Fear No More - Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal (V1)

[Breeze]

Hello, there. Here we go again. To be honest, I haven't been too excited about the subliminal leading up to its release, rather dreadful if anything. I didn't want to start listening to it when I got it, but I did eventually. All 6 loops. I do plan to stick to the subliminal for the recommended 8 months unless UMS 2 tempts me away.  I can notice a stark difference from the previous version. It pumped me up, lead me to do things I wouldn't do otherwise (yes, yes, within the safety limits), but I did always hit a wall with it. Imagine a jackhammer pounding away at an invisible wall of fear. But this is different, so far. It's much more grounded, for one. I am not pumped up, banging my fist in the wall to conquer my fears. Which, believe me, is exactly the approach I prefer now. The more outright and visible my response is, the greater the resistance follows. 

Having said that, I can feel its energy. In my hands, face, feet... going all tingly. And unfortunately, I've had a sleepless night. But then, I do have trouble with sleep after the pandemic and I am assured my sleep pattern will fall into place itself soon enough. I do believe the sub might have to do contribute to no sleep, but it's too soon to tell anything. And if it is the case, then why. 

@Shannon - I should listen to the sub, as usual, today, right? Considering I haven't had a night's sleep to process it, or however it works. 

As far as the results are concerned, not expecting instant results. But I am going to take care of a little thing I have been avoiding for the past few weeks after typing this post out. Well, been avoiding a couple more things, but let's start with the easy one

[Shannon]

Hello, there. Here we go again. To be honest, I haven't been too excited about the subliminal leading up to its release, rather dreadful if anything. I didn't want to start listening to it when I got it, but I did eventually. All 6 loops. I do plan to stick to the subliminal for the recommended 8 months unless UMS 2 tempts me away.  I can notice a stark difference from the previous version. It pumped me up, lead me to do things I wouldn't do otherwise (yes, yes, within the safety limits), but I did always hit a wall with it. Imagine a jackhammer pounding away at an invisible wall of fear. But this is different, so far. It's much more grounded, for one. I am not pumped up, banging my fist in the wall to conquer my fears. Which, believe me, is exactly the approach I prefer now. The more outright and visible my response is, the greater the resistance follows. 

Having said that, I can feel its energy. In my hands, face, feet... going all tingly. And unfortunately, I've had a sleepless night. But then, I do have trouble with sleep after the pandemic and I am assured my sleep pattern will fall into place itself soon enough. I do believe the sub might have to do contribute to no sleep, but it's too soon to tell anything. And if it is the case, then why. 

@Shannon - I should listen to the sub, as usual, today, right? Considering I haven't had a night's sleep to process it, or however it works. 

As far as the results are concerned, not expecting instant results. But I am going to take care of a little thing I have been avoiding for the past few weeks after typing this post out. Well, been avoiding a couple more things, but let's start with the easy one

You don't necessarily need sleep to process it.  Sleep is for the conscious mind to rest.  Your subconscious never sleeps.

Just follow the instructions.

[Breeze]

That was my guess as well, but confirmations are better than guesses

This subliminal is smooth. I feel incredibly calm and centered. And the thing I've been avoiding? Done. No effort involved. It started out subtle and still is in many ways, but I can feel it building up like an avalanche. This is an exaggerated way to put it, but it is almost as if I am realizing myself for the first time. Here I am, this is me. I feel new to myself, that's one way to put it. But then, feelings are fleeting and we shall see how it goes over the next few months.

I did get some sleep, btw. And I am looking forward to a long, restful sleep later as well. Nothing to worry about there. I do have a lot of thoughts I'd like to share, but I'd like to hold them back and give them some time to nurture and see where they lead to.

[Breeze]

What is it? Day 4, yup. It's going well so far. More than well. I was dreading going to a dentist for weeks, but I made the appointment, went through with it and it was quite a pleasant, anxiety free experience. When I laid down on the dental upholstery, I felt like I am on a vacation at a sunny beach rather than getting my teeth examined. I've been relaxed and calm ever since I pressed play the first loop on the first day. I don't know how the original DRS feels, but I feel fantastic on it so far. All shielded and safe, plus anxiety free about the future. An ideal combination.

Interestingly I am not dreaming since I started the sub, and if I am, I am not remembering any of my dreams. My mind's been blissfully blank in sleep.

It doesn't have anti shame programming but I find myself doing little things I'd usually feel shameful about. That's another good sign.

As Shannon mentioned in his journal, let's see how it works over the next few months before getting our hopes up. But it's a promising start. Quite promising.

