Day 145
I think I'm doing well on E2.
I switched off E2; I'm testing DMSI 2.3 for now. Day 2.
Not quite sure about anything. What I want out of life, I mean. All the stuff I learned to look up to, like being 'alpha' or getting the hottest girls... nah. Much of that stuff how women are evil, and relationships are bad... nah. What's closer to what feels right atm is that guy who's naturally in a good mood, and goes about things in a cooperative way. Assuming the best, but of course not agreeing to anything he doesn't like (out of guilt or insecurity).
I'm definitely not yet at E2's goal. I was thinking about that momentarily today. There was a post some time ago already where Shannon said E2 is aimed at emotional vulnerability (or that's how I remember it). I am there, I think. Well, some of the time. It is the only way to live in the end, I think. Can't really see how one could get long-term fulfillment out of something without being emotionally vulnerable. Mental wounds are also not going to heal if you don't let go of the protective tension around the wound, so to say. Though with E2, in this phase at least, it does tend to mean you'll be somewhat whiny every now and then (not begging for pity, but more like acknowledging that you're not feeling too well - again). Mostly I'm testing DMSI to see how I'll feel with a more external focus for a while, and maybe I'll have some ideas on what I want to run next.
This last week I ventured into doing some releasing stuff. Don't care to listen to any moralizing about that as its 100% my choice. Anyway, felt really good and the gf was going on and on about how "sexy" I am and how horny she felt. Didn't even use any pheros (like I normally do). I'd say it probably had something to do with clearing away some guilt that caused me to be overly 'nice' to her. (Thanks mom, really, for controlling me with that victim shit and thus installing that guilt crap. I see you now. Though you did your best, I know.)
I think I'm doing well on E2.
I switched off E2; I'm testing DMSI 2.3 for now. Day 2.
Not quite sure about anything. What I want out of life, I mean. All the stuff I learned to look up to, like being 'alpha' or getting the hottest girls... nah. Much of that stuff how women are evil, and relationships are bad... nah. What's closer to what feels right atm is that guy who's naturally in a good mood, and goes about things in a cooperative way. Assuming the best, but of course not agreeing to anything he doesn't like (out of guilt or insecurity).
I'm definitely not yet at E2's goal. I was thinking about that momentarily today. There was a post some time ago already where Shannon said E2 is aimed at emotional vulnerability (or that's how I remember it). I am there, I think. Well, some of the time. It is the only way to live in the end, I think. Can't really see how one could get long-term fulfillment out of something without being emotionally vulnerable. Mental wounds are also not going to heal if you don't let go of the protective tension around the wound, so to say. Though with E2, in this phase at least, it does tend to mean you'll be somewhat whiny every now and then (not begging for pity, but more like acknowledging that you're not feeling too well - again). Mostly I'm testing DMSI to see how I'll feel with a more external focus for a while, and maybe I'll have some ideas on what I want to run next.
This last week I ventured into doing some releasing stuff. Don't care to listen to any moralizing about that as its 100% my choice. Anyway, felt really good and the gf was going on and on about how "sexy" I am and how horny she felt. Didn't even use any pheros (like I normally do). I'd say it probably had something to do with clearing away some guilt that caused me to be overly 'nice' to her. (Thanks mom, really, for controlling me with that victim shit and thus installing that guilt crap. I see you now. Though you did your best, I know.)
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
