EP UMS JOURNAL

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Now Greenduck, ask yourself.  How much of that is actually your own limiting beliefs, and how much is reality?

It’s a mindset I have decided to take to get myself out of my depression, rather than something being given to me. Either I could have jumped off a bridge or I could fight to get back to life and I choose the latter and with it came the need to create a mindset that I could fall back to when it got hard. To hope for tho n a to come and things to get better didn’t work, only hard work with myself being present with my own pain. So to answer your question, it was the reality I had to create to survive.

That is your belief based on your level of understanding.  It isn't necessarily The Truth or Omnipresent Reality.  It was your conclusion based on your circumstances and your choices.  And it's a limited and limiting belief, too.  Please remember that you are here to be part of the community here and we are all trying to improve and help each other.  While you may have been trying to help, it is not helpful to present your limited and limiting beliefs as fact to someone who is also struggling, and may not be helped by believing that they are fact.

There are always reasons and options you're not aware of.  Don't limit others with your limitations.  Let them decide for themselves what limitations they choose.

My desire is to break free from and surpass all limitations. Including the consequences of past failures. But first, I have to learn certain lessons that seem to require I let those desires go in order to learn. Feels like a catch-22. Not sure how to fix this.

[Benjamin]

Really Greenduck, you should stop giving advice. It's not helping, and i've seen you suggest some of the strangest most unhelpful things.

Like cold showers and exercise are great, but they will do jack shit to help with emotional issues, or Evolvingphoenix' attachment to his old friend and emotions around that.

You've already had issues giving advice in the past, and been warned about it. Yet you keep doing it, any chance you tell someone that some chakras are out. Which is more spiritual bypassing bullshit for people to avoid actually dealing with the reality and the emotions and things they're avoiding.

This sums it up perfectly with such a wishy washy sentence after giving him yet more advice.

So I don’t know if that’s the problem but reading about your problems with setting boundaries and being affected by people around you, I would guess that working on grounding would benefit you.

"I don't know if this is the problem, it might possibly be, i'm not sure, but i'd guess so, maybe something with your chakras."

You've mainly been giving advice to people who are in a really low place and don't have a certain stability in themselves and who want to develop it, so you're coming in and getting thanks from them because they don't know any better, which is unfortunate because you aren't helping them much, and actually misleading them. And really we're getting sick of that, without actually naming, this behaviour and the responses you give when questioned about it are very, very close to someone who got banned a while ago for certain behaviour reminiscent of this.

Because anyone who more experienced is going to call you out on this if you started doing it in their journal.

But really, I know i've probably wasted my time even tying any of that up because I know your response. So i'll just consider instead giving you warnings on your account if you continue to do it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Yeah, and as far as chakras go, my issues around my self esteem and ex-friend are more sacral and heart chakra issues than root chakra issues. Think about it, Greenduck: what is each chakra responsible for? The root chakra is responsible for survival and staying grounded to the earth, which is important for the other chakras, but not directly related to emotional issues. The sacral chakra is about sensuality, creativity, personal power, relation to self, relation to others in a one-on-one sort of way, and sense of self worth. The Green chakra is responsible for unconditional, universal love. Do you not see how these two chakras might be more related to the issues I'm facing? And they are connected too. Now I've had my lower 3 chakras healed remotely, so that's why I'm working on my green chakra: to enter my heartspace. Perhaps my lower 3 chakras DO need more work, but if they do, it's the ORANGE chakra that needs it the most. Not the root chakra. Anyway, the sacral chakra's pain has been released and is no longer being caged up, but that doesn't necessarily men the painful emotions are gone, just that they are no longer being bottled up and stored in the seventh sub banding of the sacral ray. But I've heard of people healing sacral ray issues through green ray love. Love can heal all things. Except for physical wounds perhaps.

