04-09-2016, 05:26 AM
Day 35
Didn't think I would at first, but then I remembered some dreams I was having this morning. All kinds of stuff, even some fear. Good to know its working on something and that's why I feel like recovering from a sickness, not just because the program isn't working and I'm "back to my old self". Though my old self was never depressed, so that's not right anyway.
Did Attachment & Aversions on approaching beautiful women, inspired by one of my dreams. Took some 2-3 hours. Letting go of A & A towards is pretty much be same thing as let go of all women, so its not any wonder really it takes some time to go through. After a Ton of stuff of both sides (av first), what it comes down to on the attachments side ("could I let go of all my attachment to approaching b. women?") is the old being able to give approval to yourself. "Supply your own love, affection and attention.", "Self love and liking yourself" and "Be self sufficient and self reliant" from the AM6 sales page. Taking yourself out to a movie, dinner, long walk, a trip, beer, dancing, bath, meditation, and so on. Come to think of it, I was actually doing that quite a bit around stage 4 and 5 of my second run. Didn't think much of it, probably longed for getting more results.
I'm really starting a developed a new respect for AM and its goals. I read through it last week and I thought I got way better than before, but now its really resonating deeply. Its no wonder its such a hard program to "get results" from. Used to hate the isolating part of it and thought "I don't want to run it, all I'll get is more isolation and no results". But that is the result, partially. I think what its supposed to do is to get you to just love & approve being with yourself, even alone, and not have to do anything to get more approval from external sources. Once you have that, well then you can whatever you wish. And the other part of AM is to drive you to do just that: do what it is you want to do, and build something you like. And then the extra modules added (women, socializing) are just there because "why not, let's make it complete", and to give you that full, fun experience of life with chicks and loyal friends and overall a good time. So its sort of in three layers. No wonder I've had such a hard time with the program, since I've (well, me & most everyone else I think) always been so attached to the 2nd and 3rd layer visible results that of course I've resisted all the program's efforts to steer away from those results, as going for the 1st layer stuff seemed to be at the time. It should be about having it all, but only after letting go of it all, and as a consequence being free to do whatever I wish - thus eventually having it all.
Afterwards, feeling clear and good about myself and the future, I pressed play on E2, prepared some food and took a nap. Quite obvious through the contrast how E2 brought back that hint of melancholy that I've had. Must be working on something grand then. Hope its something that will eventually be finished until the next issue, and not just continue like trying to drain an ocean through a small straw.
Gonna do A & A wrt. to running AM6 as I have time again. Its my way of getting that peace of mind I was so longing for yesterday. Facing those demons one by one, and not have them gang up on me and beat from every direction at once while I'm desperately trying to make sense of it. My next run of AM is going to be sweet!
Didn't think I would at first, but then I remembered some dreams I was having this morning. All kinds of stuff, even some fear. Good to know its working on something and that's why I feel like recovering from a sickness, not just because the program isn't working and I'm "back to my old self". Though my old self was never depressed, so that's not right anyway.
Did Attachment & Aversions on approaching beautiful women, inspired by one of my dreams. Took some 2-3 hours. Letting go of A & A towards is pretty much be same thing as let go of all women, so its not any wonder really it takes some time to go through. After a Ton of stuff of both sides (av first), what it comes down to on the attachments side ("could I let go of all my attachment to approaching b. women?") is the old being able to give approval to yourself. "Supply your own love, affection and attention.", "Self love and liking yourself" and "Be self sufficient and self reliant" from the AM6 sales page. Taking yourself out to a movie, dinner, long walk, a trip, beer, dancing, bath, meditation, and so on. Come to think of it, I was actually doing that quite a bit around stage 4 and 5 of my second run. Didn't think much of it, probably longed for getting more results.
I'm really starting a developed a new respect for AM and its goals. I read through it last week and I thought I got way better than before, but now its really resonating deeply. Its no wonder its such a hard program to "get results" from. Used to hate the isolating part of it and thought "I don't want to run it, all I'll get is more isolation and no results". But that is the result, partially. I think what its supposed to do is to get you to just love & approve being with yourself, even alone, and not have to do anything to get more approval from external sources. Once you have that, well then you can whatever you wish. And the other part of AM is to drive you to do just that: do what it is you want to do, and build something you like. And then the extra modules added (women, socializing) are just there because "why not, let's make it complete", and to give you that full, fun experience of life with chicks and loyal friends and overall a good time. So its sort of in three layers. No wonder I've had such a hard time with the program, since I've (well, me & most everyone else I think) always been so attached to the 2nd and 3rd layer visible results that of course I've resisted all the program's efforts to steer away from those results, as going for the 1st layer stuff seemed to be at the time. It should be about having it all, but only after letting go of it all, and as a consequence being free to do whatever I wish - thus eventually having it all.
Afterwards, feeling clear and good about myself and the future, I pressed play on E2, prepared some food and took a nap. Quite obvious through the contrast how E2 brought back that hint of melancholy that I've had. Must be working on something grand then. Hope its something that will eventually be finished until the next issue, and not just continue like trying to drain an ocean through a small straw.
Gonna do A & A wrt. to running AM6 as I have time again. Its my way of getting that peace of mind I was so longing for yesterday. Facing those demons one by one, and not have them gang up on me and beat from every direction at once while I'm desperately trying to make sense of it. My next run of AM is going to be sweet!
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
