04-21-2016, 05:15 PM
Had orientation at my new job today. A ton of anxiety came up. Honestly thought I'd be past it by now but I guess not. Not gonna lie it bummed me out a lot. I tried deep breathing, thinking positive, telling myself if I got fired it didn't even matter, etc. But the anxiety just didn't budge.
I've said this before but the situation itself doesn't bother me as much. It's just the after effects of anxiety. I just feel run down and worn out. And I didn't even do any actual work or interact with customers today, so it just shows how much energy I expend just dealing with anxiety. It's a viscous cycle sometimes. I'll get so tired that I just want to rest, but I don't want to rest because I don't want to waste any valuable time. Most of my time has been dedicated to my music lately and I'm just worried I won't have as much energy to pursue that. I don't know why but my concept of time is terrible. I have a lot of time based anxiety.
I really should be praising myself for even managing to get a job because a couple of months ago I couldn't even bring myself to search for one without massive anxiety. But I guess I'm still not content until I can take on these situations without being so burned out by them.
I've said this before but the situation itself doesn't bother me as much. It's just the after effects of anxiety. I just feel run down and worn out. And I didn't even do any actual work or interact with customers today, so it just shows how much energy I expend just dealing with anxiety. It's a viscous cycle sometimes. I'll get so tired that I just want to rest, but I don't want to rest because I don't want to waste any valuable time. Most of my time has been dedicated to my music lately and I'm just worried I won't have as much energy to pursue that. I don't know why but my concept of time is terrible. I have a lot of time based anxiety.
I really should be praising myself for even managing to get a job because a couple of months ago I couldn't even bring myself to search for one without massive anxiety. But I guess I'm still not content until I can take on these situations without being so burned out by them.
