EP UMS JOURNAL

[Z-Man]

So... a good news update about my progress. I have decided that I consider this worth sharing:

So, I have been slowly (but at increasing pace/momentum) been letting go of more and more deeply embedded unhealthy programming, while slowly accepting more and more responsibility and becoming more and more committed to my highest positive development. As such, I have just recently as of tonight reached a point where I have decided to get in the "zone" so to speak and operate from a place of conscious awareness, becoming more and more aware of unconscious behaviour and reorienting myself to instead make conscious decisions when I notice that. So... I decided, okay, here's what I'ma do: come down from my marijuana high I'm on, finish my coffee, listen to Youtube videos which provide insight and guidance for my personal evolution while I come down, and then when I finally come down, get to work on that which is productive to my self growth. I then decided it was important that I right then and there come to a place of conscious, deliberate and committed decision making regarding my university related concerns. Basically, I faced the CONSCIOUS DECISION of whether or not I would continue with my University pursuits, with commitment and focus. I thought about it. I realize that I have been blowing off my school stuff, viewing it as stuff I don't like doing and thinking to myself that nothing which is in alignment with my true self actualized state of being would be something I didn't do for it's own sake, and that I viewed the whole university thing as basically being the route of "plan B" formed in life becaquse I never had the courage to develop and commit to a "plan A"

I took that perspective into consideration. Then, I offered up to myself a different perspective to take: first of all, regardless of WHAT I CHOOSE TO DO, if I choose to do it, honor myself by doing it with commitment and dedication to quality, as an expression and assertion of self love and self respect, but also if I have already committed myself to it, to honour myself by honouring my commitments. Then, I considered whether or not I should sign up for more classes. I decided that committing myself to another semester and approaching it with that attitude would at the very least be a healthy practice which would help me build my sense of autonomy and personal sovereignty, that it might prove to be  a good idea yet and that if at any polint I decide that it is out of alignment with my highest development, I can always drop it when I have decided that from, not a place of sloth or fear or ego, but from attunement with my true self, I reserve the right to drop it, knowing that if that is to happen it shall happen at whatever time is truly best in my journey. And so I decided I will continue on this path, but this time with commitment.

I also have over the course of this night faced some deep seated fears and neurotic obsessions and made room for them to express themselves and be processed while CHOOSING faith and love as my response. I hold room for the fear, rather than resisting it, yet let go of the need to play into it's hands by trying to control it away. Instead I acknowledge it, hold space for it, and step into the CHOICE of faith and love while I do so.

These are not the only changes I'm making lately. TBH I'm changing A LOT. These are the two however which I felt like noting in the journal specifically. Trust me though, there's more!

So it feels like I am making majour changes at an increasing momentum. I am letting go of this fear more and more, with patience, and taking more and more responsibility and committed, conscious ACTION. Don't get me wrong, this change is playing out in a manner that, at least on the surface, probably doesn't appear that drastic, but I can definitely say that the internal shifts I am making are getting deeper and deeper, they are coming more and more rapidly and frequently and they are clearing away issues of an increasing level of difficulty. There's a lot to be said about the shifts I'm undergoing really. In fact, the more I think about what could be added in here and acknowledged, the more I start to appreciate just how extensively, how deeply and how rapidly I am evolving.

Here are some more examples: I am changing how I view not only my interactions with my parents, but ALL my external experiences! I am starting to view negative external experiences as reflections of internal states, beliefs, limitations, blockages, etc. And viewing them through that lens, and seeing every experience as an experience of my CHOOSING due to manifesting it to reflect the internal reality I have CHOSEN to adopt, I take full responsibility for these experiences and therefor, my actions to transforming my experiences through inner transformation. Another change I have made is that whenever feelings about my exfriend arise, instead of either suppressing them or wallowing in them or ruminating on them, what I do is HONOUR them and allow space for them while at the same time detaching from any sense of need or lack or anything like that in the matter. Instead, I view these feelings as being due to a sense of value for this person and I simply honour them as being indicators of this person being (in a way) still present in my life, in that she has left a mark on my development and holds a special place in my heart. Letting go of her does not mean having to forget about her or pretend she has had no positive effect on me. Instead I transform these instances into a decision to honour the positive feelings and regard I have for this person while at the same time letting go of any attachment. I do not view the feelings themselves as attachment. There is nothing negative or unhealthy about recalling somebody you appreciate the good in and simply allowing a period of appreciation to play out. So long as I detach from any need to receive anything and appreciate what IS, rather than desiring something in particular, these feelings transform from being what was once a trigger of suffering and has now turned into a place of acceptance and unconditional love, which is then acknowledged as love of self. I only can love in another what I perceive in another, and I can only perceive in another what exists within myself. When I love another, I am loving the aspect of my own mind which I am projecting onto them. So when I hold space to appreciate THAT, it transforms from an unhealthy obsession into a healthy fostering of self love.

These are just a couple more examples. I realize there is a rapid momentum building to my evolutionary growth process lately. I definitely attribute due credit to the role UMSv1 is playing in this process, and at the same time, I appreciate the free will responsibility that goes hand in hand with the process of execution!

I am definitely seeing rapid results here. Almost all (if not all) of my results so far are in the emotional healing/clearing area. This is still majour progress, to be deeply appreciated. I have full faith that in due time, the monetary abundance shall manifest gloriously! And as the journey progresses along the path it is progressing on, leading to that inevitable point and beyond, I am all the while becoming more and more present, more and more responsible, more and more empowered, and I am appreciating every step of my journey more and more deeply. I am even appreciating the suffering I have endured, recongizing it's role in the transformative process as the catalyst for my evolution! I am developing in an increasingly healthy and positive manner, and I am so stoked for what lies ahead on this path! Thank you Shannon for creating such a powerful tool to help me along my journey and thank everybody on this forum who has supported me over the course of my development! Your contributions touch me deeply. You have helped me through an incredibly dark period in my life and you have all helped me reach the light at the end of the tunnel! I used to see myself as somebody who was drowning, now I see myself as someone who is FLYING! And I'm only going upward from here!

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all.

You have came a long way. I am glad the program is working for you. I am proud of you! Keep it up..