Aventus AM6 Journal

[RTBoss]

Stage 4 day 31

The resistance is quiet now and I woke up to a really high definition sexual dream. It was like I was really there and felt everything. It’s a rare dream for me.

Ah, those are my favorite.  Lol.  

Two months to go, dude.  Hang in there.

[Aventus45]

Stage 4 day 31

The resistance is quiet now and I woke up to a really high definition sexual dream. It was like I was really there and felt everything. It’s a rare dream for me.

Ah, those are my favorite.  Lol.  

Two months to go, dude.  Hang in there.

Cheers, hopefully it’s gonna be less resistance in the later stages. Decided to celebrate with a cigar

[Aventus45]

Stage 4 day 32

This stage has definitely been rougher then I remembered but there has been a lot of growth. 

There’s a sense of maturity that was developing under the hood that finally became clear at the end of the stage. I can sort of see farther into the future in the sense that I am more focused on my self development. I no longer want to feel validated by sex and women. How I noticed that is through my thought process in regards to what I should run after AM6. In the last I wanted to run SM3 to finally break this dry spell I had with women and to finally feel like I can catch up and have that typical college experience filled with sexual and female validation. 

Now I noticed that I’m finally focused on trying move myself forward and purchased OF and LTU6. In a sense, this changed due to the stage resolving my own neediness. I no longer feel the obsession I had with specific women. 

The second mask, the old self and my neediness, self loathing and other negative feelings seem to have died down now. Perhaps it’s been resolved.

I’m slowly learning how to be independent with the help of my sister. I used to rely on my mom to take care of administrative stuff regarding my healthcare forms but I mustered the resolve to do it myself. It’s a good feeling and it took a ton of purpose because I walked a whole mile to the healthcare office.

Overall, it was a ton of growth

[Aventus45]

First day of stage 5

The negative voices are gone but I’m exhausted from the new stage.

[Aventus45]

I woke up with the strange feeling of needing to reevaluate my friendships and what constitutes as a friendship. Its as if my subconscious is telling me to contract my circle of friends. The thought came in the middle of the night, and i couldn't stop thinking about it to the point where i struggle to sleep.

Using one person as an example:

One of the first things that i thought about is how i kept investing in people who won't do the same for me and another is when friends don't make an effort in conversation. Like how the hell am I supposed to work with that or build a connection there? I can't force it or it's going to suck and feel inauthentic. 

So now I'm in the tough spot to either try to rekindle what i can and see if it can be naturally developed to any extent anymore or i should just do the slow fade which is what I also hate. So I just asked them "hey are we still friends or are you still interested in being friends?" and roll from there. even this option feels weird because if i have to ask then its likely not gonna be great.

Edit: turns out I have to ask for the things i want lol. "duh" one might think. So now we are meeting.

[Aventus45]

It feels so strange without the negative self talk that dragged me down for days.

Ended up talking to the subject about the above post and agreed to invest a bit more into the friendship. we enjoy each others time but its apparently hard for her with friendships. Guess we will see how it goes and how her actions speak.

[Aventus45]

I woke up feeling amazing. It’s like I’m riding the high of my own self worth and self validation. It’s such an odd feeling for me. My old self is likely dissolved or weakened to the point where it has minimal influence over my conscious thoughts.

[Aventus45]

The resistance finally decided to rear its head. I was reading a self help book and then it dawned on me. Just what the hell am I doing with myself? I have no direction and it seems like I’m not even trying to find a direction for myself.

[Aventus45]

Stage 5 is running somewhat smoothly still, some specks of loneliness and reactivity but it’s nothing too bad since I starting learning to catch it early at least. The current thing is, if I feel disrespected or I don’t feel like my time is being respected by supposed friends, should I go off on them and be pissed or should I just tell them that they crossed that line and just straight tell them how I feel. My emotions and ego tells me to do the former but my logical and collected mind says the other and how to reconcile that.

I’m really starting to not feel the urge to keep chasing people and friends who wouldn’t make the time or invest in the relationship. It’s a hard battle between wanting to always keep it open and forgiving people and standing by my new found boundaries.

[Aventus45]

Damn turning 23, and I had a great time bonding deeper with friends. The biggest test so far if the alpha male programming and everything I have been working on happened in the evening.

