04-16-2023, 07:15 AM
(04-15-2023, 12:17 PM)Ampersnd Wrote: Day 43,
Ladies and fellas, need your input, but for different reasons. This will also act as a rant.
I have been upfront with the woman I've been seeing for 3.5 months (and more if you count when we dated for 3 months in 2021).
I'll call her Brazil girl.
Brazil girl and I agreed to stay casual on day 1 of linking back together; this was on New Years Eve.
She was upset about 6 weeks later because she joked about me seeing another woman on a day where I was not available to meet, and I didn't deny it (I was screwing around with another woman, but we've drifted away from each other); I didn't see anything wrong because I view casual as non-exclusive.
We smoothed it over in February and we clarified to a non-exclusive casual relationship where we're allowed to see others. She expresses a preference of "out of sight, out of mind." Fine.
A couple of days ago, she sees me performing at an open mic in someone else's Instagram story (my new gal - DR girl). Brazil girl asks me if the IG gal is the other one, and I confirm it. Brazil girl is now insisting that I disclose with DR girl that I'm seeing others, etc. And this is all over text.
Needless to say, she's hanging by a thread for the amount of audacity she's putting up. Dumping her would resolve a lot of other issues.
But, even if I cut her loose, I wouldn't be escaping the feeling that men and women have a different set of assumptions when starting out something sexual.
My view? If women want to steer the start of a relationship into something not expressed outright, it is their responsibility to ask. If you don't ask, then you must take the dates and sex at face value until further notice. After all, you are a grown adult and can't expect me to know you want more unless you say so. I haven't said anything indicating either purely sexual or marriage. So if the uncertainty is too much, ask. And if it's fear causing your not-asking, why are you afraid of communicating with someone with whom you want a relationship?
For one, I'm assuming that the woman is seeing others, or just playing the field, unless it's claimed otherwise or agreed upon. For two, I'm not particularly interested in being lectured in what surplus disclosure I "owe" someone whom I've only seen for a few weeks. From the woman's side, I've been ghosted, flaked on, ignored, you name it, and I'm certain that my previous partners did not disclose their other partners, so I'm not about to be this grand paragon of virtue in the dating world, especially in the face of a group who are not extending to me the same courtesy they seem to expect of me.
The principle I do have; ask me a question, and I answer it honestly. That's why it's so frustrating when I'm not being asked.
Anyways, I'd like your opinion.
Brazil girl is out-of-line telling you how to act with anyone else. Simple. If she can't handle that and just show up for casual sex while minding her business, I'd be out and move on to others that can.