Try to understand that my desire to open my heart chakra stems from a personal experience I had where I felt what BEING unconditionally loved felt like. It's like... I was being filled with unconditional love and it just (at least for the moment) put my issues to rest and it felt healing. I want to put myself in that state PERMANENTLY and be able to flood others with the same love. I can't go into more detail because of rule 4, but I know what I'm working towards here. I want to re-establish that connection on this planet in this lifetime within this plane of existence. And that requires an open heart chakra.

As Ben said, your suggestions are not useful for what I'm dealing with. Not completely anyway. BBut thank you for trying to help, although your attitude about it was unnecessarily rough.

[Greenduck]

Now Greenduck, ask yourself.  How much of that is actually your own limiting beliefs, and how much is reality?

It’s a mindset I have decided to take to get myself out of my depression, rather than something being given to me. Either I could have jumped off a bridge or I could fight to get back to life and I choose the latter and with it came the need to create a mindset that I could fall back to when it got hard. To hope for tho n a to come and things to get better didn’t work, only hard work with myself being present with my own pain. So to answer your question, it was the reality I had to create to survive.

That is your belief based on your level of understanding.  It isn't necessarily The Truth or Omnipresent Reality.  It was your conclusion based on your circumstances and your choices.  And it's a limited and limiting belief, too.  Please remember that you are here to be part of the community here and we are all trying to improve and help each other.  While you may have been trying to help, it is not helpful to present your limited and limiting beliefs as fact to someone who is also struggling, and may not be helped by believing that they are fact.

There are always reasons and options you're not aware of.  Don't limit others with your limitations.  Let them decide for themselves what limitations they choose.

Thanks for pointing that out, it's hard to see it myself at times. I'll try to not do it again.

Yeah, and as far as chakras go, my issues around my self esteem and ex-friend are more sacral and heart chakra issues than root chakra issues. Think about it, Greenduck: what is each chakra responsible for? The root chakra is responsible for survival and staying grounded to the earth, which is important for the other chakras, but not directly related to emotional issues. The sacral chakra is about sensuality, creativity, personal power, relation to self, relation to others in a one-on-one sort of way, and sense of self worth. The Green chakra is responsible for unconditional, universal love. Do you not see how these two chakras might be more related to the issues I'm facing? And they are connected too. Now I've had my lower 3 chakras healed remotely, so that's why I'm working on my green chakra: to enter my heartspace. Perhaps my lower 3 chakras DO need more work, but if they do, it's the ORANGE chakra that needs it the most. Not the root chakra. Anyway, the sacral chakra's pain has been released and is no longer being caged up, but that doesn't necessarily men the painful emotions are gone, just that they are no longer being bottled up and stored in the seventh sub banding of the sacral ray. But I've heard of people healing sacral ray issues through green ray love. Love can heal all things. Except for physical wounds perhaps.

Try to understand that my desire to open my heart chakra stems from a personal experience I had where I felt what BEING unconditionally loved felt like. It's like... I was being filled with unconditional love and it just (at least for the moment) put my issues to rest and it felt healing. I want to put myself in that state PERMANENTLY and be able to flood others with the same love. I can't go into more detail because of rule 4, but I know what I'm working towards here. I want to re-establish that connection on this planet in this lifetime within this plane of existence. And that requires an open heart chakra.

As Ben said, your suggestions are not useful for what I'm dealing with. Not completely anyway. BBut thank you for trying to help, although your attitude about it was unnecessarily rough.

Yeah sorry man for putting it out that way. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish my beliefs from what is reality just as Shannon pointed out. Hope it didn't cause you some inconvenience, I think I just wanted to give you the "go get it" mentality that I'm trying to infuse in myself to not just sit around waiting for things to happen and creating that momentum going forward. I'll written out a short description about each chakra below:

Well the root chakra is really the foundation of your emotional state. It's your ability to hold emotions and thoughts consistent, the stepping stones to help you overcome fears (as it's blocked by fear and a blockage can make you stuck in fear). It's your ability to feel safe in any circumstance, and your ability to stand your ground even when pushed by others. It's your ability to say no. Your ability to feel anger and let people know where your boundaries are. I saw an interesting talk with jordan peterson who is a famous canadian psychologist, who expressed that you ability to set boundaries is your ability "for potential havoc" - i.e. how others feel that if they cross you, they will meet your anger, causing others being less inclined to cross your boundaries.

