Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal

[Antaeus]

So Had everything gone normally on this stage, my last day of stage 2 would have been Sunday, July 8. But due to some confusion about how I was running the sub, I almost restarted AM6 and listened to Stage 1 for one night. Thus, I missed one night of stage 2 and had to add 1.5 days to my listening time. After July 8, I of course listened to my full 8 hours last night and am trying to get through four hours today.

Recap of stage 2: Stage 2 was still largely uneventful for me in terms of what I can consciously see. I notice some of my thought patterns are still the same. For example: I was at the gym last night and was wrapping up my workout with some cardio on the treadmill. There was this really cute girl on the elliptical in front of me who then jumped on a treadmill two spaces from me. I don’t think she even gave me much thought but I was thinking to myself, “don’t even think about it, she’s out of your league” So I still have some faulty ways of thinking that are crippling me. This is not me saying that this sub doesn’t work, because I know it does. I just think I’m still having trouble getting past some limiting beliefs that I have about myself. I know that the real issue is that I need to push past these barriers and just try to overcome my fear/lack of motivation in trying to connect with new people.

I will begin stage 3 tonight. I hear it’s a rough one.

Edit: Beginning Stage 3 now

[DavisMind91]

So Had everything gone normally on this stage, my last day of stage 2 would have been Sunday, July 8. But due to some confusion about how I was running the sub, I almost restarted AM6 and listened to Stage 1 for one night. Thus, I missed one night of stage 2 and had to add 1.5 days to my listening time. After July 8, I of course listened to my full 8 hours last night and am trying to get through four hours today.

Recap of stage 2: Stage 2 was still largely uneventful for me in terms of what I can consciously see. I notice some of my thought patterns are still the same. For example: I was at the gym last night and was wrapping up my workout with some cardio on the treadmill. There was this really cute girl on the elliptical in front of me who then jumped on a treadmill two spaces from me. I don’t think she even gave me much thought but I was thinking to myself, “don’t even think about it, she’s out of your league” So I still have some faulty ways of thinking that are crippling me. This is not me saying that this sub doesn’t work, because I know it does. I just think I’m still having trouble getting past some limiting beliefs that I have about myself. I know that the real issue is that I need to push past these barriers and just try to overcome my fear/lack of motivation in trying to connect with new people.

I will begin stage 3 tonight. I hear it’s a rough one.

Edit: Beginning Stage 3 now

Good luck, Stages 2 and 3 were the toughest for me mentally and emotionally.

[Antaeus]

Didn’t sleep well last night.

[Antaeus]

Feeling a bit depressed today. I’m turning 30 this Saturday and not sure how I feel about it. I’m embarrassed to admit, I actually recognized some neediness in myself today. Sometimes I think my expectations of people are too high. I had planned to invite a few people to just go and have drinks on Saturday but turns out everyone’s busy. I understand that everyone has lives, but I have to admit I was a bit bummed out. I actually cried a bit. It’s crazy because I usually don’t do anything like that. This could be resistance but I don’t want to read too much into it.

[Antaeus]

On my second day of stage 3. Not much to report yet. However there of been a lot of feelings of worthlessness over the course of running the sub. Although these feelings have been there since before I started. There’s still a lot of feelings of inadequacy due to certain insecurities of mine. This is something I’m seriously trying to work past but it might take me a full run of the sub to get it fully addressed.

[Antaeus]

Once again, woke up feeling depressed. Went to the DMV This morning to get my license renewed. Good thing it was quick. I got up some nerve to go to one of the pools at one of the hotels in the city. I’m not quite at the point where I’m getting responses from women yet however I did talk to a few people so I at least got out and socialized.

[Antaeus]

OK so I’m starting to have some thoughts here. Essentially I could really consider myself lucky because I don’t have family and friends that pressure me to do certain things by a certain time, let me explain what I mean by this. So I’m in a circumstance where my 20s Have basically passed me by. It is often said the by 30 one should be married and have kids, be established and the like. Now I agree with the being Established part but not necessarily being married and having kids Or basically just stop living your life. This is probably part of the reason I’ve been feeling so depressed the last few days.