[Breeze]

Today marks Day 2 of SARB. The start of it. I do miss not running the sub, but I am intrigued to see what it does over the break. I am not aware enough to describe the essence of fear, but it often feels like a wall, and what I want lies beyond it. And I could feel it for a few moments spread throughout the day yesterday. Now, want is not necessarily my goals, but rather doing little things I'd not even think about or dread doing if it was for fear. For instance, having a difficult conversation. Or reaching out to someone. Or applying for new jobs. At the root of it, there is blissful detachment with all I've done since I started the sub. As usual, I could imagine the rejection, the shame, and the sheer awkwardness of it. But I can't attach myself to the result, and without fear or the possibility of no fear, I can't base my self worth on things that might go wrong. In a way, it's a state with no 'ego', and that leaves me with a brand new discovery of who I am. Not to get all spiritual, but Zen is one word to describe it indeed. 

I honestly don't know what I want, except what everybody else does. Healthy relationships, money, sex, etc etc. And there is a logical, foolproof way to get there with persistent effort. Beyond that, I did always had a hard time wrapping my head around it, and grand ideas rather seemed forced. But being fearless to go after what pops up your life is more important than trying to force it to happen. I'd rather stick to the basics and see which way the wind blows next. Let's just be.

[Breeze]

Not much to update. I had fears re-surface on the last day of SARB, but that was good. I could discern the effects of OF clearly after I started running it again. Now it's time for SARB again, and I am quite looking forward to it, even though I don't really want to stop running the sub.

I took up web dev, and I've been relentlessly working through HTML/CSS for the starters. It isn't all a fearless experience, I had headaches the first day, and procrastination issues as well. But things are smoothing along very well and I've found my rhythm. Now I put the pedal to the metal with a clear goal in sight. I do tend to sleep a couple of hours extra now, but I don't mind that.

I did think of applying for a new job (lost my job due to COVID-19), but I do believe my time is much better spent on learning a new skill at the moment. I slacked for a couple of months after losing my job, and that was learned helplessness based on fear. Earlier, I did think what if I am not going for a job because of fear? But that's one thing that is way, way down. I don't spend much time thinking about what-ifs and whatnots anymore. I genuinely believe (after weighing the pros and cons) that I am better off doing what I am doing now. No further need to battle it out in my head.

I've been extremely relaxed since the very first day, and there hasn't been a change to that. In a nutshell, all good, can't ask for more really.

[Breeze]

Not been updating much, or at all. But then you'd be bored of reading the same thing every day. That is, how good things are. As it stands today, it is not only good but marvelous.  Of course, I've had my bouts of resistance, and the days off felt an unnecessary jolt to the rhythm. But I stuck with the instructions nonetheless, to the very word. Still doing so.  I had resistance in the shape of dreadful exhaustion. There were days I didn't even want to get out of bed. That feels like ages ago now, and not significant at all today.

I am restraining myself from making decisions on a whim, but I had a strong urge to quit alcohol. I ignored it for a couple of weeks, even had more drinks than usual during that time. But I have stopped enjoying it all together and made the decision to quit it three weeks ago. I've dealt amazingly well with the change so far, and now I am allowing myself to enjoy, have fun, and be free without the crutch of alcohol. I don't see myself going back to it, at least not in the near future.

I am much more vocal about my thoughts and opinions. And the best thing is, unlike before, it doesn't trigger fight or flight response. And when I do express my disagreement, it is not for the sake of proving myself to be an "alpha" or anything. I am growing to respect myself more and more, and as a result, I am also growing to respect others and providing them space to be themselves. They are not a threat to my identity and I don't need to respond with fear whatever comes my way. I've always been in the favor of a social sub, and I'd still pick it up if Shannon makes it, but I don't believe I need it anymore. Not if things continue the same way.

I am sleeping deeper and better than I ever did in my life. Most of the nights I don't remember my dreams, and even if I do, it is rarely anything substantial. Days off the sub are getting better with each cycle. This is the best one so far, crossing into the 3d day of the break. 

There are two major areas where fear is still holding me back: Money, and my body itself. Regardless of all the positives, I am still ignoring ways to proceed with exploring options to make money and working dedicatedly to building up my skills that will eventually bring me more money. As for the body, I am fearful of going below a certain weight, but I am working towards it, and I am confident I can break that ceiling this time around. 

All in all, there are many more months to go and I am assured that the sub will breakthrough eventually. In the meanwhile, I am enjoying the ride

[Shannon]

I was waiting for someone to report that about quitting alcohol. I concluded a long time ago that without fear, there's really no need for alcohol, and that is largely why I stopped drinking it. It became an expensive annoyance instead of something that did anything for me. I simply didn't need it to socialize anymore, and so I stopped. If you finish using this program for the entire 8 months, I would be willing to bet you'll never feel the need to drink alcohol again. You'll be very happily able to socialize freely without it. And you'll save yourself a lot of wasted time, money and potential for trouble.

As for the other fears remaining, Rome wasn't built in a day. Just keep going. You'll get there. I strongly advise you to finish the entire 8 months before going to anything else. Great progress!