The sacral chakra is as you expressed it related to your emotional self, in sanscrit the word sacral mean "your own place", so your own emotional space if you may. It's related to sexuality and sensuality, forming emotional relationships with others and love (it's not only the heart chakra that deals with love but actually all of them, unconditional love is just one type of love)

The solar plexus chakra is your personality and self image, your ability to assert yourself, to not be so caring about what other people do or feel, your sense of direction, willpower, desire to compeate, improve yourself, move forward

the heart chakra is "the unhurt/unstuck", the calmness and stillness in you, the observer, the one who don't need to do anything, but can just be with it's surrounding and feel the love and be a transmitter of the love

The throat chakra is your ability to self express and find yourself in terms of your opinions but is also related to your ability to listen to others

the third eye is your insight

the crown is your connection "to the whole"

I've seen many people who go for the higher chakras as they are often not associated with the painful emotions that the lower ones are. Each chakra has a "demon" which really is just an emotion that causes the energy in the chakra to get stuck. The root have fear, the sacral have shame, the solar plexus guilt, the heart sorrow, the throat lies, the third eye desception, and the crown manipulation (not so sure about the last one, can look it up if you want). I sure understand your desire to go with the heart chakra and can also understand the reasoning behind you going for that direction, but the love that you discover in the heart will not be as powerfull or consistent as it could be if you get the lower 3 in check before going for the love center.

There are different chakra-tests you can read about online if you want to learn more and a great book (however a bit overwhelming, but a great reference book) called eastern body western mind by Anodea Judith.

Really Greenduck, you should stop giving advice. It's not helping, and i've seen you suggest some of the strangest most unhelpful things.

Like cold showers and exercise are great, but they will do jack shit to help with emotional issues, or Evolvingphoenix' attachment to his old friend and emotions around that.

You've already had issues giving advice in the past, and been warned about it. Yet you keep doing it, any chance you tell someone that some chakras are out. Which is more spiritual bypassing ***** for people to avoid actually dealing with the reality and the emotions and things they're avoiding.

This sums it up perfectly with such a wishy washy sentence after giving him yet more advice.

So I don’t know if that’s the problem but reading about your problems with setting boundaries and being affected by people around you, I would guess that working on grounding would benefit you.

"I don't know if this is the problem, it might possibly be, i'm not sure, but i'd guess so, maybe something with your chakras."

You've mainly been giving advice to people who are in a really low place and don't have a certain stability in themselves and who want to develop it, so you're coming in and getting thanks from them because they don't know any better, which is unfortunate because you aren't helping them much, and actually misleading them. And really we're getting sick of that, without actually naming, this behaviour and the responses you give when questioned about it are very, very close to someone who got banned a while ago for certain behaviour reminiscent of this.

Because anyone who more experienced is going to call you out on this if you started doing it in their journal.

But really, I know i've probably wasted my time even tying any of that up because I know your response. So i'll just consider instead giving you warnings on your account if you continue to do it.

Not everyone reads everything and take every word as a truth. Obviously as seen above something I put forward interested EP so my post isn't the poison that I sometimes feel you are trying to frame it as. Previously I talked about using psychadelics to a user, but you put it into the rules so I now abstain from doing such thing. But I am putting out my experience and the mindset I have used during the years to move forward, which I can't find being prohibited in the rules.

Sometimes I get the feeling that you discredit whatever I am writing. It makes me feel a bit discouraged to be honest.

[findingme]

Greenduck,

I'm just an observer in this discussion, and I desired to share something with you I discovered while on LTU5. About 2 months back, I was taking inventory of my emotional status while at work, where I see most of my results. My interactions with people tell me of my own insecurities and places I'm stuck.

