DMSI 3.2 it's official

[mat422]

Matt, you might be right about DMSI working only for semi-successful guys ( guys already half successful with women). But, the fact that you are here in this forum and listening to a subliminal, believe me, put you already in the 10 percent of humankind who realize „ oh there is a problem, but there is a way to women „. The vast majority of men don’t even know what to do about anything with regard to women with the exception of few naturals. What I am trying to say, you are on your way to success except you stop this process!

Thanks for the encouragement. I know it sounds like I'm giving up in that post, but it was really just venting. I've been here before with "this isn't working" type of resistance response. All I can do is get through it and keep pushing.

Whats your astrology Sun sign?

I'm a Taurus

[Benjamin]

Guys remember astrology in the chatter box thread.

[mat422]

I'm still going through a lot of stuff right now. I thought I had it all figured out for a bit, but then I realized I don't know anymore. I don't necessarily want to go through all this emotional turmoil in order to get better, but my mind is going to do what it's going to do. If I interfere with that too much I'll never heal properly. I don't know how my mind works, I think I do. This illusion of control I convince myself I have. Things like being independent and not needing anyone really being a cover up for a fear of rejection. I think it's good to be independent and love yourself, but it has to be real. It can't be coming from a place of avoidance. There's being alone out of choice and being alone out of avoidance and convincing yourself it was a choice. The false guise of somehow transcending an issue, but it really just escapes into the background from your conscious as a defense mechanism.

Along with the subs I met this sort of guidance/life coach sort of person. And I've been meeting up with her to sort of keep myself on track. But I'm beginning to get irritated with how simple she makes everything out to be. I'm going to talk to her about it in the next session and if she doesn't want to see eye to eye and keeps being pushy I'm going to stop going. A side rant, there are people in this world that don't get it. You mention anxiety or depression or a lifelong struggle with something like avoidance and they draw from their own experiences. Minor crap like having a bit of a racing heart near someone they like, finding themselves at a loss of words or being a little more quiet at a party, or being nervous for a job interview. That's normal shit, everyone goes through that. I find it insulting when people frame your issues as that minor shit that can easily overcome just by telling yourself you're confident and visualizing it. It's a giant slap in the face. Among the people who suffer the most in this world I've noticed most of them are highly introspective and understanding of their issues, so it troubles me when people give lectures as if they were a naiive child and if only they "opened their eyes" or "tried harder" they'd leave behind their petty issues. Ironically my fear of being rejected seems to cause me to instinctively attempt to make myself look better than I actually am during these sessions. But I'm not doing that anymore, I've got stuff I need to work on and if all I feel is pressure to improve for the sake of looking like I'm improving that's pointless and not real inner change.

Putting it bluntly. If someone offering advice and either A.) Isn't going through the same stuff or understands how complex and deep these problems go and how isolating it can be or B.) Isn't willing to put aside their incredibly myopic viewpoints to understand that not everything is easily solved as they assume, I genuinely don't want to hear anything that comes out of their mouth.

That being said I've been racking my brain trying to figure out why I'm so exhausted when the weekend hits. And I realized it's because I have to wind myself up to get through the week. All that energy spent and I just need the weekend to recover. My life is really messy at the moment. I'm not where I want to be right now, but I'm pushing forward. What I don't need anymore in my life is the pressure of appearing ok and pretending I'm fine. Typing all this out it seems like the deeper I get into healing stuff the more my knee jerk reaction seems to pull back and go "nah you're fine, you're overthinking this" and burying it all again. Again going back to that fear of rejection. It's like what if I am sad, upset, not doing to well? Shouldn't that be ok to feel instead of feeling the need to hide it? You can see it in most of my posts, the back and forth swing. The black and white of either being 100% completely fine meaning acceptance as a person and fitting in vs having theses issues meaning undesirable as a human being. Also the obsession with DMSI in general and this desire to use a strong sexy confident persona as a way to gain acceptance vs being myself. I'm not saying to abandon self improvement but there's a cutoff where you stop improving yourself and just start crossing over into some idealized bulletproof fantasy version of yourself. Using that as a buffer between you and the world out there, but by doing so you don't get the full experience of actually living as a human being.

