month ago, and yes, maverick is kicking me as well, less motivation, a bit lost, but finding the way.

[Ampersnd]

Day 170,



Oh my God, I get it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEW2wn2HcIo



I had a set of paradigm-shifting epiphanies over the last couple of days. I'll kick this off by saying that these breakthroughs will contextualize a lot of the big pivots I made over the last few months.

• Playing Red Dead Redemption 2 on a whim and racing through it
  
• Losing interest in some of my main hobbies and pastimes
  
• Undergoing a lengthy period of "letting go" and feeling through the more negative emotions
  
• Having a sudden interest in carpentry, plumbing, HVAC, and infrastructure overall.
  
• Greatly losing my desire to acquire money or new dates
  

These things served their purpose in getting me "here", which I'll describe in just a second. Even if they reverse and I go back to my usual self, it will not undo what I've accomplished; much like a skateboarder riding a half-pipe, the status of the skateboarder only increases with each pass back and forth, even if they've made zero net movement.

First, let's start with Red Dead Redemption 2, the video game. I'll add a series of spoilers in white text here to provide context (Spoiler start):

• The main character - a cowboy of the late 19th century, belonging to a gang of outlaws - contracts tuberculosis and gradually fades, fulfilling his purpose to free up a married couple from the gang, dying after accomplishing this. They do so while evading the law, and eschewing the encroachment of civilization. He dies on the side of a mountain to a sunrise.
  
• The climax of the game ends with a sunrise. Arthur dies, the camera pans out and keeps zooming out, then... years go by. The world has simply... moved on. You've built up all this time with all of the members from the gang, with many deaths in the process, but the outer world continues as it does. 
  
• The main characters hate civilization, but Arthur dies of tuberculosis, and ailment which he could have gotten a cure for 30 years later via penicillin. Because of modernity, his ghastly fate could have been replaced with a course of antibiotics.
  
• The last 20% of the game, you play as John Marston, the protagonist of Red Dead Redemption (the first game) - RDR2 is its prequel.
  

(Spoiler End)
You reach a point where you can go through the cities, and people run through their daily routines. And this happens day after day after day (the years don't progress in-game, but let's ignore that). The most industrialized city in the game has a power plant which powers all of the other towns with electricity. You can literally follow the power lines from Saint Denis to every other powered city. 

Sure, you get the occasional dialog option where NPCs will share memories about the main character, but we get to witness a legend be spoken about, with reducing frequency, down to a whimper of irrelevancy. That will be your fate. And mine.  

This brings me to point #2. Dropping some of my goals and interests, and questioning everything.
I believe that the dynamics that I've just written above, from Red Dead Redemption 2, created a dent in my belief system of secretly believing that I was the "main character" of life. Not just of my life, but of everyone in my life. I believed, quite irrationally, that I possessed some secret inner "special juice" with which my uniqueness would shine through, and where I would become a bastion and pillar of strength, a shining example for those around me. 

I am not the main character. I am beholden to the same principles of time, age, decay, and reputation as all others around me experience.
All of my inner dramatization and narrativizing is not special. In fact, everyone has those inner experiences.
Even the heaviest hitters are not the main character.
As much as they are spoken about, you know very little about Edison, or Rockefeller, or Ghengis Khan compared to their rich inner experience.
There is no main character.

Reaching this realization required me to slow down and to examine why I was committed to so much activity. It (potentially) relates to an irrational desire to fully realize my "main character"-ness.  

Same principle goes to every one of your family members. You might love them with all of your heart, but the proportion of the world that feels their loss is miniscule, and the world continues to roll on. More on this in a moment.

Point #3, about "letting go", simply reinforced the point about making the goings-on of the world no longer being "about me". So what if I feel anger, afraid, ashamed, vengeful, jealous, or prideful about some development or news story? Before I know it, I've singled in on my thoughts concerning these feelings and it's no longer about the real world.

Kind of like the red pillers; the underlying emotions behind their arguments indicate that they have strong feelings about having unmet social, societal, romantic, or sexual needs. Subsequently, they would require for society to change to meet those needs, which is a massive undertaking to fix an inner experience. 

I'm happy to report that most of this inner turbulence is gone.

Point #4 - a sudden interest in carpentry, plumbing, HVAC, and infrastructure. Once I learned how simple and elegant building a house is - and the minimalistic approach to setting up your plumbing, wires, etc. - I reversed engineered how all of the materials were invented, created, manufactured, shipped, and installed. 

