07-15-2016, 10:39 AM
Day 114
Funny enough, today I feel normal. Its been a while. This is very typical of me when I up the hours: I start feeling completely normal. Felt normal though AM6 twice, and I felt normal on E2 before I reduced the hours because of traveling. Not sure if the programs are working properly like this, or if there should be more processing time. Maybe the ride is just much smoother with high hours, idk.
I'm a little sick, on vacation, and waiting to actually move in a couple days, so I'm just doing nothing (but thinking and reading). Picked up The Happiness Advantage and just started.
I think I had short dream were someone either told me or cast a spell on me, saying that I'm not afraid of people anymore, and I cried my eyes out in the dream.. and then I woke up feeling just fine and not emotional at all, which was a weird contrast.
I need to start doing stuff again. There are plenty of stuff that I'd like to do, but for some reason or another I either can't decide between options, or I feel that I can't do them right now; GSF, feeling like I wouldn't know how or wouldn't have enough confidence/charisma/sexiness to pull it off, or deservedness issues. So I evade doing much and instead focus on looking inwards to see what I could change to make it easier or effortless. This isn't working. But at least I'm not out of commission by that sadness that's been all consuming lately.
Funny enough, today I feel normal. Its been a while. This is very typical of me when I up the hours: I start feeling completely normal. Felt normal though AM6 twice, and I felt normal on E2 before I reduced the hours because of traveling. Not sure if the programs are working properly like this, or if there should be more processing time. Maybe the ride is just much smoother with high hours, idk.
I'm a little sick, on vacation, and waiting to actually move in a couple days, so I'm just doing nothing (but thinking and reading). Picked up The Happiness Advantage and just started.
I think I had short dream were someone either told me or cast a spell on me, saying that I'm not afraid of people anymore, and I cried my eyes out in the dream.. and then I woke up feeling just fine and not emotional at all, which was a weird contrast.
I need to start doing stuff again. There are plenty of stuff that I'd like to do, but for some reason or another I either can't decide between options, or I feel that I can't do them right now; GSF, feeling like I wouldn't know how or wouldn't have enough confidence/charisma/sexiness to pull it off, or deservedness issues. So I evade doing much and instead focus on looking inwards to see what I could change to make it easier or effortless. This isn't working. But at least I'm not out of commission by that sadness that's been all consuming lately.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
