Day 21 of Stage 5
I forgot to write this, last night i was in my neightboard wedding. I was like a stranger and fool. I didn't know what to do. I played with my cell phone.
However, wedding party was still running. People came over and over. I talked to other guy more and more. I enjoyed how i socilazed. And then it came AGAIN, the Negative Thinking.
Ok, negative thinking was like "oh my god what am i doing?/I should say this not that/Do they like me?/ Am i a pool man in their eyes?/ Do they still figure me out like a feminine dude?".
But To be honest guys, it's easy for me to have socialize now and it is fun.
Another story :
Sometimes, i feel depressed listening to this subs. When it comes , i always remember all the past child trauma and the humiliation of the people and family. I tried to decrease it. But the desire to kill people who had humiliated me came stronger and stronger.
I forgot to write this, last night i was in my neightboard wedding. I was like a stranger and fool. I didn't know what to do. I played with my cell phone.
However, wedding party was still running. People came over and over. I talked to other guy more and more. I enjoyed how i socilazed. And then it came AGAIN, the Negative Thinking.
Ok, negative thinking was like "oh my god what am i doing?/I should say this not that/Do they like me?/ Am i a pool man in their eyes?/ Do they still figure me out like a feminine dude?".
But To be honest guys, it's easy for me to have socialize now and it is fun.
Another story :
Sometimes, i feel depressed listening to this subs. When it comes , i always remember all the past child trauma and the humiliation of the people and family. I tried to decrease it. But the desire to kill people who had humiliated me came stronger and stronger.