And damn, I saw one. It didn't feel good, I'd been doing it a long time, and.......surprisingly, I wanted to be free of it. My hangup? I was habitually making things harder. Part of me felt "smarter" doing things in ways which noone else did (yep, it's true)......but doing things like this pushed people away. They stopped trying to point out simpler and quicker ways to do the job.

I remember approaching my peer coworker, who I'd frustrated countless times doing it "my" way. And I just spit it out, hoping for some grace. He surprised me since he held himself back, and he shared that yes, I was making our job harder. Me admitting it helped our relationship, but it freed me from the belief that my old ways were the ONLY way (or best way) to do something. LTU did this for me. In my own confession, I'm not sure LTU5 got as much credit while running it as it deserved. I ran it for many months, and some old habits (like believing some things had not changed) festered. I'll be thinking about this today, as many things actually did change.

But I wrote you seeking to know if you've had similar insights while on LTU5. I sense a familiar "stubbornness" in your writings

[Omni3]

I  felt what BEING unconditionally loved felt like. It's like... I was being filled with unconditional love and it just (at least for the moment) put my issues to rest and it felt healing. I want to put myself in that state PERMANENTLY and be able to flood others with the same love.

I've experienced a healing which was like this and I'm of the same sentiment. It was an amazing amazing experience to know what totally unconditional love feels like.

All the best EP

[Greenduck]

Greenduck,

I'm just an observer in this discussion, and I desired to share something with you I discovered while on LTU5. About 2 months back, I was taking inventory of my emotional status while at work, where I see most of my results. My interactions with people tell me of my own insecurities and places I'm stuck.

And damn, I saw one. It didn't feel good, I'd been doing it a long time, and.......surprisingly, I wanted to be free of it. My hangup? I was habitually making things harder. Part of me felt "smarter" doing things in ways which noone else did (yep, it's true)......but doing things like this pushed people away. They stopped trying to point out simpler and quicker ways to do the job.

I remember approaching my peer coworker, who I'd frustrated countless times doing it "my" way. And I just spit it out, hoping for some grace. He surprised me since he held himself back, and he shared that yes, I was making our job harder. Me admitting it helped our relationship, but it freed me from the belief that my old ways were the ONLY way (or best way) to do something. LTU did this for me. In my own confession, I'm not sure LTU5 got as much credit while running it as it deserved. I ran it for many months, and some old habits (like believing some things had not changed) festered. I'll be thinking about this today, as many things actually did change.

But I wrote you seeking to know if you've had similar insights while on LTU5. I sense a familiar "stubbornness" in your writings

Haha this made me laugh. Thanks for sharing. But yes, I have noticed that I have had some kind of pride in that I would always find a new way of doing things in a "blue ocean-way" (if you aren't familiar with it i recommend you to look it up, it's a pretty interesting business phenomenon). But I have realized it's often better to start approaching a problem in a more traditional way and keep your creative way of dealing with it in the backwater. I think has to do with that you put together what you do with who you are to much, and doing stuff the way "everybody does it" make you "just like everyone" and you loose your uniqueness or whatnot. But always trying to do stuff your own way make you 1) hard to cooperate with (Which i also have noticed and tried overcome and use more common sense way and 2) make you not listen as good at lessons from other people as you otherwise can. End of the line I think it's a self-esteem issue. Thanks for pointing it out and happy to hear about your progress!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 3 of carpetbombing. Feeling the depression hit me. Feelin REALLY shitty. Feeling like I'll spend my whole life trying to heal these wpunds and achieve happiness and still fail. I feel like even if I had a billion dollars right now, with a perfect wife manifested from an AYP/MYP sub, 2 beautiful kids, the ability to play guitar, creative acclaim, and all the other stuff I want in life, I would still be unhappy and wouldn't be able to appreciate ANY of it. And I would still hold myself in low regard. It FEELS like I just can't win. Like I'll never heal this within this lifetime. I know this is just a feeling and a self limiting belief, but that's just how it feels, even if it's untrue. I'm tired of living, but I gotta push forward and make the best strides I can. But it feels like I'm in a maze and and I'm feeling my way around it, blind as a bat.

