Absolute Self Confidence 5.0 / 5G

[yoshilee]

So the recent past days was a little cycling again. It was a little feeling out of energy and motivation. But concerning the things my subconscious is about to fight i guess it is still revealing them to me. Like you are standing and watching a foggy scene. I was thinking someway i already recognized everything, but in fact it seems i am still in a process where the fog starts to vanish and showing the truth.
Of course this also means depressive thoughts popping up. But everytime such mood appears, something inside seems telling me "Stop, i don´t like such anymore".

On the other hand i enjoy it more and more being around people and have some conversation going on; even looking to just be around with others.

Actually i am back to ocean.mp3 as my speaker seems a bit producing static to the US. Looking forward to use my bigger equipment for listening (actual moving to new apartment).

Looking forward to that journey

[yoshilee]

Meanwhile i fully understand what many people in their journals refer to as "rollercoaster"

Actual it seems that the inner process is going down on the very core causes, which led to lack of self-esteem. The thought pattern changed in a way, that circumstances which happened later in that chain are no more that important (thoughts stopped on a lot of issues) - as just being regarded as symptom.

Down there still some tough fighting takes place, getting some waves of anger/hate as the origins are made so clear.

On the outside nevertheless things start to improve. Speech and feeling solid in different situations improves. That does not count at all for my actual two problem zones in daily life (there is still some fear left), but i started already "acting" to change them - what is a huge thing for myself because it means not to stand on the reaction-side anymore.

Enjoy your weekend!

[yoshilee]

So it have been some more days in ASC.
What i actual see is that things seem to be a bit settled down. On the outside life i am acting more calm, not always try to think things out.
Inside it seems that the emotions that were waving around are fading more and more, leaving a clean scene on many aspects but also i recognize something you could describe as emptiness or somehow feeling that way.
I am wondering a bit if that is the average way you go through things?

I have about 2 weeks remaining on ASC. Due to reading a lot here and due to the fact that 5.5 is working even more deeper i plan at least a 3 month run of EPRHA. The idea is to create a solid base before running AM6 afterwards.
Also because i read in several DSMI threats that on 5.5 it still does healing which might not be addressed by AM6 before.

So a lot of work ahead

PS: Sleep has become more solid without waking up and a lot of dreams are in mind when awakening; although i still have trouble in remembering them all clear by now.

[yoshilee]

Well, i got a couple of days left to go. I don´t expect some major change to come within though. It seems what the sub is doing for my case is a subtle way in a direction i had not in mind when starting it.

I was expecting the results would rather show to the acting outside (which did improve slightly). But most of it made me face my inner world, with the major difference now that i became aware of a lot of things and somehow feeling really well to start my work right there. So to call looking forward to build up a healthy base. Well, the idea itself is not new at all, but attitude towards it is by now a totally fresh and positive one - and feeling very confident, even some weird happiness for the upcoming work.
When talking on thought pattern i moved a good distance away - some of the past patterns now just start to seem boring and ridiculous, which is a great boost to move on with things.

I guess my journaling on ASC is rather done (except things come up beside further expectation). But you will find my next one for sure on UD5.5 and finally AM6