I think I understand what it is that I need to do. I need to stop letting other people write my story. I need to stop believing all the bullshit about how I’m supposed to be married already or have already done this or that by this age. I Turn 30 years old tomorrow and unfortunately I’m already having many regrets about my life and having regrets about basically wasting my 20s. I know it’s my mistake. But I feel like this is the time to start catching up and truly living life before I would ever think about settling down.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not against marriage or anything but I just think there’s so much in life I need to experience before I make such a permanent decision to where I won’t be able to experience anything anymore. Truthfully I even have other people telling me this. That I’m really not that old, that I still have time. So the way I see it I set my own deadlines.

[Smuggler]

OK so I’m starting to have some thoughts here. Essentially I could really consider myself lucky because I don’t have family and friends that pressure me to do certain things by a certain time, let me explain what I mean by this. So I’m in a circumstance where my 20s Have basically passed me by. It is often said the by 30 one should be married and have kids, be established and the like. Now I agree with the being Established part but not necessarily being married and having kids Or basically just stop living your life. This is probably part of the reason I’ve been feeling so depressed the last few days.

I think I understand what it is that I need to do. I need to stop letting other people write my story. I need to stop believing all the ***** about how I’m supposed to be married already or have already done this or that by this age. I Turn 30 years old tomorrow and unfortunately I’m already having many regrets about my life and having regrets about basically wasting my 20s. I know it’s my mistake. But I feel like this is the time to start catching up and truly living life before I would ever think about settling down.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not against marriage or anything but I just think there’s so much in life I need to experience before I make such a permanent decision to where I won’t be able to experience anything anymore. Truthfully I even have other people telling me this. That I’m really not that old, that I still have time. So the way I see it I set my own deadlines.

I completely get where you're coming from. I'm 31 and recently split up from my long term fiance of over 6 years. I now feel like a large part of my life was wasted and I should of been settled down at my age. However I am coming round that it's not that bad and I don't need to rush, that it's ok to wait another few years before I shall get married, kids etc. All it means is i'll be slightly older as a dad but it's not as big of a deal as I used to see it, not when you really think about it. If I had one chance to do everything again or give advice to anyone younger, it's definitely don't think about settling down until you're at least 30. Not just because there's so much to do but also because there really is no need. Everyone still changes as a person a LOT until around 30, when it will slow down slightly. A lot of people in relationships at a young age find that those two people change so much and they either end up as I am now or worse, they get stuck and stay in that relationship for far too long/forever.

So yeah, don't worry about it man, they're right when they say you still have time, just enjoy it now that you're in a much more stable part of your life.

[Antaeus]

The thing I’m most scared of is having a personality plateau @ 30. That after that ones personality cannot change. I’ve read articles on this. Now honestly this could just be bullsh*t pop psychology but sometimes it makes me think. Now truthfully I hope that if it is true, the subs can help me overcome that. I don’t want to be stuck in the same bad social habits that I’ve always had, that’s one of the reasons I started using Shannon’s subs in the first place.

Now I’ve brought up this concern on a previous thread. And Benjamin told me not to worry about it. Which I’m trying not to. But it creeps up on me from time to time.

[Benjamin]

That is completely bullshit, and whoever wrote those articles are retarded.

I'm 33 and making good positive progress still. My first thought is that they are writing it with some stupid agenda that isn't helping anyone. Or potentially them projecting their own shortfalls onto their 'advice'.

EDIT: Oh I thought it sounded familiar. Didn't notice the last part where I had commented on it. Well a second comment can't hurt.

[Antaeus]

Thanks Benjamin, once again. And that’s great that you’re still progressing.

Well I unofficially turned 30 two hours ago and I still feel the same. So I guess I’m good

Just in case you’re curious about what they’re saying, this is one of the articles I was talking about:

https://www.medicaldaily.com/reinvent-yo...aus-312624

My guess is that my worries are based in fear or something else, or maybe rooted in low self esteem. But whatever it is I just need to put it aside, ignore it so to speak and let the subs address it, and continue doing what I’m doing and continue trying to improve.

[Antaeus]

Felt a little bit better today. Didn’t wake up with any depression. Today I’m 30 and feeling great! Can’t wait to see what progress I will see on the remainder of AM6.

[Benjamin]

Well reading articles like that isn't helpful for you obviously.. I didn't even click on it because I know it'll just pollute my mind with negativity.

[Antaeus]

Well reading articles like that isn't helpful for you obviously.. I didn't even click on it because I know it'll just pollute my mind with negativity.

Yea I hear you. I’m not even sure why I entertain this stuff.