Day 108,
I feel paralyzed for choice.
I know what I want in theory. But I don't really give a shit about pursuing it.
Was at the beach again and got a couple of little choosing signals from decently attractive women, but I didn't want to pursue it.
It's like I'm unconsciously projecting far into the future to demoralize myself; the risk wouldn't be worth the 'reward', and I don't even want the reward that much.
What do I want? By @Duke.Togo 's standards, this is all going to the trajectory of Maverick. All except the success quotient being off the charts.
I feel paralyzed for choice.
I know what I want in theory. But I don't really give a shit about pursuing it.
- But do I want a larger house or apartment so that I have a bigger box for which I can hide from the world?
- Why do I want to learn all these languages, anyways? Who am I speaking them with? I'm not really speaking with anyone with the four I've learned so far.
- Why do I want this tech/AI job? To start a business where I solve problems for other businesses I don't really give a shit about beyond the retainers?
- Am I pursuing wealth just to not be poor?
- Would I start a family just to escape the torment about letting my dreams slip through my fingers?
- Do I want clout and status so that it can stand in for the charisma I should have?
Was at the beach again and got a couple of little choosing signals from decently attractive women, but I didn't want to pursue it.
It's like I'm unconsciously projecting far into the future to demoralize myself; the risk wouldn't be worth the 'reward', and I don't even want the reward that much.
What do I want? By @Duke.Togo 's standards, this is all going to the trajectory of Maverick. All except the success quotient being off the charts.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