I drove through a bunch of small towns, and I gave a critical eye to all of the structures, businesses, and land plots. Much like how Saint Denis provided its electricity across the region, so did the power lines in the small towns I was driven across.

It hit me that most people are spending their day by participating in the moving around of raw materials; mining, shipping, transport, selling, delivering. Otherwise, they are transforming it to something more valuable. Or, they're using a smoke and lights show to present these materials in a more favorable light to its competitors, such as sales and marketing, or graphic art. Or they're cultivating it, either from the ground as crops, or fed to livestock, all of which will be moved around. 

So, for the large part, positive activity involves either creating or moving desired materials to people who want them. If you do that for others, they should be willing to pay.

Essentially, all of this activity is supposed to be in the service of other people. But like, why go through all this trouble beyond helping those who need more than a little help?

Point #5 - greatly losing my desire to acquire money or new dates

From here, I'm wondering what the point of all this is. So you get the hardwood floors you want. Now what? Is the whole point happiness? Is the point to have more indoor bathrooms than other countries so that we can say that we're more "developed".

Richer countries have more time to spend in leisure activities, such as art and music, or crafts. Then again, I ask what the point is in those activities beyond emotional masturbatory.

I'm at a stable enough place in my career where I am alleviated from the urgent treadmill of paying bills and dedicating all of my spare time to accomplishing that; this has given me time to think.
Because I currently don't have that inner itch to meet new women, I am not tying monetary accomplishment to greater prestige or desirability to women, so I'm seriously questioning it.

I don't feel the need to "play the [resources] game" to pay for a mortgage, marriage, and mini-mes that a woman would talk the typical man into. The mini-van. The visits to the in-laws. The yearly vacations. Once you are making those installment payments, it doesn't matter what conclusions you draw about the reality of the world; payment's due on the first of the month.

Is it truly the case that all of this amounts to a big fat nothing?
Are intense relationships, drama, endless intellectualization, addiction, and self-sabotage a way to pre-occupy your time and resources enough to not be left alone enough for the waters to settle, and for you to see reality with crystal clarity?

It feels like I've swam through a dark and murky ocean for years, and suddenly all of the water has transformed into clear, perfectly transparent water, allowing me to see miles beneath the surface, including the ocean bed. This has removed the fear and trepidation about the big picture, but it does pose a question about what to do now.

It feels like I've been given a massive "WHAT", but no "HOW-TO" guide on navigating my new revelations.

[Duke.Togo]

I had a quiet night and decided to pop into the forum, cuz I had an inkling. I'm glad I did. I'm proud of you man! You're starting to see it for what it is now. That's the first step for the rest of what's to come.

Regarding the how-to. Here's something I noticed with the work you did and how I would apply it. I'm looking at it from a markets standpoint, but you can see from here how you want to play the game. All the work you did driving through small towns and looking at how wood is shipped or how the builds are made, that can be aligned to a future's strategy or commodities play when you're looking at real-estate market booms. You can also pretty much apply all those buying, selling, value item ideas to any market movement to determine trends. Take that same realization and start scaling it up into macro levels and you can see the network of the world and how value is played across multiple asset classes. And at this point, you can apply that all across the board, because it's just a game.

You're a player in it, not the lead player, because there are no lead players, but how you play levels you up to where you want to be. And when you know it's all for nothing, you have nothing to lose if you decide to go all in. Cuz in this case, there is no house, and no one is watching when your counting cards at the blackjack table.

[Ampersnd]

Day 172,

I'm feeling FOMO. There's a business training from a person I respect, who guides you through a 12-week cohort on building a remote business from scratch, with accountability, etc. The openings happened much sooner than I expected; I would have jumped on it 2-3 months from now. Heck, it probably will open up around then.

If I were to run this course, I would drop Maverick and use MM. But this feeling is absolutely spurred on by FOMO.
Need to do more of this "letting go"; the feeling is a distinct one in the center of my chest.

Rest assured that I will most likely NOT be following through with this course; I've already been piecing together a plan for the next 2-3 months and I intend on following it.

Edit: As a follow-up to your message, Duke. I have a background in the medical field and now work in web development/tech with certifications in cloud computing. I've had a growing interest in infrastructure and the Internet of Things (how devices sync up all around the world with existing infrastructure).
I have a strong feeling that my current interest in more "real world" things will meet in the middle with my growing tech knowledge.