Aventus's prelude to greatness (OGSF)

[Aventus45]

-I wasn't feeling it in the gym before they arrived and when they did It gave me energy so at the very least I can appropriate that.

I like the way you monitor your emotions. You're much doing the same thing that I do. I'm also very aware of my own NEEDINESS. When I feel sad, I take that as neediness. When I am jealous, that is neediness. When I'm procrastinating, that is neediness. When I'm about to fap, that is neediness. I see my emotions and actions as lamp signals that tell me about the thoughts that's running in my head. Reviewing my emotions log, I noticed that there's a lot of negativity there, which means I'm very much predisposed to be needy. I also hope this situation changes soon.

Yeah I hope so too. I began consciously noticing the changes in this run. Another instance was Me wanting to work in a vape shop but i had to be 21 (im 18). The more emotionally unsettled the more reactive I became and it's a cycle.

For me I think it is because I lived in a sheltered childhood that lacked alot of interaction with others. When I did have social interaction with other kids, I was a dick so it didn't really help. Another thing was finding porn and having relative access to my dad's blazen display of porn fucked it up even more. the mix of isolation and porn at a young age is a fucked up cocktail.

-As my friends are discussing past relationships of other people I begin to find out the things i do like in women. Now to actually uphold these and not bend or rationalize it away because of neediness and desperation.