Devil of Hells Kitchen Journal

[Daredevil]

7/20/16

• So during E2 I have been having weird dreams that were incoherent and had no logical start and end point for me. Also I am starting to experience spasms in my skull muscles and the rest of my body as I run more hours of E2. The spasms only used to come in the legs but now they are coming everywhere. I think that because of no fap my dreams are getting started again. I haven't had wet dreams yet and I think this is due to me tapering off of sexual thoughts and lists due to me fantasizing going out of control now and I can see most of my shadow side junk coming out due to my sexuality. I wrote down an analysis of me yesterday that really outlined that if I want to heal myself and be a better person I had to change my dominant mind patterns, which are holding me back big time in the long run.


7/21/16

I dreamt in this nights dream that I was a closet psychic in WW2 England and that I worked as a butler for the royal family. Somehow I overheard at the Royal dinner table about a ship being downed in the sea and I stated that I had a vision that was gonna happen. Then I started to tell the people at the table about somethings I intuitively know about them that was impossible to know at first glance


7/22/16

So I have been realizing that I have been getting the spasms in my head again but unlike the spasms that felt like worms in my head in E1, I am getting spasms in my cranial muscles at random times. The Spasms in my legs have been gone for a while and they have recently gone up to my upper body and pelvic area with one time I felt spasms in my thoracic spine. I have been having thoughts of me hating myself constantly and it really has been debilitating. I never have been so insecure in the past year and it seems that E2 is taking me back to pre- E1 levels of being and state. I still don't know or understand what this mechanism is for but an interesting thing is that when I held my fathers hand I felt this sensation too. It's probably trying to tell me something but I haven't put 2+2 together. I had a dream last night that a white snake with small black spots on its skin was chasing me and I was apart of the knights Templar and we killed the snake. While the Snake was chasing me I felt fear towards it. I also had a wet dream in the night. This is very strange but it shows that I am going through some profound changes.

7/24/16

In the dream I had this night I had a dream that I saw Jada Pinket naked with her body out. Also I dreamt I was eating humans for a meal and I saw a tounge in my food.(I do not promote Cannabalism) Earlier that day I had a dream that I had to save the world since it was going into chaos and to do that, me and 6 other chosen ones who had no past lives together had to activate it. It was a spaceship and we flew into space.

7/26/16

So I have been learning more and more about emotional healing and trauma and I can see how trauma manifests in my body and character. I find it hard to breathe deeply and I cannot breathe down into my body since my pelvic area won't open up much with my breath and this is a manifestation of me being cut off from my balls or my masculinity. This has affected me in many ways and one example is that I was succeptible to bullying in school and didn't assert myself like how my father was a tyrant to me and any assertion to him was seen as a threat to his power. When I assert myself against the bullies he doesn't support me 100% and gets mad at me so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. E2 is now bringing up shit and it seems like I'm staring the Oedipal complex storyline with my father. He's Saturn and I'm Jupiter and he is afraid of me usurping him. Every student must kill his master . (I'm not gonna kill him for real). And for the past day I have been getting so angry for no reason and anger just keeps on coming up and I had a dream about me fighting with my father yesterday. But one thing for sure is that the bell can't be un rung. I started E2 and now it is impossible to stop until I finish clearing the trauma. I don't know how you guys could just switch subs so much when you have E2 to heal you but you desire superficial things more.

This is all I could Salvage