[Benjamin]

Interesting, I can see that. Alot of people need alcohol to socialize. And fear explains why some people used to get so upset when I would be out somewhere not drinking alcohol.

Especially in Australia, some people actually get angry and can't handle it. Interestingly one guy actually admitted to me that he wishes he could do it, but that he can't go out and socialize unless he's drunk and it makes him uncomfortable that i'm not drinking. And I only really remember seeing him quite drunk. Not many people would admit it.

Anyway, good result.

[Breeze]

Some people do understand their dependency on alcohol and they have expressed the same knowing that I've quit it altogether.  I've had people tell me to keep it in "moderation" and I've tried explaining that it is not about denying myself of any sort of pleasure. The majority, however, had been impressed and mighty respectful of my decision. It is what it is now and alcohol doesn't play any part in my life anymore, and I am happy with that. Even better if I'll never feel the need to drink alcohol again

I do plan to stick to the sub for the entirety of 8 months. It is usually difficult for me to stick to a single stager for more than a month or two, but I have tons of motivation to continue with this sub.

Rode a bike today for a reasonable distance. I haven't really driven one before more than a couple of hundred meters (not counting my decade-old automatic scooter) due to beginner troubles with gear shifting and unreasonable braking. But I borrowed my cousin's bike for a ride and did extremely well except a minor hiccup or two. As with everything else, a stress-free experience.  It's not that I didn't know how to ride a bike, but never believed I could ride one before putting many hours perfecting gear shifts. What can I say, happy with this little progress.

[Shannon]

One of the happiest achievements I ever made was being able to socialize without alcohol. Never had a problem with it; in fact I drank it considerably less than everyone else to begin with, because my mother was an active alcoholic until I was 11 years old, and I remember well the drama. Did not want that for myself. But being able to put it down, never want it, need it, or rely on it for anything... never caring what other people think, and only having it be a problem if the people around me try to obligate me by buying me drinks... which really does not go over well with me... being able to live without ever even thinking about it... is truly priceless, one of the things I have accomplished that gives me subtle joy on a continual basis. I hope you get to experience this as well. As I said... freedom.

[Omni3]

That 'desire' fell away from me about 5 years ago. One particular regular drinker would ask me what I'm drinking and I'd always have a coffee...

The last year or so I've been making herbal tinctures with vodka, but even that is too 'heavy' for me at a couple of teaspoons at a time in a hot drink. I'm moving to make tinctures with veggie glycerin next.

I'm grateful that I now have no desire whatsoever to drink alcohol and am free to enjoy all occasions completely sober and clearheaded.

Happy to hear you guys are enjoying this freedom too

[Breeze]

Good to have my thoughts echoed back to me reading all of your experiences and insights. With any drastic step, one wonder if it is too much, but it has felt right since the very first day, and it continues to do so.

Now, onto other fears, which I am thinking about a lot, consciously but not deliberately. For one, it is super easy to notice my actions which are motivated by fear, and every single time I do notice so, I get an itch to change my response. Sometimes I do act on the itch, sometimes I don't. But with each day, I am inching closer and closer to take actions attuned to what I'd do if fear didn't hold me back one bit. Feels like a matter of time.

[Breeze]

On to the 11th cycle now. That's more than 1/3d of the journey.  I didn't believe in myself to stick with the subliminal for as long as I've stuck with it, but there's a long way to go yet.  It's hard to assess. or rather, I am unwilling to assess the results to a deep depth. But I can say, without a doubt, that the quality of my life has dramatically improved. In the sense that I am a much more happier and stable individual now.

A few weeks ago my mind deemed it impossible to overcome all my fears. Now, flash forward, I am starting to believe it is possible. It still seems a ridiculous notion, but achievable. 

My energy levels are the best they've ever been, except today, but then I haven't managed my sleep well. This shall pass. I am vocal about my thoughts and re-enforcing the line right away when someone tries to cross it. As a matter of fact, I stood against some people I've been meaning to all my life. Not with the intention to pick up a fight or demean them, but calling them out on their absurd thought process especially when it involves me. But despite my best intention, I still do need to find some finesse when it comes to that. 

There's a sense of novelty all around me. As if I am viewing the world from a different set of lenses altogether. It's fresh, it's exciting, and it is filled with content. I am pondering upon a success lot of lately and what it would mean for me to be successful. What I always thought I need to be successful is turning right on its head. There is no doubt that my next subliminal is going to be UMS2, and my upcoming enterprises are my first priority. But I don't believe I need to be filthy rich to be happy. Or need to work my bones out to a level of productivity I can be "proud" of. Or for that matter, have sex with a myriad of women to consider myself worthy. But of course I wouldn't shy away from either of it.

I am bogged down with procrastination issues on some days, and putting my foot down on the petal and accelerating hard and fast on other days. I am traveling to another city next week and might have to settle there itself if conditions favor me with work and business there. We'll see. 

Life's good.