[DavisMind91]

Day 3 of carpetbombing. Feeling the depression hit me. Feelin REALLY shitty. Feeling like I'll spend my whole life trying to heal these wpunds and achieve happiness and still fail. I feel like even if I had a billion dollars right now, with a perfect wife manifested from an AYP/MYP sub, 2 beautiful kids, the ability to play guitar, creative acclaim, and all the other stuff I want in life, I would still be unhappy and wouldn't be able to appreciate ANY of it. And I would still hold myself in low regard. It FEELS like I just can't win. Like I'll never heal this within this lifetime. I know this is just a feeling and a self limiting belief, but that's just how it feels, even if it's untrue. I'm tired of living, but I gotta push forward and make the best strides I can. But it feels like I'm in a maze and and I'm feeling my way around it, blind as a bat.

According to what you.ve written here, it seems you're overly attached to being healed. I know that sounds a bit strange, I mean how could you not be somewhat attached to not wanting to feel bad anymore?....I've been where you are, even almost took my own life because of it. One thing that helped me is learning to detach for my own thoughts and feelings. At one point, I became so negative that it was hard for me to do something as simple as brush my teeth without going into a negative spiral.

I'm  not sure if the following suggestion would help your situation but I'll throw it out there anyway. Stop caring about your thoughts and emotions so much. I know it's easier said than done, but once I stopped caring about my negative thoughts and emotions, and even stopped caring about being overly happy, that's when things actually started to loosen up for me, and I began to make progress. Looking back, I realized all that negativity came from only a portion from myself and not from all of who I truly was. Once my "ego mind" started to get the point that I couldn't have cared less about whatever thoughts and feelings it threw my way, it began to have less power over me, and began to slow down.

Taking action, any action also helps. I don't care if it's reading a book, jogging, whatever. "An idol mind is the devil's playground", so find ways to be productive or at least keep yourself a bit more busy.

[Greenduck]

Day 3 of carpetbombing. Feeling the depression hit me. Feelin REALLY shitty. Feeling like I'll spend my whole life trying to heal these wpunds and achieve happiness and still fail. I feel like even if I had a billion dollars right now, with a perfect wife manifested from an AYP/MYP sub, 2 beautiful kids, the ability to play guitar, creative acclaim, and all the other stuff I want in life, I would still be unhappy and wouldn't be able to appreciate ANY of it. And I would still hold myself in low regard. It FEELS like I just can't win. Like I'll never heal this within this lifetime. I know this is just a feeling and a self limiting belief, but that's just how it feels, even if it's untrue. I'm tired of living, but I gotta push forward and make the best strides I can. But it feels like I'm in a maze and and I'm feeling my way around it, blind as a bat.

According to what you.ve written here, it seems you're overly attached to being healed. I know that sounds a bit strange, I mean how could you not be somewhat attached to not wanting to feel bad anymore?....I've been where you are, even almost took my own life because of it. One thing that helped me is learning to detach for my own thoughts and feelings. At one point, I became so negative that it was hard for me to do something as simple as brush my teeth without going into a negative spiral.

I'm  not sure if the following suggestion would help your situation but I'll throw it out there anyway. Stop caring about your thoughts and emotions so much. I know it's easier said than done, but once I stopped caring about my negative thoughts and emotions, and even stopped caring about being overly happy, that's when things actually started to loosen up for me, and I began to make progress. Looking back, I realized all that negativity came from only a portion from myself and not from all of who I truly was. Once my "ego mind" started to get the point that I couldn't have cared less about whatever thoughts and feelings it threw my way, it began to have less power over me, and began to slow down.

Taking action, any action also helps. I don't care if it's reading a book, jogging, whatever. "An idol mind is the devil's playground", so find ways to be productive or at least keep yourself a bit more busy.

