Bounce off Me, and Stick to You - DMSI v5.1 (with DRS)

[Ampersnd]

Day 49,

I was handling a huge amount of anxiety this morning and afternoon. An impending (and illogical) sense of mounting doom.
Then, my guts liquified, and I had to suddenly use the restroom. Fortunately, I work from home.
I recall what OGSF's marketing copy says about GI issues when processing guilt, shame, and fear. I believe that this dynamic was at play.
Feeling better and less anxious after that.

[Ampersnd]

Day 51,

I'm about 43 hours into a 60-72 hour fast. I'll probably make it 60 hours - tomorrow morning - given that 72 puts me deep into Thursday evening, and I'll be running around that afternoon.

Going great so far; the only annoyance is that my mind reaches toward food, but then I need to cut myself off to maintain the fast.
I used fewer supplements this time and my gut is not upset at all this go around.
I think that my semi-regular use of collagen, prior to the fast, has helped

[Ampersnd]

Day 52,

I'm finding that people are getting harder to reach, and nail down for specific reasons.
I've asked a friend to use his parent's pickup truck to carry an across town. He's back and forth about .
Another guy - a bit older than me - is slow to respond.
I'm willing to pay decent money for this.
The Facebook marketplace people - trying to sell their stuff - have gotten slow to respond.

This is a strange novelty; maybe the fact that it's after the time change.

[Ampersnd]

Day 61,

My furniture situation from day 52 all worked out.
I have a very nice piece dresser - got my second friend with a pickup to lug it across town for pay - then received a very inexpensive bed frame, then got a free head and footboard.
The only thing was the frame and headboard were incompatible; I linked them up in a shoddy way until the extension I ordered on Amazon reached me. Got a few extra bolts and figured out a way to make it work. That was last night.

[Ampersnd]

Day 61, part 2

I've got this looming feeling that I've forgotten something important, and it's hanging over my head.

I'm getting really tired of needing to stay on top of all of the things going on in my life.
Keeping up with the house, my chores, my work, my language learning, my instruments, my professional development, my reading list, my friendships, and the coaching I'm receiving.
Business and love life are on the backburner.
Each extra thing feels like a spinning plate; ignoring something for too long gives me anxiety.

[Ampersnd]

Day 62,

I want to switch back to UMS. Would probably consider this shift once we've gotten to day 90 in calendar days, breaks included.
If I have the current results by that time, I would consider this run a bust.

[Ampersnd]

Day 78,

That decision to switch to UMS stays strong. Maybe I'll get to day 90 on this program and stop there.

[Ampersnd]

Day 82,

I've ironically inverted - if only momentarily - in my orientation toward attracting multiple women and casual sex.
I'm feeling challenged on Rule 4 fronts, and I'm seriously contemplating the energy of lust and how it might control my life and drive me toward poor decisions.
This would of course be a non-starter for continuing this program; but I accept that this can be an intense form of resistance, and that this might drive me toward decisions which are not in my best interest.

I could take this into the Chatter Box if anyone is curious.

[4Kingdoms]

Day 82,

I've ironically inverted - if only momentarily - in my orientation toward attracting multiple women and casual sex.
I'm feeling challenged on Rule 4 fronts, and I'm seriously contemplating the energy of lust and how it might control my life and drive me toward poor decisions.
This would of course be a non-starter for continuing this program; but I accept that this can be an intense form of resistance, and that this might drive me toward decisions which are not in my best interest.

I could take this into the Chatter Box if anyone is curious.

Please take it to the Chatter Box.  
I would like to see you achieve the goal of DMSI v5.1 before returning to UMS v3.1

[Ampersnd]

Day 82,

I've ironically inverted - if only momentarily - in my orientation toward attracting multiple women and casual sex.
I'm feeling challenged on Rule 4 fronts, and I'm seriously contemplating the energy of lust and how it might control my life and drive me toward poor decisions.
This would of course be a non-starter for continuing this program; but I accept that this can be an intense form of resistance, and that this might drive me toward decisions which are not in my best interest.

I could take this into the Chatter Box if anyone is curious.

Please take it to the Chatter Box.  
I would like to see you achieve the goal of DMSI v5.1 before returning to UMS v3.1

Done, my friend: https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Is-Lu...#pid270532

[Ampersnd]

Day 84,

Last night, someone directed a Facebook Marketplace buyer to my door to pickup a pool table that I didn't have. After I established that the guy at my door wasn't going to try to rob me, I spoke to the two guys and a gal in cars in front of my driveway and saw the text exchanges and confirmed that it was my address, and not a "Court" or "Boulevard", etc. Filled my first police report yesterday.

Something shifted in me last night. I woke up at around 4 AM from a nightmare - first one in a while, where I had offended someone, and he bugged my car battery to light on fire as retaliation. I woke up, and thought up gruesome scenarios of someone who wanted to torment me (or worse). It took a little while to calm down and get back to sleep, but I did; actually had a great night according to my smart watch.

This morning, I was emotionally tender and very tearful; much better now, except that my body is behaving as though I've drank double the amount of coffee I normally do, on the same amount.

I might need to do another month of this thing, otherwise I'll risk losing a bunch of progress. I'd like to hear Shannon's thoughts on modifying usage patterns, or having a version with no Fear Reduction.

[Ampersnd]

Day 88,

Will probably switch to UMS after day 90 unless there are new usage patterns for DMSI. No pressure; I'll simply flow where the incentives line up best for me.
Been on retention for about 35ish days now. Feeling pretty horny sometimes.
Chatted with a nice curvy Indian gal at yoga who seemed interested in me; I did see a ring on her left ring finger and she mentioned nursing school. I'll see if I run into her before my trial runs out.

[Ampersnd]

Day 89,

My body is holding on to this existential anxiety, even with the coffee that I've abandoned this week. I had assumed that the caffeine was responsible, but I assume that it's work going on under the surface.

I've become much more diligent and able to manage my tasks and chores with the help of a pretty elaborate Notion tracking sheet which I've begun this past week. We might be living through end times haha.

My question in the Chatter Box has been largely answered; I had an elaborate back and forth with ChatGPT, and I was able to find where my assumptions were epistemically flawed. I've settled this question, crystallized it into a document, and I've placed this matter in a box.

Non-Rule 4, I might be losing my faith in the institutions to withstand a little bit of strong-man pressure; they've talked tough, but they fell apart with a little bit of confusion and discord. This might be a cause of the underlying anxiety.

Another cause is that I'm using what's apparently the top-of-the-line subliminal technology, and I'm still not able to enact control over the world around, in women or money. Since my mind is geared toward money again - and somehow, not women - I'm going to blast my subconscious with positive money messaging.

[Ampersnd]

Day 96,

I'm 6 days into a break, and I'm still doing my routine things.
I'm very contemplative given Christmas and the end of the year.

I am looking forward to running UMS again, which has motivated me before, and I would expect that it will do so again, given the recent coaching I've gotten and several insights I've gained about myself.