I went out to get dinner with the person who trigged a ton of obsessive thoughts and was partly why I was going through hell for most of the stage. When I saw her and throughout the whole conversation, none of the obsessive thoughts surfaced , none of the neediness, and I was able to have a great time with none of that coming up. This shits real, it’s mind blowing, I’m in shock. It took me to the end of the dinner and she left that I realized the magnitude of the change.

[Aventus45]

It’s hard to describe but now a days I have been feeling a lot happier but it’s not really based on my external circumstances such as jobs, weather, whatever but it’s based on the quality of interactions i have with my friends and meeting new people.

A few days ago, I met up with great people and had an amazing time. I met someone new with my existing group of friends and I’m the end we played a game that had an activity where we had to say what our first impressions were. He felt validated that we immediately a knowledges his presence immediately and not sort of ignored him. So his feeling of validated rubbed off on me and I felt great. Later that day, I met up with my friend who recently got married and I had the pleasant surprise of meeting her husband as well. It was really and interesting and enlightening conversation with him. I left the whole day feeling absolutely amazing and happy. 

The next day I met up with close friends to celebrate my birthday and they came with gifts. We spent the whole day hanging out and chilling and I’m not usually a gifts kind of person but they got me a bunch of gifts. One of my friends also wrote a nice personal card that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. 

It’s almost like the dark cloud of depression has permanently left my body. My circumstances hasn’t changed much but it’s almost like I realized I can feel great despite them.

[ncbeareatingman]

It’s hard to describe but now a days I have been feeling a lot happier but it’s not really based on my external circumstances such as jobs, weather, whatever but it’s based on the quality of interactions i have with my friends and meeting new people.

A few days ago, I met up with great people and had an amazing time. I met someone new with my existing group of friends and I’m the end we played a game that had an activity where we had to say what our first impressions were. He felt validated that we immediately a knowledges his presence immediately and not sort of ignored him. So his feeling of validated rubbed off on me and I felt great. Later that day, I met up with my friend who recently got married and I had the pleasant surprise of meeting her husband as well. It was really and interesting and enlightening conversation with him. I left the whole day feeling absolutely amazing and happy. 

The next day I met up with close friends to celebrate my birthday and they came with gifts. We spent the whole day hanging out and chilling and I’m not usually a gifts kind of person but they got me a bunch of gifts. One of my friends also wrote a nice personal card that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. 

It’s almost like the dark cloud of depression has permanently left my body. My circumstances hasn’t changed much but it’s almost like I realized I can feel great despite them.

 Fking  awesome Read Man, great update on how things are going for you on AM6 hats just friggin awesome( good more validation) and BTW Happy Birthday too and Many happy more..... the journeys within and always has been.
 blessings and light and more power to you too. Keith

[Aventus45]

It’s hard to describe but now a days I have been feeling a lot happier but it’s not really based on my external circumstances such as jobs, weather, whatever but it’s based on the quality of interactions i have with my friends and meeting new people.

A few days ago, I met up with great people and had an amazing time. I met someone new with my existing group of friends and I’m the end we played a game that had an activity where we had to say what our first impressions were. He felt validated that we immediately a knowledges his presence immediately and not sort of ignored him. So his feeling of validated rubbed off on me and I felt great. Later that day, I met up with my friend who recently got married and I had the pleasant surprise of meeting her husband as well. It was really and interesting and enlightening conversation with him. I left the whole day feeling absolutely amazing and happy. 

The next day I met up with close friends to celebrate my birthday and they came with gifts. We spent the whole day hanging out and chilling and I’m not usually a gifts kind of person but they got me a bunch of gifts. One of my friends also wrote a nice personal card that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. 

It’s almost like the dark cloud of depression has permanently left my body. My circumstances hasn’t changed much but it’s almost like I realized I can feel great despite them.

 Fking  awesome Read Man, great update on how things are going for you on LTU6 thats just friggin awesome( good more validation) and BTW Happy Birthday too and Many happy more..... the journeys within and always has been.
 blessings and light and more power to you too. Keith

Maybe it’s TID from LTU6 as I’m running AM6 right now ha! Thanks for the birthday wishes!

[ncbeareatingman]

I corrected it...intersetingly enough they sound a helluva lot a like in some ways. thanks for the FYI,!!