Stage 2 day 11
I'm beginning to see more of a rebirth cycle right now. It's spiritual in a dejavu sort of way.
It feels like a scaled up version of exactly where i was a year ago. I was strategizing and restructuring myself, but for entirely different reasons back then. But I was still trying to get back on track, much like I am now.
There's quite a lot of resistance right now that's not even necessarily sub related. It's more like life related. I want to push and reach a higher level; namely more energy, resonating with higher goals and people.
I see though that every time I push to get back on track, I meet tiny blockages which end up ruining my mood, and that's all very odd to me.
I've always seen myself as someone who's above the small crap, but I'm noticing how small things have been getting to me over the past few months (not just now on BASE).
One thing that's certain is that any point in my life where I've felt similar - disoriented though working hard to make everything right - it's because I was right behind a new level of achievement, so I'm pretty sure everything is on track though it feels like the opposite.
It's a bit hard to explain, in a way. Sort of like knowing everything will be okay even though present circumstances might say otherwise.
The feeling likely comes because I'm not where I want to be, and I might not get there for a little while, but I'm slowly "getting that" now more than ever. It's a deep discomfort which makes reality feel really really weird, but it's okay because the intuitive map says I'm right on course.
It's almost like following directions while driving. You know you're going the right way, but something doesn't feel right. It might be because of emotional crap related to where you're going and what you're leaving behind. Indirectly it's making the trip feel a bit disorienting. But the map says you're only x miles away, so you keep trudging on.
I would call this a free floating tension, but it feels more specific than that. As I leave behind who i was and slowly become who i wish to be, things will all get very different, and initially I might question that. But it's the tethers my subconscious has to the old me, and all that needs to be let go.
Everything is a purposeful grind right now. The only way is onward. The next breakthrough right around the corner.
**I'm also putting together material for the financial education thread which I hope proves useful to many of you here.
I'm beginning to see more of a rebirth cycle right now. It's spiritual in a dejavu sort of way.
It feels like a scaled up version of exactly where i was a year ago. I was strategizing and restructuring myself, but for entirely different reasons back then. But I was still trying to get back on track, much like I am now.
There's quite a lot of resistance right now that's not even necessarily sub related. It's more like life related. I want to push and reach a higher level; namely more energy, resonating with higher goals and people.
I see though that every time I push to get back on track, I meet tiny blockages which end up ruining my mood, and that's all very odd to me.
I've always seen myself as someone who's above the small crap, but I'm noticing how small things have been getting to me over the past few months (not just now on BASE).
One thing that's certain is that any point in my life where I've felt similar - disoriented though working hard to make everything right - it's because I was right behind a new level of achievement, so I'm pretty sure everything is on track though it feels like the opposite.
It's a bit hard to explain, in a way. Sort of like knowing everything will be okay even though present circumstances might say otherwise.
The feeling likely comes because I'm not where I want to be, and I might not get there for a little while, but I'm slowly "getting that" now more than ever. It's a deep discomfort which makes reality feel really really weird, but it's okay because the intuitive map says I'm right on course.
It's almost like following directions while driving. You know you're going the right way, but something doesn't feel right. It might be because of emotional crap related to where you're going and what you're leaving behind. Indirectly it's making the trip feel a bit disorienting. But the map says you're only x miles away, so you keep trudging on.
I would call this a free floating tension, but it feels more specific than that. As I leave behind who i was and slowly become who i wish to be, things will all get very different, and initially I might question that. But it's the tethers my subconscious has to the old me, and all that needs to be let go.
Everything is a purposeful grind right now. The only way is onward. The next breakthrough right around the corner.
**I'm also putting together material for the financial education thread which I hope proves useful to many of you here.