From this point on my posts are going to be a lot more uncensored meaning there's probably going to be some depressing stuff popping up here and there and destructive thinking. I'll be doing my best to catch it all. But like I said I'm a complex person and my issues run deep. Untangling this ball of string is going to send me zig zagging all over the place.

[mat422]

Part of me is in full panic mode. I was so tired today that I had to lay down and I kind of just let my mind speak without trying to stop it. All I could hear in my thoughts was "I can't do this". Followed by a lot of fear.

These past few weeks I've gotten more and more isolated. It felt like I was closing myself in more and more. I'm clearly doing the exact opposite of what DMSI is pushing for. I wasn't entirely aware of it either. I just kept trying to push and push, and the more I pushed the worse it got. Pushing this afraid part to just march through whatevers holding me back has absolutely not been working.

I have two selves that I'm fully conscious of now. There's the one that wants to achieve the goals I've set out for and the one that bellieve's it's fully incapable of making those goals happen. And I realize they are both me, but honestly they might as well be two separate personalities with how much they differ. Despite all my growth over the years I've always felt a certain part of me lagged behind and now I'm seeing what exactly it is.

This might be the really young version of myself that was absolutely terrified of everything. Things like going to school felt like life or death situations. I don't think there's any way to rationalize with this part to be honest, it's absolutely not rational. It doesn't respond to any positive self talk or encouragement, it's 100% convinced the only safe place is inside my own home and insists I never leave unless I absolutely have to do something. So I think my hands are tied with what I can do on a conscious level and I just have to hope that underneath the surface of all this there are intense negotiations going on that surpass my conscious ability to do so.

[Zane]

How many loops u r doing bro?

[mat422]

How many loops u r doing bro?

Just 1. I don't know if I'll get any more benefit to adding another loop.

[mat422]

You ever feel like you're behind on everything? So many years of my life were lost to depression and anxiety. Now I have to catch up with everything. And it's got me super stressed out because I feel like there's so much I have to do and I'm so far away from reaching any of it. Yet the world doesn't stop spinning, nobody cares that I never really developed the best coping skills or that I still have remnants of social anxiety that make getting through the day tough.

I should be aiming for small steps that lead me on a path to getting to where I want to be. But I feel like I'm running out of time so I try to cram everything and then get overwhelmed. I know small steps is the solution though, anything else and I fill my brain with way too much and then get anxious when I don't get anything done. Classic procrastination.

One of the things that has been really bugging me is jobs and the whole song and dance of making enough money or just asking for more. Talk about self worth issues. I tend to screw myself over by being too afraid to accept more money. Maybe I think more money equals more responsibility and more "debt" to the company. I don't know. I'm just jealous of people who are super confident and just bs their way through life. It's a game to them and they don't care or worry. I just hate how in the US you're rewarded for being sociopathic and willing to step on others as well as manipulate everyone through charisma while having no real skill set.

[Zane]

Yeah, I feel the same way... Feel as if time is less and I haven't achieved what others have achieved. Reason is depression and anxiety.

Sometimes I wonder what will it take to get me back to normal.

I took DMSI-3.2 cause of it healing issues. I am little better than I was last year but I am still not at that level where I can start competing with the society and shit.

[mat422]

Well been having a think about all this. Not just dmsi but my life in general. I've concluded that this all stems from a fear of change. Yes I have self worth issues, perfectionism, anxiety, and whatever else impeded my happiness in life. But the only thing keeping those around is being too afraid to embrace something new. So I just hide behind this notion that there is more healing to do. It's a false sense of progress. The mind thinks I'm putting in consistently hard work working through my issues, when really I'm just prolonging them and making them more complicated than they are to avoid actual change.

I came to this conclusion when I realized I do the same stuff with my music. There's always one more thing I feel I need to tweak or get right then I'll finish the song. But guess what? I never finish the song because there was nothing wrong with what I was tweaking in the first place. It was just a convenient excuse.