I can agree on this. Doing stuff and getting past your own rumination (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumination_(psychology) )can learn yourself to get into a “mode” where it doesn’t trouble you as much. I’ve recommended a book to you earlier that covers exactly this subject in a good way: https://www.amazon.com/At-Last-Life-Davi...0956948103

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks guys. Yeah I agree. Fortunately, between school and, soon, work, I'm getting busier amd busier as I move forward. 

An update regarding the Publix thing:
Just went to my Publix interview this afternoon (and then went to Olive Garden with my mom) The interview ent quite well and I'm fewling pretty confident I'll get the job! We shall see, but I'm feeling good about my likelihood. I will probably be contacted again tomprrow with their answer. There were 4 other people being interviewed today. Still feel confident, especially with UMS helping.

[Shannon]

Remember that expectations are what lead to disappointments. Be outcome independent, and roll with the punches. Have no expectation or hope that you got the job; simply accept that what has been done has been done, and what comes of it is "what is", and move on. That way, if you get the job, great! If not, no big deal. (And it really isn't. There is always another opportunity, another option, another door to try.) People get too invested in things and work up a set of expectations, when really they only try to control "what is" with their expectations, and if they don't know how to do that and fail, it only makes them unnecessarily upset.

Accept what is, and be at peace. Let go of efforts to control the world and "what is" through your expectations. Work with "what is", instead of against it. Let your emotions be still.

As I once advised Keith, don't try to push the river.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Remember that expectations are what lead to disappointments.  Be outcome independent, and roll with the punches.  Have no expectation or hope that you got the job; simply accept that what has been done has been done, and what comes of it is "what is", and move on.  That way, if you get the job, great!  If not, no big deal.  (And it really isn't.  There is always another opportunity, another option, another door to try.)  People get too invested in things and work up a set of expectations, when really they only try to control "what is" with their expectations, and if they don't know how to do that and fail, it only makes them unnecessarily upset.  

Accept what is, and be at peace.  Let go of efforts to control the world and "what is" through your expectations.  Work with "what is", instead of against it.  Let your emotions be still.

As I once advised Keith, don't try to push the river.  

Is this also a metaphor for dealing with what happened with my ex-friend?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I am... Constantly in this weird state that's hard to describe. It's like... Underneath the surface, these majour issues regarding self esteem, guilt, shame, fear, disappointment, and feelings of helplessness to change it all exist, but on the surface, I mostly have a really blunted emotional affect about it. Like I'm just bored. But underneath it is a well of dissatisfaction and unhappiness with what seems like a lid being kept shut on it. I want to reach a point where I truly feel wortht of the love, acceptance and mutual attraction I didn't get in the past. But right now, even with all my recent success, I feel like a failure. I feel like a loser. I feel like I'm "not good enough" and it's making me sad. Although that emotion too, is blunted. There's just this constant low key depression, colouring (or I should say "discolouring") everything. I feel like I need distraction to get my mind off of it, but I know that fixes nothing.

Yeah. "Low key depression" is what to call it. I guess it isn't too complicated to explain after all...

I found with these programs, especially with LTU but UMS as well, that’s how the change starts.  The surface thoughts change first, going from bad to not that bad to good, but you’ll still sense the underlying issues still there.  Then the deeper levels start to change.  

I hope the deeper thoughts DO start to change. I need them to. In order to create whatever reality I want, my beleifs, thoughts and feelings need to be in alignment with it first. I am hoping to bring them into alignment as soon as possible, however soon that is. Right noq, I don't love myself, I don't respect myself or hold myself in very high regard, I don't beleive I'm "worthy" of the changes I want to make in my life and I don't beleive in my ability to make them at this moment as such. My big struggle is to change that. But I don't know how. 

I've gotta remember that this version of E3 is way mote aggressive though than the version I was using, which in one way is a good thing. It also explains why I'm feeling like such crap lately: because the UMS version of E3 is extremely aggressive. I just hope it clears these issues up.