F*CKIN' DMSI!!!! (a DMSI v3.0.1b Tale)

[chaosvrgn]

Oh --

"Only God Forgives" is the name of a Nicolas Winding Refn movie.

[Life]

Looked pretty dope but think ppl thought it was pretentious

[eternity]

[edited as per rule 4]

I'll try to be relevant here

Chaos, to your run of 3.0.1,

Gl hf dd
Good luck have fun don't die

[Sickologist]

Check out the Pusher trilogy and even Valhalla Rising.

[Benjamin]

The movie name is fine, I know it's not anything to do with that, but Eternity your post is violating rule 4.

[chaosvrgn]

I envy those of you who simply stonewall the program rather than resist it. I've been in a state of intense, intense depression all day. I don't know exactly what v2.5 is tackling, but I know it has something to do with sexual performance anxiety and shame. I was able to do my mental alchemy technique -- a subconscious check to see what was causing the emotional pain.

I'm quite terrified at what I saw. Can't really put it into words. Shame and fear regarding sex, sexual performance and self-worth, manifesting in my mind's eye as a slick, oily substance, writhing in what seemed to be agony. The flood of emotions I felt when I caught that momentary glimpse sent me straight into a panic attack. Now I understand why my subconscious is hiding it from me.

It tried some rather fancy manipulation at one point. Almost tricked me into thinking that Shannon had hid something within DMSI, some kind of mind control and THAT'S what I was seeing. Sneaky ass subconscious. At this point, my subconscious will do whatever it can to keep me from removing whatever that poison is.

There's something about sex and sexual performance that has my subconscious ready to implode. Something primal. Something... that might've happened to me as an infant, long before my conscious memories. It may even be karmic... something that happened in a past existence. Whatever it is, I've suffered from it my entire life. Bouts of crippling exhaustion and procrastination, even when I was child. I know that THIS is the culprit.

For those who regularly chat with me over PM about mental alchemy, it's experiences like this that keep me from divulging all the secrets. Especially this particular technique, because it's very close to channeling -- and believe me, channeling what I experienced today is the LAST thing you'd ever want to do.

At this point, I'm terrified of running v3.0.1a. I've been coming up with excuses all day not to run it. Even considered just leaving my business, family and friends behind and just vanishing for awhile. Whatever this thing is, it's not going to surrender easily. It wants to live, it wants to fester.

I've always known there was something there. In my first run of AM6, I had a moment while walking down a random San Francisco street where I fell to my knees and vomited. This reoccuring thought kept popping in my head: "How could you do that to me?"

I knew it was sexual related. But I don't know who, or what. Well, I have an idea. But I'm keeping that to myself, because I have NO proof other than these random insights that have no real connective fiber.

Anyway... I guess we'll see in a couple of days what v3.0.1a will clear. In the mean time, I'm downing as much caffeine as possible and taking out all my frustration on a heavy bag.

EDIT: Boxing is canceled for tonight.

[SargeMaximus]

Shit man. Sorry to hear about your troubles. I remember on SM 3 I went to the ER multiple times, even the Mental Health ER. One time in the regular hospital I just puked as I was waiting for the doctor. Never found out what it was though, I wasn't so in touch as you are.

[Firebrand]

Woah.

That's some heavy shit Chaos.

Honestly, it makes me kinda scared now too, haha. Imagine what the rest of us could have. Hopefully not.

But, you are not that thing (just like our thoughts aren't really us.. yeah, some Zen shit again, but I believe it helps here), and you are stronger than whatever the subconscious is hiding from you. You're a fucking beast!

I think you're doing an amazing job. It should clear up, now that you finally found the culprit.

Keep at it!

[RTBoss]

With the module to mask negative side effects, V3.0.1 should theoretically go better for you and make these experiences less likely to occur.

[Have at ye]

Yeah, I've had some *extremely* unpleasant thoughts, images and recollections come up, when using 2.3 and 2.5 especially, the details of which I did not write in my journal here nor am I going to, when doing ultrasonic. When I was doing masked, it would usually manifest as a headache or apathy, or both.

For all their faults, Freud's and Jung's (especially Jung's) intuitions were quite often right, I've come to believe.

[Aventus45]

Yeah, I've had some *extremely* unpleasant thoughts, images and recollections come up, when using 2.3 and 2.5 especially, the details of which I did not write in my journal here nor am I going to, when doing ultrasonic. When I was doing masked, it would usually manifest as a headache or apathy, or both.

For all their faults, Freud's and Jung's (especially Jung's) intuitions were quite often right, I've come to believe.

At least you guys are able to power through it all. My mind kept finding reasons to stop using it and it succeeded on both occasions.

[Have at ye]

Yeah, I've had some *extremely* unpleasant thoughts, images and recollections come up, when using 2.3 and 2.5 especially, the details of which I did not write in my journal here nor am I going to, when doing ultrasonic. When I was doing masked, it would usually manifest as a headache or apathy, or both.

For all their faults, Freud's and Jung's (especially Jung's) intuitions were quite often right, I've come to believe.

At least you guys are able to power through it all. My mind kept finding reasons to stop using it and it succeeded on both occasions.

Ayup, hardheadedness has its faults (resistance against the good stuff because I won't do what you tell me raarrgh), but it also does seem to have its pros (resilience against the bad stuff, apparently).

[Firebrand]

Yeah, I've had some *extremely* unpleasant thoughts, images and recollections come up, when using 2.3 and 2.5 especially, the details of which I did not write in my journal here nor am I going to, when doing ultrasonic. When I was doing masked, it would usually manifest as a headache or apathy, or both.

For all their faults, Freud's and Jung's (especially Jung's) intuitions were quite often right, I've come to believe.

At least you guys are able to power through it all. My mind kept finding reasons to stop using it and it succeeded on both occasions.

Try pinching yourself by the balls next time you want to stop.. works for me

Seriously though, when such a thing happens when I want to stop, I do one of those things :

- I purposefully get mad. "Rage, rage against the dying of the light.. do not go gentle into that good night". Visualization helps here, i.e imagining yourself burning with determination. This is one instance where using the Dark Side is justified

- I detach from the reasons to stop it. You basically feel the reasons why you want to stop, and realize they have no hold of you. This allows you to loosen up enough and just continue playing it.

You could even combine these two. Action and rage are "Zen" as well

[chaosvrgn]

See what this damn resistance made me do? CURSES UPON DMSI!



EDIT: The woman knocked the price down from $229 to $199. DMSI discounts for the win!