This fear of change is completely irrational. Even something positive I'm fearful of. I've noticed the closer I get to getting attraction from women, the more my mind rejects it. Like I think to myself oh shit I hope she's not attracted to me. It's frustrating.

[Determined]

Well been having a think about all this. Not just dmsi but my life in general. I've concluded that this all stems from a fear of change. Yes I have self worth issues, perfectionism, anxiety, and whatever else impeded my happiness in life. But the only thing keeping those around is being too afraid to embrace something new. So I just hide behind this notion that there is more healing to do. It's a false sense of progress. The mind thinks I'm putting in consistently hard work working through my issues, when really I'm just prolonging them and making them more complicated than they are to avoid actual change.

I came to this conclusion when I realized I do the same stuff with my music. There's always one more thing I feel I need to tweak or get right then I'll finish the song. But guess what? I never finish the song because there was nothing wrong with what I was tweaking in the first place. It was just a convenient excuse.

This fear of change is completely irrational. Even something positive I'm fearful of. I've noticed the closer I get to getting attraction from women, the more my mind rejects it. Like I think to myself oh shit I hope she's not attracted to me. It's frustrating.

Dude, I just realised that I reject women first so that they won't "reject me" even when they're showing interest. Its funny how the mind works to trick us away from what we really want.

[mat422]

Well been having a think about all this. Not just dmsi but my life in general. I've concluded that this all stems from a fear of change. Yes I have self worth issues, perfectionism, anxiety, and whatever else impeded my happiness in life. But the only thing keeping those around is being too afraid to embrace something new. So I just hide behind this notion that there is more healing to do. It's a false sense of progress. The mind thinks I'm putting in consistently hard work working through my issues, when really I'm just prolonging them and making them more complicated than they are to avoid actual change.

I came to this conclusion when I realized I do the same stuff with my music. There's always one more thing I feel I need to tweak or get right then I'll finish the song. But guess what? I never finish the song because there was nothing wrong with what I was tweaking in the first place. It was just a convenient excuse.

This fear of change is completely irrational. Even something positive I'm fearful of. I've noticed the closer I get to getting attraction from women, the more my mind rejects it. Like I think to myself oh shit I hope she's not attracted to me. It's frustrating.

Dude, I just realised that I reject women first so that they won't "reject me" even when they're showing interest. Its funny how the mind works to trick us away from what we really want.

Yup, I do the same thing. Which had me thinking about my friends and even my younger brother. All been in relationships, all had casual sex at some point. No they weren't killing it like some sort of player. But it really made me think. What the hell am I doing so wrong that I can't even get to that point? It's honestly not about getting laid at this point. It's about just finally dealing with this incredibly dysfunctional part of my life.

Basically I see it like this. If there's attraction all I have to do is get the hell out of my own way and let it happen. No routines, no over thinking, no trying to do anything, just being myself. Honestly I don't want it any other way. I don't want to have to think about this stuff anymore than I do while doing something mundane like cooking eggs.

I honestly think I just set the bar way way way too freakin high for what it takes for a girl to be attracted to me. So 9/10 I'd pretty much disqualify myself right off the bat or even ignore attraction from incredibly attractive women.

[mat422]

God damnit. I matched with this cute girl on okcupid and she said she made electronic music. Cooked some dinner thinking I'd message her after. Opened up the app and she was gone. Either she accidentally liked me, she was actually a bot, or she found someone better. I feel like the universe just played me for a fool.

[SargeMaximus]

God damnit. I matched with this cute girl on okcupid and she said she made electronic music. Cooked some dinner thinking I'd message her after. Opened up the app and she was gone. Either she accidentally liked me, she was actually a bot, or she found someone better. I feel like the universe just played me for a fool.

It happens man. Plenty of fish in the sea, even in okc XD

[mat422]

God damnit. I matched with this cute girl on okcupid and she said she made electronic music. Cooked some dinner thinking I'd message her after. Opened up the app and she was gone. Either she accidentally liked me, she was actually a bot, or she found someone better. I feel like the universe just played me for a fool.

It happens man. Plenty of fish in the sea, even in okc XD

Thanks man. I've chilled out a bit lol. The initial hype and the